
t> y 



G!ass_, 
Book. 




By Tr**»ter 

OCT 4r WW 



Widow of the Rev* J .Fletcher . 



THE 

LIFE 

OF 

MRS. MARY FLETCHER, 

CONSORT AND RELICT 
OF THE 

VICAR OF MADELY, SALOP. 



COMPILED FROM HER JOURNAL, AND OTHER AUTHENTIC 
DOCUMENTS. 




BY HENRY MOORE. 



Ti'C end of the commandment is charity, out of a pure heart, and of a good cot» 
•eienee, and of faith unfeigned. — 1 Tim. i. 5. 

By faith — choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God, than to eu 
Jpy the pleasures of sin for a season. — Heb. xi. 25. 

These are they which follow the Lamb whithersoever he goeth. — Rev. xir. 4. 



STEREOTYPED BY H. SIMMONS & CO. 



BALTIMORE: 

PUBLISHED BY WM. & JOSEPH NEAL. 



1836 






^ 



i 



tF*& 



PREFACE 



A short time after I was appointed to the Birmingham 
District, the papers of the late Mrs. Fletcher were put into 
my hands. I was informed, at the same time, that the vene- 
rable person whose life was recorded in them, had mentioned 
me as one that she wished should prepare and publish her pa- 
pers; and that an application to that effect would have been 
made to me before that time, but that the distance of my for- 
mer appointment had prevented it, Mrs. Fletcher having laid 
an injunction on her friend, to whom, by will, she had com- 
mitted them, not to give them absolutely into the hands of 
any person whatsoever. 

I examined those papers with no common interest. They 
gave an account not only of the writer's own life, but involv- 
ed, in some respects, that of her admirable husband. I was 
. certain that those records were desired, and would be receiv- 
ed, by the most pious in these kingdoms, not as a common 
religious biography, but as the record of an uncommon work 
of God; and that they would not be expected to fall short of 
any account which has come forth in that great revival of 
scriptural Christianity in our day, concerning which we have 
so often been constrained to say, What hath^God wrought? 

I have often wished to see "such a display of that work as 
would show its genuine nature and fruits, free from the co- 
louring of those writers who were not directly concerned in 
it; or of those who might be so anxious about its public repu- 
tation, as to forget, that the circumcision of the heart, is ius- 
tified only by those children of the light and of the day who 
prove its power, and cry Abba, Father, by the spirit of adop- 
tion; and^ whose praise is not of men, but of God. It is much 
to be desired also to see such an account made Hying and 
powerful by being personified;— to see an individual" thus 
walking worthy of the Lord unto all pleasing, being fruitful 
in every good work, and increasing in the knowledge of God. 

A general history of this work, including all the impor- 
tant circumstances, has been already published, especially in 
the journals of the Rev. Mr. John Wesley, the father of 



IV PREFACE. 

Methodism, so called. In these we see. as in the Gospel, the 
grain cf nra-stard si iasing. g d becoming a great tret, 

to the astonishment of those who witnessed its - :ia- 

ning. — who " saw the cloud arise lit 

The display given us in that account, is dis i f the 

same simplicity, purity, and classic:.; I sai ! ob- 

servable in all the writings :; thai eminc 
God, This large survey is highly sal ie aid 

of living testimony is necessary : : ring it 
of those whose inquiry is. IVr.ct shall la 
I walk with &:d? 
Religion is nothing les he life of 

man. It is the 
and cannot, 1 3 attache If 
ties, thocu b they are sc hi ; . 
and increase. It neve; atta 

snant of God ws 1 with 

□ - But even the 
\ en 
Idn f i he jtesl 
Gospel, however, tc the 
people, put an em 

lesign oi 
typified, and prepaj t hi 

But who con! 

IwJienheap 1 1 i s 

lowly ib he 

the greatest transgress tnot 

9es,but to saveihi 
: ■ he i lk« .'. in the deceivabl 
,::. and who boa their i 

: ~ (hi Lo\ h . f, ._.". / ' - L ■;:";■ . 
Lord. . . . He Ice: :'.:.'. i ■:: ::' 
attached il tc names, m - ' * answer- 

ed with — Yt wi ship ye i - 

:t spirit, & meek .;:.:" 

I h ;:.__ thus the bej in u 
as given t: guiUy, si y" .\ bel 
: good thing, md whe ire thus to be mai] 
md ; - : ; ~" '.'. - k gde i f heatn 

: : made , r -;■.,• _ :_:." '-:s "...' :.. ~ 

Me >•; ' "or g . ". :: ■ - h-- : - - ■ ■■- - 

the blood of the £a n . . 

The-e cure and hiidn ::r:ncr.-lrs :; F ree^- 

ble to the'exalted character oi Jehov: riband 

^retched condition of man, were sought 



PREFACE. V 

the bana of brothers in the University of Oxford, nearly 
ninety years ago. One great truth involved the whole as 
necessary to salvation — Without holiness no man shall sec 
the Lord. They immediately followed after this, making 
every sacrifice, and ordering their whole life that they might 
attain it. Some time after the Lord showed them that His 
way of conferring holiness was by faith; and that he justi- 
fies men, as being ungodly, through the redemption that is in 
Jesus, before he sanctifies them. They now knew the whole 
truth, and the Lord thrust them forth from their beloved re- 
tirement, to raise a holy people. This was the one design of 
these chosen instruments, and every thing short of it they 
counted, to use the language of St. Paul, wood, hay, or 
stubble 

But did they spend their strength for nought? Were they 
disappointed of their hope? Were not a holy people raised 
up? Let the Life of Mrs. Fletcher speak. Let the pious 
reader say, if he be not introduced, in these memoirs, among 
the excellent of the earth; — All of whom with one voice 
would testify, 

"Blind we were, but now we see, 
L)aaf. we hearken, Lord! to Thee 5 
Dumb, for Thee our tongues employ, 
Lame, and lo ! we leap for joy ." 

* f Some who have separated from other communities," says 
Mr. Wesley, " laid the foundation of that work, in judging 
and condemning others: we, on the contrary, in judging and 
condemning ourselves. 55 

I cannot, therefore, but greatly rejoice that these memoirs 
are given to the public, and especially to that community of 
which the writer was so long a highly honoured and useful 
member. I cannot but think they will be a great blessing 
to the people of God of every denomination; and especially to 
all who desire to walk even as Christ also walked, and who are 
conscious of an evil nature, opposing that will of God which 
is their sanctification. In this point of view especially, these 
memoirs will be considered, I think, as very precious to all 
who fight this good fight of faith. The reader will find in 
them no paint; nothing to set the writer off; no extravagance; 
but plain life, raised and sanctified by constant attention to 
the duties and sacrifices of the Gospel; and issuing in a con- 
stant pleading of the great and precious promises, by which 
we are made partakers of the Divine Nature: with unremit- 
ting efforts to walk by that rule, whether ye eat or drink, or 
whatever ye do > do all to the glory of God. 



n PREFACE. 

Luther observed, that there never was a work of God iti 
the earth, that lasted longer, in any community, than the com- 
mon life of man; that is, upon an average, about thirty years. 
Generally about that period the vineyard which the Lord 
vlanted with his own right hand, has been let out to husband- 
men, who, yielding to their natural propensities, and accom 
modating the work of the Lord to the course of this world, 
have not been careful to render to him the required fruit. 
Hence the visible state of decay or of death, in those commu- 
nities which once manifested the Divine hand of Him who 
formed them. But this work has lasted nearly thrice that 
time! There are none alive who witnessed its beginning, 
and but very few who knew its early days. If any such 
meet with this work, they will call to mind the very glorious 
time when it was altogether the work of God; when it was 
unsupported by any worldly power or wisdom, and had all 
that is earthly, sensual, and devilish, combined against it. 
They will see also a consistency in the design, and in the 
mode of execution, which is truly edifying, and not of this 
world. The instruments employed in this work, and espe- 
cially that one so eminently called thereto, were not careful 
for such prosperity as worldly men desire. They knew, like 
their blessed Master, that all whom their Father gave them 
would come unto them, and they did not desire to bring the 
world into his fold. The world is called, and redeemed: but 
to add to the family of God all who obeyed that call, was their 
only ambition, and the object of their incessant labours. 

The great superintendent of this work, under God, looked 
not for w r hat the world calls great talents in his helpers. In 
this respect also he gladly used those whom the Father gave 
him; who were witnesses of the truths which they were call- 
ed to teach. Men who knew God (in the only way in which 
he can be truly and powerfully known) as being merciful to 
their unrighteousness, end remembering their sins no more. 
He was careful also to see that the true fruit accompanied 
their ministry, — The just [neat ion of the ungodly, and the 
sanctificatioii of the unholy. He used to say, " The best 
physician is not he who writes the best recipes, but he who 
makes the most cures/ ,; When men of learning united with 
him in this divine work, he greatly rejoiced, and gladly re- 
ceived them. The late Mr. Fletcher was an eminent in- 
stance of that kind. His learning was deep, extensive, clear, 
and various; but like his venerable friend, whom he always 
called Father, he counted even all these estimable advan- 
tages as dung and dross far the excellency of the knowledge 
o/ Christ Jesus his Lord. So abased was this great man in 



PREFACE. Vll 

his own eyes, and so entirely did he take the divine mould of 
the Gospel, that there was not one of those helpers in the 
work whom he did not rejoice to call his brother in Christ, 
and whom he did not in honour prefer to himself, even in his 
own parish 

The private members also were men and women of God; 
and among these Miss Bosanquet always held, in general es- 
timation, the chief place. Her superiority in natural and 
providential gifts, — her well-known entire devotedness, — her 
constancy and perseverance in the divine life, — her doing and 
suffering the whole will of her Master, all fitted her, as by a 
general consent, to be the consort of that great man, whose 
praise is in all ike churches; whose admirable writings will 
live while piety and learning are honoured in the earth; and 
which have forced even those who did not know his piety, or 
affected to lament that such talents should: be so connected, to 
acknowledge his great superiority. 

That the highest principles of the Christian religion should 
be brought into common life, is the greatest display of the 
power of divine truth that is possible, and the most glorious 
victory over the world. It is thus that righteousness shall 
cover the earth, and bring glory to him thai sitieth upon the 
throne. How poor, how questionable, are all the refinements 
of the closet, the study, or the cloister, when compared with 
the love of God and our neighbour, brought into act, and ex- - 
hibited on right principles, amidst the common concerns and 
labours of life, and attended with its usual trials, afflictions, 
and mortifications! To persevere thus, is indeed the perse- 
verance of the saints, and realizes that old saving, too often 
quoted by pride and apathy, — Ci It is a sight worthy of God, 
when he looks down from heaven, to see a virtuous mind un- 
swervingly struggling with adversity." Such a sight, I trust, 
the pious reader will behold in the Life of Mrs. Fletcher. 
Her one support in ail her trials was, in substance, that of 
Job — He knoweih the way thai I take, and when he hath tried 
me, I shall come forth as gold. 

What indeed can be so interesting to a mind %\ell informed 
and disposed, as to behold the daily walk of one, who, from a 
very early age, had devoted her whole life to God? Not liv- 
ing in seclusion, but walking in what Jeremiah calls the high 
wa y> — &« way of holiness, in which the wayfaring man, 
though a fool, shall^ not err? To see our Lord's sermon on 
the mount brought into daily and hourly practice, according 
to the evident design of its Divine Author. To see the house 
thus built upon the rock, the truth and love of God; and then 
to behold the rains descend 3 and the floods come, and the winds 



Vlll PREFACE. 

blow and n it! Surely they who contemplate the 

scene, and behold its stability.' will exultingly exclaim, — It 
falls ■ it is founded upon a rock! 

That such a person should : -:sh y 

whik lit 'in the spirit, will not be surprising to any 

who learn what religion is. by the Word and Spirit of God 
and who know the real character of man. Mrs. Fletcher 
was thus judged. The common imputations she outlived, or 
lived down. One perhaps may remain. It may still perhaps 
be said, she was an enthusiast. To many who use this word, 
no answer need be returned. Any thins: above the dead 
form of godliness, is with them enthusiasm. A love to him 
. .. and xcho zcue him self for us, the just fur 
_ us to God, which would at all equal in 
attachment the love that is of earth and sense, is with them 
all madness, tolly, or hypocrisy: wisdom is jut ''yby 

her dt Idrei 

But more sober minds may object, that she too much mind- 
ed impressions, dreams, and those inward feelings, which re- 
ligious [ jc posed to be particularly exposed to. 
That such things should is hardly 
consistent with any true reli sing the oracles of God 
so frequently menii as them, and not as attache 3 pro- 
phetic or min haraeter. but as given who 
walk with Gk I humblest path of life. The wisest and 
best of men h only spoken of such things with re- 
spect, but have made them a part of the religion which (J 
have and generations, to communities and 
kingdoms, Concerning religious ieelings and impressions, 
the litprg] urch of England, and her established 
institutes." : . . . and most honourable testimony: 
setting the higl ie on that mode of divine teaching, and 
ofbestoVi ing it and consolation. We know the 
worship of our Church is so constituted, as. if possible, to 
impress the whole I ut there are parts 
only be considered as describing and edifying the <: : : 
God. How striking are these passages in the communion 
service, where those who spiritm he flesh f Christ, 
and drink re said, agreeably to the Holy Scrip- 
tures, to dwell in Christ, end Christ in them; to be one with 
Christ, and CI them! And in the seventeenth arti- 
cle, where there is the strongest description of those adopted 
children of God. (so strong indeed in some of the terms, that 
not a few have mistaken this scriptural account of them, as 
descriptive of Mr. Calvin's system) who. by the counsel of 
God, are delivered from the curse and damnation due to sin> 



PREFACE. IX 

and brought through Christ to everlasting salvation, os ves- 
sels made to honour. " Wherefore they which be endued 
with so excellent a benefit of God. be called according to 
God ; s purpose, by his spirit working in due season: Fhey 
through grace obey the calling: they be justified freely: they 
be made sons of God by adoption: they be made like unto 
the image of his only-begotten Son, Jesus Christ: they walk 
religiously in good works, and at length, by God's mercy, 
they attain to everlasting felicity.'' And c< as this godly con- 
sideration of their election in Christ is full of sweet .pleasant, 
and unspeakable comfort — to such as feel in themselves the 
working of the Spirit of Christ, mortifying the vx>rks of the 
flesh, and their earthly members, and drawing up their"mind 
to high and heavenly things, so it doth greatly establish and 
confirm their faith of eternal salvation, and fervently kindle 
their love to God.'' 

Xow with all this life, union, and holy fellowship, are there 
ac corresponding feelings and enjoyments? Xo tasting the 
powers cf the world to cornel No lively impressions of their 
heavenly inheritance? >o consciousness of His love to them, 
or their love to Him. in whom they dwell? Ao peace or fry in 
: :', wing? — If this were indeed so. then I am afraid, the 
life, the union, of which those feelings and impressions have 
been considered as the gracious marks, have no real existence; 
and the system which boasts of a peace, of which the posses- 
sor has no consciousness, a joy which raiseth not " the mind 
to high and heavenly things," and a hope which is not full of 
immortality, may triumphantly take its place in the congre- 
gation if the 

But it will be asked, did she not lav an undue stress upon 
these things? I believe not. I have not perceived it. On the 
contrary. I have seen, even when she believed herself led by 
the Spirit of &■: 1 to do that good which was the settled purpose 
ot her whole liie, she manirested the greatest care to walk ac- 
cording to St. John's direction, Beloved, believe not every spi- 
™fc ^-^ tT V the spirits whether they be of God. In obedience 
to this, she considered and pondered all her wavs, and 
brought every purpose and act to the only sure touchstone, the 
unerring word of God. The same charge was often brought 
sgainst Mr. Wesley, and for precise! v the same reasons. 
Answering the most respectable of those who thus laid to hit 
charge things that he knew not, viz. Dr. Gibson, the venera- 
ble Bishop of London, he replies, "In the whole compass of 
re is not a proposition which belongs less tame 
• have declared again and again, that I make the 

the rule of all my actions; and that I no more 



X PREFACE. 

follow any secret impulse instead thereof, than I follow Ma 
hornet or Confucius." 

Let Mrs. Fletcher be weighed in this balance, and I believe 
she will not be found wanting. She. like Mr. Wesley 3 and 
her excellent husband, served God in newness of spirit, and 
not in the oldness of the letter. Hence her life was hid with 
Christ in God. and she had impressions, and consolations, 
which are the fruits -and evidences of that life. But she well 
knew th&tthe Spirit cf truth never contradicts, never is in- 
consistent with Himself. His written Oracles, and his lively, 
and life-giving teaching, agree together. She humbly and 
earnestly attended to that direction — to i : j the 

testimony; if they speak not awarding to this s be- 

cause there is no light in them. A writer of the present day 
has strangely said, that he knew cf no witness, no influence, 
no teaching, but the written word of God. Pei 
not know any other. But there are many who walk with 
God who do. But if that writer only me; ie knows. 

or acknowledges, no witness, no influence, no teaching, that 
is contrary to that holy word, or that is i: h its 

one design, to save us fr —ery 

true Christian will applaud the sentiment. Mrs. Fletcher 
was watchful in this respect, being aware of the danger 
Hence, though she might err. she never deviated from the 
path. She might mistake: but she was always preserved 
frpm any departure from her God. 

^The pious reader will be glad to be assured, that the whole 
of these memoirs are from Mrs. Fletcher's pen. In compil- 
ing her life, I have left out much valuable matter, which was 
either contained, in substance, in other parts of these me- 
moirs, or was not of sufficient interest to pub- 
lication. I have also compressed what I tl ■ iun- 
dant, that the work might not be needlessly swelled. I have 
also thought it right to press her sentences into more concise- 
ness. She wrote in the fulness of her heart, and with admi 
rable sense; but her style was rather too : 
times too diffuse, for Narrative or History. But iken 
care, at the same time, to give the admirable issues of her en- 
lightened mind, with all the ibree and simplicity with which 
she recorded them. 

Those who have read (he lives cf those truly pious wemen, 
Madame Guicn, Chantel, Bourignon, and othe: :ame 

class, which so abundantly prove, that e cloud of 

Romish superstition does not preclude the ray£ 
Righteousness, and that involuntary ig still 

winketh at; will be glad to see a life, in the Protestant Church, 



PREFACE. &] 

superior to any of them. E specially , they will see, that all 
in her may be safely imitated, being all according to thefmth 
once delivered to the saints. They will see also, not the fair 
picture only, but how it came to bear the stamp divine. They 
may trace its progress, and be encouraged to believe, that the 
Lord, who is ever the same, will thus work in them to will 
and to do, notwithstanding opposing corruptions: and they 
will thus be encouraged to give themselves up to that grace 
of God, which teaches us to deny ungodliness, and worldly 
lusts, and to live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present 
world. Looking for that blessed, hope and the glorious ap- 
pearing of the great God and our Saviour Jesus Christ. 

H. MOORE 



THE 

LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. 



PART THE FIRST. 



Her early Life, and Christian Experience. 

I was born September the first, O. S. 1739, at Lay* 
ton-stone, in Essex. From my earliest years, I can re» 
member the Spirit of God striving with me, and offer- 
ing me salvation; but I slighted these most gracious 
calls, and many times resisted the most tender invita- 
tions. One day, from a little circumstance which oc- 
curred when I was about four years old, I received such 
a conviction that God heareth prayer, that it often ad- 
ministered much comfort to me in seasons of trial and 
danger. Of this I had the greater need, being by nature 
fearful even to a degree of folly. How much this effe- 
minacy of disposition has cost me, in my Christian war- 
fare, and what sufferings, as well as spiritual loss, I 
have sustained from it, is known only to my Heavenly 
Father. 

When I was five years old, I began to have much 
concern about my eternal welfare, and frequently in- 
quired of those about me, whether such and such things 
were sins. On Sabbath evenings, my dear father used 
to instruct us in the church catechism. At those seasons 
I can remember asking many questions. I wished to 
know whether any ever did love God with all their 
heart, and their neighbour as themselves; and whether 
it was really the command of God that we should do so; 
also if the Bible really meant all it said? It seemed to 
me that if it did, I was wrong, and all about me in dan- 
ger; for there appeared to be a great difference between 
2 



14 THE LIFE OF [PART I. 

the description of a Christian, given in the word of 
God, and those who walk under that name. 

As I was a backward child, and of weaker understand- 
ing than the others, I was not well read in the Scrip- 
tures at that very early age; but sentences out of the 
word of God frequently occurred to my mind, and made 
a deep impression, such as, Thou shalt love the Lord 
thy God with all thy heart. I would answer, but I do 
not love God at all; I do not know how to love him: 
and with respect to loving my neighbour thus, I am sure 
I do not; for though my sister is dearer to me than any 
body else, I do not love her as well as myself. Again, 
that word struck me much, St. Paul says, I have fought 
the good fight; and when I was baptized, the minister 
said, I was to be ki Christ's faithful soldier and servant, 
and fight manfully under his banner." This amazed me 
greatly. I thought, I am sure I do not fight, neither do 
I know what to fight against. But above all, that sen- 
tence would follow me, Narrow is the way which lead* 
eth unto life, and few there be that find it; and, If ye 
are not of the world, the world will hate you. I did 
not feel it a narrow way, neither did the world hate me; 
therefore I questioned often whether I was not quite out 
of the way, yet it was not with any terror. I believed 
if the Lord saw that I was wrong, he would make me 
right, and sometimes I prayed for it. At other times I 
was very careless; yet these reflections still dwelt on my 
mind, and often perplexed me. I frequently asked ques- 
tions about these subjects, but they were often very 
lightly treated. Those parts of Scripture were repre- 
sented as very liable to be mistaken, and that they did 
not require obedience in all the strictness which I seem- 
ed to suppose. This well agreed with my carnal mind, 
and I thus soon quenched those tender convictions: so 
easy is it to drown the soft voice of the Spirit by car- 
nal reasonings. 

I now drew the following reflections: If the Bible 
does not mean all it seems to speak, with regard to 
the commands of God, certainly the same allowance 
may be made for its threatcnings; so that I began to 
believe there was no hell at all, or at least not half 



PART I.] MRS. FLETCHER. 15 

so terrible as I had been taught to think. This thought 
raised in me a dislike to the word of God, and great 
coldness and carelessness throughout all my conduct. 
But my adorable Lord did not give me up to the hard- 
ness of my heart, but still followed me with his draw- 
ings. Often I thought, perhaps the Bible does mean 
what it says, and then, I am not a Christian; and great- 
ly did I wish to know what was the truth. My sister, 
w r ho was nearly five years older than me, was also un- 
der a concern for her soul; she wished to know and do 
the will of God. 

About this time there came a servant maid to live 
with my father, w T ho had heard of, and felt some little 
of the power of inward religion. It was among the 
people called Methodists she had received her instruc- 
tions. Seeing the uneasiness my sister was under, she 
took some opportunities of conversing with her. I was 
at this season with my grandmother. On my return 
home, my sister repeated the substance of these con- 
versations to me. I well remember the very spot we 
stood on, and the words she spake, which, though we 
were but a few minutes together, sunk so deeply into 
my heart, that they were never afterward erased. My 
reflections were suited to a child not seven years old. 
I thought if I became a Methodist, I should be sure of 
salvation; and determined, if ever I could get to that 
people, whatever it cost, I would be one of them. But 
after a few conversations, and hearing my sister read 
some little books which this servant had given to her, 
I found out, it was not the being joined to any people 
that would save me, but I must be converted, and have 
faith in Christ; that I was to be saved by believing; 
and that believing would make me holy, and give me 
a power to love and serve God. 

The servant had now left our family, and we con- 
tinued like blind persons groping our way in the dark; 
yet, though we had so far discerned the truth as to ex- 
press it in the above manner, I could not comprehend it 
My heart rose against the idea of being saved by a faith 
which I could not understand. One day looking over 
the pictures in the Book of Martyrs, I thought it would 



16 THE LIFE OF [PART I. 

be easier to burn than believe; and heartily did I wish 
that the Papists would come and burn me, and then I 
thought I should be quite safe. Yet these troubled 
thoughts, were mixed with a degree of hope. I thought, 
God does love me, I believe, after all; and, perhaps, He 
will show me what it is to believe and be converted. 

When I was between seven and eight years old, 
musing one day on that thought, What can it be to 
know my sins forgiven, and to have faith in Jesus? I 
felt my heart rise against God, for having appointed a 
way of salvation so hard to be understood; and with an- 
guish of soul I said, if it were to die a martyr, I could 
do it; or to give away all I have; or when grown up to 
become a servant, that would be easy; but I shall never 
know how to believe. In that moment these words were 
applied with mighty power to my soul: 

"Who on Jesus relies, without money or price, 
The pearl of forgiveness and holiness buys.'* 

They were accompanied with a light and power I had 
never known before; and with joy I cried out, I do, I 
do rely on Jesus; yes, I do rely on Jesus, and God 
counts me righteous for what he hath done and suffered, 
and hath forgiven all my sins! I was surprised that I 
could not find out this before. I had thought everything 
easier than to believe; but now I thought the way 
of believing more easy than any other. A ray of light 
into the Gospel plan shone upon my soul, and I be- 
gan to adore the wonders of redeeming love. But 
alas! it was but as the drops before a shower; in a few 
days I lost the power in a great measure,* though not 
the light of this blessing. I can remember many pro- 
mises after this, being at times brought to my mind. 
Something also of a confidence in the Lord Jesus I ever 
retained, and when fears would spring up concerning the 
day of judgment, I used to comfort myself with this 
thought, Jesus is to be the judge, and I cannot be afraid 
oi Jesus. But I had not yet learned that lesson, 

• She was not favoured at this time with Christian fellowship 
She had none to help her in the wav of faith. — Ed* 



PART I.] MRS. FLETCHER. 17 

« Man for the simple life divine 
What will it cost to break? 
Ere pleasure soft, and wily pride, 
No more within him speak V 

Some time after I had thus by faith " tasted of the 
powers of the world to come," I fell into an uncommon 
Lowness and weakness of nerves, which was accompa* 
nied with grievous temptations. I was oppressed be- 
yond measure with the fear of sin, and accused in almost 
every thing I said or did, so that I was altogether aheap 
of inconsistency. This was followed by temptations 
unspeakably afflicting. It was continually suggested to 
my mind, I had blasphemed against the Holy Ghost. 
The consequent effect of these temptations on my tem- 
per, drew on me many grievous burdens, and exposed 
me to so much anger and reproach from my parents, as 
made me weary of life. It appeared to them that I was 
obstinate and disobedient; and my flesh has seemed 
ready to move on my bones, when I have heard my dear 
mother say, " That girl is the most perverse creature 
that ever lived; I cannot think what is come to her;" 
and my heart used to sink like a stone, for I knew not 
what to do, and the grief of my mind quite destroyed 
my health. My grandfather and grandmother, who 
were to me the tenderest of parents, seeing me in such 
a poor way as to my body, (though they knew not the 
cause,) desired to have me with them. I grew some- 
thing better while I was there; but on my return home, 
[ became as bad as ever. 

This heavy season lasted, I think, nine weeks; when 
. me day opening my mind to my sister, (as indeed I had 
often before attempted to do, but could not explain my- 
self,) she providentially used these words in her answer, 
" Why, you do not mean to blaspheme, do you?" 
A. light immediately struck into my mind; I weighed 
the thought over and over, and could truly say, Lord, 
thou knowest I do not mean to blaspheme. I then re- 
collected that I had heard something about temptation, 
and often wondered what it was. I thought, it may be, 
Satan whispers this into my mind, like what we read 
about Christian in the Pilgrim's Progress, going through 
2* 



18 THE LIFE OF [PART I. 

the valley of the shadow of death. I then determined 
never to regard it more, but always answer with these 
words, I do not mean to blaspheme. I will acknowledge 
Christ for ever; and in a few days I was perfectly deli- 
vered. I am the more full on this head, because' it has 
been a warning to me ever since, not to be too severe in 
passing a judgment on the actions of children, whose 
reflections are far deeper, and their feelings much keener, 
than we are apt to imagine. 

I was now, I believe, about ten years old. and can re- 
collect many comfortable moments in reading the word 
of God. The promises in Isaiah, were in a" particular 
manner, applied to my soul, and I hardly ever opened 
the Bible, but there was something for me; till one dav, 
I heard a person make this remark, that manv people 
took promises to themselves which did not belong to 
them. Of some, she observed, they belonged to the 
church; others to the Jews; such and such, to the Gen- 
tiles, &c. and then began to blame the presumption of 
those who applied them to their own souls! Such a 
thought had never entered my heart before. I knew the 
words were primarily spoken on particular occasions: 
but the Lord had led me to believe that his word was 
written to every soul, so far as they were willing to 
receive it by faith. But, from the above conversation, 
I was unhinged.* I knew not what to choose, or what" 
to refuse: so that being cast into reasonings. I lost my 
love for reading the Scriptures, and sunk into a very 
cold and lifeless state. When I was twelve years old, 
we w^ent to Bath for three months. Here I met with 
many dissipations, and had, I may truly say, no enjoy- 
ment of religion; only when in the midst of the ball- 
room I used to think, if I knew where to find the 
Methodists, or any who would show me how to please 
God, I would tear of! all my fine things, and run through 
the fire to them: and sometimes I thought,, if ever 1 am 
my own mistress. I well spend half the day in working 
for the poor, and the other half in prayer. 

When I was about thirteen, the things of God began 

* Here again she felt the want of Christian fellowship. — E<L 



PART I.] MRS. FLETCHER. 19 

to return with more power on my mind. One day my 
sister visiting Mrs. Lefevre,* found her truly awakened, 
and in earnest to save her soul. She told me this news 
with great delight; for as our parents had no suspicion 
of her being a Methodist, we saw the Lord had opened 
us a door into that Christian liberty we so much longed 
after. At her house we got opportunities of conversa- 
tion with religious persons, which a good deal strength- 
ened our hands, though we often said to each other, 
these Methodists do not quite answer our expectations; 
though our time is short with them, they lose much of 
it before they begin to converse with us about our souls; 
the apostles would not have done so. But we must not 
form our judgment by the rich; let us wait till we get 
acquainted with some of the poor among them: perhaps 
they will be right Methodists, and more like the first 
Christians. 

Sometimes that promise was brought powerfully to 
my mind, " Whatsoever ye shall ask, believing, ye shall 
receive:" then, thought I, I may ask all the grace I will; 
I may ask power never to offend my God again. Faith 
sprung up in my soul, and I was much drawn out in 
prayer for holiness; till one day speaking of it to a par- 
ticular person, she raised many objections to the thought 
of all sin being removed from the heart. I felt it as if 
cold water were thrown on a newly kindled fire, and 
the wings of my faith seemed dipt. Fearing lest I was 
wrong, I prayed the Lord to answer for himself by his 
word. So taking up the Bible, with much prayer I 
opened it, and immediately cast my eyes on these words, 
" Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh; is any 
thing too hard for me?" It came with power; my heart, 
as it were, leaped for joy; and I cried out, Now I will 
wrestle, and I shall prevail. 

Towards the end of the following winter, there was 
a confirmation at St. Paul's; and my father desired I 
should be confirmed. This was a very rousing ordi- 
nance to me; for some time before, I had felt how un- 
worthy I was of it; how unfit thus solemnly to devote 

* Well known in the Methodist Connexion by her admirable 
letters, published many years ag*o. 



20 THE LIFE OF [PART I. 

myself to God, by renewing that covenant I had so often 
broken. I read the order of confirmation, with the min- 
istration of baptism, over and over, and besought my 
God to give me power to keep the charge of the Lord 
faithfully. For some months after, every time I ap- 
proached the Lord's table, I had a very peculiar sense 
of his presence, and sometimes I felt as if the Lord Jesus 
did from his own hand give me the sacred emblems of 
his body and blood. 

But the next year my mind again wandered after 
many things, and though I tasted now and then, a little 
of the loving-kindness of the Lord, yet in the general I 
was greatly under the power of my own will. Pride and 
perverseness got many times the upper hand, and there 
was nothing in my life or conversation which could 
adorn the Gospel; but I did not then see my conduct in 
that light. While our love is small, our perceptions in 
spiritual things are very dark. Alas! I thought I walked 
as a Christian; but now that I see so much more of the 
holiness of God, I also discern more fully the depth of 
my fall, and am astonished that either God or man bore 
with me. While the carnal mind retained this power, I 
do not wonder my dear mother should not love me as 
the rest of her children; for I was not only more dull 
and indolent in every thing I had to learn, but I gave 
way to an. insolent and disobedient spirit in such a de- 
gree towards the whole family, that the recollection has 
often seemed to draw blood from my heart. How per- 
fectly do I feel these words my own, 

" Sink down, my soul, sink lower still, 
Lie level with the dast." 

But the Lord did not forsake me. One night, after 
spending some time in prayer, I cast my eyes on a book 
Mrs. Lefevre had given me, and read these words, 

"I'll look into my Saviours breast; 
Away, sad doubt and anxious care, 
Mercy is all that's written there. 

Jesu's blood, through earth and skies, 
Mercy, free boundless mercy, cries.' 5 



PART I.] MRS. FLETCHER. 21 

I saw as it were the Father of mercy opening his arms 
to receive me, and on that boundless love I had liberty 
to cast my whole soul. I was more and more thankful 
for my union with Mrs. Lefevre, and experienced in her 
the greatest comfort of my life. 

About this season my ever-honoured grandfather and 
grandmother were taken from us. He was one of the 
excellent of the earth: his life, in many respects, was 
remarkable and singular. In his last illness he delight- 
ed much in these words, "My sheep hear my voice; I 
know them, and they follow me, &c." He was aged 
seventy-nine, and had lived with my grandmother forty- 
five years, in a union not usually to be met with. He 
was a pattern in many respects; plain in his dress, mor- 
tified in his food, and strictly conscientious in all his 
expenses. When many dishes were on his table, he 
scarcely ate of any thing but mutton; and that for many 
years, because he believed it most conducive to his health. 
His love and charity to the poor was uncommon. He 
esteemed it a reproach to any man to say he died very 
rich; adding, it is too plain a mark he has not made a 
good use of his income. 

One day upon the exchange, a gentleman who was 
by him said to another, " Sir John, I give you joy; they 
tell me you have completed your hundred thousand 
pounds." The other replied, "I hope to double it be- 
fore I die." My grandfather, turning short, said, " Then, 
Sir John, you are not worthy of it." Once being at the 
table of a nobleman, he observed the guests drinking to 
excess, and conversing in a very unchristian manner. 
At first he tried to turn the .conversation, but the torrent 
being too strong, he rose up, and leaning over the back 
of his chair, he gave them a solemn reproof, joined to 
an affectionate warning, and then left the company. I 
have been with him in his chariot when he has suddenly 
stopped it to reprove profane swearing on the road. 

My grandmother was a woman of an uncommonly 
sweet temper; and having acquired a good deal of skill 
in physic, she so helped the poor, that they looked on 
her as a mother, a nurse, and a counsellor. When my 
grandfather had been dead three months, she dreamed, 



22 THE LIFE OF [_PART I. 

c::: " r ^ ~ : - : ic her, and staii ;he bed- 

s "• 5 - she •• ? h mid come to iiim shortly, :ill then 
his happiness • "m no; s<: ?om he:e as i: w.; 
added, slo ly Ifu Script es, study ffa Slcri 

' :> -' _ : oy : ••. '•' ;■ ■' '-''- ' ■• ■ ■'*.' From this time she 

them in a manner superior to what 

she h ad ione before; though she an high 

sratiori the @ About three w 

' ^ ' ■ l; lay, • Air that room: I will 

f -"■ --'f -•• thai I dd lie in the bed Mr. Dnnster died 
in. From the came out no 

more; she As she did not 

appear worse than use at first though. : 

r langer. She said to he rself two or thir et imes, 

M Whata blessing, I Lying without pa: 

n I san rery U bear!" 
From this began ~e: rather more libertv, 

: - ■ --"■"■ 5 my - - : "";.> v:j:: :.; Mrs. Le- 

:-'s. Mr. Somaine same in. and beffan to speak :f 
tlie sinfulness :•: ar.er. yhoase. She lisu 

irithgieat earnestness to afl he said; which, repeating 
to me on her re:;.:/.. :: --.-_-.; as . replace, 

and 1 f^an to cry for power to stand to the light which 
I had the d re seii ed. 

A few months after this sis :er married, by which 

I was Left alone. I most observe, to this :ime my pap 
rents rery tittle 5 as ieion of our hairing any inter- 

se with the Me:hod:s:s. ':.:; :ho\:-:h:. when :he 
befor e - 1 ne n1 i i e servant s put away, and our books 
taken from us, that religious impressions had worn 
oh. I now the hen I must rcm^e** 

C ^foremen, if I wish him to confess nu 

b if •■:>:'£ '.'.'. F. :'.-: a : .' '.-. : ::~i ■ mob. I mmsnbed 
some of serious friends about the playhouse, but 

they said. •■ Were y ■;■■-.; ;me:. we h; of know .; :o 
ad fi s e . . a s y ou are bu : sixteen, if your parents in- 
sist on your going-, we do no: see h :an avoid i:. i€ 
This answer aid no: fohy sahsfy ::;e: and I was m 
d : s :: e s s e d b o : h w ays. I s a w the duty I owed to an ab- 
soh:.:e command from my oarems in a very srrong iigm:; 
and. on :he o:he: nana. I remembered :ha: mv obedi- 



PART I.] MRS. FLETCHER. 23 

etice to them was to be — in the Lord. I sought direc- 
tion in prayer, and endeavoured to examine the ques- 
tion on both sides; but the more I searched, the clearer 
it appeared to me, I must not comply. I considered the 
playhouse had a tendency to weaken every Christian 
temper, and to strengthen all that was contrary; to re- 
present vice under the false colour of virtue, and to lead 
in every respect into the spirit of the world, of which 
the apostle declares, The friendship of this world is en- 
mity with God. When the time came, and my obedi- 
ent compliance was required, I begged to be left at home. 
On a refusal, I laid open my whole heart to my father; 
apprising him, I would not willingly be disobedient in 
any thing, unless where conscience made it appear to be 
my duty. We conversed on the subject with great free- 
dom; for my dear father was a man of deep reason, 
calmness, and condescension. He replied, " Child, 
your arguments prove too much; and therefore are not 
conclusive. If what you say be true, then all places of 
diversion, all dress and company, nay, all agreeable 
liveliness, and the whole spirit of the world, is sinful. 
I embraced the opportunity and said, " Sir, / see it as 
such, and therefore am determined no more to be con- 
formed to its customs, fashions, or maxims." This was 
a season of great trial, but the Lord stood by me: glory 
be to his holy name! 

I daily discerned a great difference between my man* 
ner of life, and that which the Bible described as the 
life of a Christian. I had often strong desires to be 
wholly given to the Lord. Much opposition I met with 
for having declared my sentiments; and what was very 
cutting to me, I was often debarred from the pleasure of 
seeing my friend, Mrs. Lefevre. This was the conse- 
quence I much feared, if I should openly declare my 
mind; but I was thoroughly convinced, if I loved my 
friend more than God's law, I should never know the 
power of true religion. It is my natural temper, to be 
very anxious about any one I love, and to fix too much 
of my confidence in them. This was the case with re- 
spect to Mrs. Lefevre. I saw and lamented it, beseech- 



24 THE LIFE OF [PART I. 

ing the Lord to take away all idolatry out of my affec- 
tions, and give me to love her as I ought. 

I dreamed one night I was in a church, and saw writ* 
ten on the wall, in letters of gold, these words: Thou 
shalt have no other gods but me. While I was looking 
on it, I saw the name of Mrs. Lefevre wrote under it. 
I was surprised, and presently beheld the following line: 
If this is your God, then what am I? I awakened with 
a deep conviction that I had placed too much confidence 
on an arm of flesh. I knew it was the voice of God by 
this mark, a great sweetness accompanied the reproof. 
This was the method the Lord has always used towards 
me: he held me up with one hand, while he smote irue 
with the other. 

In the month of June, 1756, I spent a day with Mrs. 
Lefevre. It was a profitable time; I found my heart 
very open, and told her, I believed I could give up even 
her to the will of God. She replied, " Nothing you 
could have said would have given me more satisfaction. 
For a long time I have thought the thread of my life 
was nearly spun out. I have no clog upon my chariot- 
wheels; but my greatest pain was for you, who have 
already so many trials surrounding you." This was 
her last address; for three days after I received a mes- 
sage, that she was seized with a sudden illness, arid in 
great danger. My mother kindly permitted me to visit 
her; but I found her on the borders of eternity, into 
which, after expressing with great difficulty, " I have 
comforts indeed!" her happy spirit took its flight, As 
my time was limited, I had returned home when I re- 
ceived the news of her death. I went into a grove that 
was in our garden, to pour out my soul before the Lord, 
But what may seem strange, I was not permitted to feel 
at that time much pain, for the Lord met me with these 
words, which sprang up as a living water in my soul: 

" My star by night, my sun by day, 

My spring* of life, when parch'd with drought; 

My wine to cheer, my bread to stay, 

My strength, my shield, my safe abode, 
My robe before the throne of God." 



PAUT I.] MRS. FLETCHER. 25 

I felt the Lord Jesus did answer all these characters to 
my soul, and by faith I beheld him as my robe before 
the throne of God. 

When I was about seventeen years of age, my father 
and two brothers (younger than me,) were going with 
some other company to see the Royal George, which 
was sixteen miles from the shore from whence we set 
out; my father desired me to accompany them. I knew 
not what to do, but at length believed I ought to obey. 
Indeed I thought I should have no further cross than the 
going to the ship, and returning in the afternoon. But 
we had not been long in the vessel, before some of the 
company began to ridicule my overmuch religion 
When we drew near the Royal George, the men said, 
we must not attempt to go round her, for she was deep, 
and very dangerous; but the gentlemen insisted they 
should row round the ship. While this was doing, we 
were in great danger; and the ladies, exceedingly alarm- 
ed, began to cry out. Some of them said, " Miss 
Bosanquet, why are you so calm?" I told them i fcciw 
the danger, but our business was to trust in God; I 
was quite ready either to sink or to be saved. My 
confidence in the Lord kept me secure in his provi- 
dence. I had now an opportunity to speak, and they 
were ready to hear. When we got into the ship, it 
seemed like a town; such a vast variety of places like 
shops, were all around. We were met by Captain 
Burnet, who led us into a grand room; the place designed 
for us was pointed out by a lady that attended us. Cap- 
tain Burnet proposed a dance, and after that a cold colla- 
tion. Now I felt indeed. Several of the company fell 
upon me, with, " Now, Miss Bosanquet, what wili you 
do now! You must dance; you cannot run away." 
Knowing my help must come from above, I lifted up 
my heart to the Lord, and cried to him for help. Pre- 
sently a messenger in haste called for Captain Burnet. 
He ran down, but soon returned with great disappoint- 
ment in his countenance, saying. " O what shall we do? 
The Prince of Wales and Admiral Anson are coming on 
board." Never was anything more welcome to me than 
this hurry of preparing for the Prince — our present 
3 



26 THE LIFE OF [PART I. 

king, one year older than me. My heart praised the 
Lord for this timely interposition. The cannon put 
aside the dance, and we at length talked of returning. 
We were let down into our little vessel, and I was truly 
thankful to be on the way home. But another trial 
soon occurred. Some of the company proposed going 
to Vauxhall; this I refused. Then, said they, " You 
must stay in the vessel with the men." I knew not 
what to do. As we drew near the part where our 
coaches were waiting for us, a strange disagreement 
took place between two of the gentlemen; one of them, 
my brother, rose up and bid the man draw near to the 
steps; he got out, and I followed him. The rest went 
on to Vauxhall. I was truly thankful when we got into 
the coach. This was the last attempt of this kind. 

But this peaceful frame did not last long. Some snares 
were presented before me, which dissipated my mind, 
and cooled the fervour of my affections. In this spirit I 
went to London in the winter. I was now about 

ghteen. As I had not yet had a clear conviction to 
throw aside dress, while in my father's house, I con- 
tinued in my appearance like the company I conversed 
with, only I did not go with them to public diversions; 
and this winter I began to gain favour in their eyes, and 
reit myself in great danger of being carried down the 
slream. But the thought alarmed my soul, and caused 
r ne to look about for help. I cried to the Lord to bring 
rtic acquainted with some of the excellent, of the earth, 
that I might learn to walk in the narrow way which leads 
to life and glory, and into which I saw I w T as scarcely 
entered. One day I heard a conversation concerning an 
extraordinary work among the Methodists — That some 
of them spoke of such a change being wrought on their 
will and affections, that they found that word to be ac- 
complished, " Old things are passed away, and all 
things are become new." The remembrance of that 
text, " Is any thing too hard for me?" came with fresh 
power to my soul; and some encouraging promises 
sprang up in my mind, and made me persevere in prayer. 
I told my serious friends, (who were not joined to the 
Methodists,) if they could procure me an hour's con- 



PART I.] MRS. FLETCHER. 27 

versation with one of those pious women, I should 
esteem it a great favour; for I longed to see any one who 
would tell me of a deeper religion than I had known. 
I saw myself surrounded with snares, and often thought 
with tears on those words, 

" See where o'er desert wastes I err, 
And neither food nor feeder have, 
Nor fold, nor place of refuge near, 

While no man cares my soul to save." 

At this time I became acquainted with a gentleman in 
some sense religious, though I fear not deeply so. He 
professed much affection for me, and my religious friends 
advised me to think of him, as it was likely to be very 
acceptable to my parents, and would open a door to more 
religious liberty. But I cannot say he was agreeable to 
me. Neither my understanding nor affection could 
approve the proposal; yet I was hurt by unprofitable rea- 
sonings. Sometimes I thought it might be of the Lord; 
at others, I could not see into it at all. While thus per- 
plexed, I received a message from Miss Furley, (now 
Mrs. Downes,) that on such a day Mrs. Crosby would be 
at her house. I went to meet her in the spirit of prayer 
and expectation. She simply related what God had done 
for her soul. The words she spoke were clothed with 
power, and my convictions of the necessity of holiness 
were much increased. The affair of the gentleman was 
obliterated from my mind; and the prospect of a life 
wholly devoted to God, drank up every other consider- 
ation. In a few hours I returned home to our country- 
house on Epping Forest; but such a sweet sense of God, 
the greatness of his love, and willingness to save to the 
uttermost, remained on my mind, that if I but thought 
on the word holiness, or of the adorable name of Jesus, 
my heart seemed to take fire in an instant; and my de- 
sires were more intensely fixed on God than ever I had 
found them before. 

A few days after I wrote to Mrs. Crosby. The fol- 
lowing is an extract: 

"Forest-house, May 17th, 1757. 
W The Lord hath indeed been merciful above all 



28 THE LIFE OF [PART I. 

I can ask or think. I am more drawn to praver. I find 
a more earnest pursuit of holiness than ever; but what 
most stirs me up is, I seem to hear the Lord calling t 
me, in these words, "Depart ye. depart ve, o ye out 
hence, touch not the unclean thing: be clean, ve thatbeai 
the vessels of the Lord." 

I now saw the path in which I ought to walk. 1 
determined not to think about a married life, for my 
present light was to abide single. But the Lord seemed 
to call me to more activity, insomuch that I cried out. 

II Lord, what wilt thou have me to do?" I would be 
given up. both soul and body, to serve the members of 
Christ. My firm resolution was to be whollv o-iven up 
to the church, in any way that he pleased. " I desired 
not to be idle, but employed as those described by St. 
Paul to Timothy. " If she have brought up children, if 
she have lodged strangers, if she have washed the saints' 
feet, and diligently followed after every good work." I 
can hardly express with what power these words would 
come to my mind. It seemed to me. the Lord had plan- 
ned out all my way; and I only wished so to walk. 

The end of this summer brought me a great trial. Mv 
parents were going to Scarborough. My mother offered 
to take me with them, if I would do as they did, and not 
bring a reproach on them in a strange place. This 
seemed a reasonable request: but I could not comply, for 
the spirit of the world was as contrary to that of Christ 
in Scarborough as in London. I requested to be left 
with my sister; but it was appointed for me to spend most 
of my time at an uncle's in London. They were ex- 
ceedingly kind, and let me have much liberty. I had 
never before had the opportunity of a constant attend- 
ance on the means of grace; and I greatly feared abus* 
iBg this talent. One of my acquaintance, being impru- 
dent, pressed me never to be absent from any meeting, 
or preaching. By this means, I am sensible I went too 
far. I walked about more than my strength could bear, 
having been scarce ever permitted to go out of our own 
grounds but in a carriage. But above all, I am pained 
when I think how little of Christian prudence appeared 



I ART I.] MRS. FLETCHER. 29 

in my conduct. The kind family in which I was re- 
ceived could not but blame and condemn a conduct, 
which, though the motive was upright, was in itself 
sometimes wrong. 

During this season I cultivated an acquaintance for 
which I trust I shall for ever praise the Lord. It was 
with Mrs. Sarah Ryan, who (with a pious woman named 
Mary Clark,) lived in a little house in Christopher-alley, 
Moorfields. They both possessed the spirit of the pri- 
mitive church in an eminent degree. A few of the most 
lively souls in the London society were frequently 
gathered there. The more I saw of that family, the 
more I was convinced Christ had yet a pure church be- 
low; and often, while in their company, I thought my- 
self with the hundred and twenty that waited to be 
baptised by the Holy Spirit. It was at Mrs. Ryan's 
house that Mrs. Crosby boarded; and whenever I was 
from home, this was the place of my residence, and 
truly I found it to be a little Bethel. 

The more I conversed with Mrs. Ryan, the more I dis- 
covered of the glory of God breaking forth from within, 
and felt a strong attraction to consider her as the friend 
of my soul. I told her the past sins, follies, and mer- 
cies of my life, and received a similar account from her. 

The time now drew nigh for my parents' return, and 
I went home to receive them. While in London I had 
used more exercise than my constitution could bear. My 
mother was much surprised when she saw me appear so 
ill, and laid it all to my religion. A fever came on ra- 
pidly, and I was ordered to go to bed; but I could scarcely 
keep on my feet, while I ascended the stairs. When I 
was laid in bed, how shall I describe the posture of my 
mind? Distracted by the fever; torn by fears and temp- 
tations, and deprived of those friends, who at this time 
could have understood and comforted me! The loss of 
Mrs. Lefevre now also returned on my mind with great 
pain. My dear parents were not aware of the nature of my 
Illness, which was, as the apothecary afterwards told 
them, a strong nervous fever. They thought it all arose 
from some trouble of mind I would not own, and told 
me one day, if I did not rouse myself out of that low 
3* 



80 THE LIFE OF [PART I. 

state, my head should be blistered, and I should be shut 
up in a dark room. My father being present, I said, 
" Will you put me in a mad-house, papa?" he said, " No, 
but you must be shut up at home, if you do not strive 
against this lowness. The doctor says you have no 
pulse at all; he never saw a patient so low." My mind 
became greatly depressed; I could find no comfort of any 
kind, either from God or outward things. 

But the Lord graciously helped me in an extraordinary 
way. As I lay reflecting on my situation, and weeping 
before him on account of the darkness of my mind, I 
discerned an unusual brightness, (yet not dazzling,) and 
a voice came so powerfully, that I can only say, I heard 
and felt it with every faculty of soul and body— Thou 
shall walk with me in white! An answer seemed to 
come from my heart, independent of myself,* " Lord, how 
can that be, seeing I am not worthy?" It was spoken 
to me again, Thou shalt walk with me in white; I will 
make thee worthy. This was followed by those words, 
/ will thoroughly purge away thy dross, and take away 
all thy sin! And 

" Glory is on earth begnn, 
Everlasting' life is won." 

To this day, I have the most lively remembrance of 
that manifestation; and in the darkest moments I have 
since passed through, I could never doubt its being thf; 
voice of the Lord. My illness was long, and attended 
with many trials. Before my recovery, Mrs. Ryan was 
removed from London to Bristol, to be housekeeper at 
the room there; and much did I pray the Lord that we 
should be brought together again. 

1 was now about nineteen years of age, and soon af 
ter, my parents having an intention to go to Bath for ? 
season, proposed that I should spend that time at Bristol, 
as I was now thought to be consumptive. I gladly em- 
braced the offer, as a merciful providence. I accordingly 

* Who can account for this whole manifestation on common 
principles? Yet what pious mind will not conclude, it was help 
from the Lord in the time of need?— Ed. 



PART I.] MRS. FLETCHER. 31 

went to Bristol, where I remained seven weeks. Mrs. 
Downes (late Miss Furley) showed me much kindness. 
Indeed I was in some sense committed to her care by 
my parents, who had for years been acquainted with her 
family. I spent much of my time with Mrs. Ryan, and 
Mrs. Clark, and I trust in some degree partook of their 
spirit. After my return home I clearly discovered that 
I still conformed too much in my appearance to the spirit 
and fashions of the world; but I plainly saw a renuncia- 
tion of that conformity would give my relations great 
offence. I loved my parents, and feared to disoblige 
them. I sought for arguments to quench that little spark 
of light which was kindling in my soul, conscious they 
could not see in my light, and knowing that obedience 
to parents was one of the first duties. I did so far 
quench it, that I put on again many of the things I had 
thrown off. My acquaintance took much notice of me, 
and I was so afraid of losing their good opinion, that I 
had no power to reprove sin, or even to refrain from 
joining in light or trifling conversation when in company. 
But I soon discerned the danger consequent on their ap- 
proval, and therefore determined to weigh well what was 
most likely to please God, and by that to abide. 

I prayed for direction, and saw clearly that plainness 
of dress and behaviour best became a Christian, and that 
for the following reasons: 

First. The apostle expressly forbids iv omen professing 
godliness, to let their adorning be in apparel; allowing 
them no other ornament than that of a meek and quiet 
spirit. 

Secondly. I saw the reasonableness of the command, 
and proved it good for a proud heart to wear the plain 
and modest livery of God's children. 

Thirdly. It tended to open my mouth; for when I 
appeared like the world, in Babylonish garments, I had 
its esteem, and knew not how to part with it. But when 
I showed, by my appearance, that I considered myself as 
a stranger and foreigner, none can know (but by trying) 
what an influence it has on our whole conduct, and what 
a fence it is, to keep us from sinking into the spirit of 
the world. For there is no medium: they who are con- 






32 THE LIFE OF [PART I 

formed to the fashions, customs, and maxims of the world 
must embrace the spirit also, and they shall find the 
esteem they seek; for the world will love its own. But 
let them remember also that word, The friendship of 
this world is enmity with God. 

Fourthly. I saw myself as a steward, who must ren- 
der an account for every talent, and that it was my pri- 
vilege to have the smiles of God on every moment of 
my time, or penny of money which I laid out. 

Fifthly. I saw clearly that the helping my fellow- 
creatures in their need, was both more rational, and 
more pleasant, than spending my substance on super- 
fluities; and as I am commanded to love my neighbour 
as myself, and to consider all done to the household of 
faith as done to Christ, surely I ought not only to suffer 
my superfluity to give way to their necessity, but also 
(as occasion may require,) my necessities to their ex- 
tremities. 

Sixthly. But it is not only the talent of money, but 
of time, which is thrown away by conformity to the 
world, entangling us in a thousand little engagements, 
which a dress entirely plain cuts through at once. 

Seventhly. The end usually proposed by young per- 
sons in their dress, is such as a devout soul would 
abominate. A heathen may say, it will promote my 
being comfortably settled in life; but I believe the Lord 
appoints the bounds of our habitation, and that no good 
thing shall he withhold from those who walk uprightly. 
I have therefore nothing to do. but to commend myself 
to God, in holy obedience, and to leave every step of 
my life to be guided by his will. I will therefore make 
it my rule to be clean and neat, bat in the plainest things, 
according to my station; and whenever I thought on the 
subject, these words would pass through my mind with 
power, For so the holy women of old adorned themselves. 

As soon as I saw my way clearly, I ventured to open 
my mind to my father concerning dress, as I had done 
before with regard to public places; entreating him to 
bear with me, while I endeavoured to show him my rea- 
sons for refusing to be conformed to the customs, fash- 
ions, and maxims of the world. He heard me with great 



PART I.] MRS. FLETCHER. 33 

patience; and as I loved him tenderly, it came very near 
me to oppose him. My trials increased daily. I was 
perplexed to know how far to conform, and how far to 
resist. I feared, on the one hand, disobedience to my 
parents, and on the other, disobedience to God. 

My dear mother had sometimes expressed a belief, 
that it would be better for the family if I were removed 
from it, lest my brothers, who were younger than me, 
should be infected by my sentiments and example^ Yet 
she did not see it clear to bid me go; but rather wished 
me to depart of my own accord. The furnace now be- 
came hot; but I did not dare to come out without the 
Lord. Indeed, could there have been any amicable 
agreement between us, and that I had my parents' leave 
to live elsewhere, I would gladly have accepted it. 1 
even made some distant proposals of this kind, but they 
never saw it £ood to concur. Providence thus over- 
ruled my desire for wise ends: and to run away from 
my father's house, I could not think of. I was twenty- 
one years of age, and had a small fortune of my own. 
I saw myself on the verge of a material change, and it 
was easy to discern that my father's house would not 
long be a refuge for me; but in what manner I should be 
removed, or what trials I might yet have to go through, 
I could not tell. The continual language of my heart 
was, I am oppressed, Lord, undertake thou for me. 

One day my father said to me. ; ' There is a particu- 
lar promise which I require of you, that is, that you will 
never, on any occasion, either now, or hereafter, attempt 
to make your brothers what you call a Christian." I 
answered, (looking to the Lord.) " I think, Sir, I dare 
not consent to that." He replied, " Then you force mc 
to put you out of my house." I answered, "Yes, Sir, 
according to your views of things, I acknowledge it; 
and, if I may but have your approval, no situation will 
be disagreeable." He replied, ;i There are many things 
in your present situation, which must be, I should think, 
very uncomfortable." This I acknowledged, and added, 
that, if he would but say he approved of my removal, 
I would take a lodging which I had heard of at Mrs. 
Gold's, in Hoxton Square; but that no suffering could 



34 THE LIFE OF [pART I. 

incline me to leave him, except by his free consent. 
He replied, with some emotion. "I do not know you 
ever disobliged me wilfully in your life, but only in these 
fancies; and my children shall always have a* home in 
my house." As I could not but discern a separation 
would take place, (though I knew not how nor when,) 
I judged it most prudent to take the lodgings, that, in 
case I should be suddenly removed, I might have a home 
to go to; which I preferred to the going into any friend's 
house as a visiter. I also hired a sober girl, to be ready 
whenever I might want her. I informed my mother, a 
short time after, of the steps I had taken. She gave me 
two beds, one for myself, and a little one for my maid; 
and appeared to converse on it in a way of approval. 
Something, however, seemed to hold us, on both sides, 
from bringing it to the point. 

For the next two months I suffered much; my mind 
was exercised with many tender and painful feelings. 
One day my mother sent me word, " I must go home 
to my lodgings that night." I went down to dinner, but 
they said nothing on the subject; and I could not begin 
it. The next day, as I was sitting in my room, I re- 
ceived again the same message. During dinner, how- 
ever, nothing was spoken on the subject. When it was 
over, I knew not what to do. I was much distressed, 
I thought, if they go without saying any thing to me, 1 
cannot go; and if they should not invite me to come and 
see them again, how shall I bear it? My mind was 
pressed down with sorrow by this suspense. Just as 
they were going out, my mother said, " If you will, 
the coach, when it has set us down, may carry you 
home to your lodging." My father added, " And we 
shall be glad to see you to dinner next Tuesday." This 
was some relief. I remained silent. When the coach 
returned, I ordered my trunk into it; and struggling 
with myself, took a kind of leave of each of the ser- 
vants, as they stood in a row in tears, in my way out of 
the house. About eight o'clock I reached my lodging. 

It consisted of two rooms, as yet unfurnished. I had 
neither candle, or any convenience. The people of the 
house I had never seen before, only I knew them by 



1 1RT I.] MRS. FLETCHER. 35 

character to be sober persons. I borrowed a table and a 
candlestick, and the window-seat served me as a chair. 
When bolting my door, I began to muse on my present 
situation. 

I am, said I, but young — only entered into my twen- 
ty-second year. I am cast out of my father's house. 1 
know the heart of a stranger; but, alas! how much 
more of it may I yet have to prove? I cried unto the 
Lord, and found a sweet calm overspread my spirit. I 
could in a measure act faith on these words: — " When 
thy father and thy mother forsake thee, the Lord shall 
take thee up." The following reflections also arose in 
my mind. I am now exposed to the world, and knqw 
not what snares may be gathering around me. I have a 
weak understanding, and but little grace. Therefore, 
now, before any snare has entangled me, I shall form a 
plan for my future conduct, and endeavour to walk there- 
by. First, I will not receive visits from single men, and 
in order to evade the trial more easily, I will not get ac- 
quainted with any; I will, as much as possible, refrain 
from going into any company where they are. Second- 
ly, I will endeavour to lay out my time by rule, that I 
may know each hour what is to be done: nevertheless I 
will cheerfully submit to have these rules broken or 
overturned, whenever the providence of God thinks fii 
so to do. And thirdly, I will endeavour to fix my mind 
on the example of Jesus Christ, and to lead a mortified 
life; remembering, " He came not to be ministered unto, 
but to minister." 

The prejudices of education are strong, especially In 
those persons who have been brought up rather in high 
life. The being removed from a parent's habitation 
seemed very awful. I looked on myself as being liable 
to a deep reproach, and trembled at the thought. But 
I remembered that word, " He that loveth father or mo- 
ther more than me, is not worthy of me." 

My maid being now come, and having lighted a fire 
in the other room, and borrowed a few things of the 
family, she begged me to come into it, as the night wus 
very cold. And now my captivity seemed turning every 
moment That Ihouffht, I am brought out of the world: 



86 THE LIFE OF [PART I. 

I have nothing to do but to be holy, both in body and 
spirit, filled me with consolation. Thankfulness over- 
flowed my heart; and such a spirit of peace and content 
poured into my soul, that all about me seemed a little 
heaven. 

Some bread, Tvith rank salt butter, and water to drink, 
made me so comfortable a meal, that I could truly say, 
/ ate my meat with gladness and singleness of heart* 
As the bed was not put up, I laid that night almost on 
the ground, and the windows having no shutters, 2«nd it 
being a bright moonlight night, the sweet solemnity 
thereof well agreed with the tranquillity of my spirit 
I had now daily more and more cause for praise. I was 
acquainted with many of the excellent of the earth, and 
my delight was in them. Yet was I not without my 
cross; for every time I went to see my dear parents, 
what I felt when, towards night, I rose up to go away, 
cannot well be imagined. Not that I wished to abide 
there; but there was something in bidding farewell to 
those under whose roof I had always lived, as used to 
affect me much, though I saw the wise and gracious 
hand of God in all; and that He had by this means set 
me free for his own service. From my heart I thanked 
Him as the gracious author, and them as the profitable 
instruments, of doing me so great a good. My mother 
was frequently giving me little things; and avery re- 
newed mark of kindness made the wound to bleed 
afresh. 

There was in the years sixty-one and sixty-two, a 
very great revival among the societies, both in London 
and many other places; and an earnest desire was stirred 
up in many hearts after full salvation. Prayer was 
made without ceasing by the faithful, " That the glory 
of God might go forth as brightness; and his salvation 
as a lamp that burneth." These prayers were answer- 
ed in a very powerful manner. The spirit was poured 
out on some in such a degree as can hardly be conceived, 
but by those who felt the divine influence. Not only 
Mr. Wesley, and Mr. Maxfield, were in an uncommon 
manner blest in their preaching; but many simple pep- 
sons, both men and women, were lively harbingers of 



PART I.] MRS. FLETCHER. 37 

the approaching Pentecost, and cried aloud, The king- 
don? of heaven is at hand! The mighty power of God 
was seen on every side! Christ was held out as a com- 
plete Saviour; and represented to the eye of faith, as 
crying out on this festal day, " If any man thirst, let 
him come unto me and drink; he that believe th on me, 
out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water." These 
rivers did, indeed, flow from heart to heart. The gift 
of victorious faith was given to many, not only for them- 
selves but others. A clear light shone on these truths, 
" They that are in Christ are new creatures; old things 
are passed away, and all things become new. The 
olood of Jesus Christ cleanseth from all sin." The 
whole soul, with every faculty, shall be so brought into 
subjection to Christ, as to feel, / live not, but Christ 
liveth in me! 

Some portion of this river seemed now to reach me 
also. The means of grace was as marrow to my soul; 
and often these words were applied, If thou canst be- 
lieve, all things are possible to him that believeth. But 
I could not believe so as to give up my whole heart to 
the Lord. I knew him mine, but other things had yet 
life in me, though not dominion over me. I was now 
assured the blessing of sanctification, (or, in other words, 
a heart entirely renewed,) could not be received but by 
simple and naked faith:* and my soul groaned out its 
desire in these words, 

" That mighty faith on me bestow 
Which cannot ask in vain; 
Which holds, and will not let thee g*o, 
Till I my suit obtain." 

One day as a few of us were praying together at bro- 
ther Gilford's, we were so draw r n out that we were, I 
think, four hours engaged, when I really thought we 
had not been above one; and this was frequently the 
case with us. Another day as I was at a meeting for 
prayer at a friend's house, when he had continued some 

* By simple faith, I mean, taking God at his word without 
reasoning; and by naked faith, I mean, stripped of every other 
dependence, but on Christ alone. 
4 



38 THE LIFE OF [PART I. 

time, I seemed as if I had lost all. Deep discourage- 
ment seized my spirit; but I wrestled on, and was in an 
agony to love God with all my heart. Brother Gilford 
was praying forme, when in a moment I felt a calmness 
overspread my spirit, and by faith I laid hold on Jesus 
as my full Saviour. I said in my heart, Thy will be 
done! Thy will be done! and in that I felt my rest. In 
the same moment brother Gilford changed prayer into 
praise, telling the Lord, He had heard and answered: He 
had set me at liberty, and now he would praise him. 
This surprised me, as I had not given the least sign, by 
either word or motion, of what I had felt within. He 
concluded his prayer with that act of praise. He asked 
me how I felt myself? I answered, I could not fully 
tell; but that I found Jhat the love of the will of 
God had brought an unspeakable peace into my soul; 
but that I did not feel joy; only a rest in that thought, 
the Lord reigneth, and His will shall be done. As I 
was walking home, I found the presence of the Lord to 
be with me. He seemed to say, Sound thee and be- 
neath thee are spread the everlasting arms. I felt they 
were so, and my faith seemed to gather strength con- 
tinually. 

Yet for some days I was much exercised with temp- 
tation, and continually accused, that I had thought, said, 
or done something amiss.* But after a little time I found 
a more solid rest; and sensibly felt my will and affec- 
tions were fixed on God, and most powerfully was I 
penetrated with these words: 

" Their daily delight shall be in his name, 

They shall, as their right, His righteousness claim; 
His righteousness wearing, and cleans' d by his blood, 
Bold shall they appear in the presence of God!" 

One night I awaked with much of the presence of God, 
when those words were powerfully applied, Thou shalt 
call thy walls Salvation, and thy gates Praise. That 
promise also dwelt on my mind—- In returning and rest 
shall ye be saved; in quietness and confidence shall be 
thy strength. 

• A strong mark of the reality of the work. — Ed. 



PART I.] MRS. FLETCHER. 39 

I believe what I felt at this season was a low degree 
of pure love; or what we call a clean heart. But though 
it was in a small degree, yet did it evidence itself by a 
mighty change. I had many temptations, and not much 
joy. Yet did I never feel any thing contrary to love; 
and in the temptations with which I was attacked, I felt 
a great difference . Satan never attempted to draw my 
affections, neither to move me to anger, for there I could 
have answered him, thou hast nothing in me;* but I was 
followed with such a sense of sorrow as I cannot ex- 
press. The fear of living to fall from grace, and sin 
against God, tore me at intervals, for some minutes, as 
one on a rack. Then a turn of the eye by faith on Je- 
sus, would make my enemies flee. Another cause of 
sorrow was — something, I am at a loss to describe, but 
it seemed most exquisite feelings were opened in my 
soul, such as I never knew before* If I saw, or heard 
of the consequences of sin, I was ready to die! For in- 
stance—If in the street I saw a child ill used or slighted 
by the person who seemed to have the care of it, or a 
poor person sweating under an uncommonly heavy bur- 
den; or if I saw a horse, or a dog, oppressed or wounded, 
it was more than I could bear. I seemed to groan and 
travail in birth, as it were, for the whole creation. Yet 
notwithstanding all these painful feelings, I had a solid 
peace. I always felt I committed my all to Jesus, and 
I lived on his faithfulness. As I observed before, anger 
seemed in my soul to know its place no more. Neither 
did I find an attachment to any creature, or thing, but 
such as reflected from the will of God. Such a sense of 
purity dwelt on my soul, as I can hardly describe. I 
often felt the power of those words, Unto the pure, all 
things are pure. I sometimes thought, I should not 
care if my breast was as a window, and if every thought 
was without a covering to man as it was to God. A 
little degree of heavenly wisdom was also let down into 
my heart. Being fixed on a solid rock, I was not so 
easily shaken; and those words were powerfully applied, 
"Thou shalt not be afraid for any evil tidings, for thy 

* His strength lay in applying" the law to a conscience so ten 
der.— Ed. 



40 THE LIFE OF [PART J 

heart standeth fast, believing in the Lord." But above 
all, I felt such a simplicity, such a hanging on the Lord 
Jesus, that self seemed annihilated, and Jesus was my 
all. The nothing into which I felt myself sunk, and the 
great salvation I seemed to possess in Jesus, were such' 
as I cannot explain. I used often to say, it appears to 
me that unbelief cannot find a place in my soul to set its 
foot upon. And indeed it could not; for slavish fear 
seemed quite cast out. 1 could say, "I live not, but 
Christ liveth in me, and the life which I now live in the 
flesh, I live by faith in the Son of God." I was truly 
nothing, and all my salvation came through faith in the 
Son of God. He was my soul's delight; and I felt if I 
could have been saved any other way, I would not have 
accepted it. O how often was that word in my mouth 
and heart! 

"Having done all, by faith I stand, 
And give the praise, O Lord, to thee : 

Thy holy arm, thy own right hand 
Hath got thyself the victory.-"* 

All this time the Lord kept me, as to outward things, 
like an infant in its mother's arms. I put in practice 
my first resolution, and had no other thought but of de- 
voting myself to God in a single life: only I remember I 
sometimes thought, were I to be married to Mr. Fletch- 
er,! would he not be rather a help than a hindrance 
to my soul? But it was only a thought, and had arisen 
from what some friends said to me on the subject. 

As I desired to be the Lord's, and to spend all I had 
to his glory, I sometimes carried this desire too far, and 
did not allow myself quite what was needful. My ex- 
ercises were greater than I had been used to, and I was 
seized with a complaint in my bowels. I thought if I 
had some spice boiled in water, and Port wine with it, 
it would help me, but I was unwilling to get it. How t - 
ever my Heavenly Father took care for that. He knows 
what we have need of before we ask; for at that very 

* Who can deny this great salvation without denying the truth 
Old power of God? But oh! how few seek it! — Ed. 
i At that time Mr. Wesley's Assistant in London. 



PART I.] MRS. FLETCHER 41 

time a relation called and brought me a quantity of spice 
as a present; and the very next day my father called in his 
chariot, and brought me a hamper of Port wine, neither 
of them knowing any thing of my wants! I therefore 
received it as immediately from the Lord. And I could 
give a variety of instances of the same nature. It seemed 
I could hardly think of a thing, but it was brought to 
me. O how true is that promise, " What is given up 
for God, shall be restored manifold in this present life." 
Before the Lord made me to wander from my father's 
house, a particular person used to upbraid me with that 
reflection, " You will soon find the difference between 
your father's house, and such poking holes as you will 
live in.— There you will not have one inch but the com- 
mon street; whereas you have been used to large and 
fine gardens, in which you much delighted. And how 
tired you will be of such trash as you provide, instead 
of the plentiful provision of his table. Before you have 
lived so for six months, I will engage you will wish 
yourself back again, and your religion out of the way." 
But was it so? O Lord, thou knowest! " Thou didst 
feed me as with the finest wheat flour, and with water 
out of the stony rock did thou satisfy me." All I could 
want, all I could desire, was bountifully supplied. When 
I have sometimes been reflecting on my situation, in- 
ward and outward, I have remembered that word, The 
meek shall inherit the earth. Glory be to thee, O Lord, 
Thou hast meekened my spirit, and thou makest me to 
possess all things. Often I have said in amazement — 
What can I fear? I have no desire: the will of God 
swallows up all! My Jesus and my all! my Jesus and 
my all for ever! 



END OF THE FIRST PART. 

4* 



PART THE SECOND. 



Her Removal to Layton-stone. 

I experienced daily more and more of the tender care 
of the Almighty; and often felt those words with power, 

" No fondest parent's anxious breast 
Yearns like thy God's to make thee blest." 

Every want was supplied before I could ask it; nay, 
many times before I was conscious of the want. My 
maid was but dull and ignorant, though a good girl; and 
I knew little more of the world than she did, having 
been used to so different a way of life. My health, and 
many concerns needed a care I did not know how to 
take. But if at any time such an idea would offer to 
my mind, I checked it in a moment with that thought' — 
I have the gospel. I have freedom to serve God; I have 
spiritual blessings. What more can I need? and truly, 
I rather saw than felt my wants. Nevertheless, now and 
then, I have said, Would not a steady faithful friend be a 
great advantage to me? — One who could lead me into a 
deeper acquaintance with God. But I sought it not: all 
my cares on Him were cast, and in his will I found my 
resting-place, and in quietness and confidence was my 
strength. 

At this juncture I received a letter from Mrs. Ryan, 
informing me she was coming up to London. She had 
left Bristol Room some time before, her health not per- 
mitting her to continue in that place. She informed me 
she was settled in a lodging, but she saw it her duty to 
come up to London a few months for my sake; "for I 
reap (said she) of your substance, and so do many; but 
the Lord shows me that at present you suffer for the 



PART II.] MRS. FLETCHER. 43 

want of a friend, (referring to what I had written to ker) 
and I think he has ripened and confirmed that solid 
spark of friendship, which was so long ago kindled in 
our breasts towards each other. It seems to me as if 
the Lord had laid your burden on me, as he once com- 
mitted the care of Mary to Joseph, and afterward to the 
favourite disciple." She concluded — 

" Jesus, to thy preserving care, 

My choicest blessing I commend; 
Receive, and on thy bosom bear 

The soul whom thou hast made my friend." 

I spread my friend's letter before the Lord, and praised 
him for laying my burden on the heart of one whom I 
knew to be a favourite of Heaven. I answered, that I 
should be very glad to see her. She had not been long 
at her sister's before she was seized with a violent dis- 
order which we thought would end in death. I visited 
her often, and with much profit. Mrs. M. being taken 
ill also, and only one servant to attend them both, I be- 
lieved it my duty to be with her night and day; and the 
Lord gave me such strength and ability for it, as I had 
never found before. I felt his peculiar smile on my 
employment, and those words which had formerly made 
such an impression on my mind, were now continually 
before me, 

" O that my Lord would count me meet 

To wash his dear disciples 5 feet. 

After my lowly Lord to go, 

And wait upon his saints below: 
Enjoy the grace to angels given, 
And serve the royal heirs of heavem" 

4s she slept little, we conversed much; and our hearts 
were united as David and Jonathan's. The spirit of 
community which reigned in the church at Jerusalem, I 
felt a taste of; and from that time to her death, the cold 
words of mine and thine, were never known between us. 
A circumstance which now occurred unexpectedly con- 
strained her to remove. I took her home with me, but 
■ ill I had inquired of the Lord, well knowing how 



44 THE LIFE OF [PART II. 

much the progress of the divine life depends on our pri 
vate connexions. Unless much caution is used between 
persons living together, they are often a great hinder- 
ance to each other. 

After a time the Lord was pleased to restore her to 
health; and having one heart, one mind, and one purse, 
we agreed that one habitation also would be most pro- 
fitable. The Lord had given us to feel that union which 
even death itself could not dissolve. I have often thought 
on those words of Solomon, " A faithful friend is the 
medicine of life; and he that fears the Lord shall find 
him." Some however objected — " Your income is as 
yet but small; you wish to be useful; why then did you 
not choose, as a friend, one who had some fortune to 
unite with your own, and that might have enlarged your 
sphere?" I answered, I did not choose at all. I stood 
still, saw, and followed the order of God. And if my 
means had been enlarged in money, and lessened in 
grace, what should I have gained by that; I acknow- 
ledge I neither gained honour, gold, nor indulgence to 
the flesh, by uniting myself to a sickly persecuted saint; 
but I gained such a spiritual helper as I shall eternally 
praise God for. Many are the advocates of friendship. 
Many will say, with Dr. Young, 

"Poor is the friendless master of a world. 
A world in purchase for a friend is gain." 

But they refuse the sacrifice demanded by that friend- 
ship, and forget the following lines, 

" But, for whom blossoms this elysian flower? 
Can gold gain friendship ? Impudence of hope! 
As well mere man an angel might beget 
Love, and love only, is the loan for love. 
Delusive pride repress — •. 

Nor hope to find a friend, but. who hath found 
A friend in thee." 

We continued together at Hoxton some time. When 
1 was about twenty-three, the people of Layton-stone 
were much laid on my mind. I had both my birth and 
maintenance from that place, and I could not help 



PART II.] MRS. FLETCHER 45 

thinking I owed something to their souls. Yet I saw 
the way very difficult. My parents permitted me to be 
often with thern, and seemed pretty well reconciled to 
my manner of life, while at a distance. But how, thought 
I, will it appear in their eyes, to bring the preachers 
they so much object to, within a mile of their house? I 
thought I should not now be called to offend them any 
further. Cannot the Lord, if he sees good, send the 
Gospel to those people some other way? Thus I put it 
from my mind again and again; yet a strange love for 
those souls in that place would spring up in my heart; 
and when I said, Lord, send by whom ihou wilt send, 
but not by me! Those words again presented them- 
selves, " He that loveth father or mother more than me, 
is not worthy of me." 

About this time a house of my own at Layton-stone, 
became untenanted. My friend as well as myself, saw 
many reasons for our removing to that place. We 
prayed much about it, and I asked the Lord to show us 
clearly his will; and at length felt from the Lord, First, 
A liberty to believe, that if my father did absolutely for- 
bid my coming, I was not required to do it. Secondly, 
I knew God did not require impossibilities: I had not 
yet an income sufficient for living in that place. I ask 
ed, therefore, as a further mark, the settling an affair, 
which kept me out of part of my fortune, occasioned by 
a flaw in the making of my grandmother's will. I had 
taken some pains about this affair before, but to no pur- 
pose. However I slightly mentioned it again, and it 
was settled directly. Then I made known to my father 
my thought about living at Layton-stone. I used no de- 
ception; but told him plainly the end I proposed in so 
doing, my mother being present. He made not the 
least objection, only added with a smile, "If a mob 
should pull your house about your ea^s, I cannot hinder 
them." We waited before the Lord, believing it was 
his call, and held ourselves in readiness for immediate 
obedience. One night I dreamed I was in one of my 
houses there, in company with all kinds of people, rich 
and poor, most of whom appeared very ungodly. It 
was strongly impressed on my mind to speak to them, 



46 THE LIFE OF [PART II. 

but I started from the thought, and said, with emotion, 
Lord, what do I here among this people; for they are 
not thy people, and what am I to do with them? I then 
beheld the Lord Jesus stand as just before me. The 
awful majesty of his presence had such an effect on me 
as I cannot express! . It seemed to me I sunk down be- 
fore him as if I were sweetly melting into nothing. I 
saw no shining brightness, or any thing darling to the 
eye. He appeared only as a man clothed in white; yet 
to my mind there was what I cannot put into words. It 
was a sense of his purity! I; m s the glory of holiness 
which so overcame me! There seemed but ahout one 
yard distance between my Saviour and me — when he 
spake with a voice, clear and distinct, these word?: " I 
will send thee to a people, that are not a people, and I 
will go with thee. Bring them unto me, for I will lay 
my hand upon them and heal them. Fear not, onlv 
believe!" 

When the immediate presence of my Lord was with- 
drawn, I thought that I repeated, ¥ us, to the peo- 
ple what he had spoken to me. Many mocked and 
derided; but a few expressed a desire of being separated 
from the others to hear the word. I endeavoured to had 
a place to meet them in, and in order to do so. I was 
constrained to walk over a piece of building, where the 
floor did not seem thicker than a wafer. When I had 
passed it, I looked back, and said — not a splinter has 
given way under my feet. Turning my face towards 
the lane, I saw a funeral, and awaked with that w 
powerfully applied, The mouth of the Lord hath spoken 
it. I found myself in a sweet delightful peace. Soul 
and body seemed all attracted into a divine fa 
When sufficiently come to myself to speak. I -.ill s:s:er 
Ryan, (who slept with me,) all that had passed. She 
replied — " This night, both sleeping and waking. I have 
been much occupied with these words — I will go before 
you, and humble the great ones of the earth." 

This was in the year sixty-three. On March the 24th 
the same year, we removed to Lay ton-stone. From the 
first hour we found much of the presence of God; and 
stood still to see his salvation. In order to supply the 



PART II.] MRS FLETCHER. 47 

want of public means, (which we could not have but 
when we went to London) we agreed to spend an hour 
every night together in spiritual reading and prayer. A 
poor woman with whom I had formerly talked, came to 
ask if she might come in when we made prayer? We 
told her, at seven every Thursday night, she should be 
welcome. She soon brought two or three more, and 
they others, till in a short time our little company in- 
creased to twenty-five. One night, just before the time 
of meeting, a poor woman called with a basket of cakes 
to sell. On our refusing to buy any, she stood still a 
long time at the gate. We began to converse with her 
about her soul, when she expressed a great desire to stay 
the meeting, and in so doing was so greatly blest, that 
she would fain have left us part of her goods in return. 
We now thought it would be well to converse with each 
in particular, and that the time was come for it. Some 
few were offended, and came no more; but most appear- 
ed under conviction, and these we appointed to meet on 
Tuesday night, reserving the Thursday for the public 
meeting, which still kept increasing, and in which we 
read a chapter, and sometimes spoke from it. 

The first time we met on Tuesday nio-ht two were 
set at liberty. We now thought it expedient to apply 
to Mr. Wesley for a preacher. He approved our plan, 
and sent Mr. Murlin the next Sunday; and within a 
fortnight, we had twenty-five joined in society. Much 
opposition now arose from all sides, (though more from 
the rich than the poor,; and one Thursday night, as 1 was 
speaking to a pretty large company in my own kitchen, 
the bell at the fore-gate was rung very hard. Our servant, 
who was a pious woman, went to see who was there. In 
the mean time, four shabby-loolyng men, with great sticks 
in their hands, came in at the back-door, and so into the 
kitchen. The servant soon returned with some emotion, 
and whispered me, t; It is Mr. W. who is come to inform 
you, you must, if you please, break off, for here is a 
great mob coming; and the ringleaders are four men with 
clubs." Turning to the people, I answered her aloud, 
11 0, we do not mind mobs, when we are about our Mas- 
ter's business." Greater is he that is for us, than all that 



48 THE LIFE OF [PART II. 

can be against as. I then went on till I had concluded 
my subject. Having a few of the rules of the society, 
which I intended to disperse that night, I addressed 
nyself first to the four men who stood before me, ex- 
plaining what they were, and asked if they would choose 
to accept one? They received them with a respectful 
bow, and went out. Who they were, and what was 
their purpose, I know not to this day. We heard no 
more of the mob. At this time the hand of the Lord 
was much with us, supporting and comforting us under 
every trial. There was only my friend Ryan, myself, 
tire maid, and Sally Lawrence, a child about four years 
old, whom I had just before taken from the side of her 
mother's coffin into our house. On one side it was 
open to the forest, and I know not that one of the 
awakened people lived within a mile of us. We were 
as on a desert alone, but the Lord was with us, and pre- 
served us beneath his love's almighty shade. The enemy 
came, however, to the length of his chain. Sometimes 
on Sundays, when the nights were dark, after the society 
meeting, a mob used to collect at the gate, and throw 
dirt at the people as they went out; and when they were 
gone, they used to come into the yard, break some trifles 
they found there, and putting up their faces to a window 
which had no shutters, roar and howl like wild beasts. 

And now another dispensation was opening before us. 
From the time I was seventeen, some drawing towards 
the care of children had dwelt on my mind. I felt the 
same desire now as at that time, to become in every sense 
a servant of the church. Those words were still with 
me, "If she hath lodged strangers; if she hath brought 
up children; if she have relieved the afflicted; and dili- 
gently followed after every good w r ork." Yet I was 
truly sensible no work was good but as being done in 
the will and order of God. We therefore entreated the 
Lord to discover to us all his sacred will from day to day, 
and not suffer us in any degree to err therefrom. 

Various leadings of Providence, both inward and out- 
ward, drew us to think of the rising generation with 
more than common tenderness. Our abilities w r ere small; 
yet perhaps a few children we could educate, without 



PART II.] MRS. FLETCHER. 49 

interrupting the order of God in our call towards the 
grown people. We determined, however, to take none 
but destitute orphans, that no one might interrupt our 
plan of education. We were not unconscious, that to 
change the heart belongs to God, but at the same time 
we remembered, there was a blessing promised to " the 
training up a child in the way it should go," and that a 
degree of knowledge, with a capacity of getting their 
bread in an honest way, has, under God, rescued many 
from destruction. Some such objects now presented 
themselves, and we received them, one after another, in 
the name of the Lord. We however refused many, 
taking only those concerning whom there appeared a 
particular call of Providence. 

For a good while, our family consisted of one servant, 
six orphans, and ourselves; but we found it took up too 
much of our time to have the whole care of them alone; 
especially as my friend Ryan was often confined by ill- 
ness. We therefore took a pious young woman, named 
Ann Tripp, who desired to devote herself to God, in a 
closer walk than the generality of believers. She was 
placed as governess over the children, whose number 
continued to increase. Some serious women also were 
added to our household, and each had their duties and 
employments assigned them. In the whole we received 
thirty-five children, and thirty-four grown persons, but 
not all at one time. 

We now found work enough on our hands, and wished 
to free ourselves from all needless cares. As well there- 
fore to answer that end, as to avoid conformity to the 
world, we thought it best to have but one dress. We 
fixed on a dark purple cotton, of which we had many 
pieces stamped; and ourselves, with the whole family, 
wore nothing else. We had a large hall, and in it a 
table five yards long, at which we ate together. There 
also we assembled for morning and evening devotion, 
and on several other occasions. But in general, the 
children were in the nursery, and the other sistera in 
their own apartments. 

When my family began thus to increase, I must ac- 
knowledge, it was by no means proportionate to my in- 
5 



50 THE LIFE OF [PART II. 

come, but it appeared to me, I had a peculiar call from 
the Lord to take the steps I did; and we began with a 
degree of the same spirit which is expressed in a book, 
entitled "The Footsteps of Divine Providence;" giving 
an account of the Orphan-house at Halle in Germany, 
raised by Professor Francke. 

This plan I would advise no one to follow, unless they 
felt what I did; for certainly justice goes before charity; 
and there is very seldom a real call from God to give 
more than we have. But it must be observed, though 
my income was inadequate to the undertaking, I had a 
considerable capital. So that I was not at present in 
danger of debt. The risk I ran was, of spending my 
capital, and being left without a maintenance. But the 
Lord seemed to assure me I should not thus be deserted, 
and that by many and various ways. 

We now set ourselves to inquire of the Lord, how 
we should train up these children to his glory: and a 
few out of many reflections which occurred to my mind, 
I will endeavour to set down. But T must observe, first, 
as most of our children were naked, full of vermin, and 
some afflicted with distempers, the first thing was to 
clean and clothe them, and attend to their health; which 
usually was followed with much success. At the same 
time, we endeavoured to bring them to an outward con- 
formity of manners to the rules of the house, and to some 
courtesy of behaviour. This was not difficult, as a child 
naturally falls in with what it sees in others. The second 
attempt was to fix on their minds, that we had no mo- 
tives in receiving them into our house, but that of love; 
love to their souls and bodies. We wished to save their 
bodies from misery, and their souls from eternal de- 
struction. 

With respect to the strangers, we endeavoured to lead 
them to a view of the love of God, observing it was his 
love which caused ours. He put it into our heart, he 
brought them in our way, and from His hand came their 
every blessing. That the end of the Lord in bringing 
them into our house, was to learn that great truth, that 
they should never die. Their bodies must die, and rest 
in the grave; but they themselves would be for ever 



PART II.] MRS. FLETCHER. 51 

alive, and hear, see, think, and know; feel pleasure, or 
pain, and that for ever. We inculcated, that the end of 
their learning this lesson, was to make them happy, and 
to prevent their being miserable, since in a very short 
space of time they must enter into the one or the other 
state, and that to all eternity. 

We continually impressed on the minds of the chil- 
dren, that the only way to be happy was to be like God; 
to love what he loved, and to hate what he hated; but 
that was not their present state. They were now like 
the devil, and loved what he loved. If they were injured 
they loved to revenge, and could hardly forget the offence 
any one offered them. When angry, they would cry 
and sob, and be almost choked; but when did they find 
themselves so affected in thinking about the Lord Jesus? 
Did His love and sufferings come again and again to 
their mind, so that they could not forget them? And 
when did they cry and sob, because they had sinned 
against so good a God? It w r as plain, therefore, they 
were as yet the devil's children, and their minds and af- 
fections obeyed him only. We therefore declared, that 
whenever we saw these marks of the devil's power on 
their hearts, we would tell them of it; but if they would 
still obey him rather than God, we would then add unto 
our words correction; making them feel pain, that the 
impression might be strong, and more lasting; and that 
they must never resent nor resist those corrections, for 
it was more painful for us to give, than it could be for 
them to receive them. But seeing it was for their profk, 
and our duty to do it, they must take each correction 
not only with patience, but thankfulness; for we should 
make it a point of conscience, never to correct, or even 
to contradict them, but with consideration and prayer, 
having always that lesson before our eyes, 



' That mercy I to others show, 
That mercy show to me. 5 ' 



Nor were these observations altogether without fruit; 
for I do not remember one child I ever had, that if we 
ordered her to receive correction by the rod, (which was 
not often,) would not lie down in silence as a lamb, and 



52 THE LIFE OF [PART II. 

afterward, yea, immediately after, come and kiss us. We 
observed, that all our instructions would avail them 
nothing, unless their hearts were changed; and that 
none but Jesus Christ could do that; but He was ready 
and willing, and assuredly would do it, if they cried to 
him for it. 

From the above hints, various occasions presented to 
point out the nature of salvation through Christ alone, 
and the necessity of a renewed nature, in order to be ca- 
pable of the enjoyment of heaven. 

One day, a little beggar girl, whom we had taken in 
about a week before, showed some of the vicious dispo- 
sitions which had been nursed up in her by evil company. 
On repetition, she received correction. When the chil- 
dren were alone, (as they thought,) she began to com- 
plain of her hard fate, saying, " if they love us, why do 
they whip us?" A little one, about six years old, replied. 
" Why, it is because they love us, and it is to make us 
remember what a sad thing sin is; and God would be 
angry with them if they did not do so. Do you not re- 
member the chapter my mistress read about Eli?" In- 
deed I had various proofs that it is not so hard a thin? 
to convince the judgment of children as some may think; 
and a right judgment is a good step towards right affec- 
tions. 

As we intended them to work for their bread, either 
as servants, or in little trades, we endeavoured as early 
as possible to inure them to labour, early rising, and 
cleanliness. The eldest of the children arose between 
four and five, the younger not much later. At half an 
hour after six, we had family prayer. At seven, we 
breakfasted together on herb tea, or milk porridge. The 
small children then went into the garden till eight. At 
eight the bell rang for school, which continued till twelve. 
Then, after a few minutes spent in prayer, they came 
down to us; at which time we either walked out with 
them, or if the weather did not permit, we found them 
some employment in the house, endeavouring at the 
same time to give them both instruction and recreation. 
We invented various employments for those hours, in 
order to remove the appearance of idleness, as from the 



PART II.] MRS. FLETCHER. 



53 



first we endeavoured to impress that lesson on their 
minds — "An idle person is the devil's cushion, on which 
he rolls at pleasure." Likewise, that in the choice of 
their employments, they should always prefer those that 
were most useful, and be always able to render a reason 
for every thing they did. At one we dined; about two 
the bell rang again for school, and at five they returned 
to us, and were employed as before till supper-time. 
Then, after family prayer, they were washed, and put to 
bed by eight. Four or five of the bigger girls were each 
week kept out of the school by turns, and employed in 
house-work, cooking, &c. that they might be accus- 
tomed to every sort of business; and there was work 
enough in so large a family. Several of the children 
were very young, though I do not remember we had any 
under two years, except one of about a month old, 
which was laid, very neatly dressed, one night late at 
our door; but it lived only a fortnight, being full of hu- 
mours, too probably derived from its parents. 

We now found great need of wisdom and patience. 
We had, I think, never more than ten grown persons in 
the family at one time, who were not invalids; nor do I 
ever remember above five or six altogether in health. 
The children also for the first few years, laboured under 
various disorders; for we did not refuse either old or 
young on account of being sick and helpless; in the end 
all recovered who came infirm. We sometimes had 
much to do, for the care of the sick, the management of 
eighteen or twenty children, with various meetings, and 
the needful attention to the work of God in a new raised 
society; with the reception of the number of strangers 
who visited us on spiritual accounts, occasioned those of 
us, who had the work of God at heart, a good deal of 
labour and suffering. 

Various reproaches now began to roll upon us. It was 
reported that we intended to bring up these children for 
nuns. That we were too rigid and exact to our own 
rules. Some objected, It is all carnal wisdom; you 
cannot change their hearts, and education will only make 
them more guilty before God. Others, that we were 
idle, and buried ourselves alive, because we did not live 
5* 



54 THE LIFE OF [PABT II. 

in London. But the reproach that came the nearest to 
me was this — She talks of the poverty of the holy Jesus; 
(alluding to a little book I had printed,) let us see her 
work at a trade as he did, and that would make her for- 
tune go further. Would any one with such a capital 
live only on the interest, when by trade they might 
double it every year? Several came and talked with 
me on the subject; saying, if you do not go into some 
business, you' will be brought to the parish in your old 
age. I replied, I understand no business; and I fear 
to lose what I have, instead of increasing it. They re- 
plied again, Then ask light of them who do understand it. 
Take some partner, let such have the care, and you find 
the money. I was wearied with letters and disputes on 
this head. However, I laid it before the Lord; and felt 
I was willing, if it would glorify him, to sweep the ken- 
nels. It may seem strange why any thus interfered in 
our affairs; but our undertaking was new, and quite out 
of the common way. This drew all sorts of company, 
of various sects and denominations. Some loved me, 
and wished to bring me over to what they thought the 
better way. Others were moved by curiosity; some 
by the love of dispute, others by interest, offering their 
assistance; and some, perhaps, by that spirit which the 
seed of the serpent will always manifest. But another, 
and perhaps the chief reason was, I believe, the order of 
a wise and gracious Providence. I was called to walk 
wholly by faith; indeed it appeared a strange call, and 
humanly speaking, could end no way but in a prison. I 
was therefore permitted to have every kind of discou- 
ragement, and to be brought into many and deep per- 
plexities, that the faithfulness of God might shine more 
conspicuous, as will be seen in the sequel. 

But to return to the children. When actual sin was 
committed at any time, (minor faults were generally 
overlooked,) it was set down on paper by sister Tripp, 
and presented in a meeting held every Friday at twelve 
o'clock. The whole family were called together at that 
time, and after praying for the light and presence of the 
Lord, we entered into a consultation how to prevent a 
relapse into the same crime; and that the displeasure of 



PART II.] MRS. FLETCHER. 55 

the Almighty might be removed, we always endeavoured 
to make our reasons appear clear before we either ac- 
quitted or condemned. Very frequently there appeared 
a spirit of repentance, so that the exhortation was fol- 
lowed by forgiveness. We then spent some time toge- 
ther in a family meeting, of which I will speak more 
particularly in another place. 

One day a sweet little child, about seven years old, 
(who, I hope, at this time both fears and loves God,) 
had stolen something. We consulted what must be done 
to prevent a repetition of her sin. At these times we 
always adapted our conversation to the capacity of the 
little criminal. One said, I have read in the Bible, that 
the offending member ought to be cut off, and cast away. 
This gave rise to several useful reflections; after which 
we agreed there were but three ways, either to cut off 
the offender from the family, or to pray to God to bring 
her to repentance, or leave her in her sins. After some 
conversation with her, the second was agreed on; and 
we joined in prayer that the Lord would graciously in- 
terpose, and save her. The meeting being that day in 
the evening instead of the usual time, as soon as it was 
over, they were sent up to be washed, in order to go to 
bed. (This was on June the seventh, 1764.) Betty 
Lawrence, about eleven years old, had been much af- 
fected while we were talking to H. O., the.child above- 
mentioned. She had shown some concern a few days 
before, when I was speaking -of the spirituality of the 
commandments. The children being alone, and not 
knowing they were overheard, Betty said, "Let us pray 
forHannarr s soul!" She then prayed in a very affecting 
manner. Afterward one, about eight years old, pleaded 
much for the forgiveness of Hannah's sin; but added, 
Lord, do not let us think so much about her sin, as to 
forget our own. Lord, do not let us laugh and trifle, 
and talk of foolish things as soon as we rise off our 
knees; but make us Christians. Another then thanked 
God for their good corrections and teachings, and said, 
If we are not Christians, we shall be more punished 
than others. After some time sister Tripp went in to 
see them to bed; but first went to prayer with them for 



56 THE LIFE OF [PAKT II 

, a few minutes. The spirit of conviction now fell on 
Betty Lawrence in an extraordinary manner. We came 
up, and found her in a great agony; she was the very 
picture of terror. The veins of her neck were as if 
they would burst. She wrung her hands, and cried 
with a bitter cry, O my sins! O my sins! I believe more 
than a hundred times. She then broke out into such a 
confession of her original corruption and actual sins, as 
quite amazed us; adding, Oh! I have never done any 
thing to please thee in all my life. I have broken all 
thy laws; I have not kept thy commandments; Lord, I 
have kept the devil's commandments! May such a 
wretch come to thee, Lord? Wilt thou receive me, 
Lord? Wilt thou pardon me? Wilt thou make me a 
Christian? Tell me, Lord, shall I go to heaven or hell? 
Tell me, Lord, shall I go to heaven or hell? Wilt thou 
make me a Christian? Wilt thou pardon all my sins? 
She then paused awhile, her eyes fixed upwards, and 
her face as in a flame; then added, but with a softer 
voice, Yes, he will, he will! But wilt thou, Lord? Yes, 
thou wilt, thou wilt! Mr. Born ford being that night 
with us, gave out a hymn; she now seemed quite calm. 
The horror which before appeared on her countenance 
was gone, and had left a sweet smile. After remaining 
some time in this posture, she said, Jesus is smiling 
upon me! She afterward told us, she had a view as of 
Christ upon the cross, smiling upon her and saying, 
"I have pardoned all your sins, and if you pray, I will 
give you abundant love.' 5 She then broke out, Oh! what 
a sweet Saviour he is! He hath forgiven me all my sins! 
All, all, Lord! Thou hast, thou wilt forgive them. But, 
O Lord, let them be perfectly forgiven. But shall I evei 
sin again? Shall 1 ever sin again? Oh! do not let me 
sin again — Oh! what a sweet Saviour thou art! What 
sweet love is thine! Oh! more such love as thine! More 
such love as thine! But do not let me sin again! Fill 
me with love, that I may not sin again! We were the 
more surprised at all this, because she was a child of a 
remarkably dull apprehension, and had no liberty in ex- 
pressing herself on any subject. But striking as the 
scene was (far more so than I can describe,) it was noth- 



PART II.] MRS. FLETCHER. 57 

ing to the change that followed. She was naturally of 
a very bad temper, but now, it might indeed be said, 

" Love made her willing- feet 
In swift obedience move." 

So great was the change, in both understanding and will, 
as plainly declared the hand that had wrought it. 

The Lord was pleased at this season to give his word 
success, both among the people who attended the preach- 
ing, and in the family. But our house was too strait, 
and needed some enlargement, and a good deal of re- 
pairs. It therefore occurred to my mind, as we had so 
many visitants, to take another step, and put up a poors 
box, like Professor Francke, in Germany. But I found 
some difficulty. I thought my relations will object to 
it; and, in short, I found it more easy to give than to 
receive. But I saw the order of God in the plan, and 
that was enough. Accordingly w T e put it up in the hall, 
with this inscription, "For the maintenance of a few 
poor orphans, that they may be brought up in the fear 
of the Lord." Difficulties now began to gather as clouds 
about us. Workmen must be paid; a family far too 
large for my income, to support; with a variety of ex- 
penses in carrying on the w r ork, assisting their poverty, 
<fec. One day it was suggested, Surely I am w r rong; 
God will not appear for me in this undertaking. I told 
my mind to some friends, who said, "This is the very 
thing we always saw; you will find in the end it is all 
a delusion. In two or three years, you will turn out 
all these people and children to the wide world; and in 
your old age, you will be without the necessaries of life." 
I heard them with attention, and only replied, "If it be 
a delusion, I meant well, believing it to be the will of 
God." 

I carried it to the Lord in prayer, when the following 
thoughts were impressed on my mind. If Christ was 
now upon earth, and in want of food and raiment, should 
I be afraid to give him mine, for fear of wanting it myself? 
Should I not rather say, Let all I have be brought out 
as a sacrifice to my Lord: he is well able to repay me; 
and if he do not see it best so to do, then let us suffer 



58 THE LIFE OF [PABT II 

together. I saw the eas : the v. : was he same, (as 

far as he had called me :: help them, end that my Lord 
had said, Inasmuch as ye ha them, y* 

have done it i . Hera '.._ ;ht broke inftc my mind, 

which quite satisfied mc and dispelled every :d:-ud. I 
cried out, " Lore , thy will is gh Thou hast bid me 

love my neighbour as ray 

mine; my si lbs tanee theirs.'' Rising From my knees. I 
took up the Like, when rii. v. 23, 

I found i: hat verse, tc I : . . ;- _ . of the chapter . ; e - 
parts come as a m a He?, 

to the d . Thou sb It - at 

away iniquity fai n : : hy tal L :. d . 
lay up gold as the c Id of Ophir, as the 

stones >fthe brook. Yea, the Almighty shall be 
fence, and thou she.: have i f boa shalt 

decree a thing, ed unto thee; and 

the light shall shine on thy were 

wrote as with a diamond ] end in all my 

trials, I could never give the confidence I then re- 

ceived, that I should me lay see them :::: -hed. 

Sister Ryan one day said :: me, "We si .-.'.'. have 
such a sum to pay on Saturday ni eh:. ; ne: be> 

ter borrow it : such a Mend, til] your mes 

in?" We attempted so to do, but were pointed. 

Being on my knees at prayer, I ee:e' book before 
me on the table, and : my eyes m these words, 
" Christ charges him; ill your temporal affairs, 

while you charge yourself with those which relate to 
his glory.' 1 I dosed my eyes, : continued praying; 
when to the eye of re; . seemed as if : le Lord 

Jesus stood just by me. and spoke again those words to 
my hear*, with su sh a : wei as i v e : w : y evea y care 
Before I got off my knees, I \ .-;= called iown :: speak 
to a man, who asked for me; e 1 who, through a pro- 
vidence too Long to repeat brought me just the sum 1 
wanted. 

The box began now to he helpful tx as; end this year 
in the m: - ::' en: great expenses, en uncle gave me 
two hundred end nny ^emees. d opening the 



PART II. j MRS- FLETCHEJl. 59 

box, we found a guinea wrapped up in a letter; its con- 
tents were as follows: — 

" My Dear Child, 

" With much pleasure I have heard of your charita- 
ble undertaking, which I pray God to bless and to suc- 
ceed. Be never discouraged; though Divine Provi- 
dence should exercise you at times, even with many 
great and alarming difficulties; for this is frequently the 
way in which God leads his children, in order to prove 
their faith and patience. But even supposing he should 
not succeed this affair, according to your present plan, 
yet he will never fail to bless those who sincerely en- 
deavour to promote his honour, the kingdom of the Lord 
Jesus, and the good of souls. I desire you will accept 
the inclosed, and that you would set me down an annual 
contributor of the same sum. May the Lord Jesus 
Christ be with all of us! Forget us not in your prayers. 
" I am, with respect and regard, 
" Your very affectionate friend, 

a y. P." 

In another paper was a guinea enclosed, with these 
words — " I have felt your burden, and should be thank- 
ful you had more help. But perhaps it is the will of 
God concerning you, to give you day by day your daily 
I read. I pray him to be with you.'' 

Indeed we daily experienced many mercies. We had 
an household as 'a flock of sheep. Sometimes when we 
were sitting down to table, that word would came sweetly 
to our minds — 

" Part of his family are we, 
His family of love." 

But above all other temporal goods, I saw the blessing 
of my friend Ryan. It would have been impossible for 
me to have acted this part alone; I had neither grace 
nor ability for it; but the Lord gave her to me, as a 
mother. In all the active part of this undertaking, she 
was the main spring. It is true, the light in forming the 



60 THE LIFE OF [PART II. 

f}lans was given to me: but had it not been for hei reao- 
ution and diligence, they would nevei s been br<: o y':.\ 
into execution. Notwithstanding her iL .: k 

amazing what she went through, both in overl king and 
working with her own hands. She was roied 

to God; and though I saw her at that time as a oftosf 
precious gift of Heaven to me, I was no: 
-sensible of her inestimable worth. 

About this time a young lady, with whom I had been 
acquainted, came to board with ei residing about 

half a year, she had a great desire to make a new will, 
in order to leave me a large sum of u nd aeskc I 

me to recommend a lawyer to do it, as r~ded 

to visit Bath. I told her, I could not sec it righl thai site 
should do so, as she was at a distance from her relalioi 
had not sufficiently proved us; and might afterward 
change her mind. But my strongest - she 

had told me that in her p: . she the balk 

of her estate, (which was large j to charitable uses; and 
l had no desire to monopolize (benches :; mother, 
since my gracious Lord had given dm .d to 

part with all that was my own. She had . ~ : children 
under her care, whom she desired should be brought 
into our house; we accordingly re: ei : Several 

other expenses we entered into on her room 

wrote a codicil to her will, leaving me two thousand 
pounds, adding, if she lived to return tc father the 

following spring, she should do much more. I freely 
consented to the codicil, as I then tfa night it at reason- 
able, my expenses on her account being e onandcr ahle. 
But in October, 1766, she grew suddenly very ill, and 
her death seemed near. The codicil then lay ranch on 
our minds. I thought God's cause may be eproached 
through this; and what is two thousand : rands, :: two 
hundred thousand, when compare : I me n :f my 

God. Had it been done unknown to me, I should not 
have scrupled it. But as I had consented, I thovghl :; 
would not be right to let it stand. Hiatal Ryan thought 
the same. We therefore prevailed on hei .: lei ns burn 
it. She was very unwilling, saying, " Had I lived to 



PART II.] MRS. FLETCHER. 61 

have made my will, I should have given you much more, 
for I know God is with you." 

She had been some years awakened, and joined to the 
Methodist society. After she had found the love of 
God, she walked in the way of self-denial and devoted- 
ness to God, according to her clearest light, for some 
time; and was in many things a striking pattern. She 
then sunk into a state of conflict, God revealing the in- 
bred sin of her heart, and her spirit being oppressed by 
a constant bodily disorder, (supposed to be a polypus 
in the heart.) she often lost her shield, and was ready 
to think she had never had any work of God on her soul. 
About four months before her death,. Satan assaulted her 
with many temptations. Sister Ryan advised her to 
take one hour every day for prayer, whether she should 
feel power attend her words or not; adding, My soul for 
yours, if you persevere, you shall shortly see the sal- 
vation of God. She received the word as from the 
Lord, and began the work in good earnest, but to her 
own feeling she grew darker and darker. Nevertheless 
we could discern a change. She grew more open, and 
told us of some snares which beset her, and which the 
had even thought of giving way to, adding, she saw r her- 
self worse and worse, till she was taken with her last 
illness, which continued but three days. Her soul 
seemed then very dark, and greatly did she lament the 
loss of that assurance she had formerly enjoyed. Yet 
she was not without hope; but still cried out, " O that 
I had but lived closer to God! I see I have not used my 
privileges as I ought. O what a work have I now to 
do! O it is hard work to do in sickness — it is bad w T ork 
to do in sickness!" Sister Ryan, said, " My dear, I have 
no doubt but that God will finish his work." " O, (re- 
plied she) but I cannot believe it, I do not believe it for 
myself. O sister Ryan, I have had a thought in my 
heart, — If I had taken a certain step, to have laid the 
blame on you; for I thought, as you are so much under 
reproach among the half-hearted, I should be more readily 
believed, and now that stares me in the face." Some 
time after, she said, — " O my soul! my soul! I do not 
know where my soul is going!" — Sister Ryan said, 
6 



62 THE LIFE OF [PART II. 

" My dear, I believe the Lord will come to your help 
this night; — I feel such an impression of it, I think I 
must set up and wrestle for you all night." She looked 
at her, and was silent. A few minutes after, she cried 
out, " O what a sweet word is come to me! I have nof 
had such a word a long time. When you said you 
would, stay and wrestle for me all night, I found a little 
comfort, but now it comes, — The effectual fervent prayer 
of a righteous man availeth much. We were greatly 
affected, and set by her in solemn silent prayer. She 
appeared to continue in a waiting posture for about half 
an hour, when she broke out in the following manner, 
(but with such a sweet and awful reverence as I cannot 
express.) " O now I know T shall be with Christ for 
ever! Yes, I shall, I shall come to thee, Lord. — I shall 
be with thee for ever! O for ever! for ever! for ever!— 
Yes! I shall be with thee for ever!" After recovering 
her breath a little, she addressed herself to the young 
women who were in the room, exhorting them to know 
and use their privileges. ;t You are (said she) in a 
good situation, you will never be in a better. O my 
dears, be open, be open! Cover no temptation, and be 
all in earnest. I was a fool, and a double fool, that I 
did not live closer to God, and use more self-denial. I 
see great degrees of glory I have lost." After a little 
rest, she said — " O! how good is God! If I had strength 
I would write it all. How vile I have been, and what a 
salvation I now feel!" Then turning to me, she added — 
" But sister Bosanquet, do it; and I charge you cover 
nothing; in particular my unkind thoughts of sister 
Ryan. I charge you, I charge you! — Well," she added, 
" I shall see you all in Heaven. I trust I shall see, I 
know I shall see you there. O take courage, my dear, 
take courage; do not. be cast down at the difficulties of 
your situation. Fear nobody; God will stand by you. 
0,lie will take care of this family." About ten o'clock 
at night, she said, " I shall be happy! I know I shall be 
as happy as I am capable of being! But I see great de- 
grees of glory I have stopped short of. O that I had 
laid up more treasure in Heaven!" She then cried out, 
" my money! my cursed money' what an account 



PART II. J MRS. FLETCHER. 63 

shall I have to give of that! But Jesus has washed 
away all." This seemed the more strange, as she had 
from the first been a most liberal giver. But she ex- 
plained herself to mean, with respect to the choice of 
objects which she had laid it out upon. She lamented 
much she had not altered her will, saying, " I wish you 
had ten or twelve thousand pounds. I know it would 
glorify God, and if I were able, I would do it now. But 
God will take care of you." We left her a few hours 
in the night, w T hen she said to the sisters who sat up 
with her, " Give me pen and paper, I cannot die easy, 
unless I write something of my mind concerning sister 
Bosanquet having the two thousand pounds. She did 
so, which was a striking instance of her love. This 
paper I saw it right not to destroy, and informed her re- 
lations of it; but it was not regarded, and we were well 
contented. About twelve the next day, she seemed to 
change for death, and appeared just gone. I said, " Is 
Jesus precious?" She did not answer. One present 
observed, " Perhaps she is not sensible." After a few 
minutes she came to herself, and smiling said, " Yes, I 
was sensible; but just as you spoke, I had a great strug- 
gle with Satan, — at last these words were spoke as if 
through my heart: 

( Nature's last agony is o'er, 
And cruel sin subsists no more.' 

But yet I do not know that the work is done. But I 
know it will be done. I am sure God will finish his 
work. — Yes — I think I can believe.' — Yes, I will hold 
the Lord to his promise." She continued much the same 
for six hours, now and then saying, I know he will 
finish his work. But I do not know it is done. Yet is 
there any sin? I do not know there is. Sometimes I 
feel, said she, with a smile, as if I did not like to leave 
you all; is that sin? I do not know that it is. She ad- 
ded, when I am dying, if I cannot speak, ask me any 
question, and if I mean yes, I will hold up my hand, for 
I would wish to praise God to the last. In the evening 
she seemed just departing-. One present said, i; is your 
soul in peace?" She did not make the sign. I said, " Are 



64 THE LIFE OF [PART II. 

you sensible, love?" She held up her hand. Some time 
after, we said, " Is all clear now?" She lifted up both 
her hands above her head. Sister Crosby said. " The 
blood of Jesus hath cleansed you from all sin." She 
lifted them up again, and smiled with such an expres- 
sion of joy as I cannot describe. She appeared as in a 
rapture, and strove much to speak, but we could only 
understand that word, " He is my only portion." Then 
throwing herself back, she lifted up her eyes, and spread- 
ing her hands with great delight, made many signs up- 
wards. I said, "Is glory open before you?" She lifted 
up her hands, pointing with one finger, and strove 
speak, but we could only make out the word, " Glory.*' 
but the joy of her countenance was beyond all words, 
and in this posture she in one moment breathed her last. 
Such a sense of God and glory rested on us. as I can- 
not describe. For several days it seemed to me, as if 1 
was continually sensible of the presence of the heavenly 
spirits; and so slender did the veil appear which divides 
the church militant from that which is triumphant, that 
I saw 7 myself as surrounded with the innumerable com- 
pany, and as if I heard them hail the happy saint on her 
arrival, in these words, which followed me continually — 

All! what were all thy sufferings here, 

Since Jesus counts thee meet 
With that enraptured host t 5 appear, 

And worship at his feet" 

* i^us glorious scene will be accompanied with some pain to 
pious readers, and in some it will excite much curiosity. It will 
be asked, what were those (C snares" that induced so strong" a 
temptation, in such a devoted mind, thus to deviate from truth 
and love, according to the above agonizing confession? I can- 
not gratify such inquiries. Mrs. Fletcher thought it her duty to 
record the fact, and I have thought it my duty to let it ap p ear: 
but I know no more. One thing is plain; Miss Lewen did not 
fail into the temptation; but it is also plain, she did not resist it, 
stedfast in the faith. Hence her deep sense of her evil nature, 
in having listened to it for a moment. When heavenly purity 
shone upon her soul, and that she found that purity was just 
about to be bestowed upon her for ever, how dreadful appeared 
the mental deviation! If we may hazard a conjecture; was it 
not some attachment of a wordlv nature, on account of which 



PART II.] MRS. FLETCHER. 65 

Some time after this, one of our young women had a 
desire to take a journey, which we thought would be 
dangerous to her, and warned her much to beware of the 
love of the world. Several nights she had had remark- 
able dreams, warning her to beware that no man took 
her crown. We told her all our fears; and in particular 
to watch against the love of money. She said, "My 
light is so clear, that if I now do any thing unbecoming 
my profession, I shall be guilty, and doubly guilty." 
Sister Ryan said, " I feel I cannot give you up, but I am 
led to entreat the Lord, if you should be about to depart 

she was tempted, and felt an answerable inclination, to depart 
from a community so strictly evangelical? That thought was, 
perhaps, presented to her, viz. That that very strictness would 
excuse her to "the half-hearted;" and that to Mrs. Ryan would 
be chiefly imputed the rigidity which had forced her from this 
retreat. This was probably the root of that agonizing conviction; 
especially when she saw, that the person whom she had thought 
of, as thus to have borne her sin, was ready to risk her own 
tender life to help her through her last conflict! Miss Lewen, 
however, overcame at last; and verified Mr. Wesley's account 
of her. — See his Journal, (Works, vol. iv.) " Friday, the 31st of 
October, at my return to London, I found it needful to hasten to 
Layton-stone. But I came too late. Miss Lewen died the day 
before, after an illness of five days. Some hours before, she 
witnessed that good confession — 

' Nature's last agony is o'er, 
And cruel sin subsists no more.' 

So died Margaret Lewen, a pattern to all young women of for- 
tune in England; a real Bible Christian. So she rested from her 
labours, and her works do follow her." 

Mrs. Ryan was, as Mrs. Fletcher has said, "a sickly, persecuted 
saint." She was poor, (though not destitute) and hence was 
more liable to be the butt of the half-hearted. Miss Bosan que t, 
her twin soul, was a lady of birth and fortune, and on that ac- 
count, rather too large for their grasp. Mrs. Ryan proved the 
whole of the eight beatitudes, as appears from Mr Wesley's 
account of her, in the Arminian Magazine, and from his admi- 
rable letters to her, (see his Works, vol. xvi.) In one of them he 
says, " It is expedient for you to go through both evil and good 
report. The conversing with you either by speaking or writing, 
is an unspeakable, blessing to me. I cannot think of you with 
out thinking of God. Others often lead me to Him, but it is, 
as it were, going* round about. You bring me straight into His 
presence." — Ed. 

6* 



66 THE LIFE OF [PART II. 

from him, that he would cut short the thread of your 
life, and take you to himself, and I believe he has heard 
me." She had not been from us many days, before the 
golden baits of pleasure and profit began to gain lustre 
in her eyes, and the little spark of light and life to decline 
out of her soul. The Lord stept in, laid her on the bed 
of death, and gave her to acknowledge, she had left the 
fountain head of bliss, and stooped to creature happiness. 
She was very desirous to see us, if it could have been; 
but a dear child of God attended her constantly, and 
wrestled much with God in her behalf. A little before 
her death she declared, "The Lord hath forgiven me. 
I shall be saved, but I shall suffer loss." Repeating the 
name of Jesus, her spirit returned to God, just four 
weeks from that day on which she left our house.* ' - 

" Oh! what is death' 'tis life's last shore, 
Where vanities are vain no more." 

In the beginning of the year 1767, the Lord was pleased 
to exercise us with some little trials of another kind. 
Various reproaches were cast upon us. It was confi- 
dently affirmed, I had forced the before-mentioned young 
lady (Miss Lewen) to make a will when she was dying, 
and leave me all her estate, and that I had thus wronged 
her relations. Some religious professors said that I had 
wronged the poor: and that I had killed my friend by 
rigorous mortification. — That I had driven her into des- 
pair, and caused her to die in darkness: — with a variety 
of stories as ridiculous as false. The truth is, I had not 
gained one penny by her, but was many pounds out of 
pocket. However, these accounts were so industriously 
spread, and even to distant parts, that a gentleman from 
a place about an hundred miles off, told me some years 
after, he verily believed, had I walked through that 

* Was not this extraordinary dispensation an instance of what 
St. John calls a sin unto death — a sin which God punishes by the 
death of the body' It was not a little thing* in His sight to leave 
such a house, without a special call of His providence. Those 
however who form, and govern, such a house, should beware of 
any approach to the confinement of the cloister. There was 
nothing' of that kind here. — Ed. 



PART II.] MRS. FLETCHER. 67 

town at one time, the mob would have stoned me! But 
the Lord is a God of judgment, and by him actions are 
weighed. 

A little time before this, the Lord was pleased to re- 
move my dear parents. My father had a long and pain- 
ful illness of three years; and my mother lived but nine 
months after. I was now permitted to be a good deal 
with them. One day my dear honoured father spoke to 
me with great tenderness concerning some of my for- 
mer trials, and expressed much sorrow that my fortune 
was not left as much in my power, as that of the other 
children; — saying, "If you desire it, I will alter my 
will now. But your uncle knows my mind; and if you 
marry a man to make you happy, it is all I wish. I do 
not care whether he has money or not. — But whether 
you marry or not, you ought to have your fortune as 
well as the rest. If you desire it, I will have it so al- 
tered:"— with many more expressions of paternal affec- 
tion, which, though I do not think it proper to insert 
them here, will ever have a place in my heart. I begged 
him to make himself quite easy, and not to attempt the 
alteration of any thing; as I saw it must greatly disturb 
his peace, for several reasons. I assured him I saw my- 
self safe in the hands of my heavenly Father, and knew I 
should never want any thing that was for my good; and that 
if I was favoured with seeing the salvation of his soul, 
I had no more to ask: God would take care of me. I 
was led thus to speak. From what he had said to me, 
however, I expected to have found in his will far less 
than he had really given me. 

Immediately after the death of my father, my dear 
mother entered into her last illness. I found much love 
to her, and of consequence much pain. She expressed 
a tender kindness towards me during her illness, and 
showed her tender care, by augmenting the sum my fa- 
ther had left me. 

During the illness of my dear parents, I suffered much, 
not only for them, but for my weak friend at home, and 
the weight of so great a family. Her increasing illness 
was an unspeakable exercise to me. She had some time 
before been brought near to death, but many promises 



68 THE LIFE OF [PART II. 

of recovery were then brought i<: her mind 
and after :t:::^ sc reduced as to be z:~ e re 

covered, as :: "-ere. = ::.".:' eehy. :.:::" ":-:yo:::: eh ex"-: 
tion. and remained in pretty g ;ood health for a year. Bu 
now she grew daily worse; and for three years her buI 
feringa were great and frequent. I plainly - 
Bayed last, and all my shrunk at the thought of 

being left :ie at the head of such anundertak 
v.- he: added ad increased our family 

with some - spirit did not suit our house, so that 

jars, an '.. a h~ : '. interest, s : me e 

verv lately, But the heaviest of all 

my yokes, was the galling yoke of I remem- 

bered the time, when I h say, Unbelief has not a 
place c its foot upon." But now I had 

slipped back from that eoust?:: I had ad- 

... mres and fears, 'and by insensible degrees, I w s 
sunk again :to my own .and the strivings : 

temper- h there -nee, a decree of 

with God, which I never totally lei did 

his fear depart had inwardly - 

parted from that pure love which I ssessed. I had left 
off to delight myself in God, as heretofore, and acce - 
ed of mi: other things in his ph sc :hat my trials 
were srree:er :he:i I eei: well ..-: : 

One day, as I was o sick friend, almost in- 

3, she said. " hi lear, I hardly know he 
trie prospect of death, because I see no w 
I shall leave yon in ehe bands of enemies. 

standby yon." I said. -~My dear love, can 
of: I is s metimes present- 

ed to mymind, the: I should be called :: marry Mr. 
Fletcher."! She replied, "I like him the best of any 

* Was this painful state heaviness through manifold temptations, 
(1 Peter i. 6.) or a real departure from the Lord? I believe some 
things that follow, will incline the serious reader to conclude it 
was the former. — E 

+ The pious reader will not be displeased to see that such a** 
impression was made on such a mind, preceding"- the union of 
that admirable couple. The impression was mutual. In a 
from Mr. I ::her to Mr. Charles Wesley, (see 3Ir. Fletcher 9 * 



eons :.:-.:_ 


rejoice :: 


for yon. 


God will 


von :e::r: - 



PART II.] MRS. FLETCHER. 69 

man, if ever you do take that step. But unless he should 
be of a very tender disposition towards you, you would 
not be 7 happy: but God will direct you." It pleased 
God, however, in a measure, to remove her disorder 
again; so that, for some months, she was enabled to act 
as a leader and a helper among us. 

We were now pretty well settled, our meetings were 
quiet and comfortable, the number of hearers increased, 
and some of our little flock were gone triumphantly to 
glory* My income being now larger, I thought a more 
easy path lay before me; and I found much attachment 
to the place. Yet we were sickly, and the house was 
too small for such a family as ours. We had no land 
to it, (mine being all let off before to the other house,) 
and not having cows, such a number of children occa- 
sioned much inconvenience. Frequently I was advised 
to remove into some part of Yorkshire, and take a farm; 
that otherwise, it was impossible to bring up the chil- 
dren to every branch of needful business; and that my 
income would go as far again in such a situation. I must 
here observe, though my income was increased, it was 
still not equal to our expenses, which were great on 
many accounts; I had also undertaken, in union with 
the young lady before-mentioned, some charitable af- 
fairs, which now all fell on me, and many of them I 
could not throw off for some years. The box did not 
yield us as much by half, as in the first year; for like 

works, vol. vii.) we find the following sentiments: " You ask me 
a very singular question — I shall answer it with a smile, as I sup- 
posed you asked it. You might have remarked, that for some 
days before I set off for Madely, I considered matrimony with a 
different eye to what I had done: and the person who then pre- 
sented herself to my imagination, was Miss Bosanquet. Her 
image pursued me for some hours the last day, and that so warm- 
ly, that I should, perhaps, have lost my peace, if a suspicion of 
the truth of Juvenal's proverb — Veniunt a dote sigittse, {The ar- 
rows come from the portion rather than from the lady,) had not 
made me blush, fight, and flee to Jesus, who delivered me at 
the same moment from her image, and the idea of marriage." — 
There will be some regret, perhaps, felt, that a long and suffer- 
ing time should intervene before that union. — But it was all or- 
dered for the good of both— for an eternal union — -for the mar" 
riagz of the Lamb! — Ed. 



70 THE LIFE <;>F ET II. 

me manna m ::;e ~" :. _e: nes* , v on ;•;: mas 
Israelites g : : : . s o that pro vision, w hich had been 
exeeeaminy nse:m :■: an ^f:;.r. n:w n ' e sa:sr ended. 
d\ el I fell very averse to the thought of business: Ifear- 
e I me r /And and thought I should, 

perhaps, lose the little maintenance I had, rather than 



c 2 ili 

o 



ay, :' nGa a Erne ":e::m . a:: : aE mm a? 

b! -2: time mfortable; my own heart being also 

drawn v.;-;, in arm sua", m -femes- a: E -; _ Lara. I 

was waikma; m me aarderi, — ■ G.m E:.;: ;: E me 
n appeared as a- raramse. I manGam :n;w - mm: 
situation! I dwell anions' mv own people, — a few who 
. : ve me, an .. wn ::;Ej:.f, \ a.e : mEy if renin r m : re 
and more as I .nana wish; and as to our circumstances, 
I can freely trust God further than I can see, so that 
all my care on him is ast here! nope to end my days. 
Gam emareiy am; a ... : ::icE\" — Eu:suoa:se 

God should calfcyou from this place; and there should 
I eye: s mc bittei nps for you to drink? I started at 
the thought; but said. G; e me f say, Jlty will 

Abou: Enis nine. Richard T:.yEr :a:ne from York- 
shire, being driven Eon: men:? ';y mis: '■. rnmes . Ke Gi: 
a wife and young; fainily. and name :•: Linden in byes 
of settling with his creditors . Grosby (who was 

now a member :: my family, had known him in York- 
shire, and Mr. Dornford and Mr. Murlin recommended 
him to me. and r rinsed hi? nay ma: f:r ;■ Erne a: :ur 
house. He seemed and I bei:?-~? Ee m?:a was. : ..::"a 
man. We were mu:E La:eres:e: :n hi= ben: i: When we 

sa: dowm :•: dinner, bne :b :::; in :h: mais ' w:e ama : :en 

were in ::r:b: and dis:ress. w: :_ \v r~:_ s~ werwa.e.m 
him he coma :::: :ane a morse. _r_ ? aaaear? . a man 
of nrayer. ana :ne :i me exceiGn: ::" me'eanb 

Virions Ercumsnaaees emurreb whiih seemed piahmy 
::■ :aE ns :o Seen anznEer bbnnn::.:. and Yrkshire na 
me "Earn mos: Enen.n Ye: such : : :G Gi no: seem de- 
^:::.':\i :: me. My reamu: seemed :: coin: ma: way 
inv iniEnauau was :■: remain where I bner. " is. On* 

* I: E :" no me.i.n.2 Eea: hi..: nna "^s :: a :n ne E:ri. — Ed, 



PART II.J MRS. FLETCHER. 71 

morning, however, as I was reading in my turn to the 
family, I came to these words, "Come out from thy 
kindred and thy country, and come into a land which I 
will show thee." I felt myself penetrated with resig- 
nation, I felt my strong" attachment to the place, as be- 
ing the place of my birth, quite removed, and I. seemed 
free to follow the leading of the Spirit of God, to any 
corner of the earth. * 

My friend and I began seriously to consider whether 
our work was not done in Lay ton-stone: whether, after 
spending about five years at this place, we were not 
now called to another spot. A physician had told us, if 
there were any hopes of sister Ryan's recovery, it would 
be by a journey. She had unexpectedly recovered at 
Bath before, and it might be so again. At this time she 
was very bad. I objected, however, to the moving her 
in so weak a condition;— to which she answered, " If 
the Lord see fit to spare me. probably that is to be the 
means of raising me up: and if he has otherwise deter- 
mined, I should be glad to see you settled first: for if 
you are left without me here, I think you will have 
great difficulty, from several circumstances; and proba- 
bly such an exchange of place and situation, would put 
it in your power to alter and remove those difficulties. 

My relations and Christian friends seemed all to ap- 
prove, and we believed our way was plain for taking- a 
journey to Leeds, and some adjacent places, in order to 
judge better whether they were suitable, and whether 
we could meet with a habitation that would answer our 
great family. 

Accordingly, on June the seventh, 1768, I set out 
with my friend Ryan, and sister Crosby. Brother Tay- 
lor, who was now to return home, accompanied us on 
horseback. t It may be supposed we had a troublesome 

* Whether this leading was really of the Spirit of God or not, 
her submission to Him made her more than conqueror. — Ed. 

f All those who have read, with pious interest, the beginning 1 
and progress of the house of God at Layton-stone, must regret 
its dissolution. Had it been favoured with any successors, of 
the same spirit, we might rejoice that those who had, as the salt 
of the, earthy been the savour of Hfe to that people, were about 



72 THE LIFE OF [PART it! 

journey and aching hearts, for my dear sister Ryan was 
so ill as to be carried in arms in and out of the chaise; 
and to be watched with every night; and the bringing 
down so large a family two hundred miles, was attended 
with no little difficulty. We went first to Mr. Tay- 
lor's wife's parents, where we found a family of serious 
persons. The old man and woman were patterns of 

to season other places. But that was not the case. There were 
no such successors; and it is by no means clear, that there was 
such a call of divine Providence, as was sufficient to justify these 
chosen instruments in departing* from a place so divinely visited, 
and in dissolving an establishment so owned of the Lord. Mr. 
Wesley's sentiments concerning' that establishment, are very de- 
cisive. In his journal (see his Works, vol. iv.) he says, " Thurs- 
day, December 12, 1765, I rode over to Lay ton-stone, and found 
one truly Christian family. This is what that at Kingswood 
should be, and would, if it had such governors." Again, 
" Thursday, February 12, 1767, I preached at Layton-stone. O 
what a house of God is here! Not only for decency and order, 
but for the life and power of religion. T am afraid there are 
very few such to be found in all the king's dominions." — Ought 
not the call to be clear, and even imperative, that ]ed to the dis- 
solution of such a house ? We have indeed heard the blessed 
woman who was at the head of it, observing, with grief, " We 
had increased our establishment with some whose spirit did not 
suit our house, so that jars and a divided interest arose." — And 
could she think the devil had fallen asleep, or that he would not 
take the old way, — that he would not sow tares among the wheat? 
Such persons should have been dismissed, after all long-suffering 
had been manifested. We should add to oar loving faith, cour- 
age, knowing for whom we are to act. As this way, it seems, 
was not taken, we cannot wonder that the leaven should win its 
way, and a cloud overspread the once illuminated mansion. In 
such a dark day, it is no wonder that "cares and fears" should 
assault her devoted heart, so that she hardly knew her own 
state, and had almost given up her confidence. — A new way 
seemed to open, of which Mr. Taylor was the harbinger — A way 
so entangled with briers and thorns, that there seemed, at length, 
hardly any hope of deliverance. But the Lord knoweth how f x> 
deliver the godly out of temptation: and until then — 

" Darkly safe with God, thy soul 

His arm still onward bears, 
Till through each tempest, on the whole 

A peace divine appears!" 

This was the blessed result. The Lord turned her captivity, and 
filled her mouth with laughter, and her tongue with praise. — Ea\ 



PART II.] MRS. FLETCHER. 73 

industry and seriousness; and the wife a person with 
whom I found much fellowship of spirit. We staid with 
them seven weeks, until we could find a house, which, 
for the present, would suit our purpose, — which we at 
length did at Guildersom, in the West Riding of York- 
shire. 

My dear companion now began to sink daily; but as 
the account of her last scene is included in her life, I 
will not enter into any particulars of it here, only add, 
that on the seventeenth of August, 1768, she experi- 
enced, in reality, what she had seen in her dream, viz. 
that 

"He would kiss her raptured soul away." 

She departed this life in the forty-fourth year of her age. 
Thus passed the dreaded moment which I had for 
;even years so painfully apprehended. But she had often, 
in her illness, said to me," My dear friend, I have obtained 
for you of the Lord that you shall not be overcome of sor- 
ow, therefore fear not, for I know he heard me." Her 
prayer was, in a great degree, answered; I was not over- 
come of sorrow. The thought of her long suffering, and 
present happiness, much alleviated the bitter cup, which 
I had tasted of occasionally for some years. My great 
affliction did not come at once. The Lord treated me, as 
we do a child ; He put one thing into my hand to take 
away another. I thought I saw some comfortable pros- 
pects before me in life, and a veil was drawn over the 
many and great crosses which were to follow. I prayed 
I might be kept close to the will of God, and preserved 
from turning to the right hand or to the left, now that I 
had lost my spiritual mother. But I did not wish to die; 
neither could I get my heart into that spiritual frame I 
had enjoyed in the year 1762, and therefore being min- 
gled with earth, I felt all my ties were not cut through. 
I had sometimes conversed with her, on the subject of 
departed spirits having communion with us, and she 
used to say, — " If it be the will of my heavenly Father, 
I should rejoice to communicate some comfort to you, 
either in a dream or any other way." But I never had 
even the slightest remembrance of her in any dream for 



74 THE LIFE OF [PART II. 

some months, though she possessed so great a share in 
my waking thoughts. I often wondered at this, till one 
night, I think six months after her death, I thought 
she was hovering over me, as in a cloud, and from 
thence spoke in her own voice some lines in verse; but 
I could only retain the latter part, which were these 
words,— 

" Mingle with earth we can no more! 
But when you worship God alone; 
We then shall mutually adore." 

By which I understood she meant I was not in that purity 
which was requisite for communion with heavenly spi- 
rits; but it raised in my heart an expectation that such 
a season would come. 

My invaluable friend was buried in Leeds Old Church 
Yard; where to her name and age were added only these 
words,—- 

"Who lived and died a Christian. ,, 



EKD OF THE SECOND PART. 



PART THE THIRD. 

Her Settlement in Yorkshire. 

My health began to fail. — I had for three years had 
much fatigue in nursing my dear friend; and some 
crosses which now flowed in apace, greatly affected me. 
I grew large, and had dropsical symptoms. My soul 
was at this season in a low and cold state. My path 
was strewed with many perplexities: and I was at a 
loss how or where to settle. Trade I much feared; and 
yet I did not see how I could do without it. My family 
consisted of thirty persons, of whom some were ra- 
ther unruly. I saw the need of taking the reins into my 
own hands, and supplying the place of my friend Ryan. 
But this determination was very difficult to execute; 
and I daily and hourly felt my insufficiency. While 
she was alive, I considered her as a mother, and like 
the other young women desired her to allot me my 
rules and employments; or at least to assist me in the 
choice of them. These were — First, An attention to 
the spiritual affairs of the family. Secondly, Taking 
care for their sustenance. Thirdly, Instructing the 
children. Fourthly, Meeting each member of the fami- 
ly, one by one, at fixed times. Fifthly, Superintending', 
by turns, the more public meetings of the society. 
Sixthly, Attending my friend in her frequent illnesses; 
with the direction and management of the sick. — But 
the care of the kitchen, buying in the stores, managing 
the needle-work, with many other articles of direct 
house-keeping. I was quite unaccustomed to. — While I 
lived in my father's house I saw very little of domestic 
affairs, because we lived rather high; so that I was quite 
a stranger to that kind of management needful for a 



76 THE LIFE OF [PART III. 

great family, who have but little to live on. Besides, 
the manner of life here, was entirely different from what 
I had been used to about London. Here wheat was to 
be bought to make flour. Bread to be made, cows to be 
managed, men-servants to be directed; with a variety of 
particulars in house-keeping quite new to me. Had my 
friend been spared, all this would have been a pleasure; 
but now my spirits were so depressed, every thing ap- 
peared a burden: — and when I had provided as well as I 
could, some persons in my family would despisingly say, 
my victuals w T ere not worth eating; and that I knew not 
how to order any thing. I had frequent letters from 
distant parts, some pitying, some upbraiding me; and 
informing me at the same time, "The stories which we 
hear carried about concerning you, come all from the 
members of your own family." — Oh! said I, I have not 
so abode in my Saviour as I ought; 1 have gone down 
to Egypt for help, and therefore is all this come upon 
me; otherwise, I should still inherit that word applied 
to me with power in the first gathering of my house- 
hold, " Thou art my hope and my fortress, my castle 
and deliverer, my defender in whom I have trusted; 
who subdueth the people that are under me." I men- 
tioned before, that we had met with a large house in 
part furnished, which was of great service, as my own 
furniture was not yet arrived. There was land to it, and 
though dear, I saw it a providence, and an asylum 
till w r e could fix better. In the ordering of the out- 
door affairs, Mr. Taylor w r as very useful to me, and 
indeed had not he and his wife been with me, I do not 
think 1 should ever have got through some difficulties 
which I had to encounter. One day he brought me word 
of a farm very cheap; w T ith a freehold estate adjoining 
thereto, on which were malt-kilns, a small house, and 
many out-buildings. The farm was large; and he 
thought, if besides the farm-house, we were to build one 
big enough for our family, it would be cheaper than to 
rent a house. I was very averse to the undertaking; 
but there was no time to lose, as many were seeking 
after it. I went to Leeds to consult the most judicious 
of my friends; in particular Mr, R., a man well ac- 



PART III.] MRS. FLETCHER. 



77 



quainted with business, and the most intimate friend I 
had in Yorkshire: — He answered, " You may look on 
this, as Isaac did when he found a well, for which they 
did not strive." He said, " The Lord hath made room 
for us in the land.'' "So," addedhe, "may you say; 
for had you waited a dozen years, you might not have 
met with such an opportunity." I objected, " That I 
did not understand it, and that perhaps it would sink in- 
stead of increasing my income." He replied, " Richard 
Taylor knows well how to manage it, if you do not; and 
I have no doubt that it will clear you a hundred and fifty 
pounds a year, which will be good interest for your 
money." I now remembered the reflection cast on me 
at Layton-stone, viz. " If she wants to do good with 
her fortune, let her take up a little trade. She talks of 
the poverty of Jesus: let us see her work at a trade as 
he did." That thought had much weight with me. I 
prayed for light, and took the place; bought the estate, 
formed the plan for the house, and set about it. The 
first mark of the favour of God was, we had some of 
our work-people converted, so that before half the house 
was built, we had a good class. The desire after purity 
of heart was much revived among the neighbouring so- 
cieties; and I found in many ways there was a wider 
held opened for doing good than I had ever before ex- 
perienced. I had some among the members of my fa- 
mily also, who were very helpful in the work of God. 
By settling on a new plan, I found it more easy to draw 
things into my own hand. I removed some, and put 
others into their proper place. 

The building I found no cheaper than in the south, or 
but little so: It cost a good deal more than at first pro- 
posed. The farm took a great deal to stock, and bring 
into order; and as most of my capital lay in an estate, 
'or in that sum my dear father on his death-bed so la- 
mented that he had tied up from me,) I had not sufficient 
for all the expenses, with the purchase of the freehold; 
and was obliged to take up money on interest, which I 
hoped to pay off at fifty pounds per year. The malt- 
kilns seemed to answer well, and cleared the first year 
fifty pounds, above all expenses. 
7* 



78 THE LIFE OF [PART III. 

Our call was a good deal abroad in the work of God, 
and we had encouragement therein. A few and at that 
time but a few,) in that part had a desire after holiness. 
Some years before this, sister Crosby had spent a little 
time in Yorkshire. She told them, what a wonderful 
work of sanctirlcaticn God was carrying on in London. 
Many were affected with her words, and two or three in 
this place retained the light and power then given to 
them. These we agreed to meet once a fortnight: and 
unite our cry to the Lord, that he would pour out a 
spirit of conviction on his people, and that the neicrhbour- 
ing societies might be stirred up to seek for purity of 
heart. We had not met many times before the answer 
came; one and another begged to join in our Wednesday 
night meetings, and our number increased to about fifty, 
all of whom were ardently desiring, or sweetly brought 
into that liberty. When we grew too numerous, 
they began to come from many miles round. A I advised 
those who were able, to gather a meeting of the same 
kind, near their own homes. This was attended with 
many blessings. We sometimes visited those in 
meetings, and they increased and spread as well as ours. 
It must be observed, none were admitted as members 
into our meeting, but those who were truly awakened to 
seek for holiness, as before they had been to seek for 
pardon. Others, if we judged them sincere, were some- 
times occasionally admitted: but we were very careful 
whom we considered as fixed members. Of these I had 
a separate list: and about once a quarter met them apart 
from the others. I felt myself led to enforce on them 
some particular observations, which they frequently 
asked me to set down on paper. I did therefore set them 
down as follows:— 

As you have expressed a desire that I would give you, 
on paper, the few observations I have sometimes made 
on Wednesday nights, I will endeavour so to do, as far 
as I can recollect. And if my dear Lord is pleased to 
help you through so weak an instrument, Ke shall have 
the more abundant praise. 

First, I would recommend you to be very careful 
whom you admit into your meeting. Consider no one 



PART III.] MRS. FLETCHER. 



79 



as member thereof who is not steadily seeking after 
Christian perfection; that is, a heart simplified by love 
divine, and kept each moment, by faith, from the pollu- 
tion of sin. Whosoever agrees not with you in this 
point, will greatly interrupt your design. 

Secondly, See that you fix on your minds, — We come 
together to get our faith increased; and expect as much 
that our souls should be refreshed by our meeting, as we 
do our bodies to be refreshed by our food, Come with 
a lively expectation; and that your expectation may not 
be cut off, keep your spirit all the time in continual 
prayer; united prayer can never go unanswered. Mr. 
Fletcher, on this head, has a lively observation. — " When 
many believing hearts," says he, "are lifted up, and 
wrestle in prayer together, we may compare them to 
many hands which work a large pump; at such times 
particularly the fountains of the great deep are broken 
up, the windows of Heaven are opened, and rivers of 
living water flow from the hearts of obedient believers. 5 ' 

Thirdly, Bear with each other's mistakes or infirmi- 
ties in love. Consider the members as if they were 
your own children. How much will a man bear with 
in his own son that serveth him? A threefold cord can- 
not be easily broken. Satan will leave no stone unturn- 
ed to disunite you: — but O remember, the characteristic 
of the evangelical dispensation is, — 

" The love that turns the other cheek ; 
The love inviolably meek, 
Which bears, but conquers all." 

Fourthly, Be well aware of that deadly poison, so 
frequent among professors, I mean evil speaking. It 
will cover itself under a thousand forms; and, alas! how 
many sincere hearts swallow this gilded bait, before they 
know what they are about. Never repeat the fault of 
an absent person, unless it be absolutely needful. In 
particular, speak not evil of dignities; neither of our 
king, on whose account we have the greatest reason to 
be thankful; nor yet of any in authority rnder him. 
Neither those whom God hath set over us as spiritual 
teachers K any of these do not speak just as we could 



80 THE LIFE OF [PART III. 

have wished, never forget that one may have his gift 
sifter this manner, another after that. The exhortation 
not so immediately useful to your state, may neverthe- 
less be put into their mouth at that time for another per- 
son then present. Known unto God are all his ways; 
and as He hath said, A cup of cold water given to a 
prophet shall not be forgotten, how pleasing" will it be in 
His sight, if by faith and prayer we hold up the hands 
of his praying servants. 

Fifthly, Holdfast the truth in a pure conscience. Let 
not one spark of your light be put out. Though all your 
teachers, brethren, friends, yea, the whole church, were 
to turn against the truth, let nothing make you forget, 
The blood of Jesus cleans eth from all sin: and that he 
keeps that soul for ever clean, who day and night hangs 
on him by simple faith. 

Sixthly. Be always ready to give an account to those 
that ask you a reason of the hope that is in you. In or- 
der to this, let us pray for clear ideas of what we seek, 
and what we possess. Bear in mind, that to perfect 
holiness in the fear of the Lord, is no more than you 
have already promised; First. By your sponsors in bap- 
tism; secondly. In your own person, when you made 
those vows your own by confirmation; and thirdlv, 
"Whenever you renew that covenant by coining to the 
Lord's table. "You have engaged to renounce the devil 
and all his works, the pomps and vanities of this wicked 
world, and all the sinful lusts of the flesh; to believe all 
the articles of the Christian faith; to keep God's holy 
will and commandments, and to walk in the same ali the 
days of your life." And is not this vowing to perfect 
holiness in the fear of God? Does the first part of this 
sacred engagement. To renounce the devil and all his 
works, leave any room for the least agreement with the 
devil, the world, or the flesh? Does the second, — To be- 
lieve all the articles of the Christian faith, make the least 
allowance for one doubt with respect to any one article 
of the Christian faith: Qr. Does the third allow the 
wilful breach of any one of God's commandments? Again, 
Do we not all profess to believe it to be our duty, to 
love God with cdl our heart, and our neighbour as our- 



PART III.] MRS. FLETCHER. 81 

selves? Weigh the depth of those two expressions. Do 
they not imply, love made perfect, or, in other words, 
Christian perfection? 

Seventhly, Remember that saying of Solomon, T7ie 
icise man's eyes are in Jus head. Let your eye of faith 
be steadily fixed on your Living Head, deeply conscious 
of that word — 

"Having done all, by faith I stand, 
And give the praise, O Lord, to thee!" 

A holy man makes this observation.— ;i Persevering 
believers are little onmipotents.' ? Abide then every 
moment in the living vine, from "whom you constantly 
draw your life, as the coal its heat from the fire; — it was 
all black, cold, and filthy, before it was impregnated 
with the tire that kindled it; but if by any accident it 
fail therefrom, the shining perfection which it had ac- 
quired, gradually wears away, and it becomes a filthy 
cinder, the black emblem of an apostate, So true is 
that saying of our Lord, Without me ye can do nothing. 
Eighthly, Consider yourselves as united by a holy 
covenant to God and to each other; aiming to advance 
the glory of God all you possibly can. 

"Ye for Christ your Master stand 
Lights in a benighted land.* 3 

Beware then that your light become not darkness; let no 
one be discouraged from seeking Christian holiness, by 
any thing they see in your life and conversation. We 
must become a whole burnt-sacrifice. The soldier en- 
listed under the banner o( his king, may neither leave 
his post, nor choose his employment. "We have cove- 
nanted to be the Lord's: and may not draw back one 
nosver, no, nor one thought, from his service. Be it 
then engraven on our hearts, as with a diamond pen, 
u Thy vows, God. are upon me: I have opened my 
mouth unto the Lord, and cannot eo back." 5 

Glory be to God, it might be said of Cross-hall, (the 
name of our present habitation.) many a soul has been 
born in her, and many sweet seasons did we know with 



82 THE LIFE OF [PART III. 

the Lord; and I do at this day declare, I shall ever 
adore the wisdom of God in bringing me down to settle 
in Yorkshire. It was good for the work of God. It 
was good for my own soul;* but for a season it did not 
appear good for my temporal affairs. I had not been 
seven years there, before I saw myself brought into 
great perplexity, from circumstances I shall by and by 
relate. But whatever occurred, I must ever praise the 
Lord, that his Providence brought me there. I had a 
continual presentiment, my troubles were for an ap- 
pointed time; and that in the end deliverance would be 
given from every difficulty. 

I found my mind much united to brother and sister 
Taylor. I strove to remove their burdens, and went in 
person to their creditors. After meeting with some op- 
position, I got their affairs settled, at the expense of be- 
tween two and three hundred pounds. 

After the death of sister Ryan, my soul had many 
risings and sinkings. Sometimes I seemed to lose 
my way, and knew not where or what I was. For 
about two years, I sunk into fear, care, self-indulgence, 
and many wanderings. Yet my aim was towards the 
Lord, who, after that season, began again to renew in 
me a tender conscience, and as my outward sorrows in- 
creased, so my inward light and power began to revive. 
It was soon after that time that we began the meeting 
above-mentioned, as near, as I can remember, though I 
have not set down the exact date thereof; but by my 
diary it appears to be about a year after my soul began 
again to walk by faith. These meetings were to me a 
singular blessing. They cost me many a wrestling prayer, 
and when the nights approached, when we were to meet, 
Oh! the sinking into nothing before God, my spirit used 
o feel! Of all the meetings I ever was employed in 

* Nothing" could prevent such a devoted person from bearing 
fruit unto God. In answer to the prayer of faith, He opens rivers 
in the high places 9 and streams in the desert. Mr. Wesley, speak- 
ing* of her settlement in Yorkshire, observes, (see his Works, vol. 
iv.) " Saturday, July 7th, 1770, I rode to Miss Bosanquet's. Her 
family is still a pattern, and a general blessing* to the conn* 
try."— Ed. 



PART III.] MRS. FLETCHER. 83 

while in Yorkshire, I know not I ever felt my soul so 
conscious of the Lord's approval as in these. I must 
acknowledge it occasioned both expense and labour. 
Frequently I had many beds to make up, and many 
friends and their horses to entertain. But I saw it such 
an honour to be (as I sometimes expressed it) the Lord's 
innkeeper, that I could feel nothing but satisfaction 
therein. Those words were often applied with great 
sweetness, The birds of the air shall rest under thy 
branches. 

I now found a fresh conviction of the necessity of di- 
vine help, that I might go in and out before my family, 
in such a manner as would lead them into the most ex- 
cellent way; and when any thing particular rested on 
my mind, I usually set it down in the way of diary. — 
On looking over old papers, I find the following re- 
marks; but am not quite clear as to the dates: — 

This day I have been solemnly renewing my cove- 
nant with the Lord, and considering over our family 
rules, fasts, and meetings. I have been praying for 
fresh vigour and resolution in the use thereof; and while 
reading this morning the vision of Samuel concerning 
Eli, I was led to inquire how far it was my own case? 
Lord, thou hast made me the head of this family. Do I 
bear the sword in vain? Show me, Lord, what I can 
do to help them, considered one by one, and how I may 
help to put away, in each, whatever would offend. The 
thoughts which flowed into my mind were as follows: — 

First, Love is the end of the commandment. If I would 
wish to be such a head as God approves, I must have 
no spring of action but love. Yet when we have many 
tempers to suit ourselves to, all their burdens to bear, and 
their every want to supply, (even in narrow circumstan- 
ces,) nature is apt to grow weary. It is very easy to 
give our neighbour what we can spare, but to pinch our- 
selves, and even to run the risk of debts and distress for 
their sakes, makes the work far more hard. How then 
shall I get and keep that spirit of love to each which is 
needful for my fulfilling towards them the place of a 
mother? or, in some sense, to be a pillar in God's house, 
who is appointed to bear the weight of the whole buildingl 



84 THE LIFE OF [PART III. 

I will call over each member in my mind with solemn 
prayer, and search out every perfection of every kind; — 
every trace of the image of God which I can discern in 
each, and enter them on paper; adding thereto every 
fresh discovery, — and then to each name affix a plan, de- 
noting what is the best method of helping that person's 
infirmities, and strengthening their virtues. If I do not 
thus study the tempers and disposition of my familv, 
how unlike will my carriage be to that of my heavenly 
Father towards me. I am also much convinced of the 
necessity of being exact in early rising, both for the 
good of my own soul, and that of my family; and as I 
am now better, I trust to be able to execute my purpose. 
I shall also meet the family at stated times, for an hour, 
in order to inquire if brotherly love continues? And to 
remove all hindrances thereto, I will at those times ob- 
serve, — 

My design in having a family is to bring honour to 
God. If that end be not answered, I am disappointed, 
and the Spirit of God is grieved with those who hinder it. 

But in order to this, it is needful to be aware of Sa- 
tan's devices, who will be always endeavouring to throw 
in something to wound love; and among a large family, 
where there is multiplicity of business, perplexities 
will arise, which sometimes has a tendency to break, or 
at least to interrupt that sweet harmony of love, by 
which the church below is rendered a shadow of that 
above. 

To prevent this must be my constant labour. — I be- 
lieve you all love me; and I am. my heavenly Father 
knows, united to every one of you. But that will not 
do, unless you are united among yourselves. I would 
therefore inquire of each, one by one, — 

First, Do you find want of love to any one here? If 
you answer, yes, give your reason, and it shall be search 
ed to the bottom, though it be in myself. 

Secondly, Is there any conduct of any member which 
you think might be mended? 

Thirdly, We are to live only to, and for God. You 
all can bear me witness, what we save, is saved for the 
poor, and the work of God. Now can any of you 



PART III.] MRS. FLETCHER. 85 

point out wherein we can save more? This is to be 
done in little things: — for instance, — suppose twenty of 
you had each a candle to use. and each person were to 
run it into the fire, and waste a tenth part of the whole, 
that would be two candles lost per night. If each fire, 
(we will say ten,) burn one pennyworth of coals per 
day, more than is needful, there are five shillings and 
ten pence per week lost; enough to make two poor peo- 
ple, who love and serve the Lord, comfortable. The 
same may be said of every thing we eat, drink, wear, or 
make use of. Savingness gives a constant and profitable 
use of the cross; as well as administers, by those small 
acts of self-denial, to the necessities of our brethren. 
If we are thirty in family, besides many strangers, — 
suppose every one by frugality to save (every thing be- 
ing put together,} but two pence per day; what a lar^e 
sum will that make in the whole year, nearly an hun- 
dred pounds! and how many of the saints of God may 
be fed and clothed therewith? 

Fourthly, Time is a most invaluable talent; and there 
is scarcely an hour but we may save some minutes, by 
doing every thing as to the Lord, that is. in the best 
manner we are able. It is a true saying, a thing once 
well done is twice done. For instance, if you sew 
a seam carelessly, it will soon want doing over 
again. If you clean any thing by halves, it will want a 
repetition almost directly. If linen is badly got up, and 
not of a good colour, it will not wear half the time. 
Consequently, the next wash will be larger, will require 
more time, more soap, more fire, &c. If you teach the 
children by halves, they will need so many more les- 
sons, and be so mucn the longer before they are useful 
at home, or fit to go out; so that the desire of saving 
time, calls for the most diligent application in every 
thing. But in order truly to buy up this precious talent. 
there is a necessity of walking as in the constant pre- 
sence of God. By that recollection, we shall cut ofT 
useless words and thoughts, which are the canker-worms 
that eat up our time. 

Fifthly, The power of speech is a great talent. It is 
an instrument of much good, or much evil. The tongue 
8 



86 THE LIFE OF [PART Itl, 

is a little member, yet how much good or evil is it capable 
of kindling? A little spark may be the beginning of a 
flame powerful enough to destroy a whole city: and one 
wrong word may draw on another, until the tongue, 
" which is a world of iniquity, may set on fire all the 
members, being itself set on fire of hell." On the other 
hand, in a large family, how useful may that member be! 
While it possesses the honour of being God's advocate, 
and watches every moment for an opportunity to call in 
the minds of those around you to a closer attention to 
God. The right use of the tongue is of the utmost con* 
sequence, (especially in a religious community.) and 
worthy our strictest and most earnest endeavours; since 
the apostle says — "He that ofFendeth not in word, the 
same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole 
body." 

The next Friday after this family meeting, I proposed 
ss a fast; — at twelve we were to meet for one hour 
chiefly for earnest prayer. At these seasons I frequently 
found much of the presence and approval of God, and 
I believe they were blest to many of the family. 

To return to my outward situation. When I had been 
a few years in Cross-hall, I had many trials of faith and 
patience. Some times I was all fears; and at others, I 
had a lively confidence in that word, — Stand to my 
will, and thou shedt suffer no detriment, which was ap- 
plied to me just before the period of sister Ryan's death. 

Various circumstances now agitated my mind; and fre- 
quently with groans and tears have I said before the 
Lord, — <; Oh! that I could meet with a friend as divinely 
enlightened, and as faithful as- the one I have lost. It 
would be worth going over red-hot bars of iron to pro- 
cure." But though I knew some of the excellent of the 
earth, yea, and had some of them under my own roof, 
yet friendship is so immediately the gift of God, we 
cannot form it when we will. There must be a simili- 
tude of mind, a something which God alone can give, 
and which he at this time was pleased to withhold from 
me, perhaps that I might learn to depend on himself 
alone. The point in which I was peculiarly sensi- 
ble of the loss of my friend, was, in the character of 



If ART III.] MRS. FLETCHER. 87 

a counsellor. I wanted to know and do the will of 
God. I feared I was wrong in my present situation, be- 
cause things did not answer; and yet I did not know 
which way to mend them. But I have always found, 
the best way is to stand still; for I have learned by ex- 
perience, that when we have no light how to get out of 
our troubles, and no way seems to open, the present duty 
is resignation. We have only to follow providence from 
day to day, making it our one business to persevere in a 
constant sense of the presence of God, and to lie before 
his feet as poor beggars, waiting for his direction. 

Some time before this, a circumstance happened, which, 
though to appearance trifling, proved in the end very 
material. A gentleman who, about two years before, 
lost a wife he tenderly loved; on hearing of me, and 
the close union which had subsisted between me and 
Mrs. Ryan, permitted a thought to dwell on his mind, — 
that perhaps I was brought to Yorkshire by the provi- 
dence of God to repair his loss. 

One day, as I was returning from a little journey, 
where I had been to meet some people, we called at an 
inn to bait the horse. Mr. *** was standing at a win- 
dow of that inn. I came out and stood some time at 
the block waiting for my horse. A thought struck his 
mind, "I should like that woman for a wife;" but in- 
stantly he corrected it with that reflection, I know not 
whether she be a converted or an unconverted person; a 
married or a single woman. Just then Mr. Taylor came 
up with the horse. The gentleman knew him, and com- 
ing out to speak to him, was much struck to find it was 
me. But as there was not any thing striking to me in 
the occurrence,! had quite forgotten it, till he recalled it 
to my remembrance some years after. 

As I was very free in making known my fears, lest my 
new undertaking should not answer, some friends have 
often said to me, " Why do not you consult Mr. ***! 
He is the only man for business in the country; and 
having heard o*f your situation, he wishes to give Mr. 
Taylor some advice." — -Not long after, a friend brought 
him to our house. I did not know at that time whether 
he were married or single. We soon fell into conver- 



88 THE LIFE OF [PART III. 

sation about the farm. He gave me some directions, and 
interested himself much in my affairs. I frequently ap- 
plied to him in difficult occurrences, and he became, in 
the common acceptation of the word, a familiar friend. 

My perplexities now increased. — The farm had sunk 
a very large sum to bring it into order, and the kilns 
took much money to work them, a great deal of which 
lay scattered up and down in debts, owing to me from 
lesser malsters. I applied not only to Mr. ***, but to 
some other sensible men. They looked over all, and 
said I was too much afraid: in a year or two things 
would turn round. That I had had a farm to make: but 
it was now in such order, it would soon pay all again. 
This gave me some satisfaction, but did not on the whole 
remove my fears. I also saw Mr. Taylor went too far; 
that he was inclined to venture much; that he kept too 
many men, and gave a great deal too much credit. 

This answered Mr. ***'s design. By these things he 
was inclined to think God was constraining me to ac- 
cept the offer, which by this time, he had made me of 
his hand, his heart, and his purse. His affections were 
strong, sincere, and constant; his offers generous, and 
his sentiments tender. He loved my family; and whoever 
was kind to me, found favour in his eyes. This could 
not but operate on my gratitude. I was deeply pained. 
But I could not see in him the man my highest reason 
chose to obey. First, I did not so honour the light he 
had in religion, as to believe it my privilege to be led 
thereby. Secondly, Though he was a good man, and 
helpful to people in every respect, yet he did not see 
the narrow path of walking close with God, as I could 
wish the man I took for a husband to do. Thirdly. 
though I had a grateful love towards him, I could not 
find that satisfying affection which flows from perfect 
confidence; and which is the very spirit and soul of 
marriage. 

I felt, however, in the keenest manner, the need I had 
of his assistance in my affairs; but I thought it ungene- 
rous to the last degree, to accept of help and counsel 
from one whose growing affection I was too sensible of, 
hut to which, however, I could make no return. I used 



PART III.] MRS. FLETCHEH. 89 

the plainest terms in assuring him of the impossibility 
of our affection ever becoming reciprocal; and proposed 
the breaking off all acquaintance. He alleged in answer, 
" You cannot do without me. You will be ruined;— 
God hath made me your helper; and if you cannot see 
or feel as I do, we will be only common friends. I will 
say no more on a subject so disagreeable to you." 

I lessened my family all I could, by putting out some 
of the bigger children to trades, or servants' places; but 
much expense attended it. Mr. Taylor also had several 
children while with me, so that the family still consisted 
of twenty-five persons. The majority, however, were 
grown persons.- But losses still continually came on; 
and my first seven years in Yorkshire being nearly ex- 
pired, I found an absolute need of some change, since 
in all this time things grew not better, but worse. 

I consulted Mr. *** and other friends, about my situa- 
tion, but most were for some further exertion in trade. 
That I knew would not do. Others said, " Turn off all 
those members of your family, and you have enough to 
live on alone, with a servant or two." No way, how- 
ever, opened for them, and several were old, sickly, or 
helpless. I could not therefore see how that could be 
done, and if ever I thought on it, mountains of difficulty 
arose before me. 'Something seemed to whisper, a way 
shall be made quite plain; yet I saw it my duty to do 
every* thing in my power. I therefore consulted Mr. 
***, who knew my whole affairs as no other person did. 
He said, " There is but one way for you,- — Put the farm 
into Mr. Taylor's hand, entirely separate from yourself. 
Let him have the stock just as it is, and work the kilns 
as he can raise money. Let him pay you sixty pounds 
per year, and take his family to the end of the house. 
I verily believe he will live well, and lay up money; and 
I will overlook all, and appraise every thing once a year." 
I did so. Mr. *** took great pains, and Richard Taylor 
paid regularly. But as he was to have it free of debt, I 
found a good deal to pay which he had not brought to 
account; so that before all was settled, I had money 
again to take up on interest, which was no small afflic- 
8* 



90 THE LIFE OF [PART III. 

tion to me; and could I have sold the place, 1 would 
have chosen it rather. 

We went on tolerably for three years. Mr. *** 
thought the farm increased in heart. The stock also 
improved, and all was cheerful, except in my mind, 
which foreboded deeper waters. This was soon realized 
In the beginning of the fourth year, Taylor was in debt 
to the amount of six hundred pounds. This was what 
I all along feared; but I thought, I am not obliged to pay 
his debt: let him break, and bear his own burden. Mr. 
*** at first thought the same; but soon we saw, either 
I must give up the stock, (which would be sold for halJ 
its value) or pay the money. Besides, I was now in- 
formed, that when he ceased to act as my agent, I ought 
to have advertised it, that no one might trust him through 
confidence in me. But this, (being unused to business) 
I did not know. 

I deeply felt for the appearance it would have to my 
relations. I had before, with their knowledge, taken up 
money on the Layton-stone estate, and my brothers were 
very kind, and ordered all my affairs in the south, to the 
best advantage. I did not therefore see it just or pru- 
dent to hide any thing from them. I wrote to my eldest 
brother a full account of the whole; but could not see. 
at that time, how I could pay: nor was I quite clear it 
was required of me. Taylor's wife, now big with 
child, wringing her hands, entreated me, in mercy to her, 
not to let her husband go to prison; and indeed, she was 
clear of blame, for all along she had been afflicted with 
the fear of what was now come upon them. I knew 
not what to do: above all, the honour of religion was 
dear to me; and it was too evident, without an appear- 
ance of dishonesty, I could not take back the stock, 
though really my own, and leave the debts unpaid* 
Besides, many of the persons were poor, and would be 
greatly hurt by the loss. We had also at this time a 
lively work; for whatsoever else did not prosper by 
going into Yorkshire, the work of God did. Being at 
length determined on the payment, the next difficulty 
was, where to raise the money. I had now taken back 
all my affairs out of Taylor's hands, but was incapable 



PART III.] MRS. FLETCHER. 91 

of managing the business myself, nor could I get the 
place disposed of. Mr. *** then offered to lend me the 
six hundred pounds on interest, and to become a partner 
with me in the farm and kilns, so as to take the man- 
agement of all. Here I was quite at a loss. I was al- 
most ready to say, " Darkness hath covered my path." 
Prudence, delicacy, every lively sentiment, started back 
at the thought. What! come under such an obligation 
to the man I am constantly refusing! Besides, such a 
fresh connexion will open the door to many trials. But 
there was no alternative; I must accept his help or be 
ruined. I therefore followed what appeared to be the 
leadings of Providence. A little before this, I had a 
drawing in my mind to go for six months to Bath, Bris- 
tol, and the parts adjacent, believing it to be the order 
of God: and I was not sorry for an excuse to get two 
hundred miles from poor Mr. ***. 

One night conversing with a friend on the difficulties 
of my situation, he said, " I cannot approve of your pro- 
ceedings; I fear you fight against Providence. Here are 
several doors open before you. If you object to Mr. ***, 
why do not you accept of some other of those good 
men, whom the Lord seems to have cast in your way? 
You stand stiffly in the choice of a single life, and it 
seems to me, God fights against you in so doing. The 
end will be ruin. You will be brought to a prison, and 
all the reproach will be cast on religion. If you build 
on the former promise I have heard you mention, That 
the Almighty shall be your defence, and you shall have 
plenty of silver, I account you no better than an enthu- 
siast. Have you not waited long enough? You hoped 
for deliverance at the end of the first seven years; but 
four are elapsed since, and if you wait till the end of the 
next seven, you will be no nearer." Though his words 
did not convince my judgment, they pained my heart. 
Nothing was to me more dreadful than the thought of 
getting out of God's order. I carried my case to the 
Lord, and striving to divest my soul of every prejudice, 
I offered up myself to God, that he might accomplish 
all his will upon me* — pleading before him, "Show me 
thy way, and I will walk in it." But the more I prayed. 



92 THE LIFE OF [PART III. 

the clearer the light seemed to shine on my present 
path; and the only answer I could obtain was — Stand 
still and see my salvation. 

Being one day at prayer about my situation, I thought, 
perhaps I shall sink lower still. Though Mr. '*** be- 
lieves he shall make much of the business, he may be 
mistaken; and should I lose more than my estate at Lay- 
ton-stone, and this place also will pay, then I shall have x 
debts I cannot answer; and while there is but a bare 
possibility of that, shall I eat and drink as if it was my 
own? Ah! no; let me rather live on bread and water. I 
have no right, except merely to sustain life, till I receive 
from God some answer, or see, by sound reason, that 
all will be paid. I began to do so that very day! But the 
following night I had a most particular time before the 
Lord! He showed me (by a light on my understanding) 
that all my trials were appointed by himself; that they 
were laid on by weight and measure, and should go no 
farther than they would work for my good. He pointed 
me to the time at Hoxton, causing rne to remember how 
simply I had walked by faith, and showing me my sin 
in having drawn back from that close communion. That 
although I did, in a measure, still walk with God, yet I 
could not say, as then, I live not, but Christ liveth in me.* 
I had depended on creatures for help, and therefore he 
had let me feel the weight of my burdens, that I might 
be constrained to cast them afresh on Him; and that 
when he had proved and tried me, He would deliver me 
from all my outward burdens, As a pledge of the inward 
liberty he would afterward bring rne into, and that the 
ways and means of my deliverance were in his own 
hands, and should appear in the appointed time, those 
words were again brought powerfully to my mind: If 
thou put away iniquity far from thy tabernacle — So 
shalt thou lift up thy face unto God. Thou shalt de- 
cree a thing, and it shall be established unto thee; and 
the light shall shine upon thy path. Yea, the Almighty 
shall be thy defence, and thou shalt have plenty of silver. 

* The truth was, I believe, she had not that lively sense of it 
She was loaded with cares; but they were all consistent with pu- 
rity.— Ed. 






PART III.] MRS. FLETCHER. 93 

He showed me that all my perplexities and trials were 
only the thorn-hedge which his love had planted around 
me, to preserve me from running farther astray. It was 
a profitable and melting time. 

From that hour I began to take my meat again with 
gladness and singleness of heart. During the above 
time of prayer, while I was asking light for my imme- 
diate duties, it appeared to me best to take Mr. Taylor 
down with us to Bath; and that from the time I did so, 
his family would no more be such a burden to me. And 
truly so it proved. For my sister met me there, and was 
greatly struck with compassion towards him. She 
helped him herself, and raised him many friends; so that 
all the rest of the time the family were under my roof, 
the children were entirely supported with the help which 
arose from that journey. — I saw much of the order "of 
God while from home; and after six months I returned 
with thankfulness; though not without that kind of sen- 
sation which a scourged child would have in returning 
to the rod. 

I must here mention a circumstance which, in order 
of time, occurred some months before. In my deep 
troubles, especially after the conversation with the friend 
above-mentioned concerning marriage, a thought occurred 
to my mind — "Perhaps Mr. Fletcher is to be my de- 
liverer. May not that be the way to bring me out of 
these incumbrances?" But I started from the very idea, 
lest it should be a stratagem of Satan. We had not seen 
or heard from each other for more than fifteen years. 
Yet when striving to find out some way, that idea would 
frequently present itself before me t 

In the month of August, 1777, going into a friend's 
house who was just come from the conference, he said, 
"Do you know that Mr. Fletcher, of Madely, is dying? — 
Indeed I know not but he is dead. If he hold out a lit- 
tle longer, he is to go abroad; but it is a pity, for he will 
die by the way, being in the last stage of a consumption." 
I heard the account with the utmost calmness. For some 
days I bore his burden before the Lord; and constantly 
offered him up to the will of God. A few days after, 
another of my acquaintance wrote word, — " Mr. Fletcher 



94 THE LIFE OF [PART III. 

is very bad; spits blood profusely, and perspires pro- 
fusely every night. Some have great hope that prayer 
will raise him up; but. for my part, I believe he is a 
dying man, as sure as he is now a living one." As I 
was one day in prayer, offering him up to the Lord, these 
words passed my mind: " The prayer of faith shall save 
the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up." I said, 
44 Lord, I dare not ask it; I leave it to thy sacred will: 
thy will be done!" 

The following thoughts occurred to my mind — if the 
Lord should raise him up, and bring him in safety back 
to England; and he should propose such a step, could I 
doubt its being" of God. after such an answer to praver? 
Yet fearing a deception. I cried to the Lord to keep me 
in his narrow way, whatever I might suffer, and felt an 
unaccountable liberty to ask the following signs, if it 
really were of Him. 1. That Air. Fletcher might be 
raised up. 2. That he might be brought back to Eng- 
land. 3. That he would write to me on the subject, be- 
fore he saw me, though we had been so many years 
asunder, without so much as a message passing on any 
subject. 4. That he would, in that letter, tell me, it had 
been the object of his thoughts and prayers for some 
years. It came to my mind further, that should this oc- 
cur in the end of the year 1781, it would be a still greater 
confirmation, as Providence seemed to point to me that 
season as a time of hope. 

We returned from Bath in the beginning of the year 
1778. I found crosses and troubles yet awaited me. 
Mr. *** was still my partner, snd I was enabled to pay 
him and every creditor the fall iireres r of the money 
taken up; but no: to lessen 'he capital. Indeed, all along" 
I was able to answer every demand. We continued our 
trade some time longe-a but, at length, Mr. found 

my fears were better grounded than his hopes. Instead 
of an hundred pound? to put into my lap fas he expected) 
each year toward? the debt, we found, on the strictest 
account of every grain of corn, pint of milk, or pound 
of batter, either sold or used in the family, that the farm 
did not pav its own way; though he had put many things 
on a cheaper plan than before. The interest also swal- 



PART III. j MRS. FLETCHER. 



95 



lowed up so great a part of my income, that it was 
not possible to keep more than half my family with 
what remained. As to the kilns, I had neither money 
nor courage to work them. I thought of many expe- 
dients. I strove, I worked hard, I prayed; and at length 
proposed to the members of my family to disperse, and 
learn some little business, and I would allow each what 
I could. 

Great affliction now sat on every face. Teaps were 
shed in plenty. They alleged, "Till you can get rid 
of this place, you must live here. If you leave it empty, 
the house will be spoiled, and that will injure the sale; 
and we know not what to do, nor how to turn. After 
being twenty years with you, (said one,) how strange 
will a new situation appear? And I, (said another,) after 
eighteen years? And after being twelve years together, 
fsaid some others,) how hard it is to part! It was a 
most painful time; and I saw there was no way, but first 
to sell the place, and then disperse. 

But now a door seemed to open — a gentleman sent 
me word that he would buy the place, stock, lease, and 
all together. He was a man both of fortune and of 
honour, and really wished to help me out of my difficul- 
ties. The price which he offered would bring me through 
all, and leave me a good income. Now I began to look 
up, and to form a plan for my future life, how to settle 
myself, and dispose of each member of my family. I 
gave an account of every particular, and the bargain was 
in part made. But, alas! our wisdom is folly! He took 
a fever, and died in a few days! To add to my difficul- 
ties, just at this time my brother wrote me word, that it 
would be throwing away the Layton-stone estate to sell 
it with so long a lease upon it; and that it could not 
with any propriety be done. I now saw but one way — 
to advertise Cross-hall, and sell it for what I could; and 
paying that away as far as it would 2fo, strive yearly to 
lessen the remaining part of the debt by my' income: 
reserving only fifty pounds per year to live on, and out 
of it to help my friends. But I recollected, that I might 
not live long enough thus to pay the debt by my income. 
I had still a strong confidence in a promise given to me 



96 THE LIFE OF [PART Ha 

before I went to Bath — that no one should lose any thing 
by me; yet I thought it was required of me to do every 
thing in my power towards it. 

I then proposed to myself to keep only twenty pounds 
per year. Nay, I thought, how can I have a right even 
to twenty? Justice is before mercy. They must all 
shift for themselves, and I will do the same. I may per- 
haps find some little business by which life may be sus- 
tained, till my affairs take a favourable turn. It is true, 
nobody calls in their money, nor seems to have a fea~ 
concerning it; yet, it is my duty to take the more caw 
for them, because of their confidence in me. It may be 
supposed, as I was daily striving to part with the place, 
and expecting to turn out, that my thoughts frequently 
were occupied on what way of life I should choose, as 
most conducive to the glory of God; and during this 
season, the Lord did teach me many lessons of poverty 
and resignation. It seemed to me no manner of life 
could be disagreeable, if I had but a prospect of having 
no debts. One day as I was standing at a window musing 
on this subject, I saw a poor man driving some asses 
laden with sand, by which he gained his bread. As I 
looked on him, a spring of satisfaction ran through my 
mind, and I thought,- — I am perfectly willing to take up 
the business of that man. If I preserve unsold one of 
the freehold cottages, the asses might graze on the com- 
mon, and I could follow them with something to sell. 
There were but few trades which my conscience would 
suffer me to follow; and my abilities were equal to still 
fewer. But to any thing in the whole world would I 
turn, that was not sinful, rather than remain in debt. I 
do not mean that I decided to act thus; but so conformed 
was my mind to poverty at this time, that the thought 
of even that employment, as it now glanced through it, 
gave me a real pleasure. However open I had been with 
my relations concerning my affairs hitherto, I determin- 
ed to conceal all personal wants; for if I voluntarily 
gave up my income for the payment of my debts, I did 
not see it to be just to live on theirs; and this would not 
have been difficult, as I had no relation that lived within 
two hundred miles. 



PART III.] MRS. FLETCHER. 97 

Some times it appeared to me quite clear, that Mr. 
Fletcher was the friend God would raise up for me. He 
was now much recovered, and about to return to Eng- 
land. However, I feared to lay any stress on that; but 
while thinking on it, I received a letter from a friend, in- 
forming me, that Mr. Fletcher had settled abroad, and 
proposed to see England no more. This was a false 
report; he never had such a thought: but as it came 
from an intimate friend, I had reason to believe it. Thus 
was I cut off from the prospect of any human help! but 
I kept to my old word, " My soul, wait thou upon God: 
from Him cometh my salvation." 

My heart was much oppressed. I had not advertised 
the place, because some advised me not, saying it was 
the way rather to hurt the sale; nor did any one so much 
as inquire after it, though my mind was well known. I 
could now only stand still, for I knew not which way to 
go. During this suspense, conversing one day with my 
friend Mr. ***, he said, " Indeed I am at a loss what to 
do for you. I thought to have helped you greatly by the 
continuance of the farm; but, alas! I wish I had suffered 
you to advertise and sell it for any thing six years ago; 
and you then could have done it. It is now too late. 
The nation is engaged in wars: you would now sell it 
for a trifle. I consulted some friends the other day, who 
all agree, that separate from the stock, you must not ex- 
pect above six hundred pounds for the whole place. You 
are ruined, madam! You withstand the order of God. 
My fortune is enough for you and me. But you cannot 
see in my light. May the Lord stand by you! But I 
cannot think of a partnership any longer, the blame 
would fall on me!" 

It was now the summer of 1781. The seventh of 
June in that year, I entered into my fourteenth year in 
Yorkshire. I had all along an impression, that about 
that season something would open. One day as I was 
walking up a narrow lane which had a stile at the top, I 
saw a flock of sheep before me. The shepherd had hard 
work to drive them on; they seemed determined to turn 
again. I thought, well they may, for there is no gate, 
no way through; what can he wish them to do? He forced 
9 



98 THE LIFE OF [PART III* 

them along, however, with dogs and sticks. I said in 
my mind, " These sheep are like me, drove on in a 
narrow path without any way to get out." I followed^ 
at a distance, expecting every moment they would turn 
back upon me, — when all at once they began to run, and 
I discovered a new made gate into a spacious field of 
turnips. In a minute they were dispersed, and fell to 
their full pasture with great delight. Faith whispered 
to my heart,— so shall a door open before you in the ap- 
pointed time. 

That passage of the Psalmist was much impressed on 
my mind at this time, — "The rod of the wicked shal) 
not always remain in the lot of the righteous, lest the 
righteous put forth his hand to iniquity. And frequently 
those words also came with power, The days shall be 
shortened; by which I rather thought, some change 
would take place in the beginning of the last year of my 
two apprenticeships in Yorkshire. And now the seventh 
of June came; and I was almost constrained to say, 
Thou hast not delivered thy people at all. There was 
no appearance of any such thing; all was dark; 

" All was with sable terror hung/ 5 



I have continued the narrative unbroken, through this 
cloudy and dark day. All was conflict respecting the 
creatures; but the Lord tempered the evil with occa* 
sional intimations that, 

" Behind a frowning* providence, 
He hid a smiling' face." 

Mrs. Fletcher was thus kept from "growing weary 
in well doing," and enabled to "believe in the faithful- 
ness of Him who knoweth the way of the righteous:" 
and who " in every temptation maketh a way for their 
escape." The pious reader will wish to know her walk 
with the Lord, during this evil day. An extract from 
her journal will give a clear view of this; and it will be 
seen, that although this blessed woman was thus cast 



PART III.] MRS. FLETCHER. 99 

down, she was not forsaken; though perplexed, she 
was not, for a moment, in despair; she still " look- 
ed, not at the things that are seen, and which are tem- 
poral, but at the things which are not seen, and eternal." 
She felt her weakness; yea, her utter helplessness; yet 
she was still confident. "She stood still to see the sal- 
vation of God."— Ed. 



Sunday, December, 1772. My health is yet far from 
good. My head is much affected, and it is often pre- 
sented to my mind that I shall have an apoplexy. It is 
a painful sensation. Sudden death does not appear to 
me as pleasant. I seem not to have my evidence clear 
for heaven. "Lord, spare me a little, that I may re- 
cover my strength before I go hence and am no more 
seen." My nerves are very weak, and I feel a lowness 
which I think affects my mind as to spiritual things; but 
I feel a determination, whether weak or strong, to rise 
early and to visit the sick. Lord, give me to make the 
most of my short time! and, O Jesus! give me power 
to keep my mind always fixed on thyself! 

January 16, 1773, Waked early, and was going to 
rise, but unprofitable thoughts crowded into my mind. 
My distressing situation, as to outward things, seemed 
an intolerable burden, and I was betrayed into thinking 
of useless plans and schemes, how to avoid this (as I 
think,) approaching ruin. Alas! with all my anxiety and 
care, I can do nothing. All I strive for seems overturn- 
ed. O Lord, give me the power to keep every thought 
stayed on thee! This day I have been a good deal hin- 
dered by company from walking by my rules, and I see 
I ought to receive every thing that occurs more imme- 
diately from the hand of God. 

January 17. Being very poorly, and the weather bad, 
I thought I would spend this day quietly at home, and 
set apart three hours for solemn examination, and fresh 
dedication of myself to God; and I found it good so to 
do. At night I felt much recollection, and had freedom 
in meeting the people. 



100 THE LIFE OF [PART III. 

January 21, Friday. For a few days past I have been 
enabled to keep in mind, — That the cross is my chosen 
portion. Much taken up to-day in domestic affairs, in 
which I found my mind recollected. A good deal also 
with the poor and sick, who came for advice. I seemed 
to be in my own element. But when in a more public 
way, I do not seem as much in my place. Company 
does not agree with my soul. 

January 25. Rose early, but not having much time 
for prayer, I was off my guard, and spoke very unkindly 
to A. T. I have not been with God much to-day, — yet 
I seem to have had a cry in my heart to him. At night, 
I again gave way to a hasty spirit. Alas! I seem to love 
to find fault, and to oblige others to see in my light, and 
so justify me. how unlike that holy simplicity I felt 
for a little while when at Hoxton! 

February 2. Since I wrote last, I trust I have been 

in a growing frame. I went this day to A . Had 

a good time in speaking from those words, — Xebu- 
chadnezzar, ice are not careful to answer thee in this 
^matter, 

Feb. IT. This day, in reading Air. Fletcher's Fourth 
Check, I found my soul much stirred up. for the 
close walk with God which he describes! 

Feb. 28. It was this week laid on my mind to go 

with Richard Taylor to A . I set out with prayer. 

When we had rode a few miles, the- horse grew very 
ill. We stopped at a public inn just out of the town. 
In a few minutes a woman came in, who had observed 
us; — she said, " Here are two or three of us who are 
seeking the Lord, just going to meet together at a house 
hard by.— pray will you come in? r? I answered, "If 
you will let a few of the neighbours know, that some 
strangers are going to have a meeting, we will come in 
for half an hour." In a short time several were gather- 
ed, and we had a comfortable season with them. When 
the meeting was concluded. R. Taylor said, "If any of 
you who have a larger house, will open the door, we 
will spend half an hour with you in the morning before 
we set onv ? Several offered. The largest house was 
fixed on; and in the morning we had a good meeting 



PART III.] MRS. FLETCHER. 101 

and much of the presence of God, About ten we set 
out for the coal-pit at R. Here I saw a little of what 
the Methodist preachers see much, viz. deep poverty, 
dirt, and cold; — but the Lord gave me freedom of speech, 
and some seemed to have an ear to hear: Lord! let me 
not be a delicate disciple! 

July 24. For a long time I have been ill, from the 
cold I caught at R. and my eyes being bad from riding 
so many miles in a strong east wind, I have been unfit 
for writing since. On the 29th of May I set out for 
Harrowgate, where I was advised to go to drink the wa- 
ters. We got in on Saturday night. The next day we 
were afflicted with hearing the Sabbath greatly profaned 
both in the house and in the street. Under my window 
was a company of men playing at horse-shoe. It seem- 
ed an heathen country indeed. We reproved them, and 
never observed the Sabbath so broke -again while we 
stayed. On Monday I began the waters, and thought, — 
(f it does not please the Lord that I should get good for 
my body, I will strive to get good for my soul. I will 
give myself up to prayer and reading. I have no op- 
portunity here to act for the souls of others. I had 
nearness to God; but a great weight rested on my mind. 
There were no lodging but at the great inns, and ours 
was full of ungodly company. They all ate at one ta- 
ble; but this I could not bear, therefore I got a bit in my 
own room when they had done. However, their talk- 
ing, swearing, laughing, and music, I was forced to hear 
all day long. Sometimes a strange impression came on 
my mind, that I should be called to bear my testimony 
for God to all the company that were there; but the 
pain that it brought with it was exquisite. 

After a few days, I was asked to go to Pannel, (about 
a mile from Harrowgate,) in order to hold a meeting at 
the house of a poor woman, who had taken the preach- 
ers in once or twice; at which I found many had been 
offended, and threatened much, so that I did not know 
what sort of treatment I was likely to meet with. Never- 
theless I did not dare to refuse. We had a profitable 
time, and all was quiet. Two days after. I heard that 
some of the chief opposers were much affected: Glory 
9* 



102 



THE 



LIFE OF [PART III. 



be to God! — While we were holding the meeting, a 
drunken man came by. and stopped a little while, then 
went on to the inn where I lodged, and told some of the 
gentlemen, that the lady who lived up stairs was preach- 
ing at Pannel. He i : also some oi the words he 
had heard me speak. When - :..e the v watch- 
ed us in. and my n s young worn 
going into the kitchen, they fl about her. asking, 
in manv questions, what her mistress had been doing at 
Panne;': 

The following Sen".-" the :ompany sent me a mes- 
sage up stairs: "Tin tested I 
would have - c ail- 
room." This was a trie! in dee an It : ne. I 
should seem in theii eyes a=> a a a a w ; nan. ; : :. stage-play- 
er: — and I feme d they y sought am armnity to be- 
have rudely. Yet I ; jus: iere a — I shah see these r. 
more till I see them at tee -u.lranent seat :: c hr: 






sn 

warne i us 

Lately, 

pointed. ' 

me Loin, v. 
the same r 
from High 
and glory 
I re: 
mind. Al 

at : ne"R.' 



1 



rcuest. Ma . 
-Harrowc-ate: — but the Lor 



tnese people no 

: I hrist. Ana 
I tJ : 

on mi- 
ll ana 

he rare sen-: 



17. Re 

u I thee 



an: ante a :•:' Israel 
e picture ah my 



Yes. 



Lord, srrip ni< 

poverty, but w 
strip me even 
Ottscouriua- o: 
proval. and al 
for all. ana un 
Oct. IS. F: 
men ana wom< 
in particular t: 



Yes. I 



LLV UJ 

Yes! 



nsisted of 



iiltSi U l 



PART III.] MRS. FLETCHER. 103 

seemed getting into snares; — and considering that seve- 
ral must soon (because of my circumstances,) be thrust 
out into the world, I spent some time in pleading with 
the Lord, that he would not let the expense and labour, 
which had been laid out on these orphans, be all in vain, 
but that they might be truly brought to God; though I 
saw we must be dispersed, through the losses and trials 
which are come upon me. The Bible lay open before 
me, and I cast my eyes on those words, which were ap- 
plied with power to my heart, "Yet, behold, there shall 
be a remnant that shall be brought forth, both sons and 
daughters,— behold, they shall come forth unto thee, and 
thou shalt see their ways and their doings; and ye shall 
oe comforted concerning the evil I have brought on Je- 
rusalem. And they shall comfort you when you shall 
see their ways and their doings; and ye shall know that 
I have not done without cause, all that I have done, saith 
the Lord." 

Monday, Nor. 6. I have received some upbraiding 
letters, asking me if I yet believed I should see those 
words fulfilled, "I will restore to you the ears the lo- 
custs have eaten?" In the midst of my trials, it is some- 
times presented to my mind, — perhaps the Lord will 
draw me out of all this by marriage. Opportunities of 
this kind occur frequently; but no sooner do I hear the 
offer, but a clear light seems to shine on my mind, as 
with this voice, you will neither be holier nor happier 
with this man. But I find Mr. Fletcher sometimes 
brought before me, and the same conviction does not in- 
tervene. His eminent piety, and the remembrance of 
some little acts of friendship in our first acquaintance, 
look to me sometimes like a pointing of the finger of provi- 
dence. - And yet I fear lest it should be a trick of Satan 
to hurt my mind. I know not even that we shall see 
each other on this side eternity. Lord, let me not be 
drawn into a snare! Well, this I resolve on, to strive 
against the thought; and never to do the least thing to- 
wards a renewal of our correspondence. No — I will 
fix my eye on the hundred forty and four thousand: 
praying only to live and die to God alone. Whatever is 
the will of God, I believe he will show it to me, and 



104 THE LIFE OF [PART III* 

may his holy will be done. A few nights ago, as my 
mind was burdened lest Satan was about to get an ad- 
vantage over me, I cried to the Lord, and felt much sor- 
row. In order to compose my mind, I did, (what I 
seldom do,) I prayed the Lord to direct me in opening 
to some passage of Scripture, which might draw me to 
himself, and compose me into a quiet frame. I took up, 
as I thought, a little Bible* which lay before me, but (by 
accident,) one of the maids had put her small common 
prayer book in the place. With prayer I opened it, and 
cast my eyes on these words, ; * Almighty God, who at 
the beginning did create our first parents, Adam and 
Eve, and did sanctify and join them together in marriage; 
pour upon you the riches of his grace, sanctify and bless 
you, that you may please him both in body and soul, and 
live together in holy love unto your lives' end." I was 
struck with the words; but saw the safest way was a 
quiet attention to the will of my God, on which I strove 
to lean my weary spirit. 

Mondav, November 8. My mind is this morning 
affected in a solemn manner. It seems to me I have yet 
more of the cross to expect, and more bitter cups to 
drink. O my Lord, what breaking do I need! Well, 
do all thy will, so I may but feel that promise accom- 
plished, Thou shatt walk with me in white. Last night 
I went to bed recollected, and in the spirit of prayer, 
but had a dream which I cannot understand, though I 
believe it to be from God. Perhaps what I know not 
now I may know hereafter. I thought I was in a room 
with S. C. A. T. and some others. Mr. Fletcher was 
there sitting with us, and speaking of the things relating 
to a walk with God. At last he said, as it were abruptly, 
"I must go to Bristol: will any of you go with me?'' 
A woman who sat by him said, " No, not for the world. 
You know not what you will have to suffer: the devil walks 
there, and you will have all the powers of hell to grap- 
ple with."^ He replied, '*I care not for ten thousand 
devils, for the name of Jesus will conquer them all!" 
He then turning to me, said, " Will you go with me? 
Not to help me to fight, but to help me to praise." I re- 
plied, "I will go; for while we trust in Jesus, all the 



PART III.] MRS. FLETCHER. 105 

powers of hcL cannot harm us." — I had no remembrance 
during my dre.^m of his being a single man, or any thing 
of what had passed in my mind before. In all I said 
and did, I see med acted upon by another spirit rather 
than my own. 

November 15. In reading Mr. Elliot's life this day, I 
received a fr< sh conviction, how blessed an employment 
it is to recen e and comfort the. messengers of the Lord, 
who have left their houses, and all the conveniences of 
life, to preach the Gospel. God hath given me a home, 
though Christ had not where to lay his head; and here 
I have the r onour and privilege of giving a cup of watei 
to his pro j he ts. Lord, teach me to do it with more 
diligence! 

December 2. This day a*s brother Bramah was meet- 
ing my btftd, he related an anecdote of a young man, 
which wa-3 blest to me. He was leader of a band of 
young men, all desirous of giving their whole hearts to 
God; but it seemed to them they could not see the way 
clearly. One night he dreamed he was at the bottom 
of a de jp but dry well, with his little company. He 
told thom if they remained there they must perish, and 
exhorted them to strive hard to get out. Accordingly 
they exerted all their strength, endeavouring to get up 
but all in vain. At last they were quite discouraged 
and said, " What must we do?" " Truly," said he, " i 
know not;" but looking up, he saw in the sky a little 
bright spot which did not appear larger than half a 
crown. He looked at it for some time, when feelinp 
himself move, he looked down into the well, and found 
to his surprise he was risen some feet from the bottom. 
As soon however as he looked down, he began to sink 
again. " O, said he, now I have found the way out of 
the well! It is by looking steadily on yonder bright 
spot." On which fixing his eye, he was brought up in a 
short time, and his feet were set on firm ground. This 
discovery of the way of faith, was greatly blest both to 
him and his brethren. I am convinced, could I thus 
constantly look to Jesus, as the author and finisher of 
ray faith, the work of sanctification would be going or, 
without hinderance. 



106 THE LIFE OF [PART 111. 

December 17. Last Friday I went to Leeds to meet 
some classes. O how much do I suffer for every meet- 
ing I propose! The enemy follows me hard with sue} 
buffeting fears and discouragements as I cannot express 
However I determined to go, and leave the event to God 
At Mrs. C.'s many came in to tea. and being a mixed 
company,. I thought, Lord, give me something profitable 
to say, or keep me silent: and blessed be God, it was a 
profitable time. After tea I conversed alone with one 
in deep distress. — and read in the providences she men- 
tioned, a wonderful display of the wisdom, condescen- 
sion, and guardian care of the Lord Jesus. When I 
returned into the dining room, a large class was ready 
for me, and the Lord was very present. Glory be to 
his name, he never fails his poor unworthy dust! Then 
Mrs. Clapham asked me if my strength would hold out 
to meet the children? I assented, and also found some 
liberty. Immediately I began the second class, and there 
I found the Lord was very good indeed, — but my strength 
almost failed. After the people were gone, I talked 
closely with Mr. H. I trust not quite in vain. Tt being 
now late, we got a little supper, and went to bed. I 
had but little rest, being very feverish. Indeed I am 
seldom well in a town. Next day we visited several in 
peculiar states and circumstances, and here also I saw 
the Lord's hand. In the afternoon I returned home in 
peace. 

December 20. This was on the whole a good day. 
Taking some time in the Hermitage, my soul was re- 
freshed. My situation is perplexing; but I feel myself 
calmly fixed on the will of God. I can, I do believe He 
will not let me take any step that is not for his glory. 
And if I do not get out of his order, I care for nothing else. 

December 30. Waked early, and after losing some 
time, (though kept from unprofitable thoughts/ I arose 
about live, and was blest in prayer: but afterward found 
myself very stupid, dull, and heavy. I went to see some 
sick people, and their words were animating. 1 was 
humbled while they recorded several meetings in which 
my words had been blest to them. O my God, let me 
Hot help others into liberty, and myself remain in bon* 



PART HI.] MRS. FLETCHER* 107 

dage. I heard also to-day of some in Leeds that were 
brought into a fuller measure of love, — and that they 
had been blessed ever since my being there. Ah! Lord, 
how will this rise against me if I am not filled with Thee! 
On all sides, I hear of my words being blest, and yet I 
am only a poor pipe through which it passes. Lord, 
let me never rest till I have full redemption in thy blood* 
Sometimes all my soul is on the stretch; but then I rest 
again, and other cares my heart divide. How long! O 
Lord! How long! 

January 1, 1774. And do I yet see another year! 
Lord, with what improvement? Shine on my soul, while 
I examine for an answer. Blessed be thy name! I have 
more faith than last year, I have more power, and my 
mouth is more open to speak for Thee. I am more 
deeply convinced of my vileness, which is such as none 
can conceive. I am also more on stretch for holiness. 

January 15, Friday night. This day I set apart as a 
fast. All the morning I was tossed much with thoughts 
of temporal difficulties; E. T. being quite unwilling to 
come into any scheme I can propose. In the afternoon 
i found more liberty in prayer; I was as in an agony. I 
said, "Lord, if it can be consistent with thy justice to 
make such a sinner as me entirely holy, do it! Do it foi 
thy name's sake!^ Give me once more what thou gavest 
me at Hoxton. Do it, Lord! in thy own way, I submit 
myself to any condition; only make and keep me holy." 
My life seemed as if it would go from me, and my hands 
were so strained by the grasp, (which I afterward found 
they had of each other) that I could hardly use them for 
some time. But I did not gain the blessing I wanted. 

February 6. Blessed be my adorable Saviour I am 
kept from all condemnation. I feel I am so born of God, 
I do not commit sin. But I have not that liberty of soul, 
that close communion which I want and believe to be 
my privilege. O my Saviour, shine more clearly! let 
me fully enter into the good land! 

Saturday, February 19. Glory be to God, I have been 
kept in peace this week, and my soul seems nearer to 
God. Yet I do not seem to have got " salvation ap- 
pointed for walls and bulwarks;" — I am but a little child. 



108 THE LIFE OF [PART III. 

But, " Lord, I am thine, save me." As to my outward 
affairs, they are not now such a weight, — I have cast 
them on the Lord, and I embrace his will. He, without 
whom " a sparrow does not fall to the ground," will not 
leave nor forsake his poor helpless creature. 

Monday, 22. Yesterday was a day of trial. Mr. *** 
preached at Morley, and then came here. He really 
grows in grace, and his word is attended with power. 
1 was much pained in conversing with him to see the 
grief of mind occasioned by his attachment. O my God, 
indulge me in this! Show me some way out of this em- 
barrassment. 

Saturday, 27. A solemn day to my soul. I was kept 
in peace while busy in domestic affairs. Home always 
agrees with my soul. It is seven weeks to-morrow, since 
I have been constantly kept as the clay before the potter: 
yet still how far below rny privilege I live! 

Sunday, September 26. I did not rise quite in so 
spiritual a frame as I wished. Lord, let me not lose 
ground. I was blessed in the meeting afterward; — and 
-in reading the Essay on Truth, in Mr. Fletcher's Equal 
Check, page 162. Lord, give me to live in that constant 
act of faith! It is the very marrow of the Gospel. How 
delightfully it is distinguished from Antinomian pre- 
sumption! It has of a truth been food to my soul. In 
prayer this night I found power to lay open all my 
troubles before the Lord, and to take fast hold on that 
word, " Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his 
righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto 
you." I cannot tell how to express the power I felt in 
those words, All these things! I saw Jesus had under- 
taken my whole cause. 

December. I feel my faith rather increased. I have this 
day been examining the state of my soul, as to the pro- 
gress I have made this year, — and inquiring of the Lord 
why I do not grow much faster, and sink into a much 
deeper acquaintance with God. It appears to me that 
the reason is, I do not valiantly resist every thought that 
presents itself, but suffer my eyes to be turned off from 
my Saviour. In particular, I lose much time in search- 
ing for ways out of my present trials. It seems often a 



PART III.] MRS. FLETCHER. 109 

dutf to do so; and my mind is carried away, till recalled 
by that word, "Thou canst not make one hair white or 
black." 

February 1, 1775. I was much blessed at the Wednes- 
day meeting. For some time these words have been 
with me, "Delight thyself in the Lord, and he will give 
thee the desire of thy heart." 

February 28. I fear my soul has lost ground this 
month. O what a narrow path do we tread! How true 
also is that word, — Without me ye can do nothing! In 
the beginning of this month I wrote that precious word, 
Delight thyself in the Lord; but alas! instead of de- 
light, I feel sorrow of heart! A little time since I had a 
particular trial with ****. What was proposed, seemed 
hard and unreasonable; and I forgot the Christian motto, 
" Do good, and suffer ill." I got my eye turned off from 
Jesus, and then I no longer felt the love that never fail- 
eth. This deeply wounded me. At night I felt a drop 
of healing balm, but my spirit remains to this day much 
discouraged. 

May. / am a woman of a sorrowful spirit. My 
affairs are perplexing indeed! Yet something seems to 
say, It is for an appointed time. But all this I should not 
regard, if my soul was always filled with love. I some- 
times seem to get all obstacles removed, and then I reflect 
the image of my Saviour, and all is quiet, calm, and peace. 
Floods of trial do not seem to move me. But though I 
thus taste of the pure river now and then, I do not abide 
in the faith, and therefore I do not abide in liberty. 

May 28. This day I set apart for prayer, to inquire 
of the Lord, why I am so held in bondage about speak- 
ing in public. It cannot be expressed what I suffer,— 
it is known only to God what trials I go through in that 
respect. Lord, give me more humility, and then I shall 
not care for any thing but Thee! There are a variety 
of reasons why it is such a cross. The otherHay one 
told me, — " He was sure I must be an impudent woman; 
no modest woman, he was sure, could proceed thus." 
Ah! how glad would nature be to find out, — Thou, Lord, 
dost not require it! Mr. William Bramah observed to- 
day, " The reason why your witness is not more clear, 
10 



110 THE LIFE OF [>ART III. 

is because you do not glorify God by believing, and 
more freely declaring what he hath done for your souL" 
He spake much on these words, — " What things soever 
ye ask in prayer, believe that ye receive them, and ye 
shall have them." His words came with power, and 
my soul got a further hold on Jesus. I do see that by 
his death he hath purchased perfect salvation for all 
who believe; and that we receive it in proportion as we 
thus believe. " Be it unto you according to your faith," 
is the word of the Lord. Then I will, I do cast my 
whole soul on thee! O let me find salvation as walls 
and bulwarks! 

September 10, Sunday. I rose this morning with a 
sore weight on my mind. It was given out for me 

to be at D . There was much wind and rain, and 

the roads were very bad. — I feared the journey. I feared 
also I should have nothing to say when I came there; — 
I feared all manner of things. Those words, however, 
came to my mind, *' Take no thought what ye shall say:" 
I then felt myself led to consider those words, " Re- 
pent! for the kingdom of heaven is at hand." I found 
some liberty in speaking from them, and the people 
were affected. As I was riding back, I clearly saw I 
was called to stand still; to live the present moment, and 
always to praise the Lord that His will was done, though 
I might have much to suffer. I had a clear conviction; 
God brought me to Yorkshire, and that I had a message 
to this people: and that notwithstanding the darkness 
which hung over my situation, I was at present where 
God would have me. Well then, answered my heart, 
if I am but in His will I am safe; for where the Lord 
leads me, there He will be my light. 

September 12, Tuesday. This day I am thirty-six 
years old. I have been throughout the day kept in the 
spirit of prayer. Lord, I offer up myself, body and soul, 
to Thee! It came to me, Thy captivity is long. Well, I 
will wait thy time, O Lord! 

November 5, Sunday. Did not rise early, but was 
kept recollected. In the morning I was watchful as to 
words, but at noon I talked too long with A. T. That 
is an admirable rule of Mr. Wesley's, never to be more 



PART III.] MRS. FLETCHER. Ill 

than an hour in the same company where it can be 
avoided. I also spoke some evil of M. M. by repeat- 
ing what was not needful. O when shall I know what 
that meaneth, " He that ofFendeth not in word, the same 
is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body." 

November 12, Sunday. Went to bed late last night, 
but in a degree recollected, though rather hurried with 
fear lest I should lie too long in the morning. When I 
rose, I found the weather was very severe. However I 

went to A . The extreme cold almost took away my 

senses. Yet we had a comfortable meeting, and many 
people. 

January 5, 1776. I find it very hard to be recollected 
in private prayer. To-day I tried the following plan 
with some advantage. I placed my watch on the bed, 
that I might know when the hour was out. I first strove 
to consider myself as in the presence of God,— -as before 
the throne, worshipping with the heavenly host. Then 
I strove with recollection to repeat the Lord's prayer, 
giving each sentence full scope in my mind. In the 
words — Our Father, I felt a powerful remembrance of 
Him, " after whom the whole family in heaven and earth 
is named," and with delight I then repeated, Hallovjed 
be thy name! That sentence, Thy kingdom come, was 
much opened to my soul. I see that kingdom is the 
great promise of the Father, which Christ said he would 
send upon his children. That indeed is " the kingdom 
which suffers violence, and the violent take it by force." 
As I repeated, Thy will be done on earth, as it is in 
heaven, I felt 

" The will of God, my sure defence, 
Nor earth, nor hell, can pluck me thence." 

Give us this day our daily bread. Is He not our own 
Father? Is He not engaged to provide for his babes? 
Well then, thought I, freedom from debt is more to me 
than bread, and will he not preserve me from this? It 
was then brought to my mind, " The Lord is my shep- 
herd, I shall not want." In the next petition, Forgive 



112 THE LIFE OF [PART III. 

me as I forgive. Oh! what a cry did I feel for more 
love! Lord, must I say. 

1 ''That mercy I to others show. 
That mercy show to me ' 

Ah no! I will rather cry out. 

"Mercy, good Lord! mercy I ask. 
It is the total sum: 
For mercy, Lord, is all my plea, 
O let thy mercy come!" 

44 With what measure ye mere, it shall be measured to 
you again!" how would that cut me off from all hope, 
were it not for those words — ''The blood of Jesus 
cleanseth from all sin!" Lead us not into temptation. 
How hath this prayer been answered to me! How would 
I have ran into ruin, but thou didst not suffer the temp- 
tation to approach. Thou didst keep my powers as with 
bit and bridle, and conquered for me: and that when I 
did not strive, or even know my danger! But deliver us 
from evil. Lord, I am a desolate woman, who hath no 
helper but thee. keep me from evil of every kind; 
" thoroughly purge away my dross, and take away all my 
tin." For all is thine for ever and ever. This I am 
assured of, when the soul turns inward to seek the 
Lord, that moment he turns to it and smiles upon it; and 
if it abide with Him. it will always grow. But as of 
a healthy child, one does not see it grow, and yet it doth; 
so the soul, surrounded by temptation, may not discover 
its growth; nevertheless the sun does not more freely 
give its light and warmth to the earth, than the beams 
of the immaterial Sun meets the seeking soul. 

January 21. I went to-day to see some sick, among 
whom was the mother of a young man. who about four 
years ago came to our Sunday night's meeting. I; 
pleased the Lord to awaken him. and soon after he died 
happy. On his death bed, he entreated his mother and 
sister, that they would attend the meetings as he had 
done. Some time after, the eldest sister came to me for 
advice among the other patients. Conversing with her s 



PART III.] MRS. FLETCHER. 113 

I perceived she had some convictions, and invited her to 
meet with a few persons which I had collected. She 
did so. and seemed to drink in instruction as the parched 
ground the softening shower. After a few weeks she 
was set at liberty. She was now desirous her mother 
might share in her felicity. She begged me to visit her, 
as she was too infirm to come out. Accordingly, I went, 
but found her so ignorant, and so exceedingly weak as 
to her understanding, that it seemed almost impossible 
to do her any good. After some time, she appeared 
under some concern; and her complaint then was, to use 
her own words, "0 that I could but get a smile from God!" 
Her convictions continued to increase, and she would 
cry. " what shall I do? Shall I never be saved! how 
easily did Betty come to it, while I cannot get one smile, 
not one look from God! The face of the Almighty is all 
dark to me, as dark as darkness itself." The Lord was 
then pleased to lay her on a sick bed, in a very painful 
disorder. Finding nothing gave her any relief, and be- 
lieving she must die, she was in great distress, and said 
to her daughter, " My dear, my pain is greater than I can 
bear! I cannot live over this night. I pray thee go to 
Mistress, and see if she can order me something." "O 
mother," said she, " I know not how to go, we have had 
so much in former illnesses. I fear it will seem as if we 
were imposing on her: let me go to the doctor again!" 
The old woman lying in great distress, at length cried 
out, " Thou wilt order me a medicine, Lord! I can be- 
lieve thou wilt. But shall I have no share in thy glory?" 
Then, as she expressed it, "It went through my mind 
with power, 'I will have mercy on thee! I will receive 
thee at the eleventh hour!' what did I then feel! such 
comfort came over me as I can never tell. I did not 
mind the pain, I believed it would be removed. But my 
soul! 0! what a change did it feel! Why, the dark face 
of God was all light! I thought before, that he hated me 
for my sins; but now I saw he loved me. Yes, I saw 
he had loved me all my life, and had been inviting me 
to come to him;— but I did not understand. And now, 
O! how I love him! Yes, I love my God better than I 
ever loved mv best bairn (child.) it is a brave thing! 
10* 



114 THE LIFE OF [p ART III. 

And what a change it makes! Why, one is quite a new 
creature! And it has made me see things quite different 
from what I did before. I used to chafe and fret, when 
any thing went wrong, and thought things were very 
hard; but now I see nothing is hard, all is love! So I 
never do complain now."* 

Her daughter came to me, and told me (as well as she 
could,) how her mother was; but her disorder was so 
peculiar, and so badly described, that I was on the point 
of saying, I cannot do any thing for her, when all at 
once a mixture came into my mind. I went and made 
it up. The first spoonful gave her ease; and soon after 
quite removed the disorder. All I can say on this ex- 
traordinary case is, the Lord would have n so. The 
medicine was not an opiate, but in itself a very simple 
thing; but when the Lord will bless, who shall stay his 
hand. — Thou art a God who hears and answers prayer! 

January 30. Last night I met the classes at A . 

Much of the power of the Lord was present. But, Oh! 
I am not what I would be, Lord! How is it I seem to 
get so slowly forward? This morning I rose early, and 
found it good. Self-denial agrees well with my soul, 
but I use too little of it. 

February 4. Last Wednesday I had a remarkable pre- 
servation. Going to take my bark mixture, my mind 
being much taken up with what I had been writing, I 
took a bottle of laudanum, which, through a strange 
providence, was then not locked up, — a circumstance 
which seldom happens. I took four tea spoonfuls and a 

* As it was in the days of the personal ministry of the Son of 
God, so it is in these his Spirit's Gospel days — "He hides those 
thing's from the wise and prudent, and revealeth them unto 
babes. — The weary and heavy-laden, who believe." Matthew, 
xi. 25 — 30. How easy it is to forget this! How hard to keep it 
in remembrance, and to allow it its due weight! Did ever any man, 
since the days of St. Paul, more fully, or more constantly, appre- 
ciate this than Mr. Wesley? It was the principle that governed 
and directed his whole life and labours: and on which account he 
denominated the fruit of those labours — " The work of God. " A 
work which HE began, supported, and prospered; and in respect 
to which, Mr. Wesley, notwithstanding his uuparalleled activity, 
always considered himself as a mere passive instrument. — Ed. 



PART III.] MRS. FLETCHER. 115 

half of it. As soon as I had swallowed it, 1 perceived 
what it was; — and thought I must take a large dose of 
ipecacuanha. I looked for it, but could not find it, though 
it stood very near me. I knew my life depended on the 
present moment; — and thought, perhaps, the Lord has 
appointed to take me this way. I found my mind calmly 
stayed on God, arid those words came across it, "These 
signs shall follow those that believe: — if they drink any 
deadly thing it shall not hurt them." I went into Mrs. 
Crosby's room, and told them what had happened. 
Having medicines in the parlour, we went down to look 
there for the ipecacuanha, but there was none. We re- 
turned to my room and found it. I took about 30 grains. 
We then joined in prayer. For half an hour it had no 
effect. I thought it would then have no power, as the 
opiate must in that time have taken hold of the nerves 
of the stomach. But it soon after operated, and brought 
up, (it seems,) both the laudanum and ipecacuanha. 
Fearing the whole had not come away, they gave me 
another dose; but that had no effect at all. I felt, how- 
ever, not the least inconvenience. In the night, I a little 
rambled, and was restless, but not ill. On the whole, it 
was a comfortable dispensation. I had been always 
tempted to think, if I should be called to face death in 
full health, I should shrink from it. But now that I 
fully believed it to be just before me, my soul did calmly 
wait on the Lord, though not with joy, yet with quiet 
peace! 

Last night I dreamed, I was telling the Lord, He was 
the loadstone, and my soul the needle. That his will 
was the north pole, to which my heart should turn, 
however tossed about. To-day Miss Ritchie came. I 
have had some profitable conversation with her. She 
is indeed a blessed soul; and I feel more of the imme- 
diate presence of God since that conversation. 

May 5. I had a meeting some days ago at B , 

where an odd circumstance occurred. I observed, (as I 
was speaking on these words, — The master is come, and 
calletli for thee,) a gentleman among the congregation, 
who looked with great earnestness. As soon as the 
meeting was over, I rode home, where I had not long 



116 THE LIFE OF [PART III. 

been, till this man came after me. He is a stranger, and 
came into these parts about business. He felt a great 
alarm in his soul; and declared he had always before 
thought himself very righteous: — but he now feared he 
should go to hell; and insisted on telling me his whole 
life, and confessing, (as he termed it,) all his sins. He 
was very long; and I feared there was in his mind a 
mixture of insanity. He told me he was building a 
house for an assembly, but he would go home and turn 
it into a preaching-house, if I would come and speak in 
it, that his neighbours might get the light he had got. I 
strove to prevail on him to return to the friend's house 
from whence he came, and to set off the next morning 
for his own country, where he told me he had a good 
wife and family; but he insisted he would not leave me 
till he had found the Lord! At length he said he felt some 
comfort, and would go and spend some of the night in 
prayer. Next morning he was more calm; and on my 
promising to answer him if he wrote to me, he went 
away. Satan made use of this occurrence to bring me 
into discouragement respecting public speaking; but 
some years after, I heard a most pleasing account of this 
gentleman, — That he had indeed turned his assembly- 
house into a Methodist preaching-house, and that him- 
self and family were joined to the society. 

June 11, Tuesday. Mrs. Westerman came here on 
the Thursday before Whitsunday, and staid ten days. 
She came in full expectation of a blessing; — and in the 
Sunday night meeting, as I was in the last prayer, I fell 
it on my mind to plead with the Lord, that he would 
seal some soul as his abode that night. Just then the 
answer came. She felt the heart of stone taken away, 
and has ever since rejoiced with exceeding joy. Tues- 
day I went to B . When we came, we found the 

man at whose house we were to have been, died that 
morning. Another offered his barn, though with seem- 
ing fear; — but when we came to the house, he either 
could not or would not find the key. So we stood in 
an open place, with some serious people from other 
parts, and some of the careless inhabitants. However 
all behaved well, and I found liberty in enforcing those 



PART III.] MRS. FLETCHER. 117 

words, "Acquaint now thyself with God, and be at 
peace, — hereby good shall come unto thee." 

July 20. This day I found a good deal of liberty in 
prayer, especially in pleading, " If it be thy will I should 
be holy, — if it be the great design of thy death — then 
let it all be answered on thy poor creature. Let all thy 
will be done!" It seems to me I fall short in every thing. 
I am continually making rules and plans, and yet I keep 
to none with any degree of exactness. Nevertheless, I 
see it well to make them; for though I never come up 
to what I propose, yet I always gain something; e very- 
fresh effort seems to put me a little forward. I have of 
late been reading Dr. Cheyne's works; I see self-denia4 
very beautiful, and of profit both for soul and body. 

July 24. H. S. gave a good account of the work 
wrought on her soul. I think it is about three months 
ago I providentially met with her in a class, which I 
went to meet about a mile from home. She appeared 
that night all ear, and quite awakened to the desire of 
loving God with all her heart. I felt much liberty in 
conversing with her, and asked her to come to the meet- 
ing, which she did the first opportunity, and seemed 
quite broke down;— expressing herself in such a manner 
concerning her inbred sin, as plainly showed the Lord 
had plucked away every covering. "While we were at 
prayer, she felt a degree of living faith; and last night 
she gave the following account: — "After I left you I was 
very happy. I went to bed wondering at the great mi- 
racle Jesus had wrought in saving such a sinner. When 
I awoke in the morning, (O what a precious morning to 
me!) I had an impression as if my dear Lord stood just by 
me and said, ■ I will cause all my goodness to pass be- 
fore thee.' I cried out, ' it is thee, my Lord!' Then 
the words came to me, 'I have set thee as a signet upon 
mine arm, as a seal upon my heart. Thy sun shall no 
more go down. I will be thine everlasting light, and 
thy God, thy glory.' O what rapture did I feel, and so 
I do still! He is all day long speaking so sweetly to me, 
and I have such views of his glorious love as I cannot 
express! O never sure did the Lord do such a miracle! 



118 THE LIFE OF [PART III. 

For I do believe there never was such a vile polluted 
creature as I have been!"* 

August 30. Yesterday it was given out for me to be 
at- — . For a whole month it lay on my mind. None, 

my God, but thyself, knows what I go through for 
every public meeting! I am often quite ill with the 
prospect. When the day came, the wind was violent, 
which is a thing I have a great fear of, because it so 
affects my head; for after riding several miles in it, I am 
scarcely in my senses. And I suppose it is worse to 
me, not having been used to ride on horseback till I 
came into Yorkshire. A little before I set out, I said, 
44 Lord, thou canst still the wind; but Thy will be 
done" When we had got about a hundred yards from 
the house, the wind fell, and we had no more trouble 
from it all the way. My hearing was much affected at 
this time, so that I feared I should not be able to con- 
verse with any person. But before I got to the place, 
my hearing was as good as ever it was in my life, — and 

1 was not at all fatigued! There were many persons got 
together; and after spending about two hours with them, 
the time for the meeting drew on. We went to a barn 
prepared for that purpose by the kind friend who had in- 
vited us. There was a good congregation; and I found 
some enlargement in speaking on those words which 
came then to my mind, "Hath the Lord as much de- 
light in sacrifices and burnt-offerings as in obeying the 
voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than to sa- 
crifice, and to hearken, than the fat of rams." As I 
was speaking on the word hearken, I felt the Lord pe- 
culiarly present. The people would fain have had me 
stay all night; but for some reasons I thought it better 
to return; — which we immediately did, and reached 
home a little before eleven. 

September 7, Tuesday. Glory be to God! this has 
been a comfortable day. My soul is sweet in expecta- 
tion that I shall be filled with the Spirit; and that I shall 
yet see the time, when by my whole life I shall bring 

* There ape ten thousand happy believers that would dispute 
that point with her. — Ed, 



PART III.] MRS- FLETCHER. 119 

glory to God. I feel power to abandon my whole cause 
into His hand. O Lord, thou hast undertaken for me, I 
feel thou hast; I feel also great resignation as to the life 
or death of thy dear servant. O keep him, Lord, as the 
apple of thine eye. I believe thou wilt order all right; 
and I shall regard him with an immortal friendship, that 
will be free from snares, and all divine. But it is strange, 
when I am offering him up, the words come, "The 
prayer of faith shall heal the sick, and the Lord shall 
raise him up." I do not understand, but I stand still. 

September 14. Yesterday I was a good deal oppressed. 
I had undertaken to meet the old members of our society 
apart, and to propose to them a renewal of our covenant; 
— to set our hearts and hands afresh to the work of God. 
Glory be to his name, I was carried better through it 
than I could have hoped for. Some little touches of en- 
thusiasm were beginning to creep in among us, which 
I thought the more dangerous, as the meeting now grows 
very numerous, members being added from all sides. 
Yet was it a great trial to me to have to reprove them, — 
i . Because many are much farther advanced in grace 
than I am. 2. I was deeply conscious it is one of the 
most delicate subjects in the world, and requires both 
much wisdom and much love, to extinguish false fire, 
and yet to keep up the true. All the day I kept plead- 
ing before the Lord, mostly in these words of Solomon — 
"Ah! Lord, how shall I, who am but a child, go in and 
out before this thy chosen people?" 

September 17, Tuesday. Glory be to thee, my faith- 
ful Lord! O that I could always trust! Then I should 
always praise! Last Sabbath morning I went, according 
to appointment, to Goker. I arose early, and in pretty 
good health. The day was fine, though rather hot. 
About eleven we came to Huddersfield, and called on 
Mrs. H. She had asked me to lodge there on my re- 
turn, and have a meeting, saying, many had long desired 
it, and there would be no preacher there on that day. I 
felt immediately the people laid on my mind, and that I 
had a message to that place, — and said, if the Lord per- 
mit, I will. She then said, " We will give it out at 
noon." We rode forward. Benjamin Cock met us, and 



120 THE LIFE OF [PART III. 

kindly conducted us over the moors. When we came 
to his hut, all was clean, and victuals enough provided 
for twenty men. But I was so heated with the ride, 
(near twenty miles,) and with the great fire on which 
they so liberally cooked for us, that I could not eat. My 
drinking nothing but water seemed also quite to distress 
them. They said the meeting had been given out in 
many places, and they believed we should have between 
two and three thousand people. That I did not believe; 
but there was indeed such a number, — and of such a 
rabble as I scarce ever saw. At one we went out to the 
rocks,— a place so wild that I cannot describe it. The 
crowd which got round us was so great, that by striving 
which should get first to the quarry, (where we were to 
meet,) they rolled down great stones among the people 
below us, so that we feared mischief would be done. 
Blessed be God, none were hurt! I passed on among 
them on the top of the hill, not knowing whither I went. 
Twice I was pushed down by the crowd, but rose with- 
out being trampled on. We stopped on the edge of a 
spacious quarry, filled with people, who were tolerably 
quiet. I gave out that hymn, The Lord my pasture 
shall prepare, &c.~ When they were a little settled, 1 
found some liberty in speaking to them; and I believe 
most heard. As we returned into the house, numbers 
followed, and filled it so full we could not stir. I con- 
versed with them, but could not get much answer. They 
stood like people in amaze, and seemed as if they could 
never have enough. Many wept and said, "When 
will you come again?" We then set off for Hudders- 
field. I felt very much fatigued, and began to think, 
how shall I be able to fulfil my word there? As we rode 
along, brother Taylor said, " I think I ought to tell you 
my mind. I wish we could ride through Huddersfield, 
and not stop. For I know there are some there who do 
not like women to speak among them, and I fear you 
will meet with something disagreeable." I looked to the 
Lord, and received, as it seemed to me, the following 
direction, — If I have a word to speak from Him, He will 
make my way. If not, the door will be shut. I am 



PART III.] MRS. FLETCHER. 121 

only to show the meekness of wisdom, and leave all to 
God, These words then came with power to my mind: 

«« The Lord my pasture shall prepare, 
And feed me with a shepherd's care^ 
His presence shall my wants supply, 
And guard me with a watchful eye^ 

My noonday walks he shall attend, 

And all my midnight hours defend." 

When we got to Huddersfield, I told them the con- 
versation we had had by the way, and the posture of my 
mind; which was calm as the limpid stream, and quiet 
as an infant. I perceived his fears were not groundless, 
and said, " Well, my friends, I will do as you will, either 
stay with you this night, or go forward directly, for I 
follow a lamb-like Lord, and I would imitate his life and 
spirit." They said, they believed but few of the prin- 
cipal persons had any objection; and the people much 
desired it; — besides, as it had been given out at noon, 
there would be a great many strangers, whom it would 
not be well to disappoint. It was then agreed that we 
should have the meeting in the house, where they 
usually had the preaching; but when we came there, the 
crowd was very great, and the place so hot, that I feared 
I should not be able to speak at all. I stood still, and 
left all to God. A friend gave out a hymn; during which 
some fainted away. Brother Taylor said, " I perceive 
it is impossible for us to stay within doors, the people 
cannot bear the heat, and there are more without than 
are within." We then came out. My head swam with 
the heat; I scarce knew which way I went, but seemed 
carried along by the people, till we stopped at a horse- 
block, placed against a wall on the side of the street, 
with a plain wide opening before it. On the steps of 
this I stood, and gave out, " Come, ye sinners, poor and 
needy," &c. While the people were singing the hymn, 
\ felt a renewed conviction to speak in the name of the 
ord. My bodily strength seemed to return each mo- 
ment. I felt no weariness, and my voice was stronger 
than in the morning, while I was led to enlarge on these 
words, "The Lord is our Judge, the Lord is our Law- 
11 



122 THE LIFE OF [PART III. 

giver, the Lord is our King, He will save us." I felt 
great enlargement while endeavouring to show the purity 
of our Judge, whose eyes could endure no iniquity. 
That as a Lawgiver he was just and holy, and the thing 
gone out of his lips must stand: — The soul that sinneth 
shall die. But the Lord is also our King, and He will 
save us. First, By convincing us of the purity of His 
law, and the justness of our punishment, who have hroken 
it. Secondly, By making us tremble before that Judge, 
whose eyes are as a flame of fire. Thirdly, By leading 
us to Him, who is our "Advocate with the Father, Jesus 
Christ the righteous," — who now manifests himself to 
the soul, as the propitiation for our sins. And, Fourthly, 
As a King he goes on in the believer, conquering and to 
conquer,- — till the eternal reign of Jesus commences in 
the soul; which as the "morning light orows brighter 
and brighter unto the perfect day;" — till "the perfect 
love which casts out all fear," marks the soul as the 
abode and " habitation of God through the Spirit." 
Deep solemnity sat on every face. I think there was 
scarce a cough to be heard, or the least motion; though 
the number gathered was very great. So solemn a time 
I have seldom known; my voice was clear enough to 
reach them all; and when we concluded, I felt stronger 
than when we began. 

They then desired me to speak to each of the women 
joined in the society, which took me till near ten. The 
room we went into for that purpose, was a damp stone 
floor, so that I could hardly move my legs when I came 
out. But they kindled a fire, and after getting some re- 
freshment, I grew better. About twelve I went to bed, 
and rested under the shadow of the Almighty till morn- 
ing, when I found myself remarkably well. After having 
breakfasted with brother Goldthorp, where we had a 
lively conversation concerning holiness, I came home 
with much thankfulness and peace. 

October 8. I was to-day at Clackhigh-town, and saw 
trie hand of the Lord in many things. I have been more 
abundantly led to reflect on the difficulties of the path I 
am called in. I know the power of God which I feli 
when standing on the horse-block in the street at Hud- 



PART III.] MRS. FLETCHER. 123 

dersfieid: but at the same time I am conscious how ri- 
diculous I must appear in the eyes of many for so doing. 
Therefore, if some persons consider me as an impudent 
woman, and represent me as such, I cannot blame them. 
Again, many say, If you are called to preach, why do 
you not do it constantly, and take a round as a preacher? 
I answer, Because that is not my call. I have many du- 
ties to attend to, and many cares which they know 
nothing about. I must therefore leave myself to his 
guidance who hath the sole right of disposing of me. 
Again they say, " Why do you not give out, I am to 
preach? Why call it a meeting.'" I answer, Because 
that suits my design best. First, It is less ostentatious. 
Secondly, It leaves me at liberty to speak more or less 
as I feel myself led. Thirdly, It gives less offence to 
those who watch for it. Others object, "Why, yours 
is a Quaker call; why then do you not join them at cnce? 
You are an offence to us. Go to the people whose call 
is the same as your own; here nobody can bear with 
you." I answer, Though I believe the Quakers have 
still a good deal of God among them, yet, I think, the 
Spirit of the Lord is more at work among the Metho- 
dists; and while I see this, though they were to toss me 
about as a foot-ball, I would stick to them like a leech. 
Besides, I do nothing but what Mr. Wesley approves; 
and as to reproach thrown by some on me, what have I 
to do with it, but quietly go forward, saying, I will be 
still more vile, if my Lord requires it! Indeed, for none 
but thee, my Lord, would I take up this sore cross. But 
thou hast done more for me. O do thy own will upon 
me in ail things! Only make me what thou wouldst 
have me to be! Only make me holy, and then lead me 
as thou wilt! 

August, 1777. I heard Mr. Wesley preach from these 
words: "Dearly beloved, as strangers and pilgrims, ab- 
stain from fleshly lusts which war against the soul." A 
sweet discourse it was, showing the great danger of 
every earthly gratification. This lesson, he said, might 
be learned even from the body. As often as we take 
down food, we swrilow so many seeds of death, by 
causing so many more particles of earth to adhere to* 



124 THE LIFE OF [PART III. 

and clog our vessels, and so hasten our dissolution. And 
without great watchfulness, so it would be with our souls. 
If we were not on oar guard, human comforts received 
would also bring the soul nearer to death, instead of be- 
ing a step to life. It is truly said o\ worldly joy, "It 
does with powerful charm hold down the mind, and sen- 
sualize the soul.'' 

Sunday noon. I heard him on these words. " If thou 
canst believe, all things are possible to him that believ- 
ethv' His strength was wonderful, and much power 
attended the word. Lord, be the strength of thy dear 
servant, and his portion for ever! At night he lodged 
with us. 

August 14. Last night dear Mr. "Wesley came here 
again. After supper he read a letter from Lady Max- 
well, in which she expresses a most sweet state of soul; 
observing, that if the name of Jesus is but mentioned, 
her heart is like the key of a well-tuned instrument, 
when its unison is touched. O how sweet a progress 
has she made! Lord, let me do so likewise! 

Last Thursday Air. Wesley preached at Daw-Green, 
on, " I will give to every one oi you according to your 
works." First, he considered. What were the works. 
Secondly. What the reward. The works, he said, were 
threefold. First. What the man is. Secondly. What 
he does. Thirdly. What he suffers. 1. All lie is. that 
is right, shall have its reward: — All "the fruit of the 
Spirit— love. jov. peace, long-suffering, meekness, pa- 
tience, faith, self-denial, fortitude:" — all these are the 
work of God, and all received through Christ — above 
all, love, which is the image of God, 2. All he does, 
all his works oi piety and mercy, all that is wrought in 
faith. Xav. the most common labours of his daily bu- 
siness, if done in a spirit of sacrifice, shall not he for- 
gotten; for it is said ol servants, by the apostle, for their 
encouragement, that when they "obey and serve men, 
with singleness of heart, they serve the Lord Jesus 
Christ."" 3. All he suffers. Not one cross taken up 
in obedience to the will of God. but it shall have its re- 
ward. But what is the reward? First, the very nature 
of each grace necessarily brings its reward. The more 



PART III.] MRS. FLETCHER. 125 

faith, patience, courage, and perseverance, the more holi- 
ness will be brought into the soul, and consequently, the 
soul will be rendered more like God, and more capable 
of fellowship with Him: and in proportion to our fel- 
lowship with God must be our happiness. But besides 
these, there is a reward of infinite free mercy (over and 
above what flows from inherent holiness) bestowed on 
each gra.ce, and on each action done for God, and each 
cross borne for his sake. 

I felt it come with power to my soul. O for*a full de- 
votedness to' thee, my God! I see I am quietly to wait 
on thee, though my crosses are very heavy in many 
ways. But the will of the Lord be done! 

September 12. This day 38 years I was born. So- 
lemn thought! O how far have I spent these thirty- 
eight years for God? What is my situation, outward 
and inward? Outward, it is very trying; — my circum- 
stances are very perplexing. But I hold fast my former 
promises. "Christ charges himself with all thy tem- 
poral affairs — While you charge yourself with those 
that relate to his glory." I am determined to make Zion 
my chief care, though I know not what the Lord is 
about to do with me. I have a great family, and not an 
income left sufficient to keep them, which obliges me to 
sink something every year. The business hurts, instead 
of helping; and though Mr. *** is sure it will the next 
year do far otherwise, I cannot believe it. It appears to 
me, deliverance will begin by bringing me out of this 
place, dividing the family, and contracting my wide- 
spread cares into one, viz. the cause of God only. But 
how this will be brought about I know not; — for though 
I keep putting out the children as fast as they grow up, 
yet that is attended with much expense, and I have 
many grown persons whom I know not how to provide 
for, nor find any way to dispose of. They are good 
sincere souls, and they live to God. Some of them also 
are very weak in body and advanced in years. When 
I have settled all the accounts, I am led to believe, it 
will be the order of God for me to go down to Bath and 
Bristol for six months. Nine months ago I got a fall, 
which hath made me in a degree lame ever since. Bath 
11* 



V26 THE LIFE OF [PART 111. 

may help that; — but I believe I have something to do 
for souls in those places, and I shall be glad to be at a 
distance from poor Mr. ***. how sad it is! I feai 
while he helps me, I hurt him. Lord! what a situation 
is mine! 

But how is it with me inwardly? On the whole I have 
found my mind more stayed on God this last year, and 
my confidence in his loving protection is a good deal in- 
creased. That sore temp ration of fear, by which I have 
suffered so much in going out in the work of God, I 
have found a good deal removed by praver. I have had 
freedom, and some success, in dealing with souls. But 
I am not all athirst for full salvation. I do not feel that 
ardent desire after it which swallows up every other 
care and desire. 1 have yet some prospects on earth, 
which I cannot fully look over. They present them- 
selves before me. And I do not feel, — deeply feel, the 
force of these words — "It is far better to depart, and be 
with Christ." Again, many cares divide my soul. I 
know not if ever I shall get this place sold; or ever pay 
my debts. Every thing sinks me deeper in that respect. 
It is amazing what losses and trials I have! Yet I feel 
my anchor cast in the will of God. I fear, however, 
that I have departed from his close embrace, and there- 
fore he hath encompassed my way with thorns. Welh 
I will, I do embrace his justice, as well as his mercy! 
Both "his rod and his staff' shall comfort me!" 

It is an easy matter to believe when all £oes smoothly 
about us. But now is the time for my faith to have its 
full exercise. Nothing but ruin in temporal things seems 
before me, and I am upbraided by many as being a fool. 
They say, "Why dees not she turn them all out of 
doors?" Nay, some who should know better, cast the 
same in my teeth! Yet with all my endeavours I see no 
way out. To turn them out ef doors': — I have no light 
for that. Still I seem called to believe, God will make 
a way for each, and remove them in his own time and 
manner. Still I trust that I shall see accomplished those 
words, so powerfully applied at Layton-stone, — "Thou 
shalt lay up o-old as the dnst. nr I ] of Ophir as 

the stones of the brook; yea, the phdi be thy 



PART III.] MRS. FLETCHER. 127 

defence, and thou shalt have plenty of silver." What I 
understand by these words is. that a time shall come 
when I shall owe no one any thing, and have plenty to 
carry on such designs as the Lord shall lay on my heart 
for his glory. That he will bring me out of this place, 
and provide some way for every member to be removed, 
so that 1 shall say,— Now is fulfilled that word, " Thou 
shalt decree a thing, and it shall be established unto 
thee, and light shall shine on thy path." But here is the 
difficulty, how absurd does it appear to go on with a 
great household, running me oat on every side! How 
ridiculous will distress so brought on make me appear 
in the eyes of all! That thought has made me strive 
and struggle every way to throw it off, but it seems the 
Lord always frustrates my endeavours, and I am forced 
to sit down at his footstool again, with that thought, 
"My time is in His hand, and He knows how to deli- 
ver." It is hard to believe against seeming impossibili- 
ties. Yet it comes to my mind, God does bless me in 
believing spiritual things that are above my powers; but 
these are only temporal. Will he bless that exercise of 
faith? It is certain Abraham's faith was tried in tempo- 
ral dungs — and through the temporal difficulties, he held 
fast faith in the spiritual. Israel was called into a temporal 
Canaan, prefiguring the spiritual; — and I cannot divide 
two ideas which continually seem to dwell together in 
ray mind, viz. — That I shall be delivered from all my 
spiritual enemies, and brought into a most perfect liberty 
of soul, as soon as I am delivered from the temporal; 
and that I shall first praise the Lord for the fulfilment of 
the above promises, and then for full salvation! 

October 28. Glory be to God. he is yet working 
among us! Last week Sally Lawrence was set at liberty, 
and the change is very evident. Yesterday as I was 
meeting her, she said. "O! had I known what the love 
of God was, sure I should never have rested so long 
without it! I have often found great joy, but there was 
always a stingr in the end. Some thought or other would 
come and take away the pleasure; bul : plea- 

sure in God w : ]> * week I felt a 

change, and bat I La clear evi- 



128 THE LIFE OF [PART III. 

dence. Yet I thought, I do feel in many things as 1 
never did before. However, as you were saying in the 
class last Tuesday, — that we ought to rejoice evermore, 
and the way so to do, was to praise the Lord for what 
he had done; I thought, then I will try to do so. Ac- 
cordingly I spoke more freely than I should otherwise 
have done, and while I spoke, I found more power to 
believe. But on Friday, while you were meeting the 
children, I found my evidence quite clear. These words 
were applied to my mind, 4 There is no condemnation 
to those that are in Christ Jesus.' And since that time 
I have been very happy. 1 never knew such a week as 
this in all my life. I used to be tired, and I hated the 
washing week; — but I have now been kept in entire 
peace all through." 

Bath, February, 1778. On the 8th of December last, 
I set out for this place, and came here on the 12th. 
Much have I seen of the hand of my God here in many 
ways. Soon after my arrival, Mr. Wesley came to lay 
the first stone of the chapel. He preached from these 
words: "From this time it shall be said, — What hath 
God wrought!" He pointed out to us in what a won- 
derful manner the Lord had carried on his work in the 
three kingdoms, within these last thirty or forty years. 
It was a solemn time. The people were very attentive, 
though the cold was very severe. At night we had a 
love-feast. I was led to speak with some degree of 
freedom. As T came out, several asked me where I 
lodged. I told them I should, (with the Lord's help) 
be at home at such an hour every day. Several came 
to me, one after another, and the Lord's hand hath been 
with us of a truth. What amazing answers to prayer 
have I seen! Lord, give me to endure to the end! In 
the classes and bands also, I find much freedom in speak- 
ing for God; and He gives me to cast all my own bur- 
den on Himself, and to believe, Christ charges himself 
with all my concerns, while He, in some low degree, 
gives me to charge myself with those that relate to his 
glory. Here are many souls who seem to thirst for 
spiritual conversation, as the traveller for the cooling 



PART III.] MRS. FLETCHER. 129 

stream; and whenever we are together, our Lord is in 
the midst. 

March. Conversing with a gentleman who knew 
something of my situation, he said, " If I had had such 
losses as you have had, and was in such an encumbered 
situation, I should stamp and tear, and go raving mad." 
I began to reflect on his words, and thought, how is it 
that I am kept so calm? I saw and adored the hand of 
my God, and was constrained to cry out,-- 44 Lord, thou 
hast known my soul in adversity!" This is thy doing, 
and I will praise thee. 

April 4. When I was in this city, fourteen years ago, 
the Lord was pleased to give me some souls. I won- 
dered often what was become of them; but glory be to 
God! I find them* as simple and steady as ever; — and 
some are much advanced. I asked of the Lord at my 
first coming at this time, — That some soul might be par- 
ticularly blest, that I might be encouraged to tbink that 
I was come in his name. A few days after we came the 
answer was given. Brother Cousins was restored to 
the love of God. But this was only the beginning of 
good things. Each day opened the providence of God 
more and more. Several persons got good, and I saw 
my call quite clear. One old disciple gave me much plea- 
sure. She had long been a follower, and useful to others. 
The first time I saw her, she laid open her whole heart, 
and was simple as a little child. I scarce ever found so 
much of the power of God in conversing with any 
one as with her. Before we parted, the Lord o-ave her 
a taste of the liberty she came to inquire after. She 
sent others,—- among whom was one young woman, an 
upright soul, but who had got into sore temptation, and 
lost her peace. The healer of the breaches again ap- 
peared, and she was filled with consolation, and found 
(as she afterward told me,) she was anew creature, A 
man and his wife, the next chy called on me; they had 
a measure of life, but they were come (as they said,) 
to inquire when, and how, 44 the blood of Jesus would 
cleanse them from all sin." Such simplicity I hardly 
ever met with before. My heart was ready to melt 
with desire. I found such access in addressing the 



130 THE LIFE OF [PAKT 111. 

throne of grace as I cannot, express. It was all, " ask 
and have!" I did ask, and, glory be to God, he granted 
ray petition, and brought, the dear souls into further light 
and Liberty! 

April 24. I am now at Bristol. Lord! what shall I 
meet with here' O let me be ever observant of Thy 

will. 

Mav. I wrote and sent, to ray V> ednesday nights' 
meeting, (consisting of about fifty persons who meet at 
Gross-hall,) the following letter:— 

"Though various occupations in my Master's work, 
hath rendered my pen for a 1 than I at 

first intended, I can assure you * tth a pleasing sincerity, 
my heart has often been warn ten pleading before 

the throne in your behalf. Very dear are all the follow* 
ers of the Lord to me in every place; — but my little 
company on Wetjpesd'ay nighta will ever hold a peculiar 
place in my heart. 1 also include the spreading branch 
m Wakefield. May lively grace rest on you all!— and 
may you ever adorn your profession as a company oi: 
the' choicest followers of the bleeding Lamb! Many 
here inquire, 'How goes on your Wednesday nigh^ 
meeting There is "a general belief of great Life in 
Yorkshire. In this y >ur fame is go^e out into other 
churches. O how alarming the thought! ■ What man- 
ner of persons ought ve to be in all holy conversation 
and godliness! A city set on a hill cannot be hid.' 
Either a ray of light, or a shade o( darkness, will re- 
flect from every professor. Adorable Jesus, till us with 
that jealous, just concern, that our light may never be- 
come darkness! In order to prevent this, let the most 
strict and ardent watchfulness, keep your eye and heart 
for ever fixed on 'the Lamb who taketh away your 
sins!' For it is by those' believing views, that ail the 
streams of consolation, wherewith our souls are replen- 
ished and refreshed, are given. I -would have you 
praise the Lord for me. and therefore 1 tell you, 1 
have, and do prove him to be a God of faithfulness and 

truth. , . . . 

"The account of a Jewess in this city, may perhaps 
help your strains of praise to rise a little higher. 



PART III.] MRS. FLETCHER. 131 

will therefore give it you in the best mariner my memory 
will afford. 

"She was born in Germany. Her father was a fa- 
mous Jew Rabbi. He gave her a good education, and 
brought her up very strictly according to the laws of the 
Jews. When she was about eighteen, she found a 
strong inclination to come to England. This her parents 
much opposed, as they could well provide for her, and 
could see no reason why she should leave her native 
country. But she had no rest in her spirit while in 
Germany; so at last they gave consent that she should 
visit their own people in England. They gave her a 
handsome sum of money, and sent her off with their 
blessing, in company with some friends. She continued 
to live some time in England, til] at length she was 
cheated out of the greatest part of hei money. She 
was then reduced to many hardships, and after a time 
went as a servant into a Jew's family. Her mistress 
liked her greatly, and used her as one of her own chil- 
dren. Here she thought her lot was cast in a fair por- 
tion, for she loved her mistress, and rejoiced to do her 
service. But after a short time a great change took place. 
Her mistress was awakened to a sense of the things of 
God, and in the end found 'there was no name under 
heaven whereby she could be saved, but the name of 
Jesus Christ.' This grieved the young woman beyond 
expression. She now hated her mistress, as much as 
before she had loved her; and very often her behaviour 
corresponded with the feelings of her heart. The ar- 
rows of conviction, however, now began to fasten on 
her also; and oft she reasoned with herself, saying,— 
What a difference there is between my mistress and me! 
If I had such a servant, I would turn her off at once. 
But my mistress seems ail love since she believed in 
Jesus Christ as her Messiah; but I am all hatred. Be- 
sides, she is happy, always happy, while I am always 
miserable. Then again, she would start at the thought, 
and say, — What! am I going to leave the true religion? 
O no! I will never believe in Christ. I will pray to the 
true Messiah. Then she would go up to the top of the 
house, and (as she thought.) looking towards Jerusalem, 



132 THE LIFE OF [PART 111 

would cry, 'O Lord Jehovah, hear me! Thou hast done 
great wonders for our people, and for our nation; and 
when we were in the lemies, thou didst 

send deliverance for thy : losen >ple Israel. O hear 
me! thou Gol of Abraham, Is; ind send 

us our Messiah, that He may take away our misery! 
Then 'shall kings he our am id queens 

our aursi in to 

ou r form er pi ll w : . ler mi n d . 

Jesus Christ, whom y very and true 

Messiah! But thai tl 

" One nigh 
drear. 

hei wl m e Jesus Christ 

She looked and between hope 

•Tell me, are you rm ' He I am 

your Messiah.' Ye: she drew h. id to 

believe. In \ ling she .. ak. — 

"Wherever she wenl she Sc i 

hanging on the cross! And in her own sonl 
deeply the sentence c I 

no hope ol - A: last, she 'he Lord one 

dav, she cou 

some sign, she thought she should hold out do 
The sign which God gave to Israel, through ; Duel'£ 
prayer, came stroi her mind, as she 

the Lord — her soul then ween faith and 

unbelief. It was ::. that time rather cold "■ ::/.::; but 
the Lord was pleased, before the close of the day, to 
send a storm of thnndei and ligh ning, which terri 
her beyond expression While she was c iees, 

expecting" every moment in 3 hell, which she 

now clearly felt she deserved. : he ?ri 
Abraham. Isaac, and Jacob, to hear an 
did hear. Glory he to his free mercy, He made her to 
fee], 'None but Jesus cor rlylees c : 

In the same moment she felt his blood and 

shouted aloud the praises ; Messiah! 

I! From this time she e : 
God. She then became sees; : >f the stirrings of in- 
bred sin, from which she had no ' er being 



PART III.] MRS. FLETCHER. 133 

delivered till she should lay down the body. I found 
mucm blessing in conversing with her; and after the - 
first time, she was much stirred up to seek a further 
salvation. For some weeks she was tossed between 
hope and fear. One day as I was meeting brother Sims's 
class, she seemed uncommonly oppressed with unbelief, 
yet she pleaded, 'O! can it be possible that I should be 
wholly delivered from anger, and live in a place where 
I have ten children to look after? I recommended her to 
look to Jesus, who could and would 'save her to the 
uttermost.' Several of us walked home together. As 
she was praying inwardly, and meditating on the all- 
sufficiency of the Saviour, Sister Tripp said, ' God kept 
Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, in the fire, and why 
not you?' She answered nothing, but pondered the 
words in her heart. When she got home, she began to 
consider, He really did keep the three children in the 
furnace! And he can keep me from anger. As she 
strove to believe, her faith grew stronger and stronger, 
till she could cast the full weight of her soul on Jesus, 
as her uttermost Redeemer. O my friends, praise the 
Lord!" 

Cross-hall, September 12. This day I am 39 years 
of age. O that I might live to Thee more than ever! 
What have I either done or suffered for Thee, in this 
last year? As to the state of my soul, I trust I am 
nearer to God than before I went my journey. But I 
am still a dull scholar in thy school. I want that full 
baptism of the Spirit: God's promise to all believers. 
Mr. *** is very kind and helpful to me in the care of 
my temporal affairs; but what my trials are, none but 
God knows. To-day I was blest in praying for him, 
with that word, — "I will bless them that bless thee!" 
Amen! Amen! 

Sunday, November 15. This day I found a blessing 
in putting in practice some resolutions I had formed for 
my daily walk. At seven we set out for Daw-Green, 
where we had a good meeting. O what a desire did I 
feel for that people, while I was speaking on that word, 
"The Lord thy God is a jealous God!" 

March 26, 1779. This day I set apart as a fast, to 
12 



134 THE LIFE OF [PART III. 

lay before the Lord the following particulars: 1. My 
present situation. 2. To ask for wisdom how to walk 
before my family. 3. For more of His love. 4. For 

a blessing on my journey to . 5. For my relations. 

On the whole it has been a good day. As to the first 
petition, my present situation, I found much power and 
liberty in believing God would undertake and appoint 
me some deliverance; yea, entire deliverance, in his 
own time, and in his own way; and I had more faith, I 
think, than ever before; yet, it was mixed with sweet 
resignation. 2. How to walk with wisdom before my 
family. — I felt a great pleading for this, and some en- 
couragement, that I should yet "adorn the Gospel." 
The third, For more love. — I felt freedom in asking it. 
The fourth, For a blessing on the few days I am to 
spend at . I feel much of the cross in this adven- 
ture; yet, I think I must do it, and God will be with me. 
As to the fifth, I could find no particular opening, only 
a willingness to do, be, or suffer, any thing for their 
good. Perhaps the time is not yet come. The third 
time I went to prayer, all seemed swallowed up in that 
petition; Lord, give me " the love that never faileth." 

Wednesday, in Passion week. I have this day offered 
myself up afresh to the Lord, as a whole burnt-sacrifice. 
O give me that situation, those friends, those comforts, 
or crosses, which will best stand with thy own glory! 
'Tis all I ask — 'tis all my choice. 

May 21. Lord, my thirsty soul crieth after thee; 1 
long for a fuller deliverance. Last night I met the old 
members of the W. Band, and a sweet time we had; 
the Lord was very gracious in helping his unworthy 
worm, and gave me, I believe, to speak to his glory. 

Since I returned from my journey to , I have been 

much drawn out in praise. O how good was the Lord! 
He made hard things easy, and was better to me than 
either my fears or wishes. To-day when at prayer, I 
had a sight of the necessity of contemplation, I mean, 
of labouring to keep the mind on spiritual things, and 
to consider and weigh the word of God, His love, His 
fulness! " Love without end, and without measure, grace!" 

August, 1780. O Lord, how peculiar are thy ways 



PART III.] MRS. FLETCHER. 135 

towards me? What wouldst thou have me to do? Here 

I am; command what thou wilt. Bring me to a state 
of poverty, reproach, a workhouse, or what thou wilt, 
only let me not mistake my way. It is true I have more 
than I owe, and as yet an income for life, enough for 
myself. But I cannot support these expenses and losses. 
And yet it seems I cannot get deliverance from them! 
Every answer to prayer is only " Stand still and see my 
salvation." Lord, I am ready to do so; but all cry out, 
"It is madness not to do something." And yet, Thou 
seemest to frustrate all I attempt. I strive to save in 
every thing, and many ways I have tried to do so; but 
unless all did the same, it makes little difference. When 
I attempt new things of the kind, various difficulties arise; 
and some are apt to say, "Save in something else; you 
do not run out in this!" 

The other day, a friend said, he was desired to ask 
me, "If I did not do wrong in spending so much time 
on the sick poor? In making medicines, clothes," &c? 
And **** said, "It is a poor way of spending your time 
thus, for the bodies of the people. If that is your call, 
it is a mean call!" I have pondered the thought; and 
having set apart a day for fasting and prayer, the result 
of my most serious reflections were as follows: — 

What was my setting out, or first light? Why, from 
seven years old, (the first time I felt a spark of faith,) 
my conviction was — not to be conformed to the customs, 
fashions, and maxims of the world, and my frequent 
prayer was, as a little manuscript now by me proves, 
Lord, bring me out from among the ungodly! Cast my 
lot with the poor who are rich in faith; and make me 
to have my delight with the excellent of the earth. And 
then I will not complain for toil, poverty, or reproach. 

When I was seventeen, my desires after holiness be- 
gan to deepen, and I found a particular call to a further 
dedication of my soul to God, in those words of St. 
Paul to Timothy, descriptive of the character of those 
women, who in the primitive churches were chosen as 
deaconesses, "If she have lodged strangers, if she have 
brought up children, if she have washed the saints' feet, 
and diligently followed after every good work." Wheiv 



136 THE LIFE OF [PART III. 

I was twenty-one, being brought to the choice of my 
own manner of life, I was enabled in a degree to follow 
the plans thus formerly laid down. 

As to my present way of life, of which a visiter had 
said a few days ago, "I think, madam, your call is a 
strange one; — to the care of cows and horses, sheep and 
pigs;" referring to my farm. I considered, I am by the 
order of Providence made mistress of a great family, 
and in straitened circumstances. There is therefore oc- 
casion for all my care and management, otherwise the 
embarrassment would be much greater. And it is good 
for the uncommon pride of my nature, to bow before 
that word, "In the sweat of thy brow shalt thou eat 
bread." It is true, I have bread enough for myself; but 
having joined the interest of so many with my own, I 
am willing to act thus, that they may have bread too. 
The Lord hath been pleased,- also, to enable me to help 
the sick; this calls for some labour, and some small ex- 
penses in preparing and applying the medicines; but 
many souls have been blest, and several brought to God 
thereby. Some rich persons, to whose ear I could never 
have had access, have, through the belief that I could 
help their bodies, admitted the closest application to their 
souls; so that I dare as soon cut off my right-hand as 
bury this trifling talent in a napkin. The souls under 
my roof also call for more diligent care, than I am con- 
scious I bestow upon them; and though some say, "1 
do not regard as any thing w T hat you do for the family 
that is only burying yourself in one house;" yet I see 
it my duty, and I must apply thereto. 

Again, I believe I should strive to get at the neigh- 
bours, who live within my knowledge, and do good to 
their souls, if I can. To this it is replied. " You spend 
too much time on one neigbourhood." But perhaps I 
shall soon be called to leave this neighbourhood, and this 
family, and then I shall not repent of that application. 
I am also called to keep together some precious meet- 
ings, in which the work of God flourishes, and to go 
sometimes to meet others in more distant places; as well 
as to write many letters on the concerns of the soul. 
And now 1 ask, — Lord, am I in my place or not? To 



PART III.] MRS. FLETCHER. 137 

which it seemed my conscience gave the following an- 
swer: The surest mark of true piety is to fill up the 
duties of our own station with the utmost fidelity. We 
may plan fine schemes, talk of many journeys, and see 
ourselves converting whole worlds, —but in these airy 
phantoms there is much danger of self having a great 
mixture. Whereas in the application to the order of 
God, in the present time, as it opens itself from moment 
to moment, there is no room for choice. I have heard 
good people say, "I am weary of life, because of the 
burdens which I have to bear. I want to spend all my 
time in a more excellent way." And yet as soon as they 
throw off one burdeo, the Lord finds them another. But 
the soul truly devoted to God, finds no oppressive bur- 
den, in the opening of the present moment, which 
shows the divine order of His providence, and brings 
with it, to the resigned soul, both light and power either 
to act or suffer. In a low degree I find that to be my 
case. I am called to work and therein I fulfil my cove- 
nant not to complain of toil, although my wages seems 
to be put into a bag f»*d of holes. I cannot have my 
own choice herein; nor do I complain of poverty. Thus 
I am often upbraided for walking in that order, in which 
(till I can get out of it,) undoubtedly the Lord hath 
placed me. I sink under his yoke, and if I can but 
keep free from impatience or discouragement, I may 
fulfil His will, and shall not complain of reproach. But 
alas! I do too often admit discouragement, and am ready 
to cry out, 

" Ah! whither or to whom shall I, 

Far from these woes, for kind protection fly?" 

Yet something says in my heart, a time is at hand 
when the Lord will bring me out of these deep waters, 
and 1 am determined to stand still and see His salvation. 

November. Last night- 1 was led to pray much for a 
spiritual mind, both sleeping and waking. I went to 
bed recollected. I dreamed I was sitting up in bed with 
the Bible in my hand. I saw two shining appearances, 
but no distinct form. The appearance was as of the 
heads of two glorious persons, and a ray of light came 
12* 



138 THE LIFE OF [PART III. 

from them on the book in my hand, in which I was ena- 
bled to discover something which quite delighted me, 
and I cried out, — O had I known this before, I should 
have made the whole house ring with shouts of praise! 
I then saw all around my bed a beautiful garden filled 
with evergreens, and on each tree, and on the ground, 
lay something like a light frost. I wondered at that, till 
these words came to my mind, "The dew shall lie all 
night upon thy branches!" I then cried out, O what a 
delightful scene! What a lovely prospect! Here shall 
I for ever rest! I then threw my soul with such a divine 
confidence on the Lord Jesus, as I think I never did be- 
fore, and in that act I awaked. I could not recollect 
what the delightful discovery in the Bible was; — but a 
fuller sense of God than ever before has rested on my 
soul. 

January 11, 1781. Many mercies have I seen within 
these three or four days. Nothing is so good to me, as 
to meet every thing in the will and order of God; aban- 
doning myself, soul, body, and family, into His hands 
believing he will order all right. I find many convic 
tions about my household. I am not a faithful head. 1 
neither lead them by example, instruction, or reproof, 
as I ought. Lord, teach me how to go in and out before 
this people! I seem to have an impression that I shall 
not long remain with them. I seem to see another place, 
and another people which I am called to; — and outward 
things confirm the impression. One thing I have been 
very faulty in during the last year, I have not risen early 
with any degree of constancy; and that is a general loss 
both to my own soul and my family. O Lord! when 
shall I be "all glorious within, and my clothing of 
wrought gold?" 

January 13. I have been to-day, a good deal drawn 
out in prayer. My exercises as to outward things are 
very great. I have a most narrow path to walk in! I 
am called to live by faith indeed. As I was at prayer 
this morning I was led to ask of the Lord, that He would 
bring me out of all my difficulties in His own way. 
Certainly the whole earth is the Lord's; and I asked of 
him such a situation in life as will most glorify Himself. 



PART III.] MRS. FLETCHER. 139 

It was brought before me, Perhaps that will be by bring- 
ing vou to entire poverty. I asked my heart, Am 1 
willing on that condition to be made holy? And I felt I 
could say, " Yes, Lord, yes.*' Again, the thought was 
suggested — but perhaps to a parish-house, while your 
income croes each year for your debts; I answered. 
Thy will be done! It was then represented, as if I was 
on a common side, dying, destitute of every human help 
or comfort. In that I felt great sweetness. But the 
sorest stroke was still behind: What if you should die 
in debt, and leave nothing to pay? and so through y; .. 
the Gospel be reproached? This came the nearest of 
all; but it was clearly shown me, — That the fear of the 
Gospel being blamed, often arose from our fear of per- 
sonal reproach; for as to the truths of God. He won] 
take them; and if I was really wrong, it wc 

be for the glory of God to ha h made manifest; 
if he was but glorified, my sonl was content. Certainly, 
thought I. if it was in my power to break >ff my ex- 
penses, it would be right so to do; and I do right in 
riving every way I can towards it. But as all my 
ravours are always frustrated, I see no way but to 
cast myself on the will of God, and embrace, as His 
will, poverty, and deep reproach: and still continue fcc 
believe in the promises, till I see. even by the time of 
my death, that there has not been an accomplishment of 
them. Perhaps after all I am ri^ht, Perhaps the day 
will come impossible as it now appears, when I shall 
have plenty of silver, and then the lighl shall indeed 
shine on my way. 

Next June I shall be fourteen years from Layton- 
stone; and the September following I shall be forty-two 
years old. It may be that soon after that time deliver- 
ance may appear. The words rested on my mind, "By 
the way that thon wentest, by that way shalt thou re- 
. .1. thou knowest what they mean: but I see 
all sorts . .axions are needful foi . le. my hard 

heart: what need hath it had of breaking! 

February 15. When I was a: Le^:<s sometime since, 
I had much proof of the goodness of God in many ways. 
On the whole it was a journey for good. I heard a 



140 THE LIFE OF [PART III. 

dream of a good woman while there, which was made 
a blessing to me. She thought she was dying, and felt 
her soul leave the body. Immediately she found her- 
self standing in the presence of God! Jesus appeared 
to her as seated on a white throne! He beckoned to 
her with his hand, and said, Come up hither. AVhen 
she was by his side, she saw many of the saints with 
the angels. Among them was William Bramah; he 
shone very bright. Some others she knew also. Our 
Lord then pointed to the crowns of some saints still on 
earth; and she understood by the appearance of some 
of those crowns, that the persons were in great temp- 
tation. Our Lord and the glorious company seemed to 
sympathize greatly with them, — and when by faith they 
conquered, a jewel was added to the crown, and the 
whole shone brighter! But every time they gave way 
to any corruption, a gem dropped out, and the whole 
crown turned dark! Sometimes there seemed joy in 
heaven over them; sometimes a kind of mourning. She 
sat sometimes in sweet delight, "and then awaking, 
found with amazement she was still in the body! 

I am going to . It is a fine opportunity for 

speaking to a number of the most lively souis. out of 
various societies, — and they begin to inquire all around 
when I will come. O my God. how these things break 
me to pieces! What an unworthy worm! If they knew 
me, how would they be astonished, that the Lord should 
work by such an one as me! But thou canst do what- 
ever seemeth thee good! 

March 20. I have been poorly lately with a com- 
plaint in my eyes; — I can write little. The cold this 
winter has been very severe, and I have felt it much. 
But how am I indulged! A good house, a bed fit for 
a king, plenty of fire, food. &c.! While many of my 
Father's children know almost the want of all things! 
I was much affected the other day when the preacher 
left our house. I thought, if I had in this snow and 
wind to ride over the moors, and through deep lanes, as 
he has, I could not sit on my horse. Truly I count it 
a great honour to be permitted to contribute in the least 



PART III.] MRS. FLETCHER. 141 

to their necessities! let me ever wash the feet of the 
servants of my Lord! 

I feel my soul does come forward. Constancy in 
early rising is a great blessing to me, both as a Christian, 
and as a mistress. The other morning I was waked 
with that v\ T ord, " Ye have need of patience, that after 
ye have done the will of God, ye may receive the pro- 
mises." At night, as I was at prayer, that word also 
came with power, " Thou hast kept the word of my pa- 
tience; I also will keep thee in the hour of temptation!" " 
Amen, Lord Jesus, Amen! Give me to "keep the word 
of thy patience faithful unto the end!" 

April. My soul, wait thou still upon God, for of him 
cometh thy salvation. More crosses, more disappoint- 
ments; but last night I had a ray of faith which revived 
me. I have of late had a very clear view of the abso- 
lute necessity of keeping the mind always stayed on 
God, from those words, — •" Resist the devil, and he will 
flee from you." Indeed he is a chained dog, and can 
go no farther than man's consent will suffer him. His 
works are chiefly carried on in the chambers of the im- 
agination. These are indeed the chambers of imagery! 
He fixes his first hold in the imagination, which is the 
anti-chamber of the heart. Afterward he passes on to 
the passions and affections. These form the passage 
through which all passes to the heart, both good anc 
evil. If the mind then is engrossed by Satan, and he 
be suffered to rule there, the benign influence of the 
Holy Spirit is prevented, and the soul is filled with all 
evil. Thus — "To be carnally minded is death; but to 
be spiritually minded is life and peace." 

April 25. I have had some remarkable answers to 
prayer of late, and some directions by lot, which I shall 
lay up in my heart till I see the zoay of the Lord. O 
my God, give me just such a situation in every respect 
as will be most for thy glory! Many blessings also I 
have of late received in visiting the sick, and strength 
has been given me above that which is common. I long 
for a closer walk with my God! O that I may live to 
God every moment, with every power! 



142 THE LIFE OF, &C. [ PART 111. 

May 6, Sunday. I had liberty this day to entreat the 
Lord, to show me the surest and shortest way to holi- 
ness. Many things were showed me, which I hope to 
put in practice; but above all, it was impressed on 
my mind, Live by faith. 



END OF THE THIRD TART. 



PART THE FOURTH. 



Her Marriage, and Removal to Madely. 

The seventh of June, 1781, as I before observed, was 
the day that began my fourteenth year in Yorkshire. 
On that day I took a particular view of my whole situa- 
tion, and saw difficulties as mountains rise all around 
me. Faith was hard put to it. The promise seemed 
to stand sure, and I thought the season was come, yet 
the waters were deeper than ever. I thought also, how 
shall I now hold fast that word so powerfully given to 
me, "The Almighty shall be thy defence, and thou 
shalt have plenty of silver?" 

At length "the cloud arose as a man's hand." The 
very next day, June the eighth, I received a letter from 
Mr. Fletcher, in which he told me, — That he had for 
twenty-five years found a regard for me, which was still 
as sincere as ever; and though it might appear odd he 
should write on such a subject, when but just returned 
from abroad, and more so without seeing me first, he 
could only say, that his mind was so strongly drawn to 
do it, he believed it to be the order of Providence. 

In reading this letter I was much struck. So many 
circumstances all uniting, — 1. The season it came in. 
2. His writing on the subject before we had met, after 
an absence of fifteen years; and without his having the 
most distant suspicion of my mind being inclined to- 
wards it. 3. His mentioning, — That for twenty-five 
years he had had the thought. All these particulars an- 



144 THE LIFE OF [PART IV. 

swered to the marks which I had laid down. His un 
expected recovery also, and safe return, so plainly point- 
ed out the hand of Providence, that all ground of rea- 
soning against it seemed removed. Yet, on the other 
hand, a strange fear possessed my mind lest I should 
take any step out of the order of God; — nor was Satan 
wanting to represent great trials before me, which he 
told me I should not have strength to stand in. 

We corresponded with openness and freedom, till 
xlugust the first, when he came to Cross-hall, and abode 
there a month; preaching in different places with much 
power: — and having opened our whole hearts to each 
other, both on temporals and spirituals, we believed it 
to be the order of God we should become one, when 
He should make our way plain. 

He then returned to his parish, an hundred and twelve 
miles from the place where I lived; — for we could not 
think of taking the step till my affairs were more clearly 
settled. So we took our leave of each other, commit- 
ting all into His hand who "does what he will with 
His own." 

In about five weeks he returned: but still all seemed 
shut up, no way opened either for disposing of the farm, 
or of the family. Conversing one day with Mrs. Clap- 
ham, of Leeds, she said, " What do you stick at? The 
Lord has done so much to convince you that this is to 
be your deliverance, how is it that you do not believe, 
and obey his order? I verily believe if you would take 
the step in faith, your way would-be made plain directly: 
and I will now tell you what has passed my mind con- 
cerning it. When I was some months since at Scar- 
borough, as I was one day in private, praying for jroa, 
and much drawn out in laying your trials before the 
Lord, I was as if taken out of myself, and saw by the 
eye of faith both Mr. Fletcher and you, and that you 
were designed for each oilier, and that much glory to 
God would arise from your union. But at the same 
time I saw there were various obstacles in the way: — 
but the chief was the want of money. It seemed to 
me, however, if you would believe and obey the order 
of God, .all would be made clear before you. Then I 



PART IV.] MRS. FLETCHER. 145 

saw a tall young man, (it seemed to me it was your 
youngest brother,) who poured down bags of gold, not 
once only, or twice, but several times. Some were 
small, others seemed large sums; one was very large; 
and it was impressed on my mind, that all your trials 
of that kind were over, and that you would never ex- 
perience those difficulties any more."* She then asked, 
" Have you more brothers than one?" I replied, Yes, 
I have two, and the youngest is tall; but I never receiv- 
ed any thing in particular from him, nor have I the least 
reason to expect it. Her discourse, however, with seve- 
ral concurring circumstances, made an impression on 
our minds; and after asking direction from the Lord, 
we agreed to take the step in a fortnight. 

For the first week all remained as usual; but in the 
beginning of the second, a gentleman came quite unex- 
pectedly, and bought the place, for one thousand six 
hundred and twenty pounds. Three days after, another 
took the stock, &c. A way seemed also to open for 
each member of the family, so that with a little assist- 
ance, every one had a comfortable prospect before them. 
The case of one, a poor cripple, who had lived with 
me sixteen years, seemed difficult. Though she feared 
and loved God, she had such infirmities, no one was 
willing to take her; and we had some reasons against 
taking her with us to Madely. But this difficulty also 
was removed. On Sunday night, November the 11th, 
I received a letter from a pious lady, who had first re- 
commended her to me, stating, that she would take her 
back and maintain her. 

All was now so far settled, that I did not need to sell 
Layton-stone estate. My income would afford to allow 
the pious souls of my dispersed family fifty-five pounds 
per year — pay the interest of the money still owing; 
and yet leave me such an annual sum as was about equal 

* This whole account is certainly very extraordinary. No 
pious person, however, will say that the Lord has not helped, 
or would not thus direct or comfort his servants, in peculiar diffi- 
culties: and no person who was acquainted with Mrs. Clapham, 
will doubt either the truth of her declaration, or the sobriety of 
her mind. — Ed. 

13 



146 THE LIFE OF [PART IV. 

to my dear Mr. Fletcher's income; and in case of my 
death, there was in Layton-stone more than would pay all. 

So on Monday, the 12th of November, 1781, in Bat- 
ley Church, we covenanted in the name of the Father, 
and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost, " to bear each 
other's burdens," and to become one for ever. 

We agreed, it would be best to leave all our furniture, 
except a few trifles, to be sold with the house. Pine 
would do for us as well as mahogany. I felt some at^ 
tachment to my neat furniture; but love to the order of 
God, made me take the spoiling of them very cheer- 
fully. The money was not to be paid in immediately 
for the estate; w r e were, therefore, rather at a loss to 
settle all our accounts before we left the place, and to 
give that assistance to our friends we wished to do. On 
an exact calculation, we found an hundred pounds were 
wanting. We laid it before the Lord; and the next post 
I received a letter from my youngest brother, with a 
bank note of one hundred pounds inclosed, as a present; 
though he knew nothing of our particular want, nor had 
I the least reason to expect his assistance, except the 
extraordinary communication by Mrs. Clapham which 
I have related. 

On January 2, 1752, we set out for Madely. But 
Oh! where shall I begin my song of praise? What a 
turn is there in all my affairs? What a depth of sorrow, 
distress, and perplexity, am I delivered from! How 
shall I find language to express the goodness of the 
Lord! Not one of the good things hath failed me of 
all the Lord my God hath spoken. Now I know no 
want, but that of more grace. I have such a husband 
as is in every thing suited to me. He bears with all my 
faults and failings in a manner that continually reminds 
me of that word, "Love your wives as Christ loved the 
church." His constant endeavour is to make me happy; 
his strongest desire my spiritual growth. He is, in 
every sense of the word, — The man my highest reason 
chooses to obey. I am also happy in a servant, whom 
I took from the side of her mother's coffin, when she 
was four years old. She loves us as if we were her 
parents, and is also truly devoted to God. 



PART IV.] MRS. FLETCHER. 147 

Madely, Shropshire, May 30, 1782. Where shall I 
begin, or how recount thy faithfulness, O my God! Oh! 
"What is man, that thou art mindful of him?" Above 
all, what am I, most sinful dust and ashes, that Thou hast 
made ray cup to run over above all I could think or wish 
for! for holiness! Lord, let me be thine, and doubly 
thine for ever! 

O the fears which filled my soul before and after our 
marriage! but how causeless have they all proved! I 
have the kindest and tenderest of husbands; so spiritual 
a man, and so spiritual an union, I never had any ade- 
quate conception of. He is every way suited to me,— 
all I could wish.* The work among souls increases. 
I feel it is the Lord who hath cast my lot here. For 
some months I suffered much through fears of various 
kinds, all my situation being changed, I feared I should 
not be equal to the task allotted me, and that I should 
not be able to please the people " for their good." But 
Oh! had I in every trial but believed all the way through, 
how sweetly might I have gone on! Now I see what a 
gracious Providence hath superintended all! " Praise 
the Lord, my soul! and all that is within me praise 
His holy name!" 

June 7. What a deliverance hath the Lord wrought 
forme! A year ago, I thought there was nothing before 
me (temporally) but ruin. This day twelve months, I 
cried out, "Thou hast not delivered Thy people at all." 
How wonderful a chain of providences! As soon as we 
determined to marry in a fortnight, and leave the event 
to the Lord, the house and all was sold in ten days, and 
a w T ay made for every one! But wanting a hundred 
pounds more to get out of that situation, we prayed the 
Lord to appear in our behalf, and immediately my young- 
est brother supplied our every need, though he knew not 
any thing of our necessity. 

" In all my ways Thy hand I own! 
Thy ruling' providence I see." 

* Mr. Wesley observes in a letter to the late Mrs. Rogers, at 
that time, (December 9, 1781,) Miss Roe, "I should not have 
been willing that Miss Bosanquet should have been joined to any- 
other person than Mr. Fletcher; but I trust she may be as useful 
With him as she was before." See his Worlds, vol.' xvi, 



14S THE LIFE OF [paRT IV. 

September 12, I .mm seer. f:rty-:hree years Lor:, 
to what purpose! Moc :' this day I hare spent in secret 
prayer. — ye: my mm :s ramer sir: I bim : -.-a. 

riety of people and different calls of God to attend unto; 
and I seem to want more wisdom, light, and lore. My 
spiritual sphere of action is different I hare in many 
respects a wider call for action than before*— but such a 
one as require- me momentary teaching" of the Lord, 
both in conversing and wilting. Ym Edc fed all 

mm: I felt at H :::::::. X<: I 10: so 1mm by faith is I 
did then. But I lie before thee. O Lord! T>o all Ay 
will on thy poor me it me. : : whom thou hast appeared 
in so marvellcm 1 manner! 

October. The animating -. :: 1 :i: 1 ' -. : : m y "11: bis : 1 ;. ':. 
stirs me up much. What a spiritual life does he life 
— night and day he is always on the stretch for God. 
I am a good deal encouraged for the peorbe. i hawc 
mm :h liberty in meeting :bem, and my soul feels mi c u t 
fellowship wi;b c :::.: : : .._ them. 

IV: member 1. I fee] the lire - v..:'.. 1 new r'aie. arm 
a new situation is apt to bring on, and it disturbs the 
peace which should be kept in my soul. ''Lord, in- 
crease my faith!'* There 1: 

stances in our affairs, and strangers are concerned therein; 
in the end I have found it all work for rem m :; 
has lmeo :: mc 1 good and useful lesson. Firs:. I £01: 
it a cause of rejoicing 1 I have found so much love 
to the persons mncerned in — and secondly, while I 
was praying about it. :- — m.m is 1: me _::: s .". : — e - 
me, as immediately from Himself, that I was not required 
to have any anxious care, but that doing as well 1 1 1 
could, I might leave ail hi God. And if still I could 
no: have things m I would wis n. mat :: ~ms mm mis: 
profitable cross in the world: — for ifl may be helpful to 
the soul, after loing all — e : m. , :: 17 pear 1 mm m 
the eyes of men. Those words also bore much on my 

mind . — 

i: Fix m Iris work thy constant eye, 
So shall thy work be done," 

I now feb a sweet aim waiting on the will of God, and 

I could say, Lord. I '^v-- every .0 :: bee mo- 



PABT IV.] MRS. FLETCHER. 149 

only care my soul shall know!" i.s I was telling the 
whole affair to ray dearest husband, he said, "Polly, do 
net encumber yourself for my sake. If we must be 
thought ignorant and awkward, let us submit to it. I 
require nothing of thee, my Polly, but to be more and 
more devoted to God." 

November 12. Glory! unceasing glory to my adorable 
Lord! This day T "~ have been married one year. 
how does my sou', praise God for this gracious provi- 
dence! What an helpmate is he to me, and how much 
lettei lo we love another this fey, than T ~e Kd this day 
twelve months! — On a close examination, I have reason 
to believe my soul is coming forward. I have seen this 
yeai many and great changes, — had many trials and 
:: -._-.:': rts. — and I have learned much experience 
in various things, which has been much blest to me. 
tie moment when I shall become a whole burnt Bar 
crifice! 

Having had some hurry by means of unexpected com- 
pany staying in the house, and some other things; and 
e sting how hard it is to keep up uninterrupted com- 
munion with God in outward hurry. — it was opened 
before me. That the very spirit of the Christian life 
stood in the strictest observation of these words, -I: a 
man offend not in tongue, the same is a perfect ma n, and 
able alsc :: bridle the whole body/' Xow, foi want of 
this watchfulness. I offend often, and that causes liafrae- 
tion of spirit, ind much hurt many ways. If I had a 
more constant waiting, a more continual attention to the 
Spirit oi God, I believe I should nnd much more room 
for silence than I usually :. : ; — and that when it was my 
duty to speak, ray words would have more weight. 
my Gc I. ring me tc this by the way that thou knowes:; 
sive me a watchful mind! An eye always fixed on Thee, 
sense of thy sacred presence! I also 
want a srreater power of faith to lead on these preei 
souls that are under my care to more abundant life. 
Mart" t the river's brink, but it seems they 

want a better helper to assist in bringing them over. 

May 21. 17S3. This day has been a day of trial. In 
the morning as I walked out about six o'clock, Mr. ***'s 
13* 



150 THE LIFE OF [PART IV. 

letter of last night, came with pain to my mind. I do 
not like the good that is in my dearest Mr. Fletcher to 
be evil spoken of. Before dinner I strove to get near 
to God, but having been up most of last night, I was 
very heavy. In the afternoon I could do but little, but 
I strove to pray. That passage in Mr. Wesley's Notes 
on the first Epistle of St. John, was much blest, and 
very sweet to me. " Love is the beginning of eternal 
life. The same in substance with glory." Also, St. 
John's words, " He that abideth in Him sinneth not." 
I saw love comprised all in itself. For two hours I was 
led to lie before the Lord, though with many distrac- 
tions, yet mingled with faith and longing desire. O 
when wilt Thou take up in me thine everlasting abode! 

May 22. I have this day been engaged in company, 
and sweetly met the order of God therein. I was en- 
abled to be watchful; and blessed be God, my tongue 
has been kept. We took sweet counsel together, and I 
felt the Lord was the director of all within and without. 

August 5. Since the above, (May 22) what have I 
seen of the goodness of tlie Lord! A fever has been in 
the parish, which took off many whom we saw it our 
duty to attend. It brought eternity very near, and that 
always does me good. It came into our family; and Sally 
was attacked with it. But my gracious God supported 
me under all burdens, and raised her up again in a won- 
derful manner. Soon after her recovery, Dr. Coke came 
in his way from Dublin. When I heard he was below, 
I felt an unusual spring of pleasure, with something of a 
conviction that he brought a message from the Lord. 1 
instantly felt a spirit of submission, and as it were a lis- 
tening to the will of God. So I have often felt when some 
conviction of fresh duty was about to be made plain to 
me. A few days before this, as I was one morning at 
prayer, I thought of one of our neighbours, (a speaker 
among the Friends) who was gone to Ireland. It was 
suggested, Should I be called thither, could I resolve to 
go? It really seemed I could not. The sea, to me ever 
terrible, appeared then doubly so, and I groaned under 
the thought, — where is faith and resignation? 

When we came into the parlour, we found the Doctor 



PART IV.] MRS. FLETCHER. 151 

had brought some letters from Dublin to each of us, by 
which it seemed the cloud moved that way. We said 
but little then, but went to church, where the Doctor 
preached. Before we came out, my soul was all readi- 
ness to go to the world's end, if my adorable Lord so 
ordered it. 

When we came home, I followed my dear to his study, 
and told him if he saw it his call to go, I saw it mine to 
follow him. He tenderly objected to my health, as I had 
been very poorly some time, and in such a state of re- 
laxation, that I waked for several mornings with blood 
in my mouth: but I believed that was not to hinder 
Since that day we have been preparing for our journey, — 
and I have enjoyed some communion with God in so 
doing. Satan is not wanting to suggest every thought 
that can raise fear. One day I was thinking, what would 
save me from all painful fear? If the Lord was to give 
me a promise of our safe return, — that my clear hus- 
band's health should not be hurt, and that we should have 
much success when there, — would that do? I hesitated, 
and my confidence seemed to be shook by temptation. 
I then thought, What will enable me to drink this cup 
to the glory of my Lord? My heart presently answered, 
Nothing but an entire resignation; a losing of my whole 
will in that of my Lord's, — and here I instantly found I 
was on a solid rock. 

This trial is not come single. My dear husbancPs 
health is not very good. What the Lord will do with us 
I know not. We are, however, ready for setting off. I 
feel my heart much enlarged, and my spirit so willing to 
do and suffer the whole will of God, that it amazes me. 
When I think of my dear husband's life or health being 
in danger, I am not anxious as I used to be, but can rest 
in the love and wisdom of my unchangeable Friend. For' 
this I praise Him, because no words can express the 
treasure I possess in our union. It is such as I had no 
idea was to be enjoyed in a married state; and in pro- 
portion as I get nearer to God, I find a daily increase of 
that union, and yet I am enabled so to give him up to 
the Lord, that it holds my soul in a quiet dependence 
and sweet adherence to the will of God. 



152 THE LIFE OF [PART IV* 

William-street, Dublin, September 12th. This day 
of our birth calls for solemn praise. I say our birth, 
because, as far as we can learn, my dear Mr. Fletcher 
was born on the same day, ten years before me. And 
why were we ever brought into being? Here is the 
comfortable answer, "I have created thee for my glory: 
I have formed thee for my praise!" O let us answer 
that design for ever! 

Many were my conflicts before we set out for this 
place. At one time it was represented to me, that when 
we were on the watery element, the prince of the power 
of the air would exert all his efforts against us. As the 
thought presented, in a moment those words sprang up 
in my heart, 

" We shall be safe, for Christ displays 
Superior power and guardian grace." 

The Lord gave me to see the whole universe so under 
his command, as I cannot express. I saw him as "hold- 
ing the winds in his fist," and "the waters in the hol- 
low of his hand." And that sooner all nature should 
change, than one of God's promises fail. I am naturally 
inexpressibly fearful, with all sorts of fear, beyond what 
words can paint; and it was often represented, if I went 
among strangers, I should, by that weakness, bring 
much discouragement on the feeble ones of the flock. 
But the instance of Gideon was brought before me, and 
I was made to feel, The Lord can get himself glory by 
the weakest worm; and my heart answered, O will Di- 
vine, which I adore and love! what a rest there is to be 
found in Thee! 

Well, in this will, with the prayers and blessing of 
many of our friends, on August the 12th we set off. As 
we drove from our own door, and my dear was com- 
mending us to the protection of the Lord, that word 
rested on my mind with power, — / am Thy shield. 
When we passed the Birches, (where a few years ago 
that remarkable phenomenon occurred,) Mr. Fletcher 
pointed out to me the roads and fields which were so 
lately covered with the river. We could not but be 
much amazed at the stupidity of the human heart. Most 



PART IV.] MRS- FLETCHER. 153 

of the inhabitants seem almost to have forgotten the 
whole transaction! and we were led to observe, how 
vain is the common objection to the miracles of our 
Lord — or to the sun standing still at Joshua's word, that 
they are not recorded in common history. Ah no! That 
which does not take hold on the sinful affections, is soon 
lost and forgotten! While we were conversing- on the 
above subject, we passed the Eaton-Constadine, a little 
village rendered famous by the birth of that great ser- 
vant of God, Mr. Baxter, with whose spirit we joined 
our feeble act of worship before the Throne. 

At night we were affectionately received by Mrs. 
Glynne of Shrewsbury, whose love to the children of 
God does not grow cold. May He who hath promised 
the prophet's reward, repay her in time and eternity. 
While my dear was preaching that night, on the danger 
of being ashamed of the Gospel, my heart yearned to- 
wards the people of that place, and the cry of my spirit 
was, u O that these people might live before Thee." 
The next morning we pursued our journey as far as 
Llangollen, in Wales, — but all the horses being out, we 
were constrained to abide there all night. Inquiring 
(as we walked about the town,} whether they had any 
praying people among them, the poor things answered us 
in the best manner they could: — and after consulting" to- 
gether, they said, — "Yes, Sir, mere are some people 
who pray in houses at the other end of the town, but 
we do not know what they be." Another said, — " This 
very night there is a man to preach in the chapel be- 
longing to these praying people." According to their 
direction we went to the place, and found a few poor 
people gathered in a building. I believe part of an old 
house. The preacher seemed very earnest and lively: 
I say seemed, for we could not understand one word,— 
except Gogoniant. and Gwaed, cflory, and blood; which, 
with much emphasis, he often repeated. After we were 
returned to our inn, the few who could understand En- 
glish, came to us, and desired my dear to o-ive them a 
sermon in the morning, which he did, on these words, 
" This is his commandment, that we should believe on 
the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and love one ano- 



154 THE LIFE OF [PART IV 

ther, as he hath given us commas ." It was a 

good time, and several were who and 

English. Wc then set off foi r af- 

ternoon reached Holyhead. Here, foi sea ns f l 

wished to stop a little, and inquiring when a vessel 
would sail, v.": were not till next morning'. 

Mr. Fletcher was but poorly. 

on his face, now broke, _ him much in - 

nience; but on Saturday : . ;, iiformed that 

the packet was going off. Some of the people s: 
"The wind is quite contrary, y will s 

agreeable pass _ ■" — bat 1 to bfe the ordei 

God. we embarked. Now I remembered liow the L 
had shown me, — "He measm the hol- 

low of his hand.' 1 1 '"..■•• ■. view more favour- 

able., and the sea so sm . tits smed to me as if 
I heard him say, Pi . . V I 

much affected by the ,hutl rery ill. About one 

o'clock on Sun lay : rnii _. nehor three 

from Dublin. We then got into a boat, which was ra- 
ther troublesome, as the tide kept it in continual agita- 

. but through the goodness of the L : ~. we an 
safe. After being hindered some nine by the custom- 
house officers, we reached : in the morning the 
Hotel on Du::!:r. Q;?.v. 

We no'v -'-Alt •"."".. ov.r hospitable friends, Mr. : 
Mrs. Smyth, in William-street, and have seen much of 
the Lord's hand in bringing us hither. My 
band has been favoured « ith such an unction in preach- 
ing the word, that it listih "as. the lew on the mown 
grass." The presen preachers in Duhlin, Brs! Ruther- 
ford and Jackson, are truly simple pious men. and re- 
spect that comma I, " In honour pre ferring ne : n : ther.' 1 
They heartily rejoice in t e mess ear husband 

deliver- among them. There are some spirits in this 
place in whom we find a leg -;-e of the primitive sim- 
plicity, rejoicing to •:: a strangei whom they believe 
the Lord has sent to be "a hel 

I feel a I before it is long 

there will be a great revival of the work of God in 
Dublin. I feel much Li -:.v in meeting the classes. 



PART IV.] MRS. FLETCHER. 155 

Here are a few souls truly athirst for full salvation, and 
many who inquire after the most excellent way. Our 
kind and generous host and hostess allow us all freedom 
in their house, for the glory of God, and the good of 
his people; and as their servants also are pious, upright 
persons, we can here worship with them in calm and 
brotherly love. 

Madely, October 30. How much of thy goodness, 
my God! have I seen since I last wrote! On the 
seventh of this month we left Dublin, and embarked in 
a Liverpool brig, bound for Holyhead. We had a long 
way to go in the boat, and about eight at night entered 
the vessel. The sea was then pretty smooth; but in 
the night the wind grew high, and the captain thought 
the sea more swelling than he had seen it for some years. 
It was what they call very squally; and we were ex- 
tremely sick, far worse than in going. Those words, 
given me before I left home, were much on my mind, 

" And shall He not have 

The life which He gave, 

So precious a ransom for ever to save?" 

And also,- " Though I remain in the uttermost parts of 
the sea, there shall His hand guide me, and His right- 
hand shltll hold me." I could not tell whether they 
were not a call to sacrifice our lives to Him, who had 
sacrificed His for us: but I lay still before the Lord, in 
the spirit of resignation, saying, "Thy will be done." 

In going over, my dear husband's tender attention was 
a great alleviation to my sufTering, but now we were 
botruso ill, (as was also Sally) we could scarce speak or 
look towards each other, but only wait before the Lord, 
that all His will might be done. Towards morning, the 
pump told us the vessel was leaky, but it was in a small 
degree, and we were near land. It served to remind us 
of that word, "There is but a step between me and 
death!" 

Since our return I have closely examined what I have 
lost or got in these last three months. I exceedingly 
praise the Lord that ever we went to Dublin, and that 
for various reasons. There are some souls there with 



156 THE LIFE OF [PART IV. 

whom my spirit found much fellowship; — at whose feet 
I sat, and. I trust, learned many useful lessons. My 
dear Mr. Fletcher preached in several places besides the 
Preaching-house in "White-Friars-street, both to the 
French and English, and we had some remarkable proofs 
that he was called there of God." I have also learned 

* Having visited Dublin soon after the departure of these ser- 
vants of God, I can add my testimony to the gTeat and good ef- 
fects which resulted from their visit, and their truly evangelical 
labours. Never did I see such deep impressions made on the 
minds of that people, except, perhaps, in the very short visits of 
Mr. Wesley. But he had the care of all the churches, and was 
occupied with that care in every place. Mr. and Mrs. Fletcher 
had a liberty in that respect which our Father in the Gospel could 
not have. They were the unencumbered helpers of the people's 
joy; and it was truly the joy of the Lord. Those divine impres- 
sions were deep and abiding: and, as Mrs. Fletcher hoped, a great 
revival of pure religion followed in that society. It had usually 
consisted of about 500 persons, but it soon increased to upwards 
of 1,000, and has never since fallen below that number. Such 
longing after entire conformity to the Son of God, I never beheld! 
It seemed to be the general sentiment of all. from the highest to 
the lowest of the people. How wide this sacred influence might 
have extended, who can tell, if a poor sectarian spirit had not 
limited the labours of the man of God. On their arrival in Dub- 
lin, their host, Mr. Smyth, a distinguished and most respectable 
gentleman, applied to the Rector of St. Andrew's Parish, (in 
which he lived) for Mr. Fletcher to preach in his church; and as 
he was a beneficed minister, it was immediately granted. The 
church {commonly called the Round Church) was crowded to 
excess. Mr. Fletcher's text was — Almost thou persuadest me to 
be a Christian. — Acts xxvi. 28. He showed what it was to be a 
Christian from the liturgy which had just been read: beginning 
with the general confession, and the authoritative declaration of 
pardon to those "Who truly repent, and unfeignedly believe His 
Holy Gospel;' 5 — and going on to that "Cleansing of our hearts 
by the inspiration of His Holy Spirit, that we may perfectly love 
Him, and worthily magnify His holy name, through Jesus Christ 
our Lord.' 5 He then proceeded to persuade them, with an ear- 
nestness and power that astonished the congregation, some of 
whom seemed to doubt if he were not more than human. But, 
alas! It was soon known that Mr. Fletcher preached that same 
evening at the Methodist Freaching-house! The pulpits of the 
churches were immediately shut against him, with the exception 
of the French Church. The first time he preached there, his 
text was — Call to remembrance the firmer days, in which, after 
ye were illuminated, yc end-red a g-eat fight of affliction*,— He 



PART IV.] MRS. FLETCHER. 157 

more of ray own weakness and ignorance. I know not 
I ever found a more humbling season than while I was 
there. My continual prayer was — Ah! Lord, break me 
in pieces! Melt me down and let me flow, and more 
fully take the mould divine! My soul is deeply con- 
vinced of the need of being filled with "all the fruit of 
the Spirit," or I shall never bring glory to my God. 
that thou wouldst accomplish all thy will upon me! 

Since our return, my dear husband has taken another 
journey of about two hundred miles, from which he has 
a good deal suffered. His face is not yet well. But 
the unwearied patience and resignation wherewith he 
goes through all, is to me a continual lesson, which I 
wish to imitate. 

November 12. And do we see the anniversary of our 
blessed union yet another year? And are we yet more 
happy and more tender towards each other? Yes, glory 
be to God! we are; and what is better, I can truly say, 
our souls get nearer to God. We are more spiritual, 
and live more for eternity. "What have we passed through 
together since this day twelvemonth! What a tender 
kind friend hath he proved himself to me in every cir- 
cumstance of each situation! And now Providence hath 
so graciously brought us again to our own country, and 
quiet habitation. O that we may live to Him more than 
ever. 

Yesterday I was much blessed in offering- up my 
whole self, with all my concerns, into the hand of God, 
believing He would appoint me all my work and all my 
crosses. He showed me he would make His will known 
to me through that of my dear husband, and that I was 
to accept His directions as from God, and obey him as 
the church does Christ. That I must give myself to 
his guidance as a child, and wherever we were called, or 

brews x. 32. He thus brought before them the faith of their ances- 
tors, and the persecutions that had driven them from their native 
land, — and strongly enforced the inquiry, Do ye now believe? — 
When some of the people were asked, " Why did you g-o to the 
French Church to hear Mr. Fletcher, when you could not under- 
stand one word he said } " They answered, " We went to look aX 
him, for heaven seemed to beam from his countenance !" — Ed, 

14 



158 THE LIFE OF [PABT IV. 

however employed in the work of God, I should alwav? 
find protection, and glorify God, while I renounced al) 
choice by doing the will of another rather than my own. 
This indeed, I have always seen; but it was now more 
deeply impressed on my heart, as I was assured there 
was no danger in doing so, having his guidance. I saw 
how often through that unaccountable fear which presses 
down my spirit, I have been afraid to follow in the ways 
he hath pointed out, and so have hindered the order of 
God. Lord, from this day I covenant afresh to be in 
this particular at Thy own disposal! 

February 3, 1784. This day my convictions have 
been greatly deepened concerning the sin of unwatch- 
fulness in the use of my tongue. We must be willing 
to be dumb, and not open our mouth, when God's order 
calls us to it; and to be fools in the eyes of man, that 
we may receive the true wisdom. 

September 12. This day I am forty-five years old. 
Lord, what hath my setting sun to shine on? Must 1 
say, A lost life! Oh! how much of it hath been so' 
What might I have been! What might I have done for 
Thee, O God! Yet this day I have had such a sense 
of the goodness of God towards me as I cannot express. 
I am filled with favours! I have the best of husbands, 
who daily grows more and more spiritual, and T think, 
more healthful, being far better than when we first mar- 
ried. My call is also "so clear, and I have such liberty 
in the work, and such sweet encouragement among the 
people. My servant too is much improved, and as faith- 
ful as if she was my own child. An income quite com- 
fortable, and a good deal to help the poor with! what 
shall I render to the Lord for all the mercies he hath 
shown unto me! 

October. As I was retired this morning at my ten 

o'clock hour, I was called down to Mary G . I 

asked her if she still retained her spiritual liberty. I 
found by her answers that she did, which caused me to 
praise the Lord. She gave me a strange account, which 
I shall insert as she related it. A short time ago, she 
said she was one day going out to work in the fields, 
but thought she would first go up stairs to prayer. 



PART IV.] MRS. FLETCHER. 159 

While on her knees, praising God for the care he had 
taken of her children, she was amazed to see her eldest 
son, about twenty-one years old, standing before her! 
She started up, — but thought, May be it is the enemy 
to affright me from prayer. Casting her eyes again to 
the same spot, she still saw him there, on which she ran 
down into the kitchen, calling on the name of the Lord. 
Still wherever she looked, she saw him standing before 
her, pale, and as if covered with dirt! Concluding from 
this that he was killed, she ran to her mother,— who, 
on hearing the account, went directly to the pit, deter- 
mined to have him home, if alive. On her drawing 
near the pit she heard a great tumult, for the earth had 
fallen in on him and two other men, and the people 
were striving to dig them out. At length he was got up 
alive and well, and came home to his mother, pale and 
dirty, just as she had seen him! She then fell on her 
knees, and began praising that God who hears and an* 
swers prayer! Many of the ungodly neighbours having 
been witness to the whole transaction, are much affected, 
and 1 trust this very strange occurrence will work for 
good.* 

October. Yesterday I was very much taken up in 
house affairs. Various things occurred which would at 
sometimes have been a burden; but every thing seemed 
blest. These words were all day the language of my 
heart, 

" With thee delighted I forget 

All time, and toil, and care; 
Labour is rest, and toil is sweet, 

If thou, my God, be there." 

It was a day of prayer and sweet recollection. This 
day also, I have found much of the presence of God. 
O for a power of self-denial in all things to do His 
will! 

November 12. We have been married three years 
this day. A good day it has been to me! My spirit has 

* Was not this extraordinaiy dispensation permitted for the 
good of these ignorant ungodly persons, wbo were not likely to 
be moved by more rational means?— Ed. 



160 THE LIFE OF [PART IV. 

been much drawn out in prayer for a further lift of faith 
without which, I am sensible, I cannot obtain the fulfil 
ment of that promise, " Her clothing shall be of wrought 
gold!" As I was this day reflecting on the wonderful 
goodness of God in my providential union with my dear 
husband, (so far, so very far, beyond my warmest wishes) 
my heart was enlarged with desire to render to my God 
a suitable return for all his mercies! I cried from the 
bottom of my soul to the Father, that He would draw 
me to the Son! I called on Christ as my living Head! 
It was a peculiar season. These words have ever since 
abode on my mind, 

"See him to thy help come down, 
The excellence divine." 

November 16. A thought struck my mind to-night, 
as I was looking over some part of my diary, — That 
there is not praise enough for spiritual blessings. I ex- 
press my wants, but I ought to praise the Lord without 
ceasing, that He gives me such an open door to pour out 
my wants into His bosom; and the answers to prayer I 
have of late found, have been so quick, so certain, and 
so wonderful, I am amazed! 

In July last, we believed the Lord called us to York- 
shire for a few weeks,* and many answers to prayer 
did we meet with in that journey. Soon after our re- 
turn, my dear husband was called to take another jour- 
ney. I knew he would meet with much fatigue therein; 
and every journey hurts him much; but I was amazed 
at the calm resignation I felt; the language of my hear* 
was, 

** Happy to meet, yet free to part, 
Through thee for ever one in heart." 

This autumn I have been a good deal among the people 
and have found great liberty, both in public and privaU 
meetings. Two dear souls have been lately brought in; 
and though persecution burns hot against them, they arc 

* To attend the Conference-^-the last at which Mr* Fletchsv 
W&s present. — Ed* 



PART IV.] MRS. FLETCHER. 161 

yet firm, and rejoice that they " are counted worthy to 
suffer for the cause of God." Lord, keep them, and 
make them firm as the beaten anvil to the stroke! 

Lord's day. My dear husband was very poorly, and 
had much appearance of a fever. In the morning meet- 
ing, I told the dear women we must hold him up by 
prayer; and indeed I felt our prayers had free access to 
the Lord. It would have warmed a heart of stone to 
have heard Mary Matthews give her simple, yet solid 
and wise declaration of the goodness of God. She had 
been a long time creeping hither with her sore leg; but 
she seemed scarce to know which to praise God most 
for, the strength he had given her to do so, or the pain 
she had felt all the night before! " For," said she, " if I 
had not had pain, I should have slept. But instead of 
that, I had such a divine visit from my Lord, and such 
sweet intercourse with Him, I would not have been with- 
out it for all the world." This woman grows much in 
grace; she is to me a great consolation, and a help in train- 
ing up some of the lambs of the flock. She had been for 
some years in a mourning state, (though she still retain- 
ed her faith,) but the first Sabbath my dear husband and 
I spoke in the kitchen, she was set at liberty while these 
words were sung, 

"The year of jubilee is come! 
Return, ye ransom'd sinners, home!" 

January 5, 1785. I have this day been looking over 
my many mercies, and my heart was melted into love! 
O what a prospect! Lord, speak again to my heart, 
" Thou shalt walk with me in white!" I cast my whole 
self on thy mercy! So much I feel of it as makes me 
rest under thy shadow! Thy will shall be my choice! 
sometimes I think I am so surrounded with comforts, I 
shall not answer that character, — "These are they 
which came out of great tribulation." But I abandon 
myself to Thy dear will, only let me glorify thee to the 
uttermost! Yea, with every power! — It was a good 
time last night also while at the prayer-meeting. 

Yesterday I went with my dear husband to , but 

being taken ill, I was forced to return home. This is 
14* 



162 THE LIFE OF [PART IV 

often the case with me. I am oft disappointed in what 
appears at first the will of God: bnt at this time it was 
far otherwise. I felt a pleasure in appearing mean and 
good for nothing. Yes, I will glory in my infirmity, 
that the will 01 God may be done in me! 

July 2. Much blest to-day while my dear husband 
was preaching the sermon to the club. I had a sweet 
sight how union with God coul transform the soul into 
his own image. 

July 26. This summer being dry. I have had mti 
opportunity oi stoing about. One day at the Rough Park 
I had a peculiar instance of the g€ loess ol God. A 
son of Belial, a wicked, r w, bound hi:., 

another young man. whom he ier a 

blasphemous oath, that they w " the time 

we began, in order to make a ngly 

abou; six o'clock he was for setting off, — 
suddenly struck as with death. All about him n 
thought he was dying. He continued thus for some 
hours. how easily can the Lord put his 
the jaws ol those He would restrain! I gaYfi it on 
be there again that day fortnight, but in the me 
walked to a distant place, r; ond my strength; 

however we had a good time. On my return home, I 
felt very weary, and the thought passed my mind. My 
soul is too swift for my body: for it seemed as if it 
would fly to those places where there apj 
My earthly frame, however, was toe heavy tc iragaftei 
it. That night I began to grow ill. and it terminated : 
a fever. My limbs swelled a good ;mah and I w; 
ed with red spots: but ha : . noi una:/, pain Now I ha 
a fresh instance of the tendei sare and 
ed partner: sickness T m? ma. If pheasant by hh kin 
tention. When the day :-ame t r me :: be at the Eougr 
Park, he went himself, but was so pane with tit 

thought ol losing me. that he prea:; ? .1. as it v 
funeral sermon: and the mat people joined him i 
feelings and prayer! During this illness mi iv ihonsrhts 
passed my mind, which I can scame amtnmt :. : ~: 
a good while past my dear husband has joined with me 
in prayer in an uncommon manner. We are led to offer 



PART IV.] MRS. FLETCHER. 163 

ourselves to do and suffer all the will of God. Some- 
thing seems to tell me I must have more of the bitter 
cup; and there words are much with me — " That I may 
stand in the evil day, and having done all — stand." My 
prayer is, That the evil day may be before death,— not 
at the last. But, Lord, thy will — Thy whole will be 
done! 

Certainly I have now scarce any cross. Thou hast 
made my cup to run over! Yea, Thou hast made me to 
forget all my sorrows. It seems as if I had never suf- 
fered any thing! There is not a comfort I can wish 
for, which I have not; — but, Lord, I want more grace! 

October 25. When I wrote last, (July 26) I was 
indeed arrived at the summit of human felicity! My cup 
did indeed run over! I often said, Lord! how is this? 
Am I indeed one of those of whom it is said, " These 
are they who came out of great tribulation?" My way 
is strewed with roses. I am ready to say, with Joseph, 
" The Lord hath made me to forget all my afflictions, 
and all my father's house!" 

But Oh! how shall I write it! On the fourteenth of 
August, 1785, the dreadful moment came! The sun of 
my earthly joys for ever set, and the cloud arose which 
casts the sable on all my future life! At half past ten 
that Sabbath night, I closed the eyes of my beloved! 
What a change! The whole creation wears a new face 
to me. The posture of my mind at this season, I will 
not trust to my memory to describe. I will leave it in 
the rough manner I then set it down. Perhaps some one 
walking in the same dreary path, may find a little com- 
fort therefrom. To others, it may be dry and insipid, 
"The heart knoweth its own bitterness." 

On September 15, 1785, I wrote in my diary as fol- 
lows:— " I am truly a desolate woman, who hath no 
helper but Thee." I remember a little before the trans- 
lation of my dearest love, we were drawn out continually 
to ask for a greater measure of the Spirit — such a mea- 
sure as was given at Pentecost: or in other words, such 
a manifestation of the loving nature of God, as should 
fulfil in us that promise, " Ye are the temples of the Holy 
Ghost." This I asked and pleaded for, and that on any 



164 THE LIFE OF [PART IV. 

condition. My dear Mr. Fletcher used to say, "That 
is right, Polly, let us hold fast there, and leave all the 
rest to God; though He should be constrained to part 
us asunder to give the answer." 

On the Tuesday before my love died, when those 
words were applied to my mind, "Where I am. there 
shall my servants be, that they may behold my glory." 
I felt such a power in them, as seemed in a great decree 
to take away the bitterness even of that dreadful cup. 
"To behold my glory!" That thought would for mo- 
ments swallow up all, and I seemed to lose myself in the 
desire of His glory being manifested. But that awful 
night! when 1 had hung over my dear husband for many 
hours, expecting every breath to be his last, and during 
which time he could not speak to, nor take any notice of 
me, a flood of unspeakable sorrow overspread my heart, 
and quite overwhelmed my spirit. I was scarcely in ray 
senses; — and such a fear seized my soul lest I should 
say or do any thing displeasing to the Lord, thai I was 
torn as it were a thousand ways at once. 

My fatigrue had been great: I was barely recovered of 
my fever, and this stroke so tore my nerves, th 
an inlet to much temptation. In forme: f my life. 

I have felt deep sorrow; but such were now my feelings, 
that no words, that I am able to think of, can convey any- 
adequate idea thereof. The next morning— Oh! my 
God! what a cup didst thou put into my hand! Not only 
my beloved husband, but it appeared to me my Saviour 
also, was torn from me! Clouds and darkness surrounded 
both soul and body! The sins even of my infancy came 
before me, and assaulted me as thick as hail! I seemed 
to have no love, no faith, no light, — and yet I could no; 
doubt but I should see the smiling face of God in glory! 
Yea — that heaven would terminate all my sufferings' 
There did not seem one dart thrown at my final salva 
tion. An unshaken belief that Christ would bring me 
through all, was my great support: — and 1: seemed to 
me, that I must have been annihilated had I been moved 
from that anchor. No finite creature could have sup- 
ported it. My agonized soul seemed to sweat blood; 
and I felt the meaning of those words, "The pains of 



PART IV.] MRS. FLETCHER. 165 

hell got hold upon me I" What, said I, is this the soul 
that but a few days ago delighted in the thought of •• His 
glory!" But now he hath entered into judgment with 
me! My soul was amazed, and in deep anguish; and 
literally my life drew nigh to the grave! 

When formerly I have read accounts like this. I have 
thought, — These persons have a strong way of express- 
ing themselves; — but alas! I solemnly declare, no ex- 
pression appears to me strong enough for what I felt. 
That word passed my mind several times, 

" Even to his Father did He look 
In pain, — His Father Him forsook!** 

A host of foes seemed to surround me. and I was as i: 
appeared to me) given into their hands.* Those words 
came often to my mind, " To know him, and the power 
of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings. 
Sometimes I remembered that expression. "My God! 
my God! why hast thou forsaken me?" I east my 
mournful eyes towards the "Man of sorrows" who 
spoke them, but there seemed no answer, all was horror 
and darkness. 

Many times a day I visited my lovely corpse, remem- 
bering, as I knelt beside him. how he used to say, •• Ah! 
my dear Polly, must I ever see thee laid out on this 
bed!" But alas! he could no more speak to me. no more 
express his tender sympathy! Now "I trod the wine- 
press alone," and truly, "there was none with me." 
The rest of the day, I sat mostly alone in the next room, 
where my window presented to my view the grave 
digging, and the churchyard visited by numbers to look 
at the vault! Soon it occurred to my mind, that before 
we married, some letters had passed between us on par- 

* This whole account describes truly, — "The hour, and the 
power of darkness. The blast of the terrible ones" was indeed 
"as a storm against the wall!" But this "follower of Christ," 
nevertheless, "walked not in darkness.'-' She, 1 "ke her Rfaaf r, 
could say, "My God! My God!" when her "soul was sorrowful 
even unto death." Thus, " Heaven its choicest gold b\ suirering- 
tried," The saint sustained it, — but the woman felt: and she no 
more disguised her feeling's than our divine Master did. — Ed, 



166 THE LIFE OF [PART IV 

ticular subjects, which he had often told me I had better 
burn, — saying, "Thou puttest it off; and if one of us 
should die, — it will almost kill the other to do it then." 
Yet, being loath to part with them, I had neglected to 
do it; but now being seized with a kind of palsy, and 
loss of memory, I thought, perhaps in another dav, I 
may not be able to do it, and then I shall be unfaithful 
to my dear husband's command. The third day there- 
fore, I carried them to the fire. But oh! what did 1 feel 
at the sight! I could not even avoid seeing some of the 
tender expressions they contained, which were now as 
barbed arrows to my heart. Next day came on the 
funeral. 

All this time my soul was as in the lion's den. The 
day after, I heard that some reports were abroad con- 
cerning my dear husband's death, — as if he had been 
delirious, and expired in great agonies. I believed J was 
called to write the truth; — and casting myself on the 
Lord, to be guided by his hand as a mere machine, I 
took up my pen, and wrote to Mr. Wesley the follow- 
ing letter. I wrote it at one sitting, intending to copy 
it afterward; but I had no more strength than just suf- 
ficed for the occasion. I sent it therefore, as it was, to 
the press, and left it all to God. 

"August 18th, 1785. 

"Rev. and very dear Sir, 

" Though but yesterday I parted with my beloved 
husband's remains, I must now endeavour to collect my 
wounded mind, as I would not have any of his words 
fall to the ground, and give, if possible, some account 
of the awful, but, to him, glorious scene. 

" Our union increased daily, as did his health and 
strength; his consumptive complaint appeared quite re- 
moved, and in my eyes the bitterness of death was past. 
The work was sweetly prospering, and in a variety of 
circumstances, the sun of prosperity shone around us. 

" For some time before this last illness, his precious 
soul (always alive to God.) was particularly penetrated 
with the nearness of eternity; there was scarce an hour 
in which he was not calling upon me to drop every 



PART IV.] MRS. FLETCHER. 167 

thought and every care, that we might attend to nothing 
but drinking deeper into God. We spent much time in 
wrestling prayer for the fulness of the Spirit, and were 
led in a very peculiar manner, to an act of abandonment 
(as we called it,) of our whole selves into the hands of 
God, to do or suffer whatever was pleasing to him. On 
Thursday, August 4th, he was taken up in the work of 
God from three in the afternoon, till nine at night; when 
he came home, he said, 'I have taken cold.' Friday 
and Saturday he was hut poorly, though he went out 
part of the day, but seemed uncommonly drawn out in 
prayer. On Saturday night his fever first appeared very 
strong. I begged him not to go to the church in the 
morning, but let a pious brother who was here, preach 
in the yard; but he told me he believed it was the will 
of the Lord, and that he was assured it was right he 
should go; in which case I never dared to dissuade him. 
As I was in the morning with a little company of our 
pious women, I begged they would pray that he might 
be strengthened, and that I might have a grain of that 
faith which supported the faithful when their friends 
were martyred. In reading prayers he almost fainted 
away. I got through the crowd with a friend, and en- 
treated him to come out of the desk, as did some others; 
but he let us know in his sweet manner, that we were 
not to interrupt the order of God, I then retired to my 
pew; where all around me were in tears. When he was 
a little refreshed by the windows being opened, and a 
nosegay thrown into the desk by a friend, he went on; 
and afterward going up into the pulpit, preached with a 
strength and recollection which surprised us all. 

" In his first prayer he said, ■ Lord, thou wilt manifest 
thy strength in weakness, we confer not with flesh and 
blood, but put our trust under the shadow of thy wings.' 

" His text was from Psalm xxxvi. * Thou, Lord, shalt 
save both man and beast; how excellent is thy mercy, 
O God; and the children of men shall put their trust un- 
der the shadow of thy wings.' 

41 After he had pointed out the Saviour of mankind, 
and observed, how some by sin, had made themselves 
beasts, he showed that the promise, even in that sense, 



168 THE LIFE OF [PART IV. 

might be applied to the sinner, as well as to the beasts 
of the earth: and in speaking to these, with his usual 
earnestness, he pressed, invited, and entreated them to 
return unto God, enforcing those words of our Lord 
when he came near to Jerusalem, and wept over it. 
* If thou hadst known, even thou, at least in this thy 
day, the things which belong to thy peace! but now they 
are hid from thine eyes.' These words peculiarly 
pierced the hearts of many, as they have since told me. 
He continued to observe in nearly the following words, 
1 That the wings of the Lord are compared to those of 
an eagle for strength and protection,' Exodus xix. 'I 
bare you on eagles' wings, and brought you unto my- 
self.' And to those of a hen for love and care, ' Like 
as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings.' In 
the Jewish tabernacle, where was the Holy of Holies, 
two cherubim were placed, whose extended wings join- 
ing together overshadowed the mercy-seat. When Christ 
died upon the cross, bis arms were stretched out, and 
these were as wings of love which he opened, and still 
holds wide open to receive all that come unto him; let 
us, then, when we see his love and power thus united 
to save and bless us, enter boldly into the Holy of 
Holies, through the door of ■ divine mercy. A friend 
threw me some flowers to revive me when I was faint, 
but the mercy of the Lord is far more reviving; — it is 
this I would hold out to you, and drop it into your very 
bosoms; may it sink deep there, that you may ' taste 
and see how good the Lord is,' and confess that his 
saving mercy is above the richest perfume, for * he 
saves both man and beast!' 

" After sermon he went up the aisle to the commu- 
nion table, with these words, ' I am going to throw my- 
self under the wings of the cherubim before the mercy- 
seat.' 

" The congregation was large, and the service held till 
near two. Sometimes he could scarcely stand, and was 
often obliged to stop for want of power to speak. The 
people were deeply affected. Weeping was on every 
side. Gracious Lord! how was it my soul was kept so 
calm in the midst of the most tender feelings? Notwith- 



PART IV.] MRS. FLETCHER. 169 

standing his extreme weakness, he gave out several 
verses of hymns, and various lively sentences of exhor- 
tation. As soon as the service was over, we hurried 
him away to his bed, where he immediately fainted 
away. He afterward dropped into a sleep for some 
time, and upon waking, cried out with a pleasant smile, 
Now, my dear, thou seest I am no worse for doing the 
Lord's work: he never fails me when I trust in him.' 
After he had got a little dinner he dozed most of the 
evening;— now and then waking (as was usual with him) 
full of the praises of God. That night his fever return- 
ed, but not so bad as on Saturday; nevertheless, from 
Sunday his strength decreased amazingly. On Monday 
and Tuesday we had a little paradise together; he lay 
on a couch in the study, and was at times very restless, 
as to change of posture, but sweetly pleasant, and often 
slept for a good while. When awake, he delighted 
much in hearing me read hymns and tracts on faith and 
love. His words were all animating, and his patience 
beyond what I can express. When he had any bitter 
or nauseous medicine to take, he seemed to enjoy the 
cross, reminding me of a word he used often to repeat,*— 
that our business was to seek a perfect conformity to 
the will of God, and then leave Him to give us what 
comfort he saw good. Tasked him, if he should be ta- 
ken from me, whether he had any particular directions 
or orders to give me, since I desired to form my whole 
life thereby. He replied, ' No, not by mine, the Holy 
Ghost shall direct thee; I have nothing particular to 
say, only that the Lord will open all before thee; — and 
let not any one bring thee into bondage. If I stay with 
thee, I will keep thee from oppression; but if I should 
be tak-n from thee, beware.' I said, Hast thou any con- 
viction the Lord is about to take thee? He answered, 
* No, not in particular, only I always see death so in- 
expressibly near, that we both seem to stand as on the 
verge of eternity. While he slept a little, I laid my 
trial before the Lord, entreating him, if it was his good 
pleasure, to spare my beloved husband a little longer; 
but my prayer seemed to have no wings. It was held 
down, and I could not help mingling continually there- 
15 



170 THE LIFE OF [PART IV. 

with, Lord, give me perfect resignation! This uncer- 
tainty in my own mind, made me rather tremble, lest 
the Lord was going to take the bitter cup out of my 
dear's hand, and give it unto me. The cup of separa- 
tion, he had for some weeks before very deeply drank 
of, when I myself was ilLof the fever. At that time he 
often passed through the whole parting scene, and strug- 
gled for the fortitude of perfect resignation. Sometimes 
he would say at that season, ' O Polly! shall I ever see 
the day when thou must be carried out to be buried? 
How will the little things which thou wast accustomed 
to use, and all those which thy tender care has prepared 
for me in every part of the house, how will they wound 
and distress me! How is it? I think I feel jealousy — 
I am jealous of the worm! I seem to shrink at giving 
my dear Polly to the worms! 

" Now all these reflections returned with a millstone's 
weight on my heart. I cried to the Lord, and those 
words were deeply impressed on my spirit, 'Where I 
am, there shall my servants be, that they may behold 
my glory.' This promise was full of matter as well as 
unction to my soul. It explained itself thus, that in 
Chrisfs immediate presence was our home, and that 
we should find our reunion in being deeply centered in 
him. I received it as a fresh marriage for eternity. As 
such I still take, and trust for ever to hold it. All that 
day, whenever I thought of this expression, ( to behold 
my glory,' it seemed to wipe every tear away, and was 
as the ring by which we were joined anew. 

"Awaking sometime after, he said, 'Polly, I will tell 
you what I have been thinking of — It was Israel's fault 
that they asked for signs; we will not do so; but aban- 
doning our whole selves into the hands of God, we will 
there lie patiently before him, assured that he will do all 
things well.' 

" ' My dear love,' said I, ' if ever I have done or said 
any thing to grieve thee, how will the remembrance 
wound my heart, shouldst thou be taken from me!' 

" He entreated and charged me, with inexpressible 
tenderness, not to allow the thought; declaring his 
thankfulness for our union, in a variety of words, which 



PART IV.] MRS. FLETCHER. 171 

remain written on my heart, as with the adamantine pen 
of friendship deeply dipt in blood. 

"On Wednesday, after groaning all day, as it were, 
under the weight of the power of God, he told me, he 
had received such a manifestation of the full meaning 
of that word, ' God is love,' as he could never be able 
to tell. It Jills me, said he; it Jills me every moment. 
O Polly! my dear Polly! God is love! shout, shout 
aloud — Oh! it so fills me, I want a gust of praise to go 
to the ends of the earth. But it seems as if I could not 
speak much longer; let us fix on a sign between our- 
selves, (tapping me twice with his dear finger,) now I 
mean l God is love, and we will draw each other into 
God: observe! by this we will draw each other into 
God.' 

" Sally coming in, he cried out, < O Sally! God is 
love! shout both of you;* — 1 want to hear you shout his 
praise.' Indeed it was a season of love. All this time 
the medical friend who attended him with unwearied 
diligence, hoped he was in no danger. He knew it to 
be the fever, but as he had no bad headach, much sleep, 
without the least delirium, and an almost regular pulse, 
seldom much quicker than my own, he thought the 
symptoms amazingly mild; for though the disease was 
commissioned to take his life, yet it seemed so restrain- 
ed by the power of God, that we truly discerned in it 
the verity of those words, Death is yours. 

" On Thursday his speech began to fail. While he 
was able he continued speaking to all who came in his 
way. Accidentally hearing that a stranger was in the 
house, he ordered her to be called up, though uttering 
two sentences almost made him faint. To his friendly 
doctor, he would not be silent while he had any power 
of speech; often saying, ' O Sir, you take much thought 
for my body, give me leave to take thought for your 
soul.' And I believe his words will remain with that 
friend for ever. When I could scarcely understand any 
thing he said, I spoke these words, * God is love!' In- 
stantly he catched them, as if all his powers were awak- 
ened afresh, and broke out in a rnpture, ' God is love, 
love, love! O for that gust of praise 1 want to sound,* 



172 THE LIFE OF [PART IV 

Here his dear voice again failed. He was restless, and 
often suffered many ways, but with such patience, as 
none but those who were with him can conceive. If 
I named his sufferings — he would smile, and make the 

si £ n - 

" On Friday, finding his dear body covered with spots, 
I so far understood them, as to feel a sword pierce 
through my soul. As I was kneeling by his bed, with 
my hand in his, entreating the Lord to be with us in this 
tremendous hour, he strove to say many things, but 
could not: pressing my hand, and often repeating the 
sign, at last he breathed out — ' Head of the church, be 
head to my wife.' When for a few moments I was 
forced to leave him, to gather up some sheets of one of 
his manuscripts, which I feared would be lost, — Sally 
said to him, ' My dear master, do you know meT He 
replied, * Sally, God will put his right-hand under you/ 
She added, *0 my dear master, should you be taken 
away, what a disconsolate creature will my poor dear 
mistress be!' He replied, 'God will be her all in all.' 
He had always delighted much in these words, 

" Jesu's blood through earth and skies, 
Mercy, free, boundless mercy cries!" 

And whenever I repeated them to him, would answer, 
boundless, boundless, boundless! and in allusion to 
them, he now replied, though with great difficulty, 

" Mercy's full power I soon shall prove, 
Lov'd with an everlasting" love." 

" On Saturday afternoon his fever seemed quite off, and 
a few Christian friends standing near the bed, he reach- 
ed his hand to each of them, and looking on a minister, 
who was weeping by him, he said, ' Are you ready tc 
assist to-morrow?' Which recollection of his amazed m 
much, as the day of the week had not been named in 
his room. Most about him could not but believe he was 
better, and would get over it. One said, * Do you think 
that the Lord will raise you up?' — He strove to answer, 
•aying, ' Raise in resur — — , raise in resur—,' mean- 



PART IV.] MRS. FLETCHER. 173 

ing in the resurrection. To another who asked the 
same question, he said, 'I leave it all to God.' 

"In the evening his fever returned with violence,. and 
the mucus falling on the windpipe, occasioned him to 
be almost strangled. He suffered greatly; and it was 
feared the same painful emotion would continue and 
grow more violent to the last. This I felt most exqui- 
sitely, and cried to the Lord to remove it; and glory be 
to his name, he did remove it; and it returned no more 
in that way. As night drew on, I thought I perceived 
him dying very fast; his fingers could now hardly move 
to make the sign, (which he seemed scarce ever to for- 
get,) and his speech, as it seemed, was quite gone. I 
said, ' My dear creature, I ask not for myself, / know 
thy soul, but for the sake of others; if Jesus is very 
present with thee, lift thy right-hand.' He did so — I 
added, ' If the prospect of glory sweetly opens before 
thee, repeat the sign.' He then raised it again — and in 
a half a minute a second time, then threw it up with all 
his remaining strength, as if he would reach the top of 
the bed! After this his dear hands moved no more; but 
on my saying, ' Art thou in much pain?' He answered, 
1 No.' From this time he entered into a state that might 
be called a kind of sleep, though with eyes open and 
fixed, and his hands utterly void of any motion. For 
the most part he sat upright against pillows, with his 
head a little inclined to one side, and so remarkably 
composed and triumphant was his countenance, that the 
least trace of death was scarcely discernible in it. 

" Twenty-four hours, my dearly beloved was in this 
situation, breathing like a person in common sleep. 
About thirty-five minutes past ten on Sunday night, Au- 
gust 14th, his precious soul entered into the joy of the 
Lord, without one struggle or groan, — in the fifty-sixth 
year of his age. Often he had said, when hearing of 
happy deaths, Well, let us get holy lives, and we will 
leave the rest to God. But I, who was scarce a minute 
at a time from him night or day, can truly say, that there 
was the strongest reason to believe, 

"No cloud did arise, to darken the skies, 

Or hide, for one moment, his Lor*- 1 from his eves." 



174 THE LIFE OF [PART IV. 

"And here I break off my mournful story! I could 
say abundance more; but on my bleeding heart his fair 
picture of heavenly excellence will be for ever drawn. 
When I call to mind his ardent zeal, his laborious en- 
deavours to seek and save the lost — his diligence in the 
employment of his time — his Christlike condescension 
towards me, and his uninterrupted converse with heaven, 
I may well be allowed to add, my loss is beyond the 
power of words to paint. O Sir, you know I have trod- 
den deep waters, but * all my afflictions were nothing 
compared to this.' Well, Pwant no pleasant prospect, 
but upwards — nor any thing whereon to fix my hope, 
but immortality. 

"On the 17th his dear remains were deposited in 
Madely Churchyard; amid the tears and lamentations 
of thousands, who flocked about the bier of their dead 
pastor. Between the house and the church they sung 
these verses, — 

" With heavenly weapons he hath fought 

The battles of the Lord; 
Finished his course, and kept the faith, 
And gain'd the great reward. 

" God hath laid up in heaven for him 
A crown which cannot fade; 
The righteous Judge, at that great day- 
Shall place it on his head." 

"The service was performed by the Rev. Mr. Hatton, 
Rector of Waters-upton, whom the Lord moved in a pa- 
thetic manner to speak to his weeping flock on the sad 
occasion. In the conclusion, at my request, he read the 
following paper: — 

"As it was the desire of my beloved husband to be 
buried in this plain manner, so out of tenderness, he 
begged that I might not be present; and in all things I 
would obey him. 

"Permit me then to take this opportunity, by the 
mouth of a friend, to bear my open testimony to the 
glory of God, that I, who have known him in the most 
perfect manner, am constrained to declare, I never knew 



PART IV.] MRS. FLETCHER. 175 

any one walk so closely in the ways of God as he did. 

The Lord gave him a conscience tender as the apple of 
an eye. He literally preferred the interest of every one 
to his own. He was rigidly just, but perfectly loose 
from all attachment to the world. He shared his all 
with the poor, who lay so close to his heart, that on the 
approach of death, though his speech was so gone that 
he could utter nothing without difficulty, he cried out, 

my poor! what will become of ray poor! I am dead 
to my poor! He was blest with so great a degree of 
humility as is scarcely to be found. I am witness how 
often he has taken a real pleasure in being treated with 
contempt; indeed it seemed the very food of his soul to 
be little and unknown. When lie said to me, i Thou 
wilt write a line or two to my brother in Switzerland, if 

1 die.' I replied, My dear love, T will write him all the 
Lord's dealings with thee. ' Xo, no.' said he, ' write 
nothing about me. I desire to be forgotten. God is all! 1 

" His zeal for souls I need not tell you: let the labour 
of twenty-five years, and a martyr's death in the con- 
clusion, imprint it on your hearts. His diligent visita- 
tion of the sick, laid, to appearance, the foundation of 
the spotted fever, which, by God's commission, tore 
him from you and me: and his vehement desire to take 
his last leave of you, with dying lips and hands, £ave 
(it is supposed) the finishing stroke, by preparing" his 
blood for putrefaction. Thus hath he lived and died 
your servant. And will any of you refuse to meet him 
at God's right-hand in that day? 

" He walked with death always in sight; and about 
two months ago, he came to me one day and said, ' My 
dear love, I know not how it is. but I have a strange 
impression death is very near us, as if it would be some 
sudden stroke upon one of us; and it draws out all my 
soul in prayer that we may be readv.' He then broke 
out, Lor: 7 , prepare the soul thou wilt call: and G stand 
by the poor disconsolate one who s left behind. 

M A few days before his departure, he was filled with 
love in an uncommon manner, saying to me, — 'I have 
had such a discovery of the depth of that word, God is 
love, as I cannot tell thee half, but it Jills me, it Jills me, 



176 THE LIFE OF [PART IV. 

Polly! my dear Polly, God is love! shout his praise! 

1 want a gust of praise to reach to the ends of the earth.' 
And the same he testified as long" as he had voice, and 
continued to testify to the end. by a most lamblike 
patience, in which he victoriously smiled at death, and 
set his last seal to the glorious truths he had so long 
preached among you. 

" Three years, nine months, and two days. I have 
possessed my heavenly-minded husband; but now. the 
sun of my earthly joy is set for ever, and my soul tilled 
with an anguish, which only finds its consolation in a 
total abandonment and resignation to the will of God: 
an exercise to which my dear husband and I had of late 
been particularly drawn. When I was asking the Lord 
if he pleased to spare him to me a little I . r, the fol- 
lowing answer was impressed on my mind with great 
power, and in the accom lent of this word of 

promise I look for our reunion, • Where I am there shall 
my servants be, that they may behold my gkwryT Lord, 
hasten the hour! 

" I am. 

i; Rev. and dear Sir. Sec. 
"MARY FLETCHER." 

" The Rev. Mr. Wesley." 

My anguish was extreme. All outward support seemed 
to be withdrawn: — appetite and sleep quite failed me. — 
and even the air. I often thought, had entirely lost all its 
vivifying powers. As I never before had any conception 
of the bitter anguish which the Lord saw good to visit 
me with at this season: so I can give no just description 
of it. "Known unto God are ail his ways;" and I was 
assured, even in the midst of my trouble, that ail He did 
was well, and that there was a needs be for this heavy 
trial. But what bound all my other trials upon me. was, 
I felt continually the keenest accusations from Satan, con- 
straining me by every possible suggestion to look at my 
extreme sensibility in suffering-, as being deeply sinful' 
What, thought I. has made ange! If Jesus was 

my all, should I not feel as keenly the sense of his 
having suffered for me. as I do .ought of my dear 



PART IV.] MRS. FLETCHER. 177 

husband's kindness, and in the dreadful feeling of my 
separation from him? And because I could feel but very 
faint touches of sensible communion with God, I was 
torn as it were in pieces. All my religion seemed shrunk 
into one point; viz. a constant cry, Thy will be donel* I 
will, yes, / will glorify Thee! even in this fire. 

Yet it seemed to me I did not glorify him; and so 
afraid was I of turning to any human comfort, or stop- 
ping short of all the Lord would have me to do or be, 
that in the midst of this terrible furnace, I can say, — that 
at every moment my conscience was "Quick as the ap- 
ple of an eye, the slightest touch of sin to feel." Yea, 
my spirit was all eye to discern its most distant approach, 
Yet in every thing I seemed to be accused, and also con- 
demned; so that my soul was indeed sorrowful even unto 
death j 

One morning before I was awake, I heard singing 
voices, as just over my face; they answered one another 
with these words, 

" Weep ye in Zion's deep distress, 
In Zion's sorrow mourn." 

Then one voice, which I well knew to be that of my 
dearest love, spake in distinct words, and with much 
emphasis: 

" Fight the good fight of faith with me, 
My fellow soldier, fight." 

It gave me some little comfort, and animated me to follow 
his bright example. 

One day these words were applied with much power 
to my heart, "These light afflictions, which are but for 
a moment, shall work out for you a far more exceeding 
and eternal weight of glory." What, said I, did the 
apostle, who had been in the third heaven, and knew 
well what he said; — did he call these afflictions light, 

* This is a fruit of the Spirit that never fails those who abide 
in the faith, even in the darkest hour. — Ed. 

j- In all this I believe the pious and well-informed reader will 
be satisfied that, (as the Holy Ghost testifies of Job,) "she sinned 
not, nor charged God foolishly." — Ed. 



178 THE LIrL or [fajrt IV. 

when put in the scale with that glory? I: was answered 

in my heart, yes, as a bubble! " compared with the glory 
that shall be revealed.*' I got a momentary glimpse of cur 
home above, in the celestial city; and those words were 
spoken through my heart, 

"Heaven is thy inheritance, 

Thou shalt soon remove from hence.'* 

Very many were these little in-breakings of light, yea, 
often in a day: yet my pain was unspeakable. I was 
constantly perplexed with that thought, that a believer 
can never be in darkness; that they always 4i Rejoice 
with joy unspeakable and full of glory." That nothing 
but sin given way to, can damp their joy. * This was 
an inlet to much temptation; and now, I had no one to 
tell my troubles to! Xo partner to bear a share in 
them. In all our spiritual conflicts we had been so en- 
tirely one. that cares by beincr divided were hushed into 
peace. A word from him would frequently light up as 
it were a candle in my soul; and was enough to turn 
aside the keenest temptation. But now I trod the wine- 
press alone, and felt my dependence had been too much 
on the creature. I had clung to him, as the ivy to the 
oak, and now seemed to be nothing! I saw myself left 
in a howling wilderness alone! Yet still I could say, 

"With thee I on Zion shall stand, 
For Jesus hath spoken the word. '* 

But the Lord seemed to do by me, as by the Canaan- 
itish woman; He did not answer me! I followed, and 
often said in my heart, (reflecting en all my unfaithful- 
ness,) Ah! "It is not meet to take the childrens' bread 
and cast it to the dogs!*' It seemed I could to all eter- 
nity have praised him for the least drop of comfort, — - 
and yet I felt the power of these words: 

u A drop will not suffice, 

My soul for all thy fulness cries." 

* Yes, temptation can damp their joy; but only sin can destroy it* 
Her joy was not destroyed: she had "times of refreshing".*' — Ed 



PART IV.] MRS. FLETCHER. 179 

In the midst of this dreadful conflict I felt some conso- 
lation from the thought, that by the account of his pre- 
cious death, which surely the Lord himself prompted, 
and enabled me to write, (as I had hardly at the time 
either sense or memory, I had helped, in a little mea- 
sure, that shout of praise to go forth, which with his 
dying lips, he said he wanted to reach the ends of the 
earth! And though I have lost my dear husband, and 
felt the force of the "hoar and power of darkness,"' 
yet through all, I believed I should conquer. So it is 
with me oow; but I do not seem as yet to have the pri- 
vilege of shouting victory. 

As soon as the funeral was over. I found the dear 
children which my beloved partner had left behind, laid 
upon my mind. I saw there were many things to settle 
among them respecting the work of God; some danger- 
ous rocks to avoid, and some needful plans to propose. 
Therefore before another week passed, I saw I must act 
amonof them, and meet the people the same as before: 
and though very ill and filled with sorrow, the Lord 
enabled me to do so,— showing me the only way to bear 
the cross profitably, was so to carry it as if I carried it 
not. About a fortnight before my dear husband's last 
sickness, he was one niffht at the Wednesday meeting, 
when being greatly affected about me, as I was ill at that 
time, he could hardly, get through it. He said to me 
afterward, ll My dear, I could scarcely speak to the peo- 
ple. I fell, I knew not how, as if thy empty chair stood 
by me! Something* seemed to say, we should soon be 
parted; and I thought, Must I meet these people, and 
see my Polly's empty chair always by me?" But now 
the cup was mine. Yea, and I have drunk it to the very 
dregs! 

September 21. 1735. Ah! Lord, my soul is exceed- 
ing sorrowful! How lonely doth my situation appear! 
Torn from my dear companion, and made to walk in this 
dreary path! But this is my greatest weight. I do not 
feel that union with thee, that would snake up all. There 
are indeed moments in which a glimose of thy love 
seems to unite me to all good, ami wipes away every 
tear. But these are transient touches, and I am deeply 



180 THE LIFE OF [PART IV. 

oppressed with that fear that I am not approved in thy 
sight, because I do not rejoice evermore! I well know I 
want a farther plunge into thy sacred wffl. I am not 

yet "The temple of the Holy Ghost." 

For some time back those words have been much on 
my mind, "Put on the whole armour of God, that ye 
may stand in the evil day, and having done all, may 
stand." I have sometimes said, Lord, have I passed that 
evil day, or is it still to come? And I always felt with 
submission a desire it might not be in death. O Lord! 
do all thy will upon me, but make me wholly conform- 
able to thy divine nature! Glorify thyself in thy poor 
creature! I feel as if soul and body would be divided 
by this terrible wrench! Yet I acquiesce, fully acquiesce 
in thy divine disposal. Yes, I see and admire thy wis- 
dom! I bow down to a dispensation I do not clearly 
understand! The Lord hath done it! and that shall be 
enough to satisfy me. I remember one of my dear hus- 
band's dying sayings was, — Polly, let us not fear, God 
is love! What canst thou fear, my dearest, when God 
is love? I feel it is the truth; nevertheless, I do not feel 
perfect rest in that truth, for want of that perfect love 
which casteth out all fear. Nothing will do for me but 
the indwelling Deity! "He that dwelleth in love, 
dwelleth in God, and God in him." 

October 3, 1785. My sorrowful soul waiteth on thee, 
O Lord! Oh! what a cloud there is on my whole situ- 
ation! Three months ago I was raised to the highest 
pitch of human consolation. I often thought all that 
God could give of temporal comforts was poured upon 
me. Whenever I w r as hearing any one speak of the af- 
flictions they were under, I used to be humbled to the 
very dust. Something would suggest, — Ah! you may 
well bear your crosses, and rejoice that ye have such a 
treasure continually augmenting in your bosom; but let 
God only lay his hand on your husband, and see then 
whether you will bless him? It seemed to me, that I 
so honoured any of my fellow-creatures w r ho were in 
trouble, that I could kiss the very dust from their feet, 
and was often filled with astonishment, why such a 
wretch as me was spared their bitter cup! But now I 



PART IV.] MRS. FLETCHER. 181 

drink it indeed: yet at the same time I can say, I see it 
my privilege to " follow the Lamb whithersoever he 
goeth," without asking where, or to what new cross he 
will lead me. O what should 1 do were it not for the 
privilege of pouring out my soul in prayer! Lord, come 
and make thine abode in me! 

One day when I had some reason to think this house 
would be wanted, and that I must quit it, I began to con- 
sider where I had best remove to. I reflected on my 
dear husband's w^ords, when he said a little before he 
lost his speech, "Stay here, my dear — I do not speak 
for the people only, but for thy sake. Thou wilt never 
be so well settled again. Here thou wilt be most out 
of the way from many things which would be a cross- 
and a hinderance to thee." It was therefore very pain- 
ful for me to think of taking one single step in any thing, 
contrary to his advice. And yet I must own, had he 
not all along said I must stay here, I believe I could not 
have resolved so to do, for every day brought me some 
cutting trial. A new ministry, a new plan for the work, 
and various causes of anxiety and trouble. 

But now it appeared I must remove. I began to think 
of one place and another, but every one seemed to bear 
the gloom of night. I could see no spot in the creation 
for me to rest in. A peculiar inward feeling also, seemed 
to turn from every place I could think of, as if the smile 
of God was not on my going there. I said, Lord, show 
me what I shall do! Only show me what is Thy will! 
I thought on two places the most likely; and had some 
desire to draw a lot concerning them. I had the paper 
in my hand in order so to do, when the remembrance 
of my dearest love was presented strongly to my mind, 
as speaking again those words, " Polly, do not let us 
look for signs; let us leave ourselves in the hand of God." 
I felt an immediate light of faith, and throwing the paper 
out of my hand, I took up the Bible, intending to read, 
and for the present to drop every other thought. It 
opened on these words — "God shall choose our inheri- 
tance for us." All my spirit acquiesced, and 1 answered, 
"Yea, Lord! Thou hast chosen for my dear the bright 
mansions above; and thou wilt choose for me all my 
16 



182 THE LIFE OF [PART IV. 

wanderings below." There seemed for a moment such 
a communion opened between the family below and that 
above, as I cannot express. 

Soon after this, I received a message from Mr. Kener- 
son, letting me know that I should never be turned oui 
of the house, but might re:.: ::: wrhich I received as an 
answer from the Lord directing my way. It also broughl 
to my mind a dream I had some years before I married. 
I dreamed a man came to me to offer me ithes. 

I replied, "Friend, I have nothing to do with tithes. — 
I have no concern in any living.'* But soon after. I said 
to one of my family. ;i Hannah. I am going; away. I b 
a call from the Lord, I mu.-: go. ,a But again I the 
I know not where, not even into what country. How- 
ever, the way of duty is the way of safety. I w/il set 
out and God will lead me. Immediately I left Cross-hall, 
and after walking a few paces, I thought I was carried 
m a moment, I knew not how, and sel iown in a church- 
yard — and some one said to me, You are to enter into 
this church. I went in. and walking up the aisle, I 
rd a kind of groan, and said. That is the sound of 
death. When I came out of the church, I entered into 
a house which was just by it. As I was on the steps, it 
was said inwardly to me, — This i.- vbieh 

God hath chosen for you. I answered, O no: I cannot 
live here. It is the order of God for me to live in York- 
shire. I went into some of the rooms, and found in one 
I passed through, a man and woman. In the next was 
a young woman with a child on her lap. She appeared 
dying of a consumption, and in great conflicts. We soob 
entered into conversation, and she seemed very spiritual. 
After a time she told me, I must come and live here, 
and here abide. I replied, *'0 no. I live at Cross-hall 
in Yorkshire; and have a great family and many calls 
there." But, said she, it is the will of God to bring you 
here. There is work for you to do. She added, do not 
be frightened; God will make you a comfortable habita- 
tion. I said, Have you the Gospel here- She replied? 
Yes. And who, said I, is the minister that brought it 
among you? She replied. He is not here now. Then 
who, said I, is your present minister? She showed me 



PART IV.] MRS. FLETCHER. 183 

a name of three syllables; but though I read it over 
and over, I could only remember the two last, — "ner- 
son." I felt myself in great anguish and sorrow of mind, 
(though I could not assign any cause,) and said, I must 
go away, I cannot stay here. I do not know that man 
and woman. I cannot live with them. She replied, 
"That man and "woman will go away when you come. 
But here is a w^ork for you to do, and you must abide 
here. Do not be frightened; God will make you a com- 
fortable habitation." Being determined, however, to re- 
turn home, I went down stairs, and seeing a coach ready 
to be hired, I beckoned to it; the man opened the door, 
and as I was stepping in, he said, Where will you be 
carried to? I strove to say Cross-hall, in Yorkshire, 
but could not? Then I strove to name various habita- 
tions I had formerly lived in, but could remember the 
name of none. As he still persevered in his questions, 
I at last stepped back, and pointing to the house I came 
out of, I said, "That is my home, and God hath taken 
the remembrance of every other out of my heart." 

1 knew nothing of the situation of any thing in Made- 
ly when I had this dream — but when, some years after, 
I told it to my dear Mr. Fletcher, he said, " There was a 
man and woman who lived with me at that time,'— and 
a young woman, A. C. who was very useful in the work, 
«o which she proved a nursing mother. She died of a 
consumption, in which she had many conflicts." I said, 
Was there a minister here whose name ended with ner- 
son? He replied, " No." But now I understand it all. 
Had I before remembered the whole name, I should at 
once have known this dream would be fulfilled at my 
dear husband's death, as Mr. Kenerson was the patron, 
and his son now became our Vicar. My dear Mr. 
Fletcher always s*aid, If he died, he believed I was to stay 
here. And there are some circumstances which recon- 
ciled me so to do. 

First. I never was in any situation in which I had so 
much opportunity of doing good, (according to my small 
abilities,) as in this place, and that in various ways, pub- 
lic and private; and to many who live at a distance also. 
These are providentially thrown in my way, and I find 



184 THE LIFE OF [PART IV. 

such clear leadings of the Spirit in conversing with them, 
that, (painful as many circumstances are,) I am con- 
strained to say, If I choose for the work of God, here I 
must abide and fix my home.* 

Secondly. Here I have a great many sweet lively 
souls to converse with. My meetings are more satisfac- 
tory to myself than in any place I ever yet was in; and 
I still feel it suited to me, as a soil in which my soul 
grows in. 

Thirdly. It suits my temporal affairs, this house being 
cheap, and several other circumstances also are advan 
tageous. 

Fourthly. I never found any other part agree as wel. 
with my health as this has done. From a child I could 
never live in London, nor in any close place; and here 
I have had better health than ever before. Only at this 
season, I find the waves of sorrow have thrown me some 
paces nearer my eternal home. Truly also that part of 
my dream, (the sound of death,) hath been accomplished 
in all its pomp! 

Would any know the king of terrors? Let them look 
on the corpse of a beloved husband, or tender friend. 

* At the last Conference which Mr. Fletcher attendee!, viz. at 
Leeds, August, 1784, (about a year before his. death,) I had the 
privilege of sitting very near him. About the middle of the 
Conference he rose, and addressed Mr. Wesley respecting his 
parish. He said, "I fear my successor will not be interested in 
the work of God, and my flock may suffer. I have done what I 
could. I have built a chapel in Madely Wood, and I hope, Sir, 
you will continue to supply it, and that Madely may still be a 
part of the circuit. If you please, I should be glad to be put 
down in the Minutes as a Supernumerary!" Mr. Wesley could 
hardly bear this, and the preachers were melted into tears.' Turn- 
ing to them, Mr. Fletcher expressed his _ hope that they would 
feed his sheep, and nourish them with the same truths which they 
had been used to hear. How wonderfully did the Lord provide for 
them when he was pleased to remove their angelic pastor! " My 
dear," said he to Mrs. Fletcher, "when you marry me, you must 
marry my parish." She did so; and as the new vicar did not reside, 
and as he had a great respect for Mrs. Fletcher, she was allowed 
to recommend the curate whom the vicar invariably appointed, 
according to that recommendation. The work of God has thus 
continued, and proceeded for thirty years in peace. May it 
never be interrupted, \-^-Ed. 



PART IV.] MRS. FLETCHER. 182 

and there discern the consequences of sin!— For a be 
liever to look at death, as seizing on himself, has com- 
paratively nd terror! In the midst of the most pleasant 
scene my life had ever exhibited, I sometimes said, " I 
think, my love, I am selfish: it seems as if I should not 
fear to die and leave thee! I am deeply sensible, how- 
ever, of all the pain thou wouldst feel. Yet it seems as 
if we should not be divided even by death." But now 
the scene is turned! It is my eyes that must for ever 
have before them that tremendous night. Oh! what dl 
I feel! Thy will, O Lord, be done! 

From this time I have been more and more convince^ 
my inheritance is appointed of the Lord, and that this k 
the spot I am to fix on, at least for the present; and I 
rather believe I shall change no more, — but that where 
he died, I shall die also. During this heavy night of 
sorrow, (attended with such aggravating circumstances 
as it is not needful to explain,) I have also seen an 
amazing mixture of the tender care and fatherly protec- 
tion of my God. He withholds his rough wind in the 
day of his east wind; and will lay no more on his poor 
creatures than his power and goodness will enable them 
to bear. I know assuredly, that my bereavement was 
wrought for the good of my soul. I am, notwithstand- 
ing my inward trials, and deep sensibility of my loss, 
truly enabled to praise God even for the severity of the 
stroke. Yes, I love His will! I love His cross! I am, 
I will be devoted to His glory! And if that can be pro- 
moted by my keen anguish, I will delight in suffering 
all His wisdom shall appoint! 

I see also the goodness of the Lord in our bringing 
Sally Lawrence with us here. The day we were mar- 
ried, as soon as we returned from the church, and went 
up stairs to ask a blessing on our union, she came into 
the room, and falling on her knees before my dear hus- 
band, she entreated him not to part her from her dear 
mistress, who had brought her up. He told her he ne- 
ver would: and now she is made to me a great comfort, 
having all the usefulness of a housekeeper, added to the 
affection of the tenderest child. 

The Lord has also answered my dear husband's pray- 
16* 



186 THE LIFE OF [PART IV. 

ers with regard to the work of the Lord, beyond all ex- 
pectation. When he repeatedly expressed his desire 
that I should stay here, I replied, O how can I bear the 
place without thee? How can I bear to stay and see 
perhaps a carnal ministry? He answered, " Thou dost 
not know what God may do. Perhaps there may never 
be a carnal ministry here." And so it proved. The 
Rev. Mr. Gilpin and his wife, being on the spot, were at 
that season kind and tender friends to me, and Mr. Ken- 
erson desired him to supply the church till he should 
return to his own living, which was not for some months. 
The Lord then provided for us a precious young man, 
Mr. Melville Home, who had travelled some time in 
connexion with Mr. Wesley; and concerning whom my 
dear Mr. Fletcher had (before his illness,) expressed a 
desire that he might be his successor. We have also 
the Methodist preachers, and their labours are blessed. 
Brotherly love takes root, and flourishes among us. The 
work goes on well; fresh converts are continually 
brought in, and several have, with flowing eyes, declar- 
ed, that the words they once slighted, now seem to rise 
in judgment against them. They bow to the truth, and 
are constrained to acknowledge concerning their deceas- 
ed pastor, He being dead, yet speaketh. 

The Lord hath also looked on my temporal affairs, 
beyond what I could have expected. I observed, soon 
after my marriage, that all was now made quite easy. 
I looked on the promise as already fulfilled, having in 
Layton, a good deal more than would pay all. Some 
hundreds were, however, still on interest, though we had 
lessened the sum, while my dear and I were together. 
But soon after he was taken from me, I received a letter 
from a person of whom I had borrowed, some years 
before, a hundred and fifty pounds, that he wanted it 
directly;- — and I had at this season a good deal to pay 
on other accounts. As I wished to be free,, for the re- 
mainder of my short days, from unnecessary care, I had 
a desire that the estate at Layton-stone should be sold, 
and the demands all settled at once. I found, however, 
that could nt)t be done without loss, — and therefore pro- 
posed to pay yearly all I could out of my income, which 



PART IV.] MRS. FLETCHER. 187 

was now increased by the tender care of my dear hus- 
band. But my youngest brother, William Bosanquet, 
whom I had not seen for some years, came down on a 
visit to me. He expressed the greatest sympathy and 
tenderness towards me in this time of trial; and after 
staying with me some days, generously supplied me 
with all the cash I then needed. Some months after, 
an uncle dying without leaving me any thing, (and in- 
deed I did not think I had any right to expect it,) my 
brothers wrote me word, that they were sorry I was not 
remembered in the will; — and my youngest brother de- 
sired me to accept of five hundred pounds, (or more if I 
wanted it,) to settle all my affairs. Here was the exact 
fulfilment of Mrs. Clapham's impression concerning us! 
[see page 145.] This very brother whom she then saw, 
(though at that time there was not the least reason to 
think of any such thing,) did afterward, as it was repre- 
sented to her, bring me many smaller sums, and at last 
one so large as to remove all burdens at once from my 
shoulders! And on January, 1787, I wrote in my diary, 
I now owe no man any thing but love: my income is 
quite clear, and I have, according to the promise, Great 
plenty of silver! 



END OF THE FOURTH PAST 



PART THE FIFTH. 

Her Settlement at Madefy, — and Thoughts on Commu- 
nion with happy Spirits. 

December 15, 1785. 

My soul is exceeding sorrowful. I feel the loss of 
my dearest husband in a manner I cannot express. Four 
months are now elapsed since I sustained that dreadful 
scene, yet it seems as if it was but yesterday. Nothing- 
can comfort me but the blessing promised in those 
words. " I and my Father will come and make our abode 
with you." Nothing short of that baptism of the Holy 
Ghost can heal and satisfy my wounded soul. But I 
will endeavour to recollect the blessings which attend 
even my melancholy situation, and strive by steps of 
thankfulness to raise my heart from gratitude to exulting 
praise. 

First. I have the comfort of knowing my dear love is 
in glory. He hath proved the victory. — his "last ene- 
my is destroyed!" Death shall no more threaten him 
with the cold grave; — It is conquered forever, and shall 
be "swallowed up in victory." 

Secondly. I had the consolation of being with him to 
die last moment, and hearing him so Ions: as he could 
apeak, express how comfortable he was, both inward and 
outward; praising God often for the comfortable attend- 
ance he had in the needful hour, and many times saying 
to me, "I am most sweetly tilled, but I do not seem for 
much speaking: I am drawn inward." 

Thirdly. I rejoice that he told me. " God would open 
all my way before me:" — and with his last blessing gave 
me to the Lord, saying, " Head of the church, be head 
to my wife!" 

Fourthly, He feels no more from the fear of losing 
me. Perhaps he is nearer to me than ever! Perhaps 
he sees me continually, and under God guards and keeps 



PART V.] MRS. FLETCHER. 189 

me. Perhaps he knows my very thoughts. The above 
reflections, though under a perhaps, give me some help; 
but could they be confirmed by reason, and above all by 
Scripture, they would yield me much consolation. I 
will try if I can find this solid ground for them. 

It appears to me no way contrary to reason to believe 
that the happy departed spirits see and know all they 
would wish, and are divinely permitted to know. In 
this Mr. Wesley is of the same mind; (from whose 
writings I shall borrow some of my ideas,) and that 
they are concerned for the dear fellow-pilgrims whom 
they have left behind. I cannot but believe they are; 
and though death is the boundary we cannot see through, 
they who have passed the gulf may probably see us. 
Some small insects can see but a little way; an apple 
would appear to them a mountain, but we can see a 
thousand of them at once, crawling on what we call a 
email spot of earth. When an infant is born into this 
world, how r many senses, till then locked up, are on a 
sudden brought into action, and could the child reflect, 
a variety of new ideas would be awakened by which it 
would discern such a capacity of becoming useful and 
comfortable to its mother, as it never before had any 
conception of! It could have no communion with her 
but by one sense, that of feeling; but now 7 it is enabled 
both to see, hear, and to make itself heard by her. 
There was an apparent separation from the mother; but 
in reality, it has gained a more valuable possession, 
which every day increases its ability of entering into 
her thoughts, and bearing a part in all her feelings. And 
may we not suppose, if the use of sight and hearing, as 
well as the powers of understanding, are so improved 
by our birth into this lower w T orld, that some powers 
analagous to the above are, at least, equally opened on 
the entrance of a spirit into a heavenly state; though 
perhaps small in the beginning, like the infant, compare 
ed with the measure that is to follow 7 ? 

Nor doth it seem contrary to reason to suppose a 
spirit in glory can turn its eye with as much ease, and 
look on any object below, ns a mother can look through 
a window and see the actions of her children in a court 



190 THE LIFE OF [PART >. 

underneath it. If bodies have a language by which they 
can convey their thoughts to each other, though some- 
times at a distance, have spirits no language, think you, 
by which they can converse with our spirits, and by im- 
pressions on the mind, speak to us as easily as before 
they did by the tongue? And what can interrupt either 
the presence, communion, or sight of a spirit? 

" Walls within walls no more its passage bar, 
Than unopposing* space of liquid air.'"' 

But mav not our reasonable ideas be much strength- 
ened by Scripture! Some encou: on this h 

I have lately drawn from the account of Elijah and 
Elisha, (though I do not offer this as a proof, but ral 
as an illustration. %r enter glory with- 

out passing through de ath, iti le he was favour- 

ed before with a m i imon intercourse and 

communion with the world of spirits, \ \ we see in the 
works of Providence there is a gradual ascent; and I 
the rather believe this from s >me passages in his story. 
Near the time of his translation, it was revealed to the 
sons of the prophets, who said to Elista . Knowest thou 
that thy master shall be taken from thy head to-d 
But to Elijah himself perhaps it was revealed long be- 
fore, and it seems to me. he referred to this when he was 
in the desert of Arabia, under the juniper-tree, 1 Kings, 
chap. xix. — where he requested for himself that he 
might die, saying (to this effect "I: is enough. Lord. 
I am not better than my fathers. 53 The prophets before 
me have sealed thy \ th with heii Moc I, and why 
should I be exempt from the c< lot of man? I had 

rather die. and come to Thee noivl Why si juld I live 
any longer? Thou hast enabled me to i thy 

cause against the worshippers my word 

hath little weight with them. "They have slain thy 
prophets, and 1 only am 1 - seek my life to 

take it away." Let them have it, for it is far better for 
me to depart and to be with thee. However, quite re- 
signed to the will of God. he lays him down to sleep, 
till awaked by an angel of the Lord, who bids him arise, 
and take the refreshment a watchful Providence had pro* 



192 THE LIFE OF [PART V. 

are no limits to that petition. We may ask as much of 
the nature of God as we please, and he will do " ex- 
ceeding abundantly above all we can ask or think/' And 
no doubt Elijah knew enough of the mind of God to 
know that. But might not he mean, let me have th« 
two portions of thy spirit, not only thy communion with 
God, but let my intellectual sight be opened as thine. 
Let me also discern the heavenly company wherewith 
we are surrounded, and commune with " the spirits of 
just men made perfect," though as yet I only by faith 
behold the Gospel day? 

This therefore did seern a hard thing: for as Elisha 
was to die like other men, the prophet might not know 
whether this favour was to be grantedvto him or not; 
and, therefore, as referring to the thing itself, he says, 
(as it were) "If thou seest me when I am taken from 
thee," when the spiritual change hath passed upon me, 
then it shall be so, and then thy inward sight will be 
opened. But if I become invisible to thee, as to the 
sons of the prophets who stand afar off to gaze, it shall 
not be so. It is not the will of God concerning thee. 
But the " effectual fervent prayer of the righteous man 
availed." Elisha saw both him and his heavenly con- 
voy, while the sons of the prophets saw neither, and, 
therefore, w T ent on to the mountains to seek Elijah. And 
that this supernatural sight remained with Elisha, we 
have reason to believe, for being in Dothan, and sur- 
rounded with a great host come to take away his life, 
his servant said to him, "Alas, master! what shall we 
do?" The prophet at once answers, "They are more 
that be w r ith us, than they that be with them;" and adds, 
•' Lord, open the young man's eyes, that he may see!" 
And " the Lord opened the young man's eyes, and he 
saw, and behold, the mountain was full of chariots and 
horses of fire round about Elisha." It is remarkable 
this spirit which rested on Elisha was more conspicuous 
than that which rested on Elijah, — perhaps to prevent 
the thought, though the man who was to enter heaven 
alive, was thus favoured, no other must expect it. Nay, 
but God, who delights to confer his greatest favours on 
the weakest objects, can confer on us all, that which he 



PART V.] MRS. FLETCHER. 191 

vided for him. Here we have no account of any alarm- 
ing fear. He doth not, like Daniel, fall down as one 
dead; nor, like Zachariah and the shepherds, hecome 
sore afraid; but after a moderate repast, he lies down to 
sleep again, and then receives a second visit from his 
bright messenger, for anght we see, with the same 
steady calmness as before. From which, I am led to 
suppose, he was accustomed to such communications. 
When his faith had gathered strength by his miracu 
lous preservation, forty days and nights without food, 
full of holy expectation he arrives at Horeb, -waiting a 
further manifestation of the glory of God, as Moses, the 
giver of the law, had done in this very place before 
him. Nor can we suppose this illustrious restorer of 
the law could be totally forgetful of that prayer, "Lord, 
I beseech thee, show me thy glory!" The place would 
remind him of the great discoveries made there. What 
intercourse he might have with the spirit of Moses, we 
know not; but it is certain they knew each other some 
time after on Mount Tabor. Waiting thus, like his 
great predecessor, for a time, the glory of the Lord was 
displayed before him, and the question put, "What dost 
thou here, Elijah?" In his answer to which, he seems 
to intimate I have nothing to do here. Israel has de- 
parted from thy ways, and why should I abide on earth 
any longer? Let me noiv come up. As a pledge his 
prayer is heard, he is commanded to anoint Elisha to 
remain a prophet in his room. And when the appoint- 
ed time was come, walking with Elisha, he seems de- 
sirous of % being alone, (perhaps the powers of darkness 
now made their last assault,, endeavouring to shake his 
faith with regard to the great event just ready to take 
place,) and bids his 1 friend again and again to tarry be- 
hind. But Elisha, unwilling to lose any part of his 
blessing, answers, "As the Lord liveth, and as thy soul 
liveth, I will not leave thee." He then asks him, What 
shall I do for thee before I am taken away? Elisha an- 
swers, " Let a double portion of thy spirit be upon me." 
To which Elijah replies, "Thou hast asked a hard 
thing." Now if a double portion of holiness was all 
Elisha meant, it was an odd answei, for we know there 



i>ART V.] MRS. FLETCHER. 193 

bestowed on Elijah and Elisha. And, if under that dark 
dispensation, why not in this Gospel day, concerning 
which it is foretold, " Your sons and your daughters 
shall prophecy, your young men shall see visions, and 
your old men shall dream dreams?" 

The apostle tells us, " We are not come to mount 
Sinai," where Israel both saw the power, and heard the 
voice of God; but to mount Zion, where we have com- 
munion "with the general assembly of angels, the 
church of the first-born, the spirits of just men made 
perfect, with Jesus the Mediator of the new covenant;" 
yea, and have access "to God, the Judge of all." And 
were we better acquainted with the privileges of our 
dispensation, we should become, in a more full manner, 
inheritors with "the saints in light." But though it is 
allowed we may have communion with angels, various 
are the objections raised against the belief of our com- 
munion with that other part of the heavenly family, the 
disembodied spirits of the just. 

I shall consider these objections one by one. Lord, 
help me in so doing! Let me at least strive to compre- 
hend something of "the length, and breadth, and depth, 
and height of the great victory obtained for us over 
death;" give me to see a little into that truth, " We 
are brought from mount Sinai to mount Zion." 

Objection the first. If a good spirit loves those which 
it loved before, and is acquainted with all their proceed- 
ings, will not the sins and miseries of those they thus 
know and love, render them unhappy, or at least mar 
their happiness in some degree? I answer, there are 
two kinds of love. If the persons they loved continue 
sinners, there will doubtless be a separation of spirit, yet 
I believe a remembrance and a pity will continue. It 
is said of the Almighty, that " it repented the Lord he 
had made man," and that " it grieved him at the heart;" 
and again, that " He was grieved with their manners in 
the wilderness forty years." Nevertheless his own im- 
mutable happiness was not interrupted thereby. Now 
as the saints yet on earth are made partakers of the di- 
vine nature, and much more "the spirits of just men 
made perfect," so I should imagine their happiness 
17 



194 THE LIFE OF [PART V. 

would, in that respect, remain as immutable as that of 
the holy angels did, when so many of their once dear 
companions they now daily behold as devils. I cannot let 
it into my thoughts, that ignorance makes up any part of 
celestial glory, or that forgetfulness can be entered into 
by their nearer approach to Him, " before whom all 
things are open and manifest:" and "in whom is no 
darkness at all." 

But if an entire alienation of affection from the wick- 
ed, should be needful, that is no proof it is the same 
with the righteous; for if the sins of obstinate sinners 
would afflict them, the growth of grace in the righteous 
would augment their joy; and our Lord himself tells 
us, " there is joy in heaven over one sinner that repent- 
eth." If you say, — but this joy is only among the an- 
gels; I answer, Can we suppose those faithful attendants 
on the heirs of salvation so carefully to conceal this joy 
within their own bosoms, as to exclude the heavenly 
spirits who stand in a much nearer relation to us? Can 
we believe they have not all their joys in common? 
No, no; in the church of Jerusalem they proved that 
" great grace was upon them all," by their community 
of goods. And shall our narrow hearts let in the thought 
that they have not all their joys in common in the church 
above? Yea, verily, "the general assembly of angels, 
the church of the first-born," and " the spirits of just 
men made perfect," are but one innumerable company, 
concerning whom it may well be said, 

" Lift your eyes of faith and see 
Saints and angels join'd in one! 

What a countless company, 
Stands before yon dazznng , throne!" 

If, then, there is joy throughout all the realms above, 
yea, " more joy over one sinner that repenteth, than 
over the ninety and nine which went not astray," how 
evident it is to an impartial eye, that the state, both of 
the one and the other, must be known there, together 
with the progress of each individual. 

Objection the second. Is not a spirit divested of th€ 
body, become of a quite different nature from what il 



PART V.] MRS. FLETCHER. 195 

was before, so as to be incapable of the same feelings? 
I answer, Certainly no, the spirit is the man,. The spi- 
rit of my dear husband loved and cared for me, and 
longed above every other desire for my spiritual ad- 
vancement. Now, if it were the body, why doth it not 
love me still? You answer, Because it is dead. That 
is to say, the spirit is gone from it; therefore, that which 
loved me is gone from it. And what is that but the spi- 
rit, which actuated the body, as the clock-work does the 
hand which tells the hour? It therefore appears quite 
clear to me, that every right affection, sentiment, and 
feeling of mind, we have been exercised in here, will 
remain in the spirit just the same immediately after 
death. Nevertheless , as with the righteous, heavenly 
light and love will daily grow stronger, and with the 
wicked will be an increasing darkness, so there may be, 
perhaps, in a few days, a much greater change on the 
newly-glorified spirit, than in the understanding of a 
child in seven years. The point therefore to be con- 
sidered is, Will not a continuance and growth in the 
heavenly state, erase those affections and ideas so strong- 
ly impressed on the spirit at its first entrance therein? 
To which I reply, as spiritual union arises from a com- 
munication of the love which fiow T s from the heart of 
Christ, I cannot but believe a nearer approach to its 
centre, and a fuller measure of that divine principle, 
must increase, and not diminish, the union between kin- 
dred souls; and that their change will consist, not in the 
loss, but in the improvement of ail that is good. 

Whatever agrees with the nature of heaven, cannot 
be destroyed, but increased by their abode therein. Now 
are not love and gratitude natives of heaven which 
dwell for ever there? If, in our present state, an abun- 
dance of grace is poured out on the soul, what is the 
effect? Doth it make us forgetful of kindnesses receiv- 
ed? Doth it not rather raise the soul to such a pitch of 
gratitude, that it is ready to see favours where really 
there are none? And shall not the same love, when per- 
fected in heaven, have the same effect in a more perfect 
degree? The mistake lies here; we forget that Chris- 
tian love and union below, are the same in kind, though 






196 THE LIFE OF [PART V. 

not in degree, with those above; and we might as well 
suppose, when we enter into the realms of light, that 
we shall plunge into darkness for want of the natural 
sun, as to suppose Christian love and union must be de- 
stroyed by an abode in that kingdom, where the very 
element we breathe shall be eternal love. Doubtless we 
shall know, and gratefully acknowledge the ministering 
spirits who have served us here, and be sensible that 
gratitude is immortal, and does not change its senti- 
ments with its place. I think all this is clear from those 
words of our Lord, "Make to yourselves friends of the 
mammon of unrighteousness, that when ye fail on earth, 
they" (viz. those whom you have helped,) "may receive 
you into everlasting habitations." 

Objection the third. But are they not so taken up 
with admiring Jesus, as to lose every other affection in 
him? I answer,' — That love of Jesus which fills the 
soul with the admiration of his graces, is a love begotten 
by that which reigns in the heart of Christ himself; con- 
sequently it is of the same nature. But is the love of 
Jesus a Darren and inactive love? Did it produce in our 
Lord such an enjoyment of his own pure nature, — or 
such a shutting up in the glories and delights of the 
Trinity, as to render him forgetful of his creatures? Or 
did it bring him down to "die for his enemies, and 
receive gifts for the rebellious?" When a powerful 
effusion of grace is poured out on our souls, are we not 
then most willing and ready to help our neighbour, and 
to cry out with that good woman, Jane Muncy, "Me- 
thinks I am all spirit! I have no rest day or night but in 
gathering souls to God." Surely then, we may with 
safety believe, that a holy unembodied spirit feels the 
same effect from a fuller effusion of the same love, and 
that as soon as he hears that word, "I will give thee 
many things to be faithful over," he immediately enters 
more fully than ever into the joy of his Lord, which is 
the joy of doing his creatures good. 

Objection the fourth. But though it may be allowed 
that the angels are ministering spirits to the saints, in 
honour of their Lord who hath taken our nature upon 
binit we do not know but the spirits of just men made 



pxwr v.] Mrs. Fletcher. 197 

perfect, being of a higher order by their near relation to 
their Head, may be exempt from that servitude. I an* 
swer, — To this objection may not those words of our 
Lord be applied, "Ye know not what manner of spirit 
ye are of? He that will be greatest, let him be servant," 
saith Jesus Christ, who came himself "not to be minis- 
tered unto, but to minister; and if our Lord washed our 
feet," shall we be above the same employment? Jesus 
our Master, though in his glorified state, calls himself 
the "Shepherd of his sheep," and walks with jealous 
care amidst his "candlesticks of gold, holding the stars 
in his right-hand;" and I can no more believe the di* 
vinest spirit in glory above the service of mankind, than I 
can believe there is pride in heaven. Abraham is repre- 
sented as receiving Lazarus to his bosom, and as giving 
a mild answer even to a damned spirit! And when souls 
at the foot of the altar cried How long? they were told 
" to wait till their fellow-servants came also." Did they 
not then remember their fellow-servants? When the 
heart is full of grace, it delights in the meanest office, 
and feels pleasure in yielding happiness even to an in* 
sect. We are sensible no part of our worship is more 
pleasant in the sight of God than obedience, and no em- 
ployment more delightful to the saints than that of pro- 
moting the glory of God. Now the Lord hath said of 
his creatures, "I have created thee for my glory; I have 
formed thee for my praise!" Shall not then the blessed 
spirits be very zealous in promoting that glory? The 
glory of God and our interest are inseparably one. An/ 
are they not, "one spirit with the Lord?" And is not 
their highest delight in that in which he most delights, 
which is the salvation of his people? So that an exemp- 
tion from serving the church would rather create pain 
than give satisfaction. 

Again, the highest honour that can be conferred on a 
creature, is to have the nearest resemblance to its cre- 
ating Head. Now he hath said to the believer, " I will 
dwell in you, — I will come and make my abode with 
you." The soul who hath felt a small degree of pure 
love, can answer this objection at once from the feelings 
17* 



198 THE LIFE OF [PART V. 

of his own heart. The language of which is, / love him 
continually, and therefore I ivill feed his lambs. 

Objection the fifth. But as Paradise is a place, as well 
as a state, and finite beings are not omnipresent, any 
more than omnipotent, how can they be there and here 
in the same moment? I answer, — I do not suppose they 
can. But if I were to tell you of a minister who daily 
visited his flock, inquired into all their concerns, and 
knew their whole situation, would you say it was im- 
possible, because he lives in that house, which is his 
home, and he cannot be in two places at the same time? 
And yet it is certain we are perfectly acquainted with 
the situation of many, who do not live with us in the 
same house. If we see them but once a week, our shal- 
low capacities can take in all they tell us of their past 
and present state. But if instead of waiting for the slow 
and imperfect conveyance of words, we could by a cast 
of the eye read every thought in a moment, and without 
labour visit them as easily as the sun shines in at their 
windows, (though it still remains in its proper place,) 
our acquaintance would be much more perfect. We are 
now in the body, and have senses and faculties suited 
thereto; therefore our human eye can at once measure 
the body of our child, and discern every wound or bruise, 
or even a speck of dirt thereon. And have not spirits 
faculties suited to spirits, by which we may suppose they 
can as easily discern your soul, as you could discern 
their body when they were*in the same state as your- 
self? And may there not be a way by which a spirit ac 
tually before the throne of God, may still see and serve 
the souls committed to its care, supposing them to act 
as ministering spirits. 

I ask, if you had never heard of a looking-glass, would 
you understand me if I said, Though you stand at one 
end of that long gallery, and I at the other, with my 
back towards you, I can discern your every action and 
motion, and know every change? And yet such a know- 
ledge the looking-glass would convey to me. Now if 
all things on earth are patterns or shadows of those 
above, may not something analagous to the glass repre- 
sent to the world of spirits as just a picture of the 



PART V.] MRS. FLETCHER. 199 

changes of posture in the spirit, as the glass does those 
of the body? Some have supposed the appearance or 
representation of every soul still in the body to be con- 
stantly seen in heaven. That this may be without the 
knowledge of the person concerned is evident; because 
Ananias knew nothing, till God said to him (speaking 
of Saul,) — "Behold, he prayeth, and hath seen in a 
vision a man named Ananias coming in, and putting 
his hand on him, that he might receive his sight. 
Various dreams of pious persons, who have thought 
they saw their appearances in Paradise, over which the 
heavenly company mourned or rejoiced, — as well as the 
amazing instances of second sight, seem to strengthen 
this opinion. 

If this seem strange, let us consider how strange it 
would appear to us, if we had never heard of letters, to 
be informed there was a method among many nations, 
of wrapping up their thoughts in a bit of paper, and by 
that means conveying them hundreds of miles into the 
bosoms of their dearest friends! As little could you con- 
ceive of the faculty of speech had you never known it; 
or the commanding knowledge which the eye gives you 
over a large space, and a number of persons in one mo- 
ment, had you been born blind. But though I mention 
these similes, because some can only conceive of spirit- 
ual matters by gross ideas, I believe our union to be far 
more close with the heavenly host than to need these 
representations. What else doth those words of the 
apostle mean, "We are come to the general assembly, 
to the church of the first-born, and to the spirits of just 
men made perfect?" And if "He maketh his angels 
spirits, and his ministers a flame of fire," cannot a spirit 
be with me in a moment, as easily as a stroke from an 
electrical machine can convey the fire for many miles in 
one moment, through thousands of bodies, if properly 
linked together? That the devils are about us ami 
know our thoughts, is evident. A sinful thought is sug- 
gested; we answer it by a Scripture. Immediately it is 
answered again. And shall not departed happy spirits, 
who are so much more of one nature with us, have the 
same power? Mr. Wesley has a beautiful observation 



200 THE LIFE OF [PART V* 

in his sermon on those words, — "Are they not all min- 
istering spirits sent forth to minister for them who shall 
be heirs of salvation?" He says — "That the guardian 
angels know our thoughts, seems clear from the nature 
of their charge, which is certainly first for the soul, and 
but in a secondary sense for the body." And are not 
our kindred spirits more nearly related to us than the 
angels? Why then should they not have the same dis- 
cernment? 

But to return to our first question. Can they be here 
and in Paradise at the same time? Otherwise, how can 
they constantly minister to us? Perhaps we shall not 
be able to comprehend this till that word is accomplish- 
ed, — " Then shall we know even as also we are known." 
But if this cannot be, then we must, give op all the 
agency of angels, for the same argument will hold good 
against that. And yet our Lord hath said, "Despise 
not these little ones, for I say unto you, in heaven theii 
angels do always behold the face of my Father who is 
in heaven." 

Objection the sixth. But is it not said of the dead, 
•'They are gone into the land where all things are for^ 
gotten?" And is it not the design of the Almighty thai 
our union should cease with our life , and that death 
should divide us: As to the first part of the objection, 
I allow there is in Psalm 88th 8 an expression which 
implies forgetmincss; but I think it is spoken of the body. 
which will remain in this state of forgetfulness, till re- 
animated by the spirit. But what has that to do with 
the soul? We hear of the souls at the foot of the altar, 
who cried, "How long, O Lord, till thou judge and 
avenge our blood on those who dwell on the earth?" 
And they were told "to rest till their brethren and fel- 
low-servants should be slain as they were." Here was 
a remembrance both of friends and enemies, as also of 
the manner of their own death. Ac"ain, "the four liv- 
ing creatures, and the twenty-four elders" in their song 
of praise, have these words, "Thou art worthy, foi 
thou wast slain, and hast redeemed us to God by thy 
blood, out of every kindred, and tongue, and people^ 
tnd nation." They are also emblematically represent 



PART V.] MBS. FLETCHER. 201 

ed as having- "phials Ml if incense in their hand, 
which are the thes -...-s:'" wherewith sorely 

their desires : d I misc roendy remembrance are join- 
bam is : : - 1 the i Faithfal,be cause 
of his steadfast belief : the mi concerning Iseee. 
is set forth as as : ■:: mple & as. Gan wc : v.ieve 
him :: have Forgotten thai whole inly the 
angel who called : Abraham, and said, "1 thy 
hand on the lad/ 9 remem e re it; forweeannc ppose 
him to have passed thi ag . since 
..me. 
If you say it was the yet 
doubtless many : the heavenly host wei s :: 

ia1 gi :\: ui . cal transaction: ad mos U Lfafe wis- 

dom manifeste th 3 chm 

m ide kne wn there iy Jc th • rij : ;."_> 
ties and powers in heaven,'- — most I say, all I : ;:- 

_om- 
. ... forever abje . : : admii ... 

ise among the angels, y e spirits 

men made perfect," I he subjects for whom, and 
who~.. all was fulfilled,— : nus they inly ' :■ i 
in forgetf Are they, with ignorant amazement, 

to hear Gabriel repeat his aversation with I 
Or does he in vain endeav -. in Mary re- 

membrance of the salt Ion she received from the 
bright m \ mgerl e hafl Slos s \ e: Eli - /. - remem- 
ber the scene on 1 . ; ? ■ 

icithei il . ami If yc si v, .'. ' bt- 

less e^e;~~ scene reh :. \g :: the Saviour will >e remem- 

. meml er 01 ku ■ :her. 

the me ou : - iisl withe at v 3 th :. H 

members the type in Isaac, wifi -~ xer- 

Faith when "he he .: .. - hope," he 

: remem ; very 

reme r f Isaac's birth. I not 

f cf his ] ri umph, if 

he cannot kne 8 rah are * 

in glory' Ifyonearry il 1 little : ber, 

he knows they are there — the for what cause can 
he be forbid knowing" and converse. 0! Oris 



202 THE LIFE OF [PART V. 

this privilege only granted to Moses and Elias, who, I 
again say, doubtless knew each other on the holy mount 
as well as the disciples knew them. 

Can we suppose Adam to have a just conception of 
the incarnation and death of the Messiah, and yet to for- 
get the circumstances of his own fall, which occasioned 
this gracious union? Must he not then remember Eve, 
and eternally rejoice to see how the Seed of the woman 
has indeed bruised the serpent's head? The account of 
the rich man and Lazarus alone is sufficient to answer 
every objection. They could see end know each other, 
though one was in heaven and the other in hell, conse- 
quently each could see all on earth. Abraham knew the 
state and situation of both so as to say, TIwu hast had 
thy good things and Lazarus his evil things. And the 
rich man could remember hid five brethren. If vou ob- 
ject and say this was a parable, (which there is no room 
to assert,) would our adorable Lord put forth a parable 
full of deceptions and wrong ideas, suited to lead us into 
error rather than truth? I do not wonder a poor beathen 
should dream of a river of forgetfulness, by drinking of 
which all former scenes were to be lost in oblivion. But 
for a soul enlightened by revelation, to forget that a day 
is coming in which every secret thing shall be made 
known, is, indeed, a melancholy proof that darkness 
hath covered the earth, and gross darkness the people. 

The second part of the objection we will now con- 
sider. Some have alleged; that though it is certain we 
shall remember, and know one another, because without 
that remembrance many subjects of praise would be 
lost in oblivion, nevertheless will not all particular unions 
cease, and is it not the design of God that death should 
divide? To answer this objection, I must premise, that 
what is of God shall stand. I plead only for that union 
which has God for its source; and I think it will not be 
hard to prove, that what God hath joined together, death 
cannot put asunder. To that question therefore — Is it 
not the design of God that death should divide us? I 
answer, Division comes not from God, but from the devil. 
God, both in his nature and works, is perfect unity, and 
his original design for our first parents was not sorrow s 



PART V.] MRS. FLETCHER. 203 

consequently not separation. If we suppose their friend* 
■big was not to have been immortal, we must suppose 
pain to be in Paradise; for Adam could not without pain 
inform Eve oi such an awful secret, that when they had 
praise 1 G: ~ together for a sei tain time, they must eter- 
nally forget each other'. Thai he shoald no longer re- 
member he was formed out :: the dust, nor Eve her mi- 
raculous and near relation to him! Would not this in- 
formation have been a bitter draught even in Paradisel 
Or suppose he had said, though we shall have i bare 
remembrance of each trans i : .: 3 □ , n e i e rthel e - a that close 
union, thai endearing oneness : I soul, :. which die : . ! 
■:~ G". 7 :- the foundation, — that very onion hereafter the 
we of Gad is tc lissolve. This would indeed have 
been in itself exceeding bitter, and therefore never wms 
the original design of love. It was sin that brought it 
separation. It was : wing to the hardness ;: am heart, 
for in the beginning it was not so; for God created one 
man and one woman. Well may we a therefore, mourn 
for the separation leath occasions: ir.;; :;:: sorrow is 
eoantenan -.-. by Jesns himself, who wept over die rav- 
age of this Ires Iful enemy, « hen he saw the ::nsequen- 
ces ot :t in Martha's and Mary '& tears. I allow mat it 
is true most onions ;n earth are lissolved by leath, be- 
cause the friendships of the world are oft confederates 
of vice, or leagues t: pleasure; and few Ban add, 

: ':.'-.-.':. Everest virtue for its basis, 
Ani sach a friendship ends not botw^h '.::t. :) 

The Christian san say more: it ends not even with life 
En the church below we are commanded fo /ore" otff 
teighbaur w selves, and :: :::tsider our fellow- 

Christians as members ;:' one body; but does this obli- 
gation prevent particular unions! Le: that soul be the 
ge who hath felt most of the Love ::' God and his 
neighbour. For otherwise, there is, indeed, a -o*-e of 
propriety, or in other words, self-love reuected, which 
purity of heart will remove. But ls similitude joins, 
and dissimilitude separates, m those spirits who are 
joined by their s; of love and pui e rship, who 



204 THE LIFE OF [PART V* 

having been led in one path, (and probably prepared for 
one mansion,) can as easily retain a peculiar union with- 
out any diminution of their love to others, as a married 
couple can retain their love to each other, notwithstand- 
ing they have a dozen children to share it with them. 
My experience in the love of God is very shallow; yet 
I have felt enough to satisfy me, that the more our love 
to God increases, the nearer will be our love to each 
other, and the more indissoluble the tie; and the stronger 
this union, the more it will reflect on all around; and 
turning to its source, the love of Jesus will reflect back 
again with a perpetual increasing purity. 

But I build my strongest argument on those words — 
death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy 
victory? If death can eternally separate kindred spi- 
rits, it hath eternally a sting! and if the grave can eter- 
nally retain the body, it would have an eternal victory. 
But there is a covenant made with our dust. His elect 
shall he gathered from the four winds. Bone shall come 
to its bone, and not one forget its socket. And shall 
nothing be lost but our spiritual union? Shall the grand 
enemy still have that one trophy left to glory in, and to 
exult over the saints of God? Shall we believe him when 
he says, " A day is coming in which your closest unions, 
your purest ties of friendship, shall be no more! Ail 
that wonderful chain of providences, in which angels 
were employed in bringing you together, shall be sunk 
in eternal oblivion! Indeed, this was not the original 
design of the Almighty, but I have overturned this one 
great design of love, and that so effectually, that the 
Saviour himself could not restore it; and instead of hav- 
ing abolished all the consequences of death, it leaves the 
scar of separation for ever! Now I am the father of 
death, and have so far conquered, that w r hat God hath 
in design eternally joined together, I have eternally put 
asunder!" Ah, no, glory be to our victorious Conque- 
ror. Death shed! be for ever swallowed up in complete 
victory I He hath abolished it with all its consequences, 
and brought life and immortality to light by the Gospel. 
He hath broken down the wall, removed the vail: and 
through him we are come to the church of the first-born 



PART V.] MRS. FLETCHER. 205 

to the spirits of just men made perfect. We are fel- 
low-citizens with the saints, and of the household of 
God! And having overcome the sharpness of death, 
he hath already opened the kingdom of heaven to all 
believers. Perhaps some may say, but if it be thus, 
why do not the scriptures plainly tell us, death is no 
division but on our side; and that our friends still see, 
hear, and are about us? I answer, — There may be many 
reasons why a vail should be drawn over this heavenly 
secret. It is probable the primitive church knew it 
more perfectly; but what was the consequence? When 
they left their first love, they no longer held the Head, 
but ran into the false humility of the worship of angels, 
instead of worshipping God only, and adoring Him for 
the angelic ministry. Perhaps some communion with 
departed spirits, caused the first step into the egregious 
errors of the Papists; and man, ever prone to extremes, 
knew not how to throw away the abuse, without throw- 
ing away the use of this heavenly secret. Nevertheless, 
"the secret of the Lord is still with the righteous, and 
his ear is open to their prayers. He will manifest him- 
self to them, though not unto the ivorldr' and he will 
grant to heavenly minds, when he sees good, a heavenly 
communication with the church triumphant. 

About this time I had a letter from my brother-in-law, 
De la Flechere, in Switzerland, letting me know that 
his son was coming to England, and he wished him to 
spend some time with me; hoping the sight of the 
place on which his dear uncle had spent so many years' 
labour, might, with the blessing of God, raise some 
thoughts in his mind of the importance of a religious 
life. I laid the matter before the Lord, believing He 
would order all right: for ever since the removal of my 
beloved husband, I have so experienced the effects of his 
last prayer, " Head of the church, be Head to my wife," 
that I was not permitted to doubt that all concerning me 
was under the Lord's immediate direction. And though 
my state was not for the present joyous, yet, through 
all, I inwardly believed the hairs of my head were num- 
bered. Some particular circumstances, however, caused 
me to think it was the order of God I should go to Bris- 
18 



206 THE LIFE OF [PART V* 

tol, Bath, and some other places, and that now was the 
time; for after my return, it might be that the Lord had 
something for me to do or to suffer here. 

Since my marriage I had travelled a good deal with 
my dear Mr. Fletcher, and in these journeys had often 
suffered much through needless fears; the most pre- 
dominant passion of my soul by nature. And what, 
thought I, should such a poor creature as me do with 
only Sally, and under some disadvantages I had not 
then? But still I believed it to be the call of God. 

At the time I had appointed to set out, there was an- 
appearance of much snow, which caused my friends to 
advise me to put off my journey a little longer; but as 
this would have deranged some plans, I thought it bet- 
ter to follow the course which 1 had fixed. When all 
was ready, and I was waiting for the carriage, I cast my 
eyes on the Bible, which lay open before me, at the 34th 
Psalm. Much of it was applied to my heart; in par- 
ticular these words: O magnify the Lord with me, and 
let us exalt His name together. I sought the Lord, 
and He heard me, and delivered me from all my fears. 
Faith sprung up in my heart! I said, it shall be ful- 
filled: and from that hour, I have felt such a change, in 
regard to fear, as I can give no one an idea of, unless 
they should have suffered as I have done, from the same 
infirmity. 

All the way as I went through various things, whicb 
would once have been very painful, I could feel those 
words my own, which, for so many years I had longed 
after, viz. that " Resignation left me no room for fear." 
No, " The angel of the Lord encampeth round about 
them that fear him, and delivereth them." 

Many providences I met with in my journey, and 
very clearly did I see the hand of the Lord in various 
places and things. While I was at Bristol, in the house 
of my kind and affectionate friend, sister Johnson, I 
was agreeably surprised with the sight of Mr. H***, 
who had left his native place, and was just come to set* 
tie at Bristol, because he believed it most profitable for 
his soul. He presented to me his wife, a serious wo- 
man, saying, My dear, this is your mother also, for she 



'ART V.] MRS. FLETCHER. 207 

ia mine; and both assured me of their determination to 
be entirely devoted to God. As there was something 
singular in this affair, I will mention the particulars. In 
the journey which I took with sister Ryan to Clifton, 
for her health, when I was about the age of twenty- 
seven, we lodged in a house where the family were very 
ungodly. There was only my sick friend, myself, and 
the nurse; and our whole apartments consisted of two 
chambers. After we had been there two or three days, 
we observed some things which we did not like very 
well. One night there was a strange noise below stairs, 
as of very rattling, wild company. It may be supposed, 
it did not well agree with my sorrowful heart; for at that 
season I had nothing to expect (humanly speaking) but 
to bury my dear friend there, or carry her back in a 
coffin — only she had various promises to the contrary, 
which sometimes I believed, and sometimes doubted. 
On inquiring next morning, they informed us that " Mr. 
H*** was come, and now they should be all alive." I 
had before asked the family (who did not appear to be 
persons of the best character,) if they would choose to 
come up into my room in a morning to a family prayer, 
as they were only women? But they never, as I re- 
member, accepted the invitation. However, some days 
after the above-mentioned racket, they sent me word, 
54 If I pleased, Mr. H*** and themselves would wait on 
me to prayer the next morning." I did not dare to re- 
fuse, and answered, they were welcome. God only 
knew what a cross I felt in so doing! I had all the rea- 
son that could be, to think they only wanted to divert 
(hemselves: and the receiving a wild young gentleman, 
with such gay ladies, into my bed-chamber, seemed to 
me a strange enterprise. The chapter I chose to read 
was the 25th of Matthew. I. spoke with freedom on 
each of the parables, and found God was with my 
mouth. I did not much look off the book, till about the 
middle of the parable of the talents I cast my eyes to- 
wards Mr. H***, and was surprised to find his earnestly 
fixed on me, and swimming with tears. When prayer 
was over, he respectfully returned me thanks, and went 
down stairs. After attending three mornings, he stopped 



208 THE LIFE OF \ ,\\. 

behind the family, and told me, when they were gone 
that he was convinced he had led a bad life, and he wish 
ed to learn how to do better. That he was free froix 
all business, had a good fortune, and was only here ac 
cidentally; and if I would tell him where he could get in- 
struction, and help for his soul, he would go any where, 
"for this house." said he, "I must leave." From the 
first morning- there was no more noise, singing, break- 
ing glasses, or rude behaviour of any kind. As my 
friend grew worse, we were desired to leave Clifton, 
and try Bath. There she recovered to admiration;- and 
in a short time we returned to the orphan-house, at 
Lavton-stone. Mr. H*** made good his words; and 
cultivating the friendship of some pious persons whom 
we had recommended to him in London, particularly 
brother George Clark, he became much confirmed in 
the truth; and hath ever since remained a follower there- 
of, and a promoter of the prosperity of Zion. At Bris- 
tol I also met with poor Fanny,* much grown in grace, 
and adorning her profession. And after a month's ab- 
sence. I was brought again in peace to Madely, and con- 
strained to say, 

" In all my ways His hand I own, 
His ruling providence I see. - " 

I now found my dear love's relations in Switzerland 
Laid greatly on my mind in prayer; and sometimes when 
engaged therein, it has seemed to me as if his dear spirit 
so joined with me. as I cannot express: and for his ne- 
phew in particular, whom I expected, I was greatly 
drawn out in intercession. 

Being poorly one Saturday night, about ten o'clock, 
(the last week in May,) I was about retiring to bed, 
when word was brought me that my nephew was arriv- 
ed. He could speak little English, and I but little 
French. This was the first I had seen of my dear hus- 
band's relations. He was of his own name, his godson, 
and his only nephew. But. alas! I now received him 
alone, and instead of showing him his dear uncle, ana 

* The Jewess mentioned in the former visit 



PART V.] MRS. FLETCHER. 209 

sweet instructor, I could only lead him to the silent 
tomb, and say, "Live as he lived, and thou shalt die as 
he died." 

I found him, as I expected, quite carnal, and very 
averse to the things of God. As my spirits were very 
weak, and his pretty high, I wished to have him rather 
as a visiter, than one of my family: and Providence so 
appointed for me. 3Ir. Home, the curate, understand- 
ing French, kindly offered to receive him into his house, 
until he was more perfect in the English language. I 
soon discovered he was of a sweet temper, a fine under- 
standing, and outwardly very moral, but withal a strong 
Deist; and as he dejighted much in philosophy, he placed 
such confidence therein, as to believe he could set us all 
right, if he might but have five hours dispute with us. 

I inquired of the Lord concerning the method I should 
use towards him; and saw, for the present, I was only 
called to show him condescension and love — to consider 
myself as his servant in Christ, and therefore to stand 
always ready to take up my cross, and in every thing 
innocent to do his will rather than my own. And as I 
could not say much to him in words, I must the more 
endeavour to show him, by the example of myself and 
family, that religion justly bears the character given her 
in these words: 

■* Mild, sweet, serene and tender is her mode, 
Nor grave with sternness, nor with lightness free: 

Against example resolutely good; 

Fervent in zeal, and warm in charity. " 

It appeared to me as if those four lines were given 
me as a direction which I must ever keep before my eyes. 
And much did I plead with the Lord, that nothing he 
saw in me, or mine, might tend to set him further off 
from God. When we could converse in English with 
tolerable ease, I perceived he had not only imbibed many 
wrong sentiments, but had such a stock of pharisaical 
righteousness as I scarcely ever met with before. 

One day, as he was talking in his free way, about the 
truths of the Gospel, a friend said, "If your aunt hear* 
you talk at this rate she will be much grieved." He 
18* 



210 THE LIFE OF [PART V. 

replied, "But I will not say these things to her; though 
should my aunt talk much to me about religion, I fear I 
shall not keep my temper: for my uncle drove many 
people mad when he was abroad. I do believe there 
were three hundred who were quite mad! They talked 
of being filled with love, and kept praying and running 
together, not only while he was there, but since that 
time also." 

Hearing of this, I said, " Tell him I will promise to 
keep my temper whether he does or not, for my love to 
him has a better foundation than he can shake." In or- 
der to improve in the English language, he proposed to 
read to me some hours in a day; and, I was to choose 
the books. Mr. Wesley was so kind as to send him 
Batty's Evidences of the Christian Religion, which he 
read with some pleasure: but as yet his heart remained 
mtouched. 

I was very conscious I had none of that wisdom which 
in cases of this kind is often very useful; and where it 
is joined with divine unction, does beautifully illustrate 
the truths it endeavours to defend. But that word was 
remembered with pleasure, " I will choose the foolish 
things of the world to confound the wisdom of the wise." 
And again, " My strength shall be made perfect in weak- 
ness." 

Well, thought I, if I have no philosophical arguments 
to bring, I will so much the more cry to the strong for 
strength. I cannot do with the armour I have not proved: 
but the stone of conviction, and the sling of faith is that 
which I must depend on; and when these are directed 
by the Spirit of God, nothing can stand against them. 

Many of the Protestants in Switzerland are Deists; 
they are nevertheless very strict in bringing the young 
people to the communion; and they esteem it a reproach 
to do otherwise. My nephew expressed a desire of 
joining with us in that mean of grace; for having been 
from home some years at the university, he had not yet 
been brought to the table. Mr. Home told him freely 
his scruples in receiving him as a communicant — but 
after much conversation, he perceived a degree of con- 



PART V.J MRS. FLETCHER. 211 

viction, and a desire to know the truth, and consented to 
admit him. 

The first time he came to the table, as he was kneel- 
ing beside me, and Mr. Home was speaking those words, 
44 The blood of the Lord Jesus Christ which was shed 
for thee" — I found such a power of prayer spring up in 
my heart, it seemed as if I claimed a ray of the divinity 
just then to penetrate his soul. He hath since told me, 
he felt something very particular at that moment. My 
greatest difficulty however lay here, he did not believe 
the Scriptures. I was therefore cut off from drawing 
any arguments from them, and could only hold to this, 
the necessity of a change, in order to be capable of en- 
joying the Supreme Being. 

I observed to him, You believe heaven to be a state, 
and a place of holiness, and the happiness there to be 
separate from all sin; — is there not then an absolute 
need of having a disposition suited thereto? — -This he 
readily allowed; but added— "Then I will make myself 
this new creature. The Supreme Being hath not left 
his work imperfect. He hath given me powers suf- 
ficient, if I do but use them; and if I am to do all by 
this grace of God, as you say, then what has God to 
thank me for?" I endeavoured to convince him of our 
utter helplessness, except through that assistance which 
we draw from union with God through the Saviour, 
without whom we cannot -do any thing. He replied, 
"Indeed, Aunt, that is not my case — I do not know how 
it may be with others, but for me, I do assure you, there 
is no snare I cannot avoid, nor any passion I cannot 
overcome." 

As he abhorred the doctrine of the fall as much as 
that of the divinity of our Lord, I did not speak often 
on those heads. I sought rather to convince him he 
was fallen, whether through Adam, or any other way, 
and that he was a sinner and unfit for heaven; and nar- 
rowly did I watch for every opportunity of pointing out 
any disposition that would help to prove my argument, 
though it was very difficult to bring him to a conscious- 
ness of any. At last I observed he had an abhorrence 
of the sin of envy, and a sensibility of having felt it. 1 






212 THE LIFE OF [PART V 

then, on every proper occasion, enlarged on the happi 
ness of the blest, as consisting in love, the verv contrary 
to selfishness, which was the principle from whence 
envy took its life; and therefore he must become a hew 
creature to enter into that state. This he now began to 
see, and sometimes to feel; but all my hopes appeared 
to be overturned at once, by a circumstance which oc- 
curred. He had fixed bis affections on a lady, from 
whom about this time, he thought he received some en- 
couragement. Elated with joy. he was carried out of 
himself! There was nothing left for me to take hold of. 
He had no ear to hear but on one subject. I returned 
to a sili Ling before the Lord. 

One night about the beginning of November, I dreamed 
I was in a church, standing by a lion table, on 

which lay a large Common Prayer-Book, open in the 
service of matrimony, I ■ mis all marked, as 

my dear husl ind used to >ks he much 

approved. I beheld it with re, for being near the 

12th of November. I took i: :- >ken that he remem- 

bered with approbatior he lay,— our 

marriage. I was eons . the •? of his dear- 

spirit, a? sent to conn : hing to me. As I 

looked on the book, he sjgi " to me the whole was 
emblematic, though few entered Lnte ity of 

it. Adding. ''This is a gi ! mystery; I speak concern- 
ing Christ and \ ureh. ? * As I east my eyes en that 
word. — "Who giveth this woman to this man?" he 
pointed me to that text. 4 * None cometh to the Son but 
whom the Father draweth. 55 As nothing was spoken in 
word?, it is difficult to describe the ideas which were 
conveyed to my mind. A gleam of light seemed to 
break forth in my soul, by which I discovered in how 
full a sense the souls of the redeemed are given by the 
Father to the Son. as his bride! I then thought on those 
words. ''The marriage of the Lamb is come, and hi? 
wife hath made herself ready." In this acceptable mo- 
ment, my nephew came to my mind. I said with a 
groan, for our nephew! Immediately I saw a little 
bird fly round and round. I said. That is the emblem- 
of my nephew's spirit. If it come to me and I take it 



PART V.] MRS. FLETCHER. 213 

up, his soul will be given unto me. I had no sooner 
spoke the word, but it came and alighted on the table 
before me. I took it up, stroked it, and let it fly again. 
A thought then struck my mind, — O, but he does not 
believe the Scriptures! The bird came, and I took it up 
the second time. As it flew again, I thought, 0. but he 
does not believe in the divinity of our Lord! Immedi- 
ately it returned, and I took it up a third time. I no 
more saw it flying, but a beautiful large bird stood with 
great solemnity before me, and I awoke. 

As I was in prayer a little time after the above dream, 
these words bore on my mind, "He setteth the solitary 
in families, and maketh them households as a flock of 
sheep." Also, "Thy sons shall come from far; and thy 
daughters shall be nursed at thy side." It was on the 
Monday night I had the dream here related; and on the 
following Friday, my nephew received a flat denial from 
the before-mentioned lady. Here all his philosophy 
and boasted reason failed. He was as one driven to 
desperation. The next night he told me all his heart, 
saying, "O Aunt! if you could see into my breast, you 
would see how troubled I am for the pain I have caused 
you. But now I see you are in the right. — Xo! we 
cannot do without the help of God. I thought I could 
conquer every passion, but now I find they are taller and 
bigger than me." After telling me how many trials and 
disappointments he had met with in life, he added, "Do, 
dear Aunt, pray with me." I did so, he weeping all the 
time with groans. When we rose from our knees, he 
said, "Ah! I am in the wrong, I thought all religion 
stood in the abhorrence of outward evil! but now I see 
there is something more." I told him my dream; when 
I came to that part of it relating- to himself, he was much 
moved, and said, "O, Aunt, if it depend on me, it shall 
be accomplished, indeed it shall." 

The next morning, he told me, that after we had 
parted the last night, as he was striving to pray, he found 
all his troubles gone, and felt for a few moments such a 
tranquillity as he had never known before. But his 
trouble, as well as his reluctance to believe, returned 
again, — yet with this difference, — he had now a con- 






214 THE LIFE OF [PART V. 

sciousness that he was wrong; and expressed a gTeat 
desire to know, and embrace the truth. 

From some concurring circumstances, I believed it to 
be the order of God to invite him to live with me the 
remainder of the time he had to stay in England; but 
remembering what a friend had said, " I cannot converse 
with him any more; he tears open ail the wounds of 
unbelief;" — I said, "Lord, shall it be so with me?" 
And was answered by the application of that word to 
my mind, "I will not send you a warfare at your own 
charges." And glory be to my adorable Lord, so it 
proved; for all he could say served but to light up a 
fresh candle in my soul! Every time I read the Scrip- 
tures, a new lustre shone on every part, and the divine 
evidence rose higher and higher in my heart. I could 
now observe he heard with deep attention; and one day 
he said to me, "Aunt, it is not now that I will not be- 
lieve, but that"! cannot; for when you read the chapter 
night and morning, and tell your thoughts upon it, it 
seems unanswerable. But then something comes — some 
thoughts, —I do not seek them, but they come and throw 
me all back again." 

His state was now very uncomfortable. Sometimes 
he was just ready to receive the Scriptures as truth: 
then a variety of objections would start up in his mind, 
and cause him to cry out, "How can these things be?" 
If we cannot be saved without believing that Jesus is 
God, why did he live and die in such obscurity? Would 
not a merciful Being have rendered every thing quite 
clear that he required his creatures to believe, upon pain 
of their salvation?* He added many arguments fre- 
quently used by Deists, such as--" How clearly doth the 
whole creation prove a Supreme Creator!* The day and 
night, the sun and moon, and all creatures! We cannot 
help believing they have a Maker. Why is not the 
divinity of Jesus Christ made as easy to be believed as 
these things?" I replied, The belief of those things 
you have mentioned, are by the outward senses; but 

* The God of infinite mercy, justice, and truth, has made all 
clear. The evidences of His being are not stronger than the 
evinces of the religion he has revealed. — Ed. 



PART V.j MRS. FLETCHER. 215 

religion is an inward principle, which God must open 
in our souls, and which changes every power and passion 
thereof. If all you are to believe could be compre- 
hended by the outward senses, the greatest sinners might 
be as good believers as the most holy persons. But the 
sense which God opens in the soul, and which we call 
faith, makes you acquainted with spiritual things, and 
capable of communion with God. He then answered 
in haste, " God hath never opened such a sense in my 
soul, and of course he will not condemn me for not 
using a power he hath not given. 55 True (said I) it is 
not opened in you; but it is because you shut your 
eyes and heart against it. Your state is exactly de- 
scribed in the word of God, whether you will believe it 
or no. This same Jesus whom you have despised, was 
"to the Jews a stumbling-block, and to the wise Greeks 
foolishness, but to us who believe, 55 we feel him to be 
"the wisdom of God, and the power of God. 55 

It was a precious time to my own soul; I had such a 
sweet view of the whole plan of redemption! A ray 
of light shone upon the amazing wisdom, as well as 
love, contained therein, and filled my heart with a sweet 
liberty, while I was attempting to lay before him the 
hidden glories of the adorable Jesus, when he appeared 
without form or comeliness, and by his deep humilia- 
tion marked out all our way! How well suited this plan 
of salvation was to break down the high aspiring thoughts 
of man, and to bring him into that absolute dependence, 
and perfect submission, which make the joys of heaven! 
I observed also, that a far greater salvation was wrought 
out for us, and a far greater glory would redound to God, 
by this wonderful act of free grace, than could have 
been if we had never needed such a Saviour. 

I now daily discerned some advances — he gave back 
more and more; and the word of God began to be more 
honourable in his eyes. But yet he would say, " Every 
man hath the right of private judgment. Can I not be 
saved without believing on Jesus Christ? If I address 
my prayers to the Supreme Being, and strive to obey 
him, why should I be condemned for not believing what 
I cannot understand?'' To this I answered, " God so 



216 THE LIFE OF [PART V, 

loved the world, that he gave his Duly-begotten Son, 
that all who believe on him should rish, but 

have everlasting life." Now, said I. there is the ::._- 
dition: "If you believe hi him whom the Father hath 
given," He seemed in a straggle to believe, ind said 

vehemence. — "Bu1 I cannot believe God wc 
become a man, and die for me. I am not \ >f it 

The thought is s":-:r: : l Why, Aunt, if I were ?::> 
demned to death, do you believe the king of Engl 
would die to save my life?" No, said I. I believe he 
would not. "Now there is the thing," replied he. — 
"yon start at the thought of the king lying fox me; 
yet y il me tc believe thai God . .". in my 

place!" ~ 

I observed he lifferenl relation he stood 
The king (said I) did not create yon; y: are 
offspring; neither can the love of a finite being 

comparison with ths ire unmixed k IwelLs 

in the heart of God. The king did not voluntarily tak 3 all 
your condemnation or. him self But the Almighty Sai 
has done so. He acts by us as if some greal potentate 
should receive into bis favoui a pooi ; -7:r-: — n 
his spouse — take all ' . "' : '■ — rive her a 

right to his h«asures — a part in his throne — and : share 
in all his titles. "Thus Gc 3 sc Loved the world, thai 
he gave his only-begotten S ::;. ::.:: wl; : = ; ever elieveth 

on him," should, irtue of thai onion, inherit all 

things! Here is the condition: ': al y : a wiB a : : : : mj ly 
therewith. Only supj jsc foi me moment, that the kir.g 
had died to save your life; but that when you was in- 
formed of his ::/ aralleled love, you would give no c:e : .:; 
thereto, even though one should say :: yon. Only look 
through this glass in my hand. I hold it to your Bye; 
only look through it, and you will see him hang bleed- 
ing there! But you turn i T --; ly youi lace with contempt, 
and will not so much as look on him who bleeds for 
you! Would you not that sase be a monster of in- 
gratitude? X: - God, this book, is the 
glass: if with simplicity and prayer, you look into 

* What a genuine install am a! reasoning! — EdL 



PART V.] MRS. FLETCHER. 



217 



it, you shall there discern that Supreme Being, (whom 
unknown you worship) and that "He was in Christ re* 
conciling the world to himself: and that there is no 

other name given under heaven whereby you can be 
saved/' 

One afternoon as he was reading- to me, I pointed him 
to the experience of Brother Story, believing it was 
suited to his present state. But contrary to all I had for 
a long time seen in him, he appeared quite hard, and 
cavilled at almost every sentence. I answered his ob- 
jections for a long time, till I was quite spent. Then 
looking solemnly at him, with tears in my eyes, I put 
out my hand to take the book. He was moved, and 
said tenderly, — "What, Aunt! What! No! I will read 
any thing, any thing you give me! You think me in a 
bad spirit, Aunt!" I replied, Why, my dear, I do not 
think you are in a very good one. That book does not 
suit you to-night. He then read on till he came to a 
part very applicable to his present feelings. He dropped 
the book at once, and remained silent. After a time I 
asked him what was the matter? He replied — " I know- 
not what is the matter! I feel a horrible sensation! O 
what do I ail! How have I been speaking to you! Dear 
Aunt, the more kind you are, the more ungrateful I am. 
What is the matter with me? I am worse and worse!" 
I strove to comfort him: saying. It is well; the Lord is 
beginning to show you your heart. i; Ah," replied he, 
" You say very well, but I say very ill; for I am worse 
than before I came to England. 0, I am ashamed to 
think how I spent my life! I thought I had done all 
things for the glory of God. But now I see I have done 
all for myself, and to please myself only." After some 
time q{ silence, he said, t; I will now tell you what I 
have been doing. All this week I have strove to ad- 
dress my prayers to Jesus Christ, as you advised me, 
but alas! I am more dull and cold in them than I ever 
felt before! O, if he is God, why cloth he not help me! 
You said, Aunt, he would answer for himself!" Then 
in an agony, he added, " Why does he not answer? 
Why does he not answer?" While I was making a few 
observations on the long time the Lord had waited for 
19 



218 THE LIFE OF [PART V. 

him, &c. Mr. Home came in to meet the men's class, 
to which he was that night to go up for the first time. 
When he came down, he said his mind was more com- 
posed, and he wished he had frequented that meeting 
before. 

After supper, being alone, we renewed our conversa- 
tion, and I repeatedly assured him the Lord would shine 
upon him if he would only persevere. His cry was 
still, "Why does he not answer?" It being late, we 
parted. I then went again to the throne of grace, to 
pour out my complaint before the Lord. I saw we were 
come to a point, and could go no further without His 
immediate help. I had staked all on the faithfulness of 
my God, and had declared the answer would come: and 
now there was nothing more for me to do, but to obtain 
it of the Almighty. Sometimes I felt all faith and hope; 
at others, as if cold water was thrown over the fire of 
expectation. Satan was not idle. He suggested, You 
will find him to-morrow as you left him to-night. I 
pleaded with the Lord, that it was no new thing I asked* 
He had shown his approval of sacrifices by fire from 
heaven; — He had wrought for his people; — He had giv- 
en signs and wonders! "His arm was not shortened," 
and I besought him to appear in such a manner for this 
young man, as should convince him of the truth. Some- 
times I felt all discouragement, but I did not mind that; 
I knew from whence it came. I said, Lord! thy word 
stands always sure; it is not my feelings, but thy faith- 
fulness, that I depend on. Lord, thou hast said— 
"Whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, 1 
will do it." I ask. this in thy name! I leave it in thy 
hand, assured of the answer. 

The next morning he went out early. On his return 
at night, he said, " Aunt, I have a great deal to tell you. 
After we parted last night, I thought I would pray; but 
that it was right to consider what I wanted most. Then 
I thought, why I want most light in this point, about 
Jesus Christ. But will God so condescend as to answer 
me? Then, aunt, I heard a voice (not with my ear, 
but I did hear it,) say, Yes, he will. Then I began 
"and made prayer; — and an hour went away like a 



PART V.] MRS. FLETCHER. 219 

minute, — and I could say, Through the Lord Jesus 
Christ! O dear aunt, I thought I must have come up 
and told you, but you were gone to bed. And again I 
thought, may be to-morrow God will confirm this. And 
so he has, for when I was at Waters Upton, Mr. G. H. 
began to make pleasantry of the miracles of Jesus Christ. 
I said in myself, yesterday I could have smiled at this, 
and heard it with pleasure; but now it was a horrible 
sensation, I could not bear it. I was forced to go out of 
the house. Was not that a sign, .aunt, that there is some 
change in me?" 

Soon after, he had a particular dream. He thought 
he was in Switzerland, and attempting to converse with 
one of his old acquaintances on the things of God; but 
was much surprised to find he could only speak in Eng- 
lish. Afterward, as he stood at a window with his father, 
he saw eight full moons all at once, and said in his mind, 
it means eight months. A beautiful city then rose up 
before his eyes, and as he looked thereon, he beheld a 
lovely appearance, and thought, Is that St. John? He 
looked, till dazzled with the beams of glory which sur- 
rounded the face; as it passed over the city, he cried out, 
See! father, see! The Lord Jesus! The Lord Jesus! and 
so awoke. This dream seemed to make a deep impres- 
sion on him, though he attempted no explanation. About 
a week after this, comii r home one night late, from 
visiting a sick neighbour, on my inquiring after his state, 
he answered, " Aunt, I have not found the evening long, 
for I have been in deep recollection almost all the time 
you have been gone. And now I can say, ' Faith is 
the evidence of things unseen,' for if I had seen mv 
Lord, I could not be more assured than I am." From 
this time the change has been more and more evident. 
He attends all the meetings with me, and our dear 
friends are not a little delighted to hear the nephew and 
godson of their beloved Minister, telling, in his broken 
English, that his eyes, which had long been accustomed 
to see darkness, do now behold the light of the Lord. 
Sometime after, writing to a friend, he uses these 
words: "I have altogether left Mr. Home's house, 
though fully satisfied with all there; but it w T ould have 



220 THE LIFE OF, &C. [PAIIT V. 

been very disagreeable to me to have been forced to ride 
daily, and at night, over one of the worst roads in the 
kingdom. I have now for three months enjoyed the 
happiness of living with my aunt, and I feel more and 
more the immense obligation which I owe to her, not 
only for all the temporal care she hath taken for me, but 
much more for the blessing of my soul. Yes. she hath 
shown me clearly, that the knowledge of mathematics, 
and a vain philosophy, are not sufficient to procure us 
true happiness; but the knowledge of Him only who 
giveth wisdom liberally to those who ask it. She hath 
taught me to distinguish the things which are situated 
within the reach of our understanding, from those which 
are beyond it; for I must own that the idea which I had 
before of the strength of my understanding, and the ex- 
tent of my knowledge, was so false, that I thought 
nothing to be out of my sphere. But now, blessed be 
God! not only I feel that it is not permitted to men to 
scrutinize with profane looks the mysteries of religion, 
but I believe them with a holy respect; and far from be- 
ing ashamed to acknowledge Jesus for my Saviour, I set 
my glory in it, and that persuasion makes me happy I" ( 

He is indeed a new creature, and his conscience ap- 
pears to be so tender, and his convictions of the need of 
a further change, so strong, that I am sunk in amaze- 
ment and wonder! O what a prayer-hearing God have 
we to do with! " Ask, and you shall receive,' 5 is more 
than ever written on my heart! On the first of January, 
he was much blest, and told me he had found such a 
power to renew his covenant with the Lord as he had 
never done before. He broke out in prayer with such 
simplicity as delighted the whole congregation! In a 
few months he must leave me and return to Switzerland — 
I trust in the power of the Lord, to be a messenger of 
glad tidings to the dear family of his precious uncle. 0, 
my God! what hast thou done for thy poor worm in the 
day of her adversity! " Bless the Lord, O my soul, and 
all that is within me, bless his holy name!" 

END OF THE FIFTH PART, 



PART THE SIXTH. 

Her Religious Experience at Madely. 

December 3, 1785. 

Last ni^ht I had a peculiar sense of that truth, " Thy 
Maker is thy husband!" I saw great depth in that de- 
claration. The thought of belonging only to Jesus was 
precious! These words were powerfully on my mind, — 

"Be bold in Jesus to confide, 

His creature, and his spotless bride! 

Thy husband's power and goodness prove, 
The Holy One of Israel He! 
The Lord of Hosts hath chosen thee, 

In faith, and holiness, and love!" 

I saw and felt all things are possible to persevering 
faith; but in the midst of this exercise my old tempta- 
tion presented, Thou art not in joy! And some say, — 
" Xo more holiness than joy." It was as cold water 
cast on a fire. My feeble sore spirit trembled under the 
suggestion, and sorrow's waves around me rolled! I 
said, true, I have not joy! Again it came to my mind, 
others believe because an overflowing power constrains 
them so to do; but I believe, as it were, because I will 
believe.* Yet I thought, is not that the way of faith? 
Ought I not to hang on Jesus in the midst of the fire? 
What is "the abiding in the secret place of the Most 
High?" Is it not takingishelter in Jesus, and keeping 
fixed there, whatever storms may surround? I cried to 
the Lord, and sometimes the faith of Abraham was set 
before me. These words of our Lord were also applied, 
"Blessed are they who have not seen, and yet have be- 
Meved." But still the weight hung over my soul. A* 

| 
* So must thev in the hour of temptation. — Ed 
19* 



222 THE LIFE OF [PART VI. 

night I went to bed oppressed, yet struggling to main- 
tain that faith which " Staggers not at the promise," 
but gives glory to God by believing. 

I dreamed I was in a room with Sally, and saw a pic- 
ture, or rather the groundwork for a picture, on which 
was only painted one small sheep lying down; the rest 
was all plain. I said to her. Sally, look on that picture, 
and what the Lord says, your dear master will draw it 
out for me to read! I then saw letter by letter come 
out, as if wrote (though without any hand or pen/ as 
follows: "She that dwelleth in the secret place of the 
Most High, shall abide under the shadow of the Al- 
mighty.'' I felt it a confirmation of my faith; and said, 
There is no better path than to repose the soul in God, 
and to go on in quiet resignation, whatever we may feel. 
As I was making that reflection. I heard, though yet 
asleep, my dear husband's voice, as if close to my face, 
speaking these words, — 

Shout, all ye people of the sky! 
And all ye saints of the Most High: 
Oar God, who thus His right obtains, 
For ever and for ever reigns! 

The beginning I heard in my sleep, but as it waked 
me. the rest was heard afterward: and I could have 
known his voice among a thousand. I saw from it. we 
never render to God his right till we abandon, by a per- 
fect resignation, all our concerns, spiritual as well as 
temporal, into his hand, and learn to lie still before Him. 
in the posture of a little child, hanging each moment by 
faith on His mercy. I see how the art of Satan has 
hindered me. Indeed my present state is not joyous. 
I feel, keenly feel, my loss! I am as a poor sheep alone 
on the mountains. I feel a sorrow no pen can describe. 
I am penetrated with fiery darts, and my health so bro- 
ken, ray nerves so weak;— with a variety of trying af- 
fairs which quite weigh me down, But this morning, 
the Lord showed me, I was not to se: joy as the mark,* 

* It is a real part of the " kingdom of God, J? (Rom. xvii. 14.) 
but not sensibly discerned while the believer is " sifted as 
wheat."-— Ed. 



PART VI.] MRS. FLETCHER. 22& 

but a ready submission and quiet resignation to His will. 
That I was to fix this on my mind, " Whoso trusteth in 
the Lord shall never be confounded." That I was to 
lie still as clay in his hand, that he in his wisdom and 
love might save me in the way that he knew. My only 
care should be, to embrace the cross with a ready will! 
February 6, 1786. My soul is waiting on the Lord. 
T believe he will bring me into his unclouded presence! 
I do feel the truth of these words, 

" They shall, as their right, His righteousness claim." 

I also feel that, 

"I shall, as my right, His purity claim." 

I do claim it, and feel a share therein. He keeps me; 
I know " He that abideth in Him sinneth not." My 
soul doth abide, looking by faith to Jesus; and I do not 
feel any sin; yet my sorrow and mourning is deep. I 
also feel sore temptation; not to any thing earthly of any 
kind. No, I believe " the world is crucified to me," 
and I "unto the world!" It has no charms for me; but 
I am tempted with great terrors, which come over my 
mind in a moment, and my weak nerves, which have 
been affected even to a degree of palsy, help to let in 
the temptations. At times the Lord Jesus gives me such 
a view of his faithfulness and full power to save, that 
I seem to forget for a few moments all my sorrow! This 
is the case often; but then the vision shuts again, and 
grievous temptations return. I want a full liberty, such 
as was given at the outpouring of the Spirit on the day 
of Pentecost. I believe there is a degree of union 
which shuts out all sorrow,- — The soul having so en- 
tered into the element of love, as to be incapable of re- 
ceiving any idea but what is consonant therewith, or 
in other words, a "dwelling in God," and possessing 
the fulness of that promise, " I and my Father will 
come and make our abode with you." 

February 16. I found to-day some refreshment in 
conversing with that dear old saint, Mary Matthews, one 

* No; our Lord was a man of sorrows. But all rebellious sor- 
row we may be saved from. — Ed. 



224 THE LIFE OF [PART VI. 

of my dear love's first children, who endured much per- 
secution for the truth's sake many years since. She 
was called under the first sermon she heard him preach; 
and after feeling the spirit of bondage nearly two years, 
was very clearly set at liberty, and walked many years 
in faith and love. It was she who was so blessed the 
first Sabbath my dear husband introduced me into the 
kitchen among those who met there; and she has en- 
joyed a fuller liberty ever since. She told me — That 
on the day after the preaching, in the last week, having 
undertaken to open the door in time for the morning 
service, she took the key of the room for that purpose, 
and believed the Lord would awake her in time. About 
two in the morning (instead of five) she was awaked 
with an extraordinary power of God. She thought, I 
must rise and pray. She came down and broke up the 
fire, and being in a little house all alone, she sat down to 
meditate, and give full scope to the spirit. She took up 
her hymn-book, but could not read, for, said she, "All 
around me seemed God! It appeared to me as if the 
room was full of heavenly spirits. I laid the book down, 
and falling back in my chair, I remembered no more of 
any thing outward, but thought I was at the threshold of 
a most beautiful place. I could just look in. The first 
thing I saw was the Lord Jesus sitting on a throne! 
There was a beautiful crown over his head! It did not 
seem to bear wiili a weight, but as if it was suspended 
there, and as he turned his head, it turned with him. 
A glorious light appeared on one side, — and all around 
him was glory! I thought on that word of St. Paul, — 
TVJio dwelleth in light unapproachable! Turning my 
eye a little, I saw close to my Saviour my dear minister, 
Mr. Fletcher! He looked continually on the Lord Je- 
sus w 7 ith a sweet smile. But he had a very different 
appearance from what he had when in the body, and yet 
there was such an exact resemblance, that I could have 
known him among a thousand! Features and limbs just 
the same, but not of flesh. It was what I cannot de- 
scribe, all light! I know not what to call it! I never 
saw any thing like it. It was, I thought, such a body 



PART VI.] MRS. FLETCHER 225 

as could go thousands of miles in a moment!* There 
were several passed who had the same appearance; and 
I seemed to have lost my old weak, shaking body! I 
seemed to myself as if I could have gone to the world's 
end as light as air! I looked on him a long time, and 
observed every feature with its old likeness. He then 
turned his eves on me, and held out his hand to me just 
as he used to do. After this the whole disappeared, and 
I came to myself, and found it was just the time when 
I should open the preaching-house door." I found her 
words a comfort to me.t Ah! my dear husband was a 
suffering member here; but he is now a bright star in 
glory. 

I am amazed to see how the Almighty appears for me 
in outward things. Night and day I have a sense of 
safety. I feel as if the angels of the Lord encamped 
round about me! Though we are alone, I and the two 
girls in this house, sometimes only Sally and me, no 
long winter night seems to have any thing dreary to me! 
Indeed, life and death are equal, the will of God is all! 
I feel also a quiet acquiescence in the will of God. His 
will shall be my choice! I have no other rest on earth. 
Yet I have not joy! But I will lie in his hands for this 
also. 

Some thoughts have arisen in my mind on this sub- 
ject. There has long been a question between two sorts 
of religious professors, both devoted to God. The one 
part say, "A child of God, labouring up perfection's 
hill, maybe in darkness and obscurity for a time, in or- 
der to his further purification." The others say, i; j\av, 
there can be no darkness but from the displeasure of 
God! neither is there any true holiness but in proportion 
to this joy. ?? 

But what do we mean by darkness? And what do we 
mean by joy? Many blend the idea of darkness with 

* What a description! Far beyond her powers. — Ed. 

f How wonderful are the ways of God! Instead of that " jov 
unspeakable, and full of glory," which this devoted woman so 
earnestly desired, He took this way to comfort her! And what 
a mystery of love, even in this, that he should give it to her, not 
directly, but at second hand! — Ed. 



226 THE LIFE OF [PART VI. 

deadness. They suppose such to have no savour of 
d vine things. They do not mourn after Jesus, as one 
who mourns for her first-born. They can be content 
with wordly rest. They look more to men and means 
for help than singly to Jesus. They are indeed pained 
sometimes because they have no more life; but their 
treasure is still here. Such darkness certainly the true 
believer does not feel. The experience of Mr. Brainerd 
is a fine comment on this. A soul thirsting (in general) 
after the full mind of Christ. — whose conscience is truly 
tender, to whom the world is crucified, and who has no 
relish but for the things of another life. Whose eye is 
really .fixed, "not on the things which are seen, but on 
the things which are not seen." To whom the prospect 
of a nearly approaching death is pleasant, from a firm 
confidence of final salvation, though that confidence may 
be oft assaulted: and who feels an intense, though mourn- 
ful, desire after the whole mind of Christ; — and an abid- 
ing filial fear of offending God. Such a soul may find 
sometimes great obscurity, as if its Saviour was hidden — 
as if the Lord shut himself up within stone walls, which 
praver could not pass through; — so that even strong 
supplication and prayer shall seem to feel resistance. 
As when Jacob wrestled with the angel, it seemed as if 
he wanted to get loose from Jacob's grasp, without giv- 
ing him the blessing. As when our Lord gave that 
[seemingly harsh answer to the Canaanitish woman, — 
••It is not meet to take the children's bread and give it 
unto do2's!" Was it to discourage and drive her back- 
Was it from wrath he spoke- Ah, no! It was to try and 
to strengthen her faith by exercise; and to increase her 
blessing, when he pronounced that word, ;i O woman, 
great is thv faith! be it unto thee even as thou wilt.' 3 
We have often a wrong idea of faith. When the apos- 
tle says, "I have fought the good tight. I have kept the 
faith." — How do Ave understand him? Some say, — " He 
fought against sin. — he was firm in persecution, — and he 
always believed. His soul was so full of light and 
power that he could not help believing." Was there 
tli en no conflict in believing- When St. Paul says, 
Cast not away your confidence, does he mean that they 



PART VI.] MRS. FLETCHER. 227 

could not cast it away? "Were they to hold it fast, when 
it needed no holding? And is it thus that it should have 
great recompense of reward? 

But does not the whole tenor of Scripture speak of 
the Christian soldier, as "righting the fight of faith?" 
And what is faith, but " the believing of things unseen?" 
"Blessed are they who have not seen, and yet have be- 
lieved." And to Nathaniel, our Lord says, — *" Because 
I said, Under the fig-tree I saw thee, believest thou? 
Thou shalt see greater things than these." 

It seems to me, therefore, That the way of holiness 
is to strive every moment- to "look unto Jesus as the 
author and finisher of our faith:" and while the soul is 
so continually hanging on him, let it not esteem it a 
strange thing, if it should feel the powers of darkness 
surround it, inducing horror and dismay! If the believer 
feel as though the Angel of the covenant struggled against 
him; as if he would go away and leave the soul unblest. 
It may seem to have even a rebuke instead of a blessing, 
like the Canaanitish woman; — nay, it may feel as if all 
'ts strength was failing, so that it could wrestle no longer. 
Perhaps the day begins to break! Death seems at the 
door! and the fainting soul cries out, O, what is all my 
wrestling come to! My clay of grace is gone, and I am 
not saved! But the very next moment may bring the 
" New name of Israel! As a prince thou hast power with 
God, and hast prevailed." 

June 19th. I now see clearly what I want. My soul 
is not brought fully into the element of love. There is 
a fulness of love, or, "a perfect love, which casts out 
all fear." I have not perfect resignation; yet my will 
never seems to oppose God. I have not perfect peace; 
it is disturbed by temptation. I have not perfect union 
with God; clouds come between. In short, that salva- 
tion I felt at Hoxton, and which I now feel, is like Israel 
when on the borders of Canaan. But I am not put in 
full possession. I do not dwell in love. I am deter- 
mined, however, never to rest short of it; and I believe 
that is the meaning of the promise so impressed upon 
my mind, "An abundant entrance shall be ministered 
unto you into the kingdom of our Lord Jesus Christ." 



228 THE LIFE OF [PART VI. 

Lord, hasten the hour! I have no hope but from Thee. 
"It is not of him that willeth, nor of him that runneth, 
but of God that showeth mercy! Not by might, nor by 
power, but by my Spirit, saith the Lord of hosts!" 

Well,— -if I am thus perfectly saved, I shall be the 
greatest monument of mercy: For since that time I 
was blessed atHoxton.how often have I sunk back from 
that liberty of faith! and though the divine change has 
ever since remained on my soul, yet there have been 
times in which I have been a monster in my own eyes, 
for I have many times found self, and from that root, 
every evil springing up in my soul. 

I would give a list of the evils I have felt, but alas! 
when I attempt it, I am lost! I cannot find any words 
to express myself in. But this I will say, for the com- 
fort of some who have known these things, and into 
whose hand this account may fall, that wdierein they 
have lamented [heir inbred corruption, I have much 
more cause for lamentation. 

Oh! if I were but for one hour permitted to enter 
heaven, that I might throw myself at the feet of all 
whom I have offended, or hindered, by my pride, self- 
will, and other evils, it would yield me some consola- 
tion. Yet I believe I shall be delivered from them all, 
and even from this painful reflection. Yes, I shall; the 
God of love hath said, "Thou s halt walk with me in 
white- — -I will make thee worthy!" And my soul has of 
late felt a great renewal of that promise. Yes, I shall 
overcome! I begin, though but faintly, to* shout victory! 
I shall overcome! for I singly trust in Jesus. 

Friday, June 23. Three days ago as I was thinking 
of the above words, — "I am not brought into the ele- 
ment of love," a thought came into my mind, Thou 
waitest and pleadest to be brought into another state: — 
Abide in Jesus! That is the way to love, and to bring 
forth all good fruit. I w r eighed it over in my mind, and 
saw that it was so. I have Jesus! and have I not all in 
him? Those words shone with light on my heart, 
" Christ is made of God unto you, wisdom, righteous- 
ness, sanctification, and redemption." I felt I ought to 
rejoice in my privilege; the privileges of my present 



PART VI.] MRS. FLETCHER. 229 

dispensation. I am brought into a state of love; and 
that I do not abundantly grow therein, is, because I do 
not abide every moment in a quiet peaceable confidence, 
believing the Lord will enable me to glorify him in and 
through every thing. These words were yesterday, and 
ire still, the language of my soul, 

" No condemnation now I dread; 

Jesus, and all in Him is mine; 
Alive in Him, my living* head, 

And just in righteousness divine, 
Bold I approach th' eternal throne, 
And claim the crown thro* Christ my own." 

Friday, July 21. O, the union my spirit feels with 
my dear husband! Time makes no difference to me. 
As I was offering up my trials to the Lord to-day, these 
words came to my mind, "Ask of the Lord grace to 
suffer as much, and as long as he pleases." I thought, 
so I will. I will not even wish to have it mitigated. 

Saturday, July 22. Yesterday I was at the chapel in 
Madely Wood, and found much freedom of spirit while 
speaking on these words, — "Bring my soul out of pri- 
son, that I may praise Thy name." This morning I 
feel my soul cast on the Lord, and was blessed in read- 
ing those words of Fenelon, "Your letter leaves me 
nothing to wish for. It confesses all that is past, and 
promises *every thing for the future. With regard to 
the past, you need only leave it to God, with an humble 
confidence, and repair it by a constant fidelity. You 
ask what penances are required for the past! Can we 
perforin greater, or more salutary ones, than bearing our 
present crosses? The best reparation of our past vani- 
ties is the being humble, and content that God should 
humble us. The most rigorous of all penances is, not- 
withstanding all our dislikes and weariness, to do daily 
and hourly the will of God rather than our own."* 

Thursday, July 27. For some days I have felt keen 
darts from the enemy, and such a sense of being alone 
in the world as I cannot express. But last night, in the 

* How well some Romanists have written on Christian obedience/ 
O si sic omnia! — Ed, 
20 



230 THE LIFE OF [PART VI. 

midst of these feelings, I felt a strong impression that 
my trials were increased by my not courageously be- 
lieving every moment that the Lord has absolutely under- 
taken my whole cause. And I am convinced that when 
Satan pursues me with glooms and threatenings, I ought 
to believe that all is permitted to exercise my faith and 
patience. I feel at all times that my heart has embraced 
the glory of God, as my one sole care, and therefore ] 
have nothing to do even with my state, whether it is 
joyous or sad, but only to cling to the covenant I have 
entered into, of being a whole burnt-sacrifice to the 
Lord; and leave him to choose for me every moment, 
who is in himself all wisdom and love. This thought 
brought with it a sweet peace; and these words were 
applied to my soul, " Cast not away therefore your con- 
fidence, which hath great recompense of reward, for ye 
have need of patience, that after ye have done the will 
of God, ye may receive the promise." I see also thai 
I must singly trust in Jesus, resolved to believe that he 
will make me more than conqueror through all. "None 
ever trusted in him, and was confounded." My one cry 
therefore shall be, "Lord, glorify thyself in thy poor 
creature and that is enough." In the night I was ex- 
ercised with pain more than common, but my mind 
seemed to be fixed on this, — Lord, glorify thyself! I 
slept; and waked in that thought, and it brought peace. 
August 3. This time of the year returning affects me 
much. This day twelve months was the last in which 
my dear husband enjoyed perfect health, and the last in 
which he visited his people. Oh! how does every hour 
present the past scenes to my view! Rut I find power to 
live in the spirit of sacrifice. As I was this morning 
reading Mr. Wesley's note on Judges, chap. iv. 14. it 
was made a blessing to me. It is said of Barak, " He 
went down from Mount Tabor."— Mr. Wesley adds, 
4 He did not make use of the advantage which he had 
of the hill, where he might have been out of the reach of 
Sisera's iron chariots. He boldly marches down into the 
valley, to give him the opportunity of using his chariots 
and horses, that so the victory might be more glorious." 
So it seems to be with me. When I had every help 



PART VI.] JVfRS. FLETCHER. 231 

and every comfort, he brought me into the valley indeed! 
unto the loss of all my earthly comforts; and into deep 
ind fierce temptation. And yet those very things which 
would have been a great trial to me, and a great alarm 
10 my fears, when I had my dearest companion with me, 
are nevertheless rendered easy; and my Captain going 
before seems to gain for me an easy victory. He is my 
light in difficulties, my protection in dangers, and my 
continual shield. But that word of the Lord spoken to 
Gideon, " The people are too many for me to deliver 
Israel by them," casts a still clearer light on my path. 
I was the happiest of women! I had every thing w-hich 
friendship, the most heavenly and refined, could give. 
My helps were too many: I could not feel my deep 
nothingness. God has stripped me of all! Yet I will 
look every moment for the complete victory. 

Monday, August 14. How awful a Sabbath w r as yes- 
terday to me! The remembrance of the tremendous scene 
that day twelve months, deeply penetrated my heart. 
The whole of the last week has been to me very solemn. 
Every hour has pointed out some part of the bitter cup 
which I have drank, and do still deeply drink of. 

This day has also been a time of deep examination. 
What difference do I find between this and the last four- 
teenth of August, the day of my dear husband's death? 
I find a good deal many ways. First, I have more ve- 
hement longing after Christ. Secondly, I am stript of 
all desire of human comforts, and dead to earth in a fuller 
degree than 1 ever was before in any part of my life. 
Thirdly, That fierce conflict of temptation which I en- 
dured at that time has wrought for my good. Fourthly, 
I am more constant and faithful in private prayer; indeed 
it is my one business; and I have a more watchful spirit. 
Fifthly, 1 feel a more perfect resignation; and though my 
wound continually bleeds, yet I can continually say, Thy 
will be done. Yet nothing can supply the place of the 
full indwelling Spirit. The Lord is ever with me. I have 
surprising helps and deliverances, and victory in every 
trial. I feel I am crucified to the world; but yet I want 
the promise of the Father in its fulness. 

Tuesday, August 15. Yesterday being (according to 



232 THE LIFE OF • [PART VI. 

the days of the month) the annual, return of the time 
when my dearest love departed this life, I set it apart 
for prayer and close examination, to know what I had 
gained or lost in this black year. Most of the day I was 
in heaviness; but by the light of God I clearly discerned 
his powerful hand was upon me. The entire deadness 
I find to every thing worldly; the purity in which the 
Lord continually keeps my soul; the increasing \igour 
of my spiritual affections; my great love for souls, and 
abundant liberty in speaking to them, with the many de- 
grees of resignation to the divine will which I feel my 
soul sunk into; — and that spirit of love which ever 
prompts me to turn the other cheek, all give me good 
hope. Now, thought I, though I felt a measure of all 
this before, is not the increase of all these an evident 
mark, that the work of God is deepened in my soul? I 
saw it was so, and was constrained to cry out, This hath 
God wrought! 

I then was led to reflect on my union with my dear 
husband, and saw how much of the heavenly state we had 
enjoyed together; and it seemed as if I so longed to give 
up all for God, that I offered up to his divine will even 
our eternal union, (if it was in reality, as many suppose, 
that separate spirits forget all they have known and loved 
here) that his will might be done! I seemed content, so 
my dearest love, and my own soul were lost in His im- 
mensity, and should know each other no more! I then 
found, as it were, a conversation carried on in my mind. 
The question arose, what part of our union can heaven 
dissolve? It will take away all that was painful— such as 
our fears for each other's safety, our separations, &c. 
But what of the pleasant part can heaven dissolve? I 
answered from the bottom of my heart, Nothing, Lord, 
nothing! Clear as light it appeared before me, that heaven 
could not dissolve any thing which agreed with its own 
nature. Let two drops of water, two flames of fire, or 
any two quantities of the same element be put together, 
they would not destroy each other, but would be in- 
creased. So what came down from God, would, when 
returned to its source, live for ever, and be corroborated 
but not lessened. 



PART VI.] MRS. FLETCHER. 233 

I am quite at a loss for words to describe the feelings 
of that hour! but it fixed in my soul an assurance of our 
eternal union. And as it increased my tender affection 
towards my dear husband, so it seemed to spread it to 
all around. I felt it reflect as it were backwards and 
forwards, to and from all the heavenly host; all seemed 
doubly dear through that endearing love I found to him. 
At the same moment, a peculiar sense of union with my 
friend Ryan sprang up in my soul; and I seemed to 
worship with them both before the throne. As I rose 
from my knees, I had an application of these words, as 
from his own dear mouth, 

" The days that in heaven they spend 
For ever and ever shall last." 

O, what did I feel! my eyes overflowed with tears, and 
my heart with praise! 

November 15. Last Sunday, (the 12th) was to me a 
heavy day. That was the day my dear husband gave 
himself to me, and that I gave myself to him, or rather, 
the Lord gave us to each other. But I was enabled to 
go through the duty which the Lord called me to that 
day, with calmness and resignation. 

This day I had, at my ten o'clock hour, much freedom 
in pouring out my heart to the Lord. I prayed that I 
might have an increase of faith. I then opened an old 
book which helped me to make some reflections very 
suitable to the present posture of my mind. I had been 
considering whether I might expect as fully to glorify 
my Saviour as one who had been less guilty and sinful? 
For two days that question had been uppermost in my 
heart, and the following words much in my mouth, 

"If so poor a worm as I 
May to thy great glory live!" 

But to-day I was led into the following considerations: 
the Lord Jesus hath said, They to whom much is forgiv- 
en, love much,hut they to whom (comparatively) little is 
forgiven, love little; and this is corroborated by three pa- 
rables, The lost sheep, the piece of money, and the prodi- 
20* 



234 THE LIFE OF [PART VI. 

gal son. But why is it so? Can I find sufficient ground 
for my faith to set its foot upon? The following thoughts 
occurred to my mind. First, we generally love best 
what has cost us most. My Saviour has drunk a more 
bitter draught for me than for many;* therefore he hath 
paid a higher price for me. All the pain, shame, and 
evil consequences of sin, " He hath borne in his own 
body; He hath borne my grief and carried my sor- 
rows." Well then, I have more to love him for than 
any other. 

Secondly, The author observes, "It is certain we 
may believe that God will give them the first place in 
his esteem who have glorified him most in this world." 
But who are they? Doubtless those who believe most, — 
who come nearest to the faith of Abraham; for to believe 
in God's faithfulness to his promises, and in his power 
to perform them, is to give him glory. Rom. iv. 20, 21. 
" He staggered not at the promise through unbelief, but 
was strong in faith, giving glory to God; and being fully 
persuaded that what he had promised, he was able also 
to perform." From hence it follows, that to believe the 
truth and faithfulness of God in his promises, and in his 
power to perform, (even in those cases where the per- 
formance is most difficult and rare,) is a greater glorify- 
ing of God, and shows a higher degree of faith, than to 
believe in ordinary cases only, wherein the belief is not 
so generous and noble, or so remote from the common 
principles of reason. The high commendation of Abra- 
ham's faith, by which he is said to give glory to God, 
(i. e. in a very signal and transcendent manner) is ex- 
pressed in these words, JVho against hope believed in 
hope. His faith breaking through the strong opposi- 
tions which the dictates of reason and nature made 
against it, was highly pleasing to God, and cast an abun- 
dance of glory upon him in that respect. Hence he 
pronounced him the father of the faithful, and made 
him the father of many nations; that is, he conferred 
and settled this great dignity upon Abraham, to be for 

* Here is a fine illustration of those words of the apostle, iS In 
lowliness of mind, let each esteem the other better than himself. " 
Can we keep the unity of the Spirit without this? — Ed. 



PART VI.] MRS. FLETCHER. 235 

ever after reputed and acknowledged the great exem- 
plar, or pattern of all, who to the end of the world 
should believe; and who, for their number, should 
equalize many nations. Therefore, that believing in 
God which accords most with this faith of Abraham, 
hath most of the spirit and power of that grace. That 
which lifteth up itself in the soul against the strongest 
assaults or encounters, must needs glorify God more 
than that which hath only the common impediments and 
obstructions to overcome. Now it is plain that he who 
hath been an inveterate and obdurate sinner, and the 
most deeply ungrateful; and who hath on his conscience 
a heavier burden of guilt than any other; — when he be- 
lieves, I say, he hath much communion with Abraham 
in the excellency of his faith, and believeth against 
many fierce lions and bears in his way: against the 
strongest and most violent temptations to diffidence and 
despair. Whereas, he who hath no such mountains in 
the way for his faith to leap over, he who hath no such 
armed fears, no such imperious contradictions of sin to 
encounter, his faith, though it hold good correspondence 
with the faith of Abraham, in the nature and truth of it, 
yet it is far beneath it in that crowning property, where- 
by it gave glory to God so abundantly.* 

December 12. In prayer this morning, I was led to 
see the beauty of faith in reposing the whole soul on 
God. Surely, O Lord! thou requirest nothing of me, 
but to believe on thee for all I want! I find the strong- 
est dart of Satan is against my faith. He tells me all 
day long, that I believe because I will believe, and not 
by the immediate gift of God — not by the operation of 
his Spirit. It seems that is the only hold Satan has 
on my soul. But was not my first word (when seven 
years old) an invitation to believe? 

* "The weaned child shall put his hand on the cockatrice's 
den." To a mind less devoted than Mrs. Fletcher's, these specu- 
lations might be dangerous. They might lead to Antinomianism; 
which, as Mr. Wesley observes, (in the Minutes of one of the 
first Conferences,) comes, in doctrine, within a hair's breadth of 
the highest truths of the Gospel. Mrs. Fletcher, however, was 
preserved from this danger, and always found divine aid in the 
exercise of faith. By it she overcame. — Ed. 



236 THE LIFE OF [PART VI 

" Who on Jesus relies, without money or price, 
The pearl of forgiveness and holiness buys." 

The same is often applied to me now: and does not 
the whole Scripture lead to, and require believing? "Were 
not the Jews rejected for unbelief? Was it not esteemed 
hardness of heart in Israel because they would not be- 
lieve the bare promise of God, and so enter into the 
good land? I feel a continual power to trust my all to 
Jesus, and the more I trust, the more it unites me to 
God. Then I do, I will trust Him, though legions of 
temptations appear to hinder! What mercy! I have no 
temptation to sin! — no; my soul hates all that God hates! 
But every stroke is against my faith, as if I believed 
too much. I prayed the Lord to direct me to some book 
on the subject, and found, as soon as I rose from my 
knees, one which I never saw before, among my dear 
husband's collection. I opened it on this subject, — 
" Christ the example of our faith." The writer ob- 
serves on these words, "He is near that justifies me: 
who shall contend with me?" That Christ is brought 
in, as if uttering them before the high-priest's tribunal, 
when they spit upon, and buffeted him. When he was 
also condemned by Pilate; then he exercised faith in 
God his Father, "He is near that justifies me;" and as 
in his condemnation he stood in our stead, so in this 
hope of his justification, he speaks in our stead also, 
and as representing us in both. And upon this the apos- 
tle pronounces in like words, concerning all believers, 
(Rom. viii.) "It is God that justifieth; who is he that 
condemneth?" Christ was condemned; yea, hath died,- — 
who, therefore, shall condemn? We have this commu- 
nion with Christ in his death and condemnation; yea, 
in his very faith. If he trusted in God, so may we; and 
we shall as certainly be delivered. Observe, Christ also 
lived by faith. We are said (John i. 16.) to "receive 
of his fulness, and grace for grace," that is, grace an- 
swerable, and like unto his, and so among others, faith. 

"To explain this,-- -First.-- -In some sense Christ had 
a faith for justification like to ours, though not a justifi- 
cation through faith, as we have. He went not out of 



PART VI.] MRS. FLETCHER. 237 

falmself to rely on another for righteousness, for his 
own was perfect: He was • the Lord onr righteousness.' 
Yet he believed on God to justify him. and had recourse 
to God tor justification, He is n&k says he that jus* 

tifies me. If He had stood upon his own person merely, 
and upon his Divinity, there would have been no occa- 
sion for such a speech; but as He stood in our behalf 
there was; for what need of justification, if He had not 
been, in some way. exposed to condemnation? He must 
therefore be supposed to stand here at God's tribunal. 
as well as at Pilate's, with all our sins upon Him. And 
so Isaiah tells us in chap. liii. • God laid on him the 
iniquities of us all. He was made sin and a curse." and 
stood not in danger of Pilate's condemnation only, but 
ot God's too. unless He satisfied him for all those sins. 
And when the wrath of God for sin came thus upon 
Him. His fai h was pul to it to trust and wait on G 
for justification, that He might take off those sins, and 
His wrath from Him. and acknowledge Himself satis- 
fied, and the Surety acquitted. 7 : >fbre, in the 22d 
Psalm. He is brought in as gutting forth such ? feith as 
we here speak of. crying out. My God.' my God.' when. 
as to sense. His God had forsaken Him. Yea. at the 
sixth verse, we rind Him laying himself at God's t 
lower than ever any man did! / am a worm, and no 
man. a worm which all tread on. and no one thinks it 
wrong to kill; — and all this because He bore our sinsJ 
; * Xow his deliverance and justification from ail these, 
be given him at his resurrection was the matter, the 
business, sted God for: even that he should rise 

again, and thus appear acquitted from them all. Se- 
condly. Neither did he exercise faith for himself only, 
but for us also; and that more than we are put to it to 
exercise for ourselves: for he, in emptying himself and 
dying, trusted God with the merit of all his sufferings 
beforehand: there being- such a countless multitude of 
souls to be saved thereby to the em] of the world. God 
trusted Christ before he came into the world, and saved 
millions of souls upon his voluntary offering and en- 
gagement, and then Christ at his death trusted God again 



238 THE LIFE OF [PART VI. 

as much.* In Hebrews ii. 12, 13, 14, it is made an ar- 
gument, that Christ became a man like us, because he 
was put to live by faith, and the apostle brings in these 
words as prophesied of Him, — ' 1 will put my trust in 
Him,' as a proof of his being so constituted. Now how 
should the consideration of these things help us to be- 
lieve, since, in this example of Christ, we have the 
highest instance of believing that ever was. Hast thou 
the guilt of innumerable sins upon thee? Consider what 
Christ had, though not his own. Luther boldly says, 
4 Christ was the greatest sinner that ever was' — that is, 
by imputation. And yet he trusted God to justify him 
from all, and to raise him up from under the wrath due 
to them. Dost thou say, Christ was God, and knew he 
could satisfy; — but lam a sinful man! Well, but if 
thou art one who casteth thyself on Christ, and belie vest 
on him, thou art made one with Christ, and Christ' 
speaking these words, He is near thai justijieth, spake 
them in thy name as well as his own, for he stood in 
thy stead. It was only thy sins, and those of others, 
which exposed him to condemnation! and thou seest 
what his confidence was beforehand, that God would 
justify him. And if he had left any of them unsatisfied 
for, he had not been justified. But by his being justified 
from all sin, shall all sinners be justified who believe in 
him. Certainly for this very reason our sins shall not 
hinder our coming to God. He then brings in those 
Words, (John xvii.) 'For their sakes I sanctify myself, 
that they also may be sanctified through the truth.' 
Showing how we possess all spiritual blessings in Christ 
Jesus." 

I found a sweet and clear light shine on the above, 

* " Great is the mystery of godliness," especially in every 
thing 1 respecting* the Holy Trinity. Eternity will be employed 
in developing" the divinity and g"lory of our redemption. That 
the Father should become the>God of the Sox, by the incarna- 
tion! And that "God manifest in the flesh," should believe, 
obey, and suffer; and "through the Eternal Spirit," thus "offer 
himself a sacrifice to God," in the truth of the nature which he 
had assumed — What a depth is here! "Angels desire to look 
into it." The whole universe is interested in it, and will be af- 
fected by it for ever. — Ed, 



PART VI.] MRS. FLETCHER. 239 

and many other passages of the book; and praised God 
for the answer of prayer. In short, I felt we have all 
in Christ, — and that they feel it most who believe 
most! 

December 28. My soul seems entirely fixed on the 
glory of God! For some days that thought has been 
continually in my mind, O that I could really know that 
he did glorify himself on me!* If I was sure that all 1 
feel is according to his will, then whatever sorrow or 
conflicts I endure, I should have a continual heaven. 1 
entreated the Lord to show me what it was to glorify 
him; and in what manner the soul could bring him most 
glory. 

In a few days my prayer was in-part answered. He 
showed me, if a lamp was set in the middle of a table. 
and several crystals around it, some more, some less 
clear, that the clearest crystal would best reflect that 
brightness of the lamp. As to my question, Which 
were the souls that brought most glory to God? I was 
taught, that I must judge nothing before the time, for no 
true judgment could be formed till that day " when he 
should come to be glorified in his saints, and admired in 
all them that believe!" Then those who had been most 
emptied of self, most deeply humbled, and most' fully 
prepared to receive and reflect the image of Christ, 
should eternally bear the highest resemblance to their 
Lord. I saw all good, all glory was in Him, and nothing 
could bring honour to God, but our becoming nothing, 
that he might be all in all! I say, I saw it, but I mean 
in a far deeper sense than ever I did before! how 
short are words! I used to feel a pain in writing a diary 
because my words seemed to convey more than I meant; 
but now for some time I have felt just the contrary. I 
feel more than I can express. 

January 2, 1787. My mind has been yesterday and 
to-day, much affected with the thought of beginning a 
new year. This day five years I left Cross-Hall in 
company witn my dearest husband. O, what have I 

• The "unction of the Holy One," giving* a consciousness of 
our conformity tu the Son of God, and to his word, can alone be- 
stow or continue this high privilege. — Ed. 



240 THE LIFE OF [PART VI. 

seen in five years! And what may I see before the end 
of the two next? Those words have been much with 
me for some days, — "Stand still and see the salvation 
of the Lord." O that I may learn to do it in the mosl 
perfect manner! 

I am amazed at the goodness of the Lord in many 
things. I see him opening all my way before me day 
by day. He cuts out my work, and shows me how to 
employ every hour. My heavy affliction, which I con- 
tinually feel from the loss of my dearest love, I do find 
power to offer up each moment to the Lord! Yea, 1 
praise him in the midst of my sorrow that I have such 
a sacrifice to offer. What hath my Saviour done and 
suffered for me! 1 shall not repent when I get to glory 
that I have suffered a little for him. Though of all I 
have felt, nothing ever came near this! It has left the 
finest strings of nature bleeding! "But all is well. I feel 
my mind drawn to live on that word, — Thy ivillbe done. 
In that I rest, and will for ever rest. My soul, wait 
thou only upon God, for of him cometh my salvation. 
A deep watchful spirit is what I am praying and wait- 
ing for. I mean that continual cleaving to Jesus, wL.oh 
is implied in that word, — Thou wilt keep him in per j eel 
peace, whose mind is stayed on Thee. 

January 9. Thinking this morning of my temptation, 
that my feeling of God is not sensible, and consequent!) 
my joy but weak; — the following thought came to my 
mind, Do I not believe the whole world lieth in the 
wicked one, and that he leadeth them captive at his will? 
But was I conscious of his presence or power in any 
manner that could be called sensible? I was not. Do 
I not believe this 'was my own state? I do: I know I 
abode in the wicked one, and was led captive at his will. 
But I know I was in him, by the way and disposition I 
walked in. I walked in the way to hell, adding sin to 
sin; except when now and then a touch of God inter- 
fered. I walked in the disposition of loving and caring 
for life; I took my own care on myself, and sought my 
own happiness out of God. But I called all this follow- 
ing my reason, and my understanding, so that all the 
work of the wicked one on the spirit was invisible, and 



PART VI.] MRS, FLETCHER. 241 

hidden from me. Now the apostle says, "As ye have 
rendered your members servants to iniquity, so render 
them unto righteousness." Thus the work of God on 
the spirit is invisible, and hidden many times. Bat I 
have known the sensible deliverance, and the converting 
power; and now also he leads me in a way and disposi- 
tion just contrary to what I was — in the way to heaven, 
for I feel my treasure is there, though I seem to know 
only the marks of his feet. I feel my wishes dead to all 
of earth. I feel his will is my refuge! and as to my 
disposition, I long for full conformity to him. I live in 
an act of offering up my whole self to God almost every 
moment with a blessed degree of peaceful earnestness. 
And therefore I will rejoice in this. If I knew before 
lhat I was in the evil one, and led by his will, though 
I had only a hidden communion; I know now I dwell 
in God, and am led by his will, though I have not what 
some call °nsible joy.* But I seem to have given my 
hand to God, as a child to its mother, and he leads me 
hour by hour. The above thought was much blest to 
me. A sweet light shone on the work of grace in my 
soul* and I have since quietly leaned upon the bosom of 
my Saviour. 

January 10. All day yesterday my faith seemed to 
grow stronger, and more nakedly to hang on Jesus. Now 
and then also sweet glimpses of the glorious power of 
faith opened before me. I said, Lord, give me a word 
to be as a sword in my hand! Immediately it came into 
my mind, 

"I shall overcome through faith alone, 
And stand entire at last. " 



April 30. Having been called to take a journey, I 
often thought, while changing from place to place, and 
meeting with some things rather difficult, that I was as a 
ball which could never fall wrong. I left all to God, 
and- every thing came right. Yet my loss and painful 
remembrance of what the circumcising knife of death 

* How greatly was she perplexed on this point by the injudi- 
cious conversation of some of her friends, whom the Lord, for 
wise and good reasons, led in a way more directly sensible! — EcL 
21 



242 THE LIFE OF [PART VI. 

had done, seemed to be renewed by every scene. Herein 
I learned a lesson. Many had said, a journey would 
help me; variety of objects would tend to lessen my 
grief. But I did not find it so. My health was more 
poorly than at home, and sorrow seemed increased and 
not lessened, by all I met with. Nevertheless, I saw 
the will of God, and can say, he gave me to acquiesce 
every moment; and whatever my body m?ght feel, my 
soul gained good, and my faith is much increased by a 
thousand instances of the love and care of my adorable 
Saviour manifested to me in that season. Deep humili- 
ation attended me in all my exercises, public or private; 
and I know the journey was of the Lord. 

May 3. Since my return home, I have felt my soul 
sink deeper into God. Some time ago I was awakened 
with these words, 

" Give to the winds thy fears, 
Hope, and be undismay'd; 
God hears thy sighs, and counts thy tears; 
God shall lift up thy head." 

Two days ago I was stirred up with reading those 
words in Dr. Doddridge's life, "There must be an en- 
largement of soul before any remarkable success on 
others, and a great diligence in prayer and strict watch- 
fulness over my own soul, previous to any remarkable 
and habitual enlargement in my ministry; and deep hu- 
miliation must precede both." I cried for power to re- 
double prayer. I was afterward much tempted; but in 
prayer I saw how perfect a sacrifice Christ had paid to 
the Father for all my sins! I at this moment exult in 
the thought, 

" Fully absolved through this I am, 
From fear and sin, from guilt and shame." 

August 16. All this last fortnight has been a time of 
great trial to me; I think as deep as in the last year. 
Every hour presented some part of the awful scene. A 
few days before the anniversary of my dear love's death, 
I waked one morning out of a dream, in some measure 
spiritual, but could recollect }*H\e of it. I was thinking, 



PART VI.] MRS. FLETCHER. 243 

Will the Lord indulge me on that day with such com- 
munion with my dear love as he did on the last four- 
teenth of August? These words were then applied to my 
mind, 

"Be in all alike resign'd, 
Jesu's was a patient mind." 

From which I thought, I would not look for it; I saw 
the leading of the Spirit at this time was quiet resigna- 
tion. In that posture therefore I have held my soul 
before him: and on that day I did not find any such 
communion as on the former anniversary. 

December 8th. Sally being ill with a bad cough, 
which that morning seemed worse, -her head also much 
affected, and some fever, I asked of the Lord in sub- 
mission, her restoration. She scarcely coughed after- 
ward! Her head was no more affected, and she found 
herself, from that time, quite well! This particular an- 
swer to prayer raised much thankfulness in my heart. 

Lord Jesus! I ask in thy name to be made the temple 
of God through the Spirit! O Lord, in Jesus' name I 
ask, do all thy will! 

December 10th. For two days various texts have 
dwelt on my mind, relating to suffering; and yesterday 
an observation which Mr. Home made in his sermon 
was blest to me, viz. That those virtues were most va- 
luable, that most prepared us for suffering, because by 
that we were most conformable to our suffering Head. 

1 know not the cause, but my spirit has all day been 
much depressed. I am very poorly in body: and the 
sense of my separation from my precious love seems to 
enter as iron into my soul. But blessed be the Lord, it 
does not prevent me from following the order of my God. 

December 17th. These words were given me, wit)' 
some power, "With the Lord is plenteous redemption 
and he shall save Israel from all his sins." I have found 
some answers to prayer this week, and my soul is 
thirsting and waiting for the fulfilment of this promise. 
Lord, show me how I may be most perfectly pleasing 
unto thee! Desire increases in my soul; vet there is a 



244 THE LIFE OF [PART VI. 

want unsupplied. I long to know how to get into a full 
and close communion. 

It seems to me, since prayer this afternoon, that there 
is but this one way, a looking continually unto Jesus, a^ 
the Israelites to the brazen serpent, 

January 10, 1788. And do I see the beginning ot 
another year! I can still set to my seal, the Lord hears, 
and answers prayer. that this year may all be devoted 
to thee, my adorable Head. 

January 17. I was blest last night in what Mr. Home 
said of his former experience, That " He took those 
words, Pray without ceasing, in a literal sense, and strove 
every moment to be in the real act of prayer. Soon 
after he was brought into so spiritual a frame that 
wherever he went, he carried such a sense of the awful 
presence of God as cannot be expressed." O my Sa- 
viour, I want more of this! My soul has been kept this 
day going out after God; but I want a fulness which I 
cannot think but it is the will of God to give. These 
words are much on my mind, Let patience have its per- 
fect work. And, After ye have suffered awhile. He icill 
strengthen, stablish, settle you. I have strangely seen 
the hand of God in all things! Every thing tells me, 
the hairs of my head are numbered. Yet I cannot rest 
till I can more fully glorify my God. Lord, increase 
my faith! 

January 29. My way is the way of heaviness. There 
is a weight of sorrow lies on my spirit; I cannot account 
for it. Others have much joy; I have but little. My 
dear husband used to express the same thing; but Oh! I 
did not then understand him. Had I but now the advan- 
tage of his dear company, how different a use could I 
make of it! Then I had him to flee to in every trouble, 
and " Cares by dividing were hushed into peace." Now 
I remember he used to say, " What others were satisfied 
with, he was not." And really so it is; for I am sure I 
have more of God than I had then. And yet I was then 
quite satisfied very often;- — and had I kept the presence 
of God, as I now do, I should have called it walking in 
constant peace. But Oh! I want a clear passage into 
the heart of my Beloved! I think I can truly say, "I 



PART VI.] MRS. FLETCHER. 245 

wrestle not with flesh and blood," I feel no temptation 
to any sin. But I am fiercely attacked with weights of 
sorrow, and thoughts that like barbed arrows tear my 
heart. 

This day I have covenanted afresh with the Lord, to 
try what a total abandonment will do. From this day, 
(four o'clock in the afternoon, January 29,) I abandon 
myself without reserve, delivering up myself into the 
hands of God, to the end that He may execute on me 
His whole will, whether in the way of justice or mercy. 
I will embrace all sufferings of every kind; though I 
should see that they are the consequences of my former 
sins, or present follies. Yea, I am thine, my Jesus, 
save me! If thou wilt not save me, I am ]ost for ever! 
But I will singly trust in Jesus! I will turn to no other 
for help. I have long tried what creatures could do, but 
all in vain. Now I will renounce all reasonings — all 
reflections on my state; and only fix the eye of my soul 
on Jesus, always content with what thou givest me, 
Lord, though it should only be a bare remembrance of 
thy presence, and an alacrity to meet thy will; and this 
Thou dost give. The strongest desire of my soul is, 
that Thy will may be done in me. 

I was blest to-day by an observation in a spiritual 
writer — " Not to come out of abandonment, in the ex- 
treme pains through which we pass, is something; but the 
not coming out of repose in this abandonment, whatever 
trials we may pass through, in all the rough paths where 
we may tread,-— this it is which is very precious in the 
sight of God."* Again she observes, "Like as he who 
is in a ship moves not himself, but leaves himself to be 

* This high attainment in the divine life may not be easily un- 
derstood, as expressed by this "spiritual writer." The inspired 
writers express it with the utmost plainness and simplicity. It is 
indeed the being* saved from all self-will, and in consequence, the 
resting* every moment in the will of God. It is thus only we can 
"rejoice evermore, and in every thing- give thanks." The faith 
by which we are thus saved can only be sustained by "praying" 
without ceasing";" as Kempis finely expresses it, " To thee is my 
heart without a voice, and my silence speaketh unto thee!" Such 
is the victory g"iven by "Christ's dwelling" in the heart by faith." 
Ephesians iii. 17. — Ed. 
21* 



246 THE LIFE OF [PART VI. 

moved by the motion of the ship in which he is; so the 
heart which is embarked in the divine good pleasure, 
ought not to have any will of its own, but leave itself 
to be carried by the will of God." 

February 12. This morning, in my hour of prayer, 
I had some sweet glimpses of the all-sufficiency of 
Christ. He bore the whole weight of my sins before I 
had committed one; yea, before I was in being He made 
a full, perfect, and sufficient sacrifice, oblation, and satis- 
faction, "for the sins of the whole world." Again, 
I had a feeling sense of these words, "He is made 
of God unto us, wisdom, and righteousness, and sancti- 
ncation, and redemption." I was led much to cry for a 
strong and powerful faith, and for deep humility. I 
find, on reflection, I love to be abased, yea, I embrace 
contempt as with open arms: but I do not promptly ac- 
quiesce, when the trial presents itself. I rather start 
back,* and only embrace it in the second thought. 
Therefore, I am not so sunk into Christ as to be fully 
a new creature. Lord, grant me this, and I shall have 
an incontestible evidence of what thou hast done! 

Feb. 28. Thursday. On Tuesday night, as one was 
saying, " I do not desire to look on myself at all, I only 
want to look at Jesus Christ, for when I look on myself 
I reason." I felt it come with power to my heart, and 
ever since I have felt a further lift in faith. 

April 3. Last Friday Mr. Wesley came. It was a 
time of harry, but also of profit above any time I ever 
had with him before c I could not but discern a great 
change. His soul seems far more sunk into God, and 
such an unction attends his word, that each sermon was 
indeed spirit and life. In preaching on the Trinity, he 
observed, it was our duty to believe according to the 
word of God; but we were not called to comprehend: — 
that was impossible. Bring me, said he, a worm that 
can comprehend a man, and I will show you a man that 

* We ought to feel a repugnance, yea, " an abhorrence to that 
which is evil. 33 But this should be attended with resignation to 
the Lord. In this abhorrence, and in this resignation, " the mind 
of Christ" principally consists, and they were constantly man> 
fest in the whole of his blessed life and conduct. — Ed. 



PART VI.] xMRS. FLETCHER. 247 

can comprehend God. He observed, that if three can- 
dles were burning in a room, the light was but one.* 

Many answers to prayer I found during the season 
they were here, and though my body is now too weak for 
any hurry, yet all was ordered well, and we were car- 
ried through with tolerable ease, and every opportunity 
was blest to my soul. 

Yesterday I heard that dear Mr. Charles Wesley died 
on Saturday last! O, how often have we, in years that 
are past, taken sweet counsel together! It has left a deep 
solemnity on my spirit. 

April 11. Last night I felt a peculiar liberty in prayer, 
in begging for mercy in behalf of my friends in Swit- 
zerland. It seems to me it will be answered through 
my nephew. He grows in grace, and at some seasons 
appears to enjoy very deep communion with God. 0, 
how shall I praise the Lord for his great goodness and 
abundant faithfulness to his poor creature! 

May 2. I often wish I had more time to attend to my 
diary: such wonderful answers to prayer are given to 
me, as ought to be recorded. 

" Why should the wonders he hath wrought 
Be lost in darkness and forgot?" 

May 15, Monday. It is amazing how the Lord an- 
swers prayer. I have written letters (I may say in 
faith,) about this preaching-house, and have met with 
success beyond all expectation. If we can but. get the 
ground, all will be well. I do think the whole hundred 
will be made up before -we strike one stroke. On Sa- 
turday evening, considering these words, "Nothing 
shall be impossible to you," I acted faith on the Lord for 
spiritual blessings,— for that fulness I longed for. I prayed 
that I might have the next day a better Sabbath than 
common, and so it was. In the morning meeting I found 
a further degree of resignation, and entire confidence 
in Jesus; and in that spirit I passed the day, during 
which I had to encounter such a variety of encumbrances 

* O that men were satisfied thus to believe, and wait upon the 
High and Lofty Ojte, that they might comprehend, in it* glorious 
effects, the doctrine of the sacred Three! — Ed. 



248 THE LIFE OF [PART VI. 

and trials, as were quite uncommon. This encouraged 
me much. Both Mr. Home's sermons were blest to me. 
and the noon meeting was attended with an extraor- 
dinary power. I rind it best to carry every thing to Je- 
sus, and draw ail from him. determined to believe that 
he who hath undertaken my cause will not leave his 
work imperfc 

June 11. For some days I have h: sight 

of the perfect Saviour than ever in my life before! I 
was much blesl in msidering the type-;. brazen 

serpe:::. The following ol hernia 

a book which fell into my ban i . res- 

sion on my mind. First, "I: may seem 
a serpen: should be an .miable and d ; :- 

like Redeemer; — at 1 ses's iei vol if poi- 

son, and had no he form 

serpent. aess : 

sinful flesh/ but an r to the venom of sin. 

Again, it was a men: . ire sole. i and 

appointed of God. W ve thought : hat k :- 

ing at a dead serpent, and of 
the bite of a living one! 

some affirm, that the sight rnished is natu- 

rally pernicious to those f serpents, 

that to look on the shape nous creature, in- 

creases the tonne >f tappy sufferers who are 

bitten by the: . the metb . >very ; 

the cross of i which claims G . m- 

self for its divine auth :; whole m 

Gospel salvation is, 'To them wnx perish. >hness, 

but to those who believe it is : :- wisdom 
the power of God." Secondly, _ was a method : 
that never failed; being- no less sure tfa 
an Israelite died, as Mos j us. wh :ed at 

the brazen serpent: and who were -' '-. mfounded that 

trusted in Christ? Thirdly, : method ::' 

easily put in prs : by an Isi yelue. If he ret eive 
his wound in a remote part of the c: :: .. : . was :: i 
ill to draw near, yet if he turned his eye and looked :.: 
the serpent lifted up for him, it was enough; he was 
healed! Fourthly, it was a remedy that might be re- 



PART VI.] MRS. FLETCHER. 249 

peated as often as there was occasion for it. So * Christ 

is the propitiation of our sins,' to whom we may war- 
rantably have recourse as often as we are wounded, and 
in every time of need. Fifthly, it was a remedy that 
proved effectual, though the sight of the wounded person 
was ever so weak. So weak faith is saving in its de- 
gree, as well as strong, because the object is the same." 
I had such a clear view how all our wants were supplied 
by Jesus as I cannot express. Yes,~He. has atoned for 
all our sins; He has "reconciled us to God while we 
were yet enemies!" But we must look to, and trust in 
him alone; and we may look every moment. The fol- 
lowing day, Sunday, as also Monday and Tuesday, I 
had much outward exercise, but was carried through all 
as in the arms of the Almighty. 

July 16. I was this day led to consider the advantage 
of living longer, if the Lord should not take me at the 
time sister Ryan's dream seemed to point out, viz. the 
beginning of next year. This subject I set myself to 
consider, lest any murmuring thought should present it- 
self in the disappointment. First, if I should live, it 
must be the will of God, and is not his will dear to me? It 
is true, I may have much more to suffer, but is not that 
suffering the will of God? Perhaps I can serve God's 
children, both their souls and bodies;— and did not my 
Lord absent himself from the joys of heaven to become 
a man of sorrows for me? Not is it to be despised if I 
can thus help my Lord's people by my income. Mr. 
Baxter says, "Do good to men's bodies, if you would 
do good to their souls. Say not, things corporeal are 
worthless trifles for which the receivers will be never the 
better. They are things which nature is easily sensible 
of; and sense is the passage to the mind and will. Dost 
thou not find what a help it is to thyself to have at any 
time ease, or alacrity of body; and what a burden and 
hindrance pains and cares are? Labour then to free 
others from such burdens and temptations, and be not 
regardless of them." Indeed, I see it a great honour if 
I am permitted to sweep the dust from under the feet 
of the saints. Ao-ain, I believe there is a mansion ap- 
pointed for each, a state and employment for which we 



250 THE LIFE OF [PART VI. 

are to be fitted. It does not appear I am fitted for the 
lowest mansion there: but then I know my Jesus can 
do the work of a thousand years in one day, and I know 
I may, as my righteousness, claim the Lord my Saviour. 

August 5. Last night I had a powerful sense, in my 
sleep, of the presence of my dear husband. I felt such 
sweet communion with his spirit as gave me much 
peaceful feeling. I had for some days thought that I 
was called to resist more than I did, that strong and 
lively remembrance of various scenes both of his last 
sickness, and many other circumstances which frequent- 
ly occurred with much I ught being present 
to my mind, I Look vi.h a most sweet 
smile, "It is said I, my dear love, 
to forget one anotl wit! an inexpressi- 
ble sweetness, "It is better to forget; it will not be long; 
we shall not be parted Long; we shall soon meet again." 
He then signified, though not in words, that all weights 
should be laid aside. His presence continued till I 
awoke. 

Augusi 15. Last night was the anniversary of my 
dear husband's death. Three years I have now passed 
in solemn awful widowhood; but, dory be to my God 
I have found it three y yer. Never did I know 

three years of such s d ad never did I know 

three years of such prayer. Sometimes I have sweet 
glimpses of the miUenial state br< _ : my soul. 

At others, my way seen - thorny, and li I walked 
wholly I y faith, like my dr^sso of th sr. * Yet 

I am conscious oi si w nt a more 

abundant evid 3 y 5 ' at "all things 

are become new." I - i my .- t s 

remembered the season, for 1 most particular 

dream, 1 thought f his. -toml was opened. 

(I mean the wall on p s he iron s lies, and I saw 

him lying ruder it, wY N y : : ■'::.?. We remain- 
ed so a considerac ind I fe I that sweet tranquil 
composure 'hat I ■ so when he seems sensibly 
present He *ken said with a sweetness which I cannot 

* See page 105. 



PART VI.] MRS. FLETCHER. 251 

describe, — "Put thy arm over me, and feel what com- 
panions I have; they must be thy companions too." I 
put my arm and felt bones and broken coffins, at which 
nature seemed to shrink, but I did not speak. He ten- 
derly answered to my thought, " Thou wilt lay thy head 
upon me." I felt some regret at the thought of his be- 
ing there. He again answered to my thought, "I en- 
tered this habitation with great comfort and satisfaction." 
Then I thought two gentlemen came up, and stood by 
the tomb, and said one to the other, "It is a pity Mr. 
Fletcher was laid here: it would have been better to 
have carried him to Mr. Ireland's vault." My dear love 
looked on them and answered, "There was no need of 
that. We count it our privilege to be laid together, and 
we ought to count it our privilege both to rise from one 
spot." 

August 28. All this week my soul has been drawn 
out after that promise, "He shall baptise you with the 
Holy Ghost and with fire.' 5 Indeed it is a narrow way, 
I seem fighting with principalities and powers, but, bless- 
ed be God, I do not seem ever to be fighting with sin. 
Yet I am not at rest: I am not entered into perfect 
rest. I can say, "I wrestle not now, but trample on 
sin;" but I want what I have not, and which I firmly 
believe I shall have. Yet when I think death is near, 
I seem almost impatient for that fulness, that I may be- 
gin to live to my God in the full sense. 

January 1, 1789. I feel my soul affected much at the 
thought of seeing the beginning of another year. Per- 
haps this will be the last with me. May I live 
each moment, as if I were sure it would be so! Lord, 
be with us in renewing oar covenant this night! I have 
for some time, been praying for an enlightened under- 
standing in divine things; and light has reflected more 
clearly on the wonderful work of redemption. These 
words are sweet to me, "In the Lord I have righteous- 
ness and strength!" The account I have received of 
my dear Mrs. Caley's death is precious. She was not 
in high rapture, but in profound tranquillity and peace. 
Such has been her life, and such her death. Lord, let 



252 THE LIFE OF [PART TI. 

me follow her as she has followed thee!* Nurse Peters 
also has reached the goal. Glory be to thee, my dear Lord, 
that I had the honour of sending her that one guinea, 
and to have her last message, — that "It helped her to 
praise Thee more abundantly." O how many dear 
friends have I on the other side the river! And I too 
am on the wing, only I wait a little till the Lord renew 
my spiritual strength — 

" 'Till of my Eden repossess'd, 
From self and sin I cease." 

January 7. I have been reading over some of my old 
diary, and found it much blessed to me. It brought to 
my mind many past scenes, which increased faith and 
thankfulness; also, it cast a clearer light on my present 
state. Comparing my present state with that I felt at 
Hoxton, I can truly say now I not only feel all the 
purity, all the spiritual-mindedness, and all the resigna- 
tion I did then, but in many things I prefer my present 
dispensation to that. Yet my soul is not satisfied, for 
I see a far greater salvation before me. In short, it is 
not the gift, but the full possession of the Giver, my spirit 
longs for. 

* Mrs. Caley, well known in that day in London, was a woman 
of the most devoted spirit, and of the most elegant and polished 
manners. She drank deeply of the cup of affliction, but rejoiced 
evermore in the will of HIM who gave it to her. Mr. Wesley 
preached her funeral sermon, in London, from Philippians iv. 8. 
"Finally, brethren, whatsoever thing's are true, whatsoever 
things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things 
are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of 
good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, 
think on these things." He declared that he never knew one 
who thought more upon this divine assemblage of graces, or with 
more success. Speaking of her loving and unwearied efforts to 
win souls for God, he quoted that line of Prior, 

" Manna was on her tongue, and witchcraft in her eyes." 

Nurse Peters was also well known in London. She was a plain 
good woman, of admirable sense, and deep experience in reli- 
gion. It is with great pleasure that I embrace this opportunity 
of embalming the memory of those excellent women by uniting 
them to that of their admirable friend. — Ed. 



PART VI.] MRS. FLETCHER. 253 

March 6. Last Sunday, as I went to the Lord's table, 
I renewed my covenant, determining to consider Jesus 
more immediately as the husband to whom I am joined 
in every sense of the word; — as he who hath undertaken 
all for me. Since that time, I have more particularly 
found my soul abiding in his presence, and he every 
moment carrying on the work of purification. The 
great promise of my life on which he hath made me to 
hope, is that given me when eighteen, " Thou shalt walk 
with me in white." and repeated in these words, " Thou 
shalt walk with me in white; I will make thee worthy." 
The posture of my soul is that of a poor beggar before 
the Lord, holding before him that petition, "Lord, ac- 
complish to me the word on which thou hast made me 
to hope!" 

"Wednesday, March 24. Yesterday dear Mr. Wesley 
left us in apparent good health. What a miracle is he! 
Eighty-six years old, and thus supported! He is going 
directly to Ireland, and thinks to visit &&ery society 
there this summer. The Lord preserve him ana ac- 
complish all his will upon him! As he was speaking on 
Monday, on these words, " God has not given to us the 
spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound 
mind." What an unction attended the word! O may 
we never, never rest till fully restored to that perfect 
soundness he described' 

April 11. This Lent I have found a deep sense of the 
sufferings of my Lord. Yesterday, being Good Friday, 
we had a solemn meeting at night, but I did not find quite 
as much life in speaking as at some times. The men 
(many of them with families.) who are come to work at 
the navigation lay much on my mind. We ought to do 
something for their souls. Lord, open the way! let 
them not go without some light at least. 

April 27. My soul is all upon a stretch for God. 
Last night and this morning, as I was repeating in 
prayer, Thy will be done! my words were lost. I felt 
the desire of his adorable will being done so strongly, 
that I was forced for some time only to groan. I am 
continually led to offer lip my free will to God. I long 
to be as mere clav before him. I plead that word on 
22 



254 THE LIFE OF [PART Vf 

which he hath made me to hope, " Thou shalt walk with 
me in white; I will make thee worthy." Yet my faith 
hath a strange drawback; something would suggest, that 
it only meant in eternity, and that I should never glorify 
him here as I longed to do. Were I to die immediately, 
this would not be so great a trial; but my health is now 
much better. I thought I saw the port, but I seem put 
back again; and perhaps I may live some years. And 
must I always live at this poor rate? My very heart and 
soul seem to groan for a closer communion with my 
God! At some moments (I think every day) I feel as it 
were a sweet rest; I seem centred in Jesus. But in a 
few minutes it draws in again, and then I seem to be 
always believing and longing, but yet without any im- 
mediate answer. It is true, faith does not fail; it is in 
constant exercise, and often seems to hope against hope. 
But all this I would not mind. Though Naaman was 
made whole in seven dips, I would not mind if the Lord 
made me dip seventy times seven. But my grief lies 
here, I am condemned, often once or twice a day, for 
some word, or thought, or action — chiefly in words. In- 
deed the condemnation does not seem to be from the 
Lord, as if it would come between my soul and him. But 
I see I have spoken unadvisedly with my lips, and I can- 
not bear the horror of the view. There are some per- 
sons with whom I have.much business to transact, who 
do not see alike, or cordially love one another. In some 
things both are right, in others both are wrong. I have 
this connexion at present two ways, personally, and by 
correspondence, and I find it a hard thing to bear my 
testimony against that which is wrong, and to approve 
that which is right in both, and yet neither to write nor 
speak but exactly so far as truth and love requires. O 
that I may from this day see, as in letters of blood, be- 
fore my eyes continually those w r ords of the apostle, 
"He that orTendeth not in tongue, the same is a perfect 
man, able also to bridle the whole body." Ah, Lord! 
how far am I yet from this perfection! 

April 29. 1 had some liberty in prayer three times 
to-day, the most in the three o'clock hour in the room, 
I was praying for a clear discovery of the grace or state 



PART VI.] MRS. FLETCHER. 255 

I might ask for and expect. It came before me as a 
representation of Christ as the vine, and of my soul as 
being a branch ingrafted therein. Then I saw clearly 
that every believer was a branch in him, in part united; 
but when the branch is perfectly united, it is absolutely 
a part of the vine. The sap runs freely through every 
part, it is completely of one nature with it. Then the 
mind is in us which was also in Christ. We live no 
longer, but Christ liveth in us, and are preserved from 
moment to moment by faith. Now if any knot or im- 
pediment were in any of the branches, it would hinder 
the free circulation of the pure sap through it, and that 
branch would wither, and in a degree be barren. Hence 
I saw sanctification in a clearer light than ever. It is to 
be perfectly ingrafted into the vine; to have no impedi- 
ment remaining to hinder the flow of the sap, and while 
the soul thus abides by faith, it brings forth much fruit, 
and experimentally knows the meaning of those words 
of St. John, " He that abideth in Him sinneth not." 

April 30. My soul hath been led to-day to look at the 
wondrous love of the Father! "He spared not his own 
Son: he so loved the world as to lay on him the iniquity 
of us all" — and " shall he not with him freely give us 
all things?" 

June 4. Satan is striving hard to draw my mind back, 
but I have found this day a liberty to commit my whole 
cause into the hands of God. I feel a strong encourage- 
ment from these words, Every one that asketh receiveth. 
I ask in Jesus' name to be made a holy soul! O that all 
this day I may be kept and directed by the Lord, and 
walk as in his immediate presence. O for that mind that 
was in thee! 

June 26. Various providences of late, have more and 
more convinced me of the need of a further change. I 
have it at times; but something arises that seems selfish; 
and again, like anger for a moment, which though never 
abiding, clearly convinces me I have not yet entered 
fully into rest. I long to be all devoted to my Lord, and 
to bring glory to him by every power. 

July 6. At the class, as I was saying, — It was not 
any peculiar or sudden comforts, that so tended to th$ 



256 THE LIFE OF [PART VI 

soul's sanctification, as a constant abandonment and re- 
signation of the whole soul, with every concern, into 
the hand of Jesus; I felt in a moment such an insight 
into the love, faithfulness, and wisdom of Christ, as I 
cannot describe. O the security I saw in abandoning 
my soul to him! It was for a minute glorious indeed 
I kept looking, but it drew back, as if a curtain was for 
a moment drawn up, discovering some glorious scene, 
and then gradually let down again. But it has left an 
increase of confidence. O could I always feel what I 
felt just then, it seems to me it would be a real heaven, 
and banish all sensibility of fear and suffering. It was 
what I never felt before in that degree. 

July 15. I had some liberty in prayer this morning, 
as also at the ten o'clock hour. I found a blessing also 
in reading Mr. Whitefield's account of the dealings of 
God with his soul, written on board the ship in his way 
to Philadelphia. He prayed for the humility of Jesus; 
and observes, — "From my first awakening to the divine 
life, I felt a particular hungering and thirsting after the 
humility of Jesus Christ. Night and day I prayed to 
be a partaker of that grace, imagining that the habit of 
humility would be instantaneously infused into my soul. 
But as Gideon taught the men of Succoth with thorns, 
so God taught me humility by the exercise of strong 
temptation." I was thus led to consider the point; and 
though I clearly discerned the same workings of Provi- 
dence over myself, how often have I been led to pray 
more for humility than for any other grace, because by 
nature it is the virtue I am the. most contrary to; but in 
my deep affliction, I now discern, this was the Lord's 
way. There have been many seasons in which, through 
pride, imprudence, sin of various kinds, I have brought 
great humiliations on myself; — and even where they are 
caused by our own sin, if they are borne with subjec- 
tion of spirit to the corrections of God, they work in 
the end for the salvation of the soul. But at the season 
I refer to, that of the death of my dear husband, although 
it really seemed I spoke and acted in an upright spirit, 
and am now conscious how tender my heart was with 
the fear of offending, yet I said and did many, very 



PART VI. ] MRS. FLETCHER. 257 

many, unwise things, which tended to lessen me greatly 
in the eyes of others. how needful for me to lie still 
in the hand of God, making it my only business to ac- 
cept of every thing as from the Lord's hand, hanging 
on that word by faith, Thou shalt walk with me in 
zvhitel I am convinced that the most profitable of all 
humiliations, are those that arise, through His grace, 
from a view of our own blunders, and even from our 
corruptions. 

September 14. I have been much drawn to pray, that 
the great design of the Lord's coming may be answered, 
That he may destroy the icorhs of the devil. I see, 
through his grace, my understanding is darkened. I ask 
in Jesus' name this work to be destroyed;— for by the 
knowledge of Christ alone can I be changed into his 
likeness. I see Satan raises false fears, false views, and 
wandering imaginations; — I ask deliverance from all 
these !* My soul lies before the Lord in a waiting pos- 
ture: in particular I ask power to consecrate the faculty 
of speech to the service of my God, so that I may never 
again speak an unadvised word. 

September 15. Last Saturday (September 12,) I was 
fifty years old. O my God, how little have I gained of 
Thee in fifty years! Lord, let this be a jubilee year to 
me! I will try what prayer can do. Lord, give me a 
measure of that spirit in which Thou didst spend whole 
nights in prayer! Never was I more stript, more empty! 
I have no dependence but on Thyself. I long for close 
communion. My soul pants after it. I have wonder- 
ful answers to prayer! And I feel that my humiliations 
do me good. Yet I do not embrace them as I ought to 
do. It is perhaps a minute before I rightly enter into 
the gracious design. When I look to the Lord, all is 
right; — but I want such an habitual look, as shall enable 
me to receive them as a hungry man does his food! not 

* It is not clear that those great and precious promises, by which 
we are made partakers of the divine nature, secure to believers such 
a deliverance from these attacks, that they should not trouble 
them, and at times, even agonize the soul. But they secure to 
them such an abiding in Christ, that none of those devices should 
prevail to unsattle their faith, or separate them from his love. — Ed. 

22* 



258 THE LIFE OF [PART VI. 

only to take up, but to glory in the cross of the Lord 
Jesus. I seem to walk much more by faith than by 
sight, - My soul seems to go out in desire and silent 
prayer. ' I am mostly in the act of crying, Come! But 
there seems silence on the side of the Lord! He does 
not answer by sweet comforts, only by power over sin, 
purity of mind in a good degree; and an almost con- 
stant act of sacrifice.* I love His will, bitter or sweet, 
but I want Him as the bride in the Canticles, to kiss me 
with the kisses of His mouth, for His love is better than 
wine. 

September 16. This morning at the ten o'clock hour, 
I had freedom in praying for an entire change. I thought, 
— My situation as to outward things, is the most advan- 
tageous to a religious life that can be. I have no cares; 
indeed I have no need of care. I have plenty of all 1 
can want. Sally, though a tender child, is one of much 
ability; laying herself out to serve and please me in ali 
things. Matty, my other servant, of a most quiet and 
peaceable spirit, and rigidly honest and faithful. Blessed 
be God, her soul also comes forward in the divine life. 
Reflecting on this, I drew from it the following encou- 
ragement:— If I am thus favoured, is it not plain the 
Lord designs me to be one of those who are brought 
into close fellowship with himself? May 1 not attain to 
a fuller salvation than when involved in all my perplexi- 
ties? My heart was encouraged. I thought on those 
'rords, "Men ought always to pray, and not to faint." 
Again, "I am come that they may have life, and that 
they might have it more abundantly." My soul longs 
for this more abundant life. Lord, pour out on me thy 
light and truth, and make me, in a complete sense of the 
word, a new creature! I was led to think of the fa- 
miliar manner in which our Lord conversed with tire 

* And was there no divine comfort in all these glorious marks 
and fruits of the new creation? There was. Comfort high as 
heaven, and which hell can never imitate ! far superior even to 
those sweet consolations which are so graciously bestowed on 
young converts, and which some sincere souls so greatly need 
throughout the whole of their pilgrimage — the lambs that he car- 
ria in his bosom. — Ed. 



PART VI.] MRS. FLETCHER. 259 

women and his disciples after his resurrection. He met 
them and said, " Ml hail;''' (i. e. happiness attend you,) 
and bid them "tell his brethren he would see them in 
Galilee." Probably on Mount Tabor, where his glori- 
ous transfiguration was manifested before them: and 
where they heard the voice of God, declaring him "the 
beloved Son whom they were to hear." They were 
also commanded to "tell the vision to no man, till the 
Son of man should be risen from the dead." The thought 
struck my mind,— perhaps in this very assembly they 
were first to tell it! All this encouraged me greatly. 

October 5, Monday. This has been a day of recollec- 
tion and prayer, glory be to God! I have had some 
views of the great designs of God on his redeemed; how 
through the Son, He will form his own bright and glo- 
rious image in us. We are appointed to be conformed 
to the image of the Son,— and is He not the express 
image of the Father? A little glimpse of what the Sa- 
viour is, and will be to me, now and then for some time 
beamed forth, and set my soul in a longing posture. Yet 
it is but like seeing through the lattice, I long to know, 
whether what I see before me, and grasp after, may be 
attained in this life, or must I die to prove it? O my 
divine Director, my Prophet, speak and tell me! This 
is all that keeps me back, not knowing what I may ask, 
having been so great a sinner. Something says, I shall 
not fully enter into the good land here.* To-day I was 
reading those words, "In the last day Jesus will pre- 
sent himself as judge, to angels, men, and devils." I 
asked myself, Do I embrace with all my soul, Jesus as 
my judge? My heart sprang at the thought! Yes, my 
adorable Judge! I choose thee with all my powers; — I 
acquiesce beforehand in thy sentence, be it what it will: 
yea, and in all Thou shalt appoint from this moment to 
that time! Many times to-day these words have been 
my food, "The Lord God Omnipotent i-eigncth 1 .' 1 

October 6. I was ill most of last night, but was re- 

* Certainly not the good land of perfect enjoyment; but "the 
gt>od land of perfect love," inducing* perfect submission, and 
prompt obedience, we may enter into this day. See Mr. Wes- 
ley's sermon entitled "The Scripture Way of Salvation." — Ed* 



260 THE LIFE OF [PART VL 

collected, and had a sense of undeserved mercies. Re- 
flecting to-day on that point which hath so often hindered 
me, viz. Some say when we have sinned we should wait 
for a fresh pardon, a fresh sense of it. before we believe. 
I prayed for light how to walk in my present state; and 
the following reflection arose in my mind. I feel my 
will is turned to the Lord. He who knows all things, 
knows. I long, I pant, to love him perfectly, and to live 
every moment 10 his praise, with the full exertion of my 
powers. But sometimes, when I am waiting before God, 
it is suggested, I have indulged in the last meal, or, I 
have spoken unadvisedly at such a time. These things 
have kept me in bondage lonu. But to-day. I clearly see 
ray one business is to maintain faith. How is it that the 
soul is ever received after any fail- Is it not at last by 
believing Christ hath atoned for that sin? Now I feel 1 
could, on the recollection ol any stumble, immediately 
fly to. and weep on the bosom of my Lord. But thai 
thought has presented Am I not an Antinoinian- 

But I will no more take man, but the word of God for 
my director. What were my Lord's words to Peter? 
'•I have prayed for thee that thy faith fail not.'' So 
then hi? faith ought no: to fail, though he denied his 
Lord with oaths and curses! And what a word was that, 
when his Lord foretelling his fall, added. --And when 
thou art convened, strengthen thy brethren." "What 
tenderness was showed unto him! He wept bitterly, 
but he still claimed his interest in his Saviour, for he 
ran to the tomb to seek him. And how did our Lord 
wipe away his tears! He was seen of him before any 
of the eleven. 1 Corinthians xv. 5. He was the first 
preacher at Pentecost. The first messenger to the Gen- 
tiles. An angel must wait on him to bring him out of 
prison; and at last he received the crown of martyrdom. 
Did not Christ on the cross foresee, and die for all my 
sins before I had a being? Did he not pay the price for 
all? But it is only mine by believing. Then if I always 
believe, does not that word belong to me, "There is no 
condemnation to them who are in Christ Jesus, who 
walk not after the flesh but after the Spirit."* It is true, 

* See the note in the 235th pag-e.— Ed. 



PART VI.] MRS. FLETCHER. 261 

if the will and affections draw back, the soul will find 
it hard so to believe as to return to the former fellow- 
ship. And yet there is no way for them but by believ- 
ing. The case I mean is, — I see it my privilege to live 
always under the atonement; and though I do wrong, 
and fall short continually, yet I may and must run di- 
rectly to my God, just as I did with my husband. If 
he said, Polly, thou shouldest not have said or done so; 
I asked his forgiveness, and had no fear of his loving me 
the less. Nay, usually I found more tenderness when I 
acknowledged my fault, than before I fell into it. That 
word also came to my mind, "Blessed is the man to 
whom the Lord will not impute sin. 55 And again, "If 
thou canst believe, ail things are possible. He that be- 
lieveth is justified from all things." 

October 31. These words have made a great impres- 
sion on my mind of late, When one of the scribes asked 
our Lord, "What he should do to inherit eternal life?" 
He replied, "What readest thou in the law?" The 
scribe answered, "Thou shalt love the Lord thy God, 
with all thy heart, and mind, and soul, and strength; 
and thy neighbour as thyself." Our Lord replied, 
"Thou hast w r ell said; this do, and thou shalt live." I 
discerned a fulness in this passage which I never did 
before, and all my soul cried for the possession of that 
spirit of love, to which this absolute promise of life is 
made. Many times I have observed in prayer, or at 
some peculiar seasons in other means, such a spirit of 
purity, humility, and love, has overwhelmed my soul, as 
is hardly to be expressed. At other times, the divine 
glory appeared but dim. I saw at once the cause. At 
the former times, the soul turned from every intervening 
object, and sunk into her proper place, discerning the 
immense distance between a holy God and sinful self. 
Then she begins to shine in his brightness. Her light 
is come, because The glory of the Lord is risen upon 
her. But if she rises out of her deep absorbment, and 
lets in self-esteem, what wonder if she then reflects the 
odious image of sin, instead of the beauty of the Lord 
Jesus. I perceived also, that there is a great difference 
between humble thoughts and despairing thoughts. Hum- 



262 THE LIFE OF [PART VI 

ble thoughts, though they may cause much pain by the* 
horror and detestation which they cause the soul to feel, 
yet they exalt the Saviour, and make the soul admire the 
justice as well as the mercy of God. But despairing 
thoughts, injected by the devil, drive the soul from God, 
and represent him as "a hard Master, gathering where 
he hath not strewed." The faithful soul will find many 
such attacks, therefore the safest way is continually to 
give up herself to the Lord, crying — Thy will be done! 
That is a weapon Satan cannot stand against. 

November 12. This day, being the day of our mar- 
riage, many painful remembrances would present them- 
selves to my mind. Each year I wrote 4i We are happier 
and happier!" But I feel a great thankfulness, that I 
have such an offering to bring to Him who gave up ail for 
me! Yes, I praise thee, my Lord, that thou hast done 
thine own will, and not mine! At ten I took my hour 
before the Lord, and felt some power afresh to dedicate 
myself to Jesus, — entering into a marriage covenant with 
him. A light shone on my soul to discern how the hus- 
band hath undertaken the whole cause of the wife, and I 
saw both body and soul safe in his hands. I then en- 
treated my adorable husband to take all the freedom of 
my will into his own hand;— and, as we say to the sur- 
geon, bind me, (for an operation,) so I entreated my Lord 
to conform me to himself in any way that he pleased; — - 
only that he should be glorified. A thought again pre- 
sented itself — What if, in eternity, it be His will that I 
should neither know nor have any communion with my 
dear husband? I was enabled to answer, Lord, thy glory is 
all in all to me! I felt that he should choose for me 
And I was enabled to give up soul, body, life, death 
time, and eternity to Him, and covenanted to live on hi, 
will alone! And henceforward, I will consider this daj 
as my wedding-day with u*e Lord, holding my deai 
husband in him. whose so»i I know will have joy in 
heaven upon every nearer ai>proach which I make to his 
Saviour, and my Saviour!- his all and my all! 

November 14. After I hM spent some time in prayer 
this morning I felt an increasing freedom in imploring 
that the whole mind of Christ might be brought into my 



PART VI.] MRS. FLETCHER. 263 

aoul. Those words are much in my thoughts, "Be ye 
not afraid, neither doubt, for God is your guide. " 2 Es- 
dras xvi. 75. Lord, increase my confidence! I saw how 
impossible it was to have union where there was not 
similitude; and my cry was, Fulfil that word, O Lord, on 
which thou hast made me to hope! Make me deem 
through thy word! and present me to thyself without 
spoil Afterward, reading the life of Ignatius Loyala, and 
especially what pains he took, and what labour he went 
through to gain souls, I could not but be struck at the 
glaring difference between him and me. One day, having 
taken a step he believed to be his duty, but which caused 
him both pain and ignominy, — and being rebuked by a 
friend, he replied, "I should not object to traverse all 
the streets of Paris barefoot, with horns on my head, and 
clothed in the most ridiculous habit, could it but gain one 
soul to God."* The conviction immediately struck me, 
that all I wanted was to be filled with the love of God, 
and mat would produce every effect in its proper order. 
Lord, let my incessant cry be for this! O give me this 
most excellent gift of charity! 

January 7, 1790. And now another year is gone, and 
I am so much nearer eternity! Yes, my faithful Saviour! 
1 will rejoice in the thought, because thou art faithful, 
and I do believe for the fulfilment of all thy promises: 
they are yea and amen in Thee, on whom I rely. I be- 
lieve I shall ivalk with thee in white! O carry on thy 
work! I long to be just what my God pleases. 

In the last month I have had a peculiar experience. I 
was often tempted to think, that the deadness I felt to 
all earthly things might be produced by my great afflic- 
tion on account of my dear husband's death, and I was 
.sometimes damped by that thought in my ardour of 
praise. But a few weeks ago. I was permitted to feel 
all the temptations I ever felt, except resentment, and I 
was conscious I could fall into the same desires of com- 
fort on earth from which I had been so long delivered. 
My soul was grieved exceedingly; yet strano-e! I seemed 
nearer to God than before! I was amazed, but these 

^ • Pious Protestants well know how to appreciate this. True 
pietj is of no sect: it is truly catholic— Ed. 



264 THE LIFE OF [PART VI. 

words came to my mind, "Know that from Jesus alone 
is your salvation." I cried to the Lord that he would 
graciously prove it by removing the temptation, and so 
it proved. Glory be to my complete Saviour! It is now 
like a dream, but I know and feel the divine reality. 

I seem to be surrounded with blessings, and see such 
a care of the Almighty over all that concerns me, as I 
cannot express. Sally had been very ill, but raised 
again in answer to prayer as by miracle. My house is 
a sweet rest, and "a secret place in the wilderness to 
hide me in." Many storms are without, but none can 
touch me. I seem hid from all the evils of which my 
letters inform me. I have peace within, resting in hope; 
and peace in all my borders* I have communion with 
my friends above, and none below can harm or injure 
me. As to temporal things, — I inherit now, (and have 
done some years,) the fulness of that promise, given to 
me in my deep poverty — "Thou shalt be the head, and 
not the tail: thou shalt lend, and not borrow." It is 
amazing how many I can help both b}* lending and giving: 
and when I made up my book this last Christmas, I was 
surprised to see on how little we had kept the house, 
and how large was the poors' account;* yet a little is al- 
ways left to go on with. He does bless my bread and 
ray water. I want for nothing. I live better than I 
think I need, and yet, according to the promise, I have 
always plenty of silver, 

January 13. Two days ago, a gentleman and his wife 
came to see me from a considerable distance. He told 
me that for two years he had walked in the full liberty 
of the sons of God. But for the last eight years he had 
been in the darkness of unbelief. I was led to speak 
freely on the way of faith; and mentioned an instance I 
had lately heard of a good woman, who, when in prayer, 
her eyes being shut, had a sight of Paradise, where she 
saw our Lord as sitting in the midst of the glorified 
spirits. There proceeded from him such beams of pu- 
rity, light, and glory, as penetrated them till they were 

* In an account for one year, I find the whole expense of her 
wearing apparel amounted to a trifle more than two pounds. — Ed* 



PART VI.] MRS. FLETCHER. 265 

all irradiated, and shone with his glory. She saw also 
the same glory stream down on the saints below, and 
they, ,in the same manner, keeping their eyes on the 
Lord, were divinely changed. But when any of them 
turned away their eyes, they received his beams no 
longer. The same glory still shone round them, but 
they complained of being barren and dry, and that they 
could get no answers to prayer. I observed that I 
thought this was his case. If we keep faith in exer- 
cise, we shall and must receive, for we may have of 
God, what we will take of him. As I spake, I said in 
my heart, if this is the truth as it is in Jesus, Lord, set 
to thy seal! And so he did, for the power of God came 
down on the gentleman, and constrained him to cry out, 
O, now I feel it again! I feel the power of God go 
through me! When I came into this room, my heart 
was as hard and as heavy as if the whole world lay on 
it. But now it is all gone, and I feel the power of God 
penetrate my whole frame. His wife also was much 
affected, and I trust the blessing will abide. 

January 25. A dream which was told me the other 
day by S. Colley was blest to me. She thought she 
was surrounded with dangers, but looking up, she saw 
a large eye always fixed on her, which much encouraged 
her faith in an overruling Providence. Then she thought • 
she got into a river, and began to sink. It was very 
deep and clear, and she was much afraid; but looking 
down, she saw this great eye underneath her, which 
caused such a faith to spring up in her soul, that she 
laid herself down on the water with as much comfort 
and ease as if upon her bed. She felt she could not 
sink with the power of the Almighty underneath her. 

January 27. My soul was yesterday and this day 
much drawn out in prayer. Those words are often be- 
fore me, "None knoweth the Father but the Son, and 
he to whom the Son is pleased to reveal him." 

I long for this revelation. I feel it is, in its fulness, 
the thing I want. Thus only St. Paul's prayer can be 
answered, Ephesians iii. 14—21. O for this revelation 
of thy love! I wait for it moment by moment. And 
thou sayest, "They shall not be ashamed who wait for 
23 



266 THE LIFE OF [PART VL 

Thee!" I wait for the salvation "which shall be brought 
in at the revelation of Jesus Christ." 

February 11. The seventh of this month, (on which 
was our quarterly meeting,) I found it a good day. My 
soul saw the way of faith, and felt a degree of that li- 
berty which from believing flow^s. At our class on 
Tuesday night, we agreed to unite our prayers the en- 
suing week for power over imaginations, (2 Cor. x. 5.) 
especially during the time of prayer, and, blessed be 
God, I find some answer. 

February 26, Friday. I have found this a comforta- 
ble day. While talking w T ith brother T. the way of 
faith was more~ and more beautiful in my eyes. In prayer 
I had a sweet discovery of the depth contained in those 
words — "Whatsoever things ye ask in prayer, believe 
that ye receive them, and ye shall have them." Yes- 
terday I proved that truth. I asked in the name, and in 
the right of my Lord, that his will might be done with- 
out interruption in me all day; and that I might be kept 
and taught in every word and action, and enabled to 
abide as in the presence of God. And though I had no 
sensible joy, yet I found the power of God keeping me, 
and approving me, each moment since that time. I have 
been poorly in body, but I so see the hand of God in 
all, that I seem like a little babe held in the arms of its 
mother. As brother T. was speaking, I saw the way of 
enjoying pure love clearer than ever. O, wherefore did 
I ever doubt? According as I believe, so it is! Surely 
of late the Lord is increasing my faith, and teaching me 
anew to walk with himself. Mr. T. observed, that 
" God brought his children through different dispensa- 
tions, sometimes of sorrow, sometimes of joy. That 
it was our part to trust him in all, believing all would be 
right in its season; and equally accepting either correc- 
tion or comfort. God knew what he was about to do 
with Job, and Job had only to lie still under the hand 
of God; for a time was coming in which God would 
surely lift him up. He had no need to plead his own 
cause, for he was safe in God's hand, who was then 
making him a spectacle of glory before angels and devils; 
though to man he appeared very different." 



PART VI. 1 MRS. FLETCHER. 267 



J 



June 26, Saturday. I am much led this morning to 
pray for a resigned will, to stand to the beck of my 
Lord with a ready mind. Yes, he shall do with me and 
mine as seems to him good. Company in the house is 
a great cross; they consume much time, and the serving 
tables seems to clash with my Sabbath employment. 
But in this also, thou, my Lord, shalt dispose and direct: 
only give me a watchful mind, and then set me to en- 
tertain all the strangers thou pleasest. I know not what 
blessed angels may come with them as their attendants, 
and I will keep to my old motto, — 

" O that my Lord would count me meet 

To wash his dear disciples' feet! 

After my lowly Lord to g-o, 

And wait upon his saints below; 
Enjoy the grace to ang*els given, 
And serve the royal heirs of heaven!" 

But I see there needs a determination to be singular, 
Some professors, when they have company in the house, 
sit chatting with them all day. This I must not do. It 
was one of the first lessons God taught me, to keep to 
my rules of retirement; to do my business, as to wri- 
ting, visiting the sick, meeting the classes, &c. leaving 
them to their freedom, and taking mine. One part of 
my work must not overturn another. 

August 14. What have I seen within these five years! 
This day five years my beloved was on his death-bed. 
But how is it with me now? I answer, and from the 
ground of my heart, " It is well." I have nothing to 
do but to praise! I love him at this moment as much as 
ever I did in my life; but I love the will of God still 
better. Yes, I adore thee, my almighty Saviour, that 
thou hast done thine own will, and not mine! And that 
my dearest love has been five years in gflory. O that I 
might be permitted to feel a little of what he now is, — 
lost and swallowed up in Thee! Lord, are we not one? 
" The head of the woman is the man, as the head of 
the man is Christ;" and "whom God hath joined toge- 
ther none can put asunder." Adam and Eve w r ere ne- 
ver intended to be separated: and shall sin so overturn 



268 THE LIFE OF [PART VI. 

thy original design, as that it cannot be restored by the 
Saviour? Surely, no! As thou hast taken away the sting 
of sin, so thou hast taken away the smart of separation 
We are yet one; and shall I not feel a communication 
from thyself passing through that channel? Lord, make 
me spiritually minded! — " meet to partake of the inherit- 
ance of the saints in light." 

August 24. My soul is much stirred up by ihe thought 
that I have lost time more than any one that has really 
walked in the ways of the Lord. It seems to me that 
I begin to see a fulness in the word of God, — such a 
depth in the promises, that I have been looking hitherto 
only for the first principles of Christianity. O for that 
baptism of the Spirit! That sanctifying grace! It seems 
as if I wanted the Lord to come and take away the last 
breath of nature's life! I see a great deal in these words, 
"The kingdom of heaven is at hand." The kingdom 
of abiding " righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy 
Ghost." Surely that is "the kingdom of heaven," of 
which our Lord said, That the least member of it " was 
greater than John the Baptist." Lord, bring me into 
that liberty! I ask it in the name of my Saviour and 
Advocate. 

Last night I prayed that I might not have so disturbed 
a night as I have found of late, but that the Lord would 
keep away those hurrying dreams which often disturb 
the quiet repose of my spirit. And it was so; I found 
a difference. About the middle of the night I saw my 
dear husband before me. We ran into each other's 
arms. I wished to ask him several questions concerning 
holiness, and the degree to be expected here, &c. But 
[ found something like a dark cloud on my memory, so 
that I said in myself, I cannot frame the question I 
would ask; I am not permitted. At length I asked, My 
dear, do you not visit me sometimes? He answered, 
"Many times a day." But, said I, Do not "princi- 
palities and powers" strive to hinder you from commun- 
ing with me? He said, " There is something in that " 
And does their opposition cause you to suffer, in coming 
to me? He answered, " There is not much in that." 
But do you know every material thing that occurs to 



PART VI.] MRS. FLETCHER. 269 

me? " Yes." And may I always know that thou art 
near me, when I am in trouble, or pain, or danger? He 
paused, and said faintly, " Why, yes;" then added, " but 
it is as well for thee not to know it, for thy reliance 
must not be upon me." He mentioned also some in 
glory who remembered me, — and said, "Mr. Hey is 
with us also, he bid me tell thee so, and by that, thou 
mayest know that it is I that speak to thee." Mr. Hey 
died a short time before, very happy in the Lord. 

September 14th. As I was in prayer about ten to- 
day, a thought came into my mind, God is incompre- 
hensible; but we are called to walk by faith, therefore 
I am to believe what I cannot comprehend. And O, 
~what sweet condescension did I see in that stupendous 
goodness! He took our nature that we might be able to 
form some conception of him. He stooped to me, to 
lift me up to himself. " God so loved us as not to spare 
his own Son. Then will he not with him freely give 
us all things?" I see clearly, it is the infinite desire of 
the blessed Triune God to communicate himself to the 
creature. Ah! why is it then I do not enjoy more of 
him? 

September 17. I was much struck with the compari- 
son of the sun drawing up the vapour, and purifying it 
as it draws. As I was walking to the Lloyds I thought 
much on it, and said in my mind — how shall I know, 
and coincide with this attraction? Immediately it came 
to my mind, by that word, "Thy will be done;"' — by 
this resignation we instantly enter into the attraction, 
whatever state we were in before:* and by a simple 
look to Jesus, a waiting on the Spirit to do its office on 
us, we continue therein. Lord, give me so to wait 
every moment! I was comforted in my visits yesterday 
morning, and again to-day. Glory be to God, souls 
come forward, and I have been enabled to walk about 
more this summer, than for a long time. Lord, make 
me to be as a leaf to the wind before thee! ready to 
obey all thy will. Great liberty and power I have found 

• But the call to "repent and believe the Gospel" must be 
first obeyed. — Ed, 

23* 



270 THE LIFE OF [PART VI. 

for some months, both in public and private meetings. 
O, what a favour to be permitted to speak a word in thy 
name! 

September 22. I was thinking to-day. ^Yhat is sin? 
It is a turning out of the presence of God, and departing 
• from union with him; drawing back from the attraction." 
While that is kept up, no sin is imputed. Many blun- 
ders may be made; but while the heart keeps attached 
to Jesus, cleaving to him by faith, these words stand 
good, "There is no condemnation to those who are in 
Christ Jesus.'' The will being still fastened to his cross, 
all that is wanting is a closer attention to the Spirit. 
Then these blunders would be rectified. My one con- 
cern must be, to keep in this presence of God. lying be- 
fore him as clay, and he will do ail his will in me. 

September 30. I have found it on my mind some 
time, that something more should be done for the souls 
in the lower part of the town. We have had preaching 
there, and prayer-meetings, and yet they seem ail 
and cold. Sally thought of several persons, and we got 
the names of twenty-eight families. We both laid it 
before the Lord, considering that our good class, which 
meets on the Tuesday night, were all raised at first 
inviting them to a meeting. We proposed to do the 
same with these. But Sally did not feel freedom to 
meet them. At night, in prayer, the Lord laid it on 
mind to take this meeting also. Therefore she and I 
set out in faith, determining to call on as many as my 
strength would reach. We saw much of the Lord all 
the way. I have got a promise from all we have asked, 
which is fifteen. We visited many more, but did not 
see the time come to ask them. We have many stil 
go to. I have appointed ten o'clock on Tuesday ;._ 
for this new meeting. The Lord pour his bless: 
it! I was pleased to find some old ones, on whom my 
dear husband had spent much labour, seemingly without 

* St. John tells us, M Sin is the transgression of the law; the 
law written in the heart/ 1 or recorded in the word. But Mrs. 
Fletcher evidently means, How does sin revive in those believers 
who were dead to sin? In this view of the question, the remarks 
that follow may be profitable. — Ed, 



PART VI.] MRS. FLETCHER. 271 

fruit, now begin to feel, and they attend the public 
meetings.' 

October 8. The following observation was blest to 
me as I read it this day, " There is among men here on 
earth an almost infinite diversity of gifts, talents, know- 
ledge, inclinations, &c. The scale of humanity rises 
through innumerable steps, from the brute man to the 
thinking man. The progression will continue no doubt 
in the life to come, and will preserve the same essential 
relations: or in other words, the progress which we 
shall make here in knowledge and virtue, will determine 
the point from whence we shall begin our progress in 
the other life, or the place we shall there occupy."* 
What a powerful motive to excite us to grow continually 
in knowledge and love! The Judge of all will render 
to each according to his works; according to the use he 
hath made of his talents; and to him who hath, shall be 
given. It follows that the degree of perfection acquired 
in this life, will determine in the life to come the degree 
of happiness or glory which each individual shall enjoy, 
Certainly, the degrees of glory will be as various as the 
degrees of holiness has been; and therefore we have the 
clearest reason to suppose there will be an eternal ad- 
vance from one degree of perfection to another. One 
degree of acquired holiness will lead to another. And 
because the distance between created beings, and the 
uncreated Being, is infinite, they will tend continually 
towards supreme perfection; though without ever ar- 
riving at it. 

November 12. My soul has for some days been in a 
particular exercise. But I was enabled not to regard 
the violent suggestions of the enemy. I strove to pass 
over, or through the thoughts, as they presented them- 
selves, and took refuge in the Lord. O, how important 
it is not to give into one thought! The least turn of the 
eye of the mind may be sufficient to let in the tempter. 
It has been an amazing trial! Truly we wrestle ivith 
principalities and powers! In the midst of it the Lord 

* This may be admitted, if the blood of Christ have previously 
removed all guilt. — Ed. 



272 THE LIFE OF [PART VI 

said, I have redeemed thee: thou art mine! Sometimes 
it seemed as if I had lost all strength. I could not feel 
condemnation, and yet I would fain have condemned 
myself, for I hardly knew what thoughts were my own, 
and what were injected. But, strange to say, during 
this season, though I almost trembled to speak for God, 
my words seemed to be attended with more than com- 
mon profit to others! Lord, awake the spiritual powers 
of my soul! This day I have been renewing my solemn 
dedication to the Lord. On this day I took my dear 
husband, now in glory! And I will ever consider it as 
my day of marriage with the Lord. 

January 1, 1791. Last night I found much desire that 
I might awake so as to devote the first breath of the 
n.ew year to the Lord; and 1 found it in some measure. 
Between five and six I got up, and read the Psalms for 
the day, but did not find any thing particular, except 
that word, which has remained on my mind, "Salva- 
tion belongeth unto the Lord, and his blessing is on his 
people!" My soul is waiting on him, and my expecta- 
tion is alone from him. 

April 20. The posture of my soul is, I still wait in 
full reliance that the Lord will do his whole will upon 
me. Souls come forward, and it seems as if every one 
grows faster than I do. T am much pained that I do not 
feel more under the means. It seems as if the word 
preached had a more powerful effect on others than on 
me. Lord, why is this? Reading is to me the greatest 
of means, except private prayer. I think the Lord is. 
giving me to see myself in a clearer light than ever. 

July 13. Mr. Valton's* visit I have found blest to me. 
His word came with power; and while we were talking 
together of faith, I felt my soul refreshed. O, how 
clearly could I see the way for him! and that all his 
trials arose from his not believing more; from his not 
claiming the privilege of his state. Just then 1 saw 
clearly for myself also. O my Lord, let thy light ever 
abide! God is faithful to do for us all we trust bun for. 

* A travelling" preacher, and a member of the Methodist Coiv 
ference; now with God. — Ed. 



PART VI.] MRS. FLETCHER. 273 

Well, I trust to be kept from all sin; from ali departure 
from God; and I find it is to me according to my faith. 
Last night at the intercession 1 was not able to speak 
one word, having such a hoarseness as I never had in 
my life before. I once attempted to pray, but could not, 
so I was silent all the rest of the time. I looked on the 
congregation, who were all expecting me to speak to 
them, and could not even say. I love and pray for you. 
And it may be, the Lord is about to take this power 
from me. My eyes fail; my hand is weak with a rheu- 
matic pain, and I can write but little. My feet fail; I 
can now walk but a short way. My breath is short, 
and if my voice be also taken, then I have no more to 
do, but to care for my own soul and others in silence. 
Well, I am quite content, and am as willing to be silent 
as to speak. O thy dear will, my Lord, let it be done 
for ever! 

July 15. Reading Mr. Yaltoivs experience, I was 
yesterday much struck to see the difference between him 
and me, and my soul has this morning received a fresh 
conviction to offer up every thought in a deeper manner 
than I have ever done. Lord, thou art faithful to keep 
that .which is committed unto thee. I here commit my 
every thought, with all the powers of my imagination. 
Lord, keep them in one constant going out after thee! 
August 11. This has been a very solemn week to me. 
It was six years last Friday since my dear love bes;an 
to be ill. This year, each scene falling on the same 
day of the week, as well as the year, brings ail afresh 
before me. Last Sunday was the awful day in which 
he took his last leave of his church and people, and 
began to die in their immediate service! It was our 
quarterly meeting at the Wood. I was in full exercise 
all day, and felt my spirit deeply resigned, and a good 
deal drawn out in the Lord's work, though it was a suf 
fering time. Each day I have passed through every 
scene, and had some calls to take up other crosses, and 
to be much employed for the Lord. I feel he sustains 
me, and gives me io say and feel, Thy will be done! 
Last Lord's day I felt a stirring up in my soul, with an 
encouraging hope, that I should yet bebrought into a 



274 THE LIFE OF [PART VI. 

closer walk with God than ever. Yesterday was a day 
of more than common recollection. I seemed to bear 
in mind the nearness of Jesus, and felt all good come 
from him. I find we have nothing to do but keep unit- 
ing our mind to him by faith and love; and if we keep 
the tree of life, we shall be sure to have each fruit in its 
season. 

August 17. Last Sabbath was the day which closed 
the sixth year of my dear love's inheritance in glory. 
I had many outward calls all day in the work of God, 
and found support and comfort therein. 

" What cannot resignation do* 

It wonders can perform! 
That powerful charm — Thy will he done! 
It lays the loudest storm. M 

November 15. It is a great cross, this change in our 
ministry. Mr. H. going away, now we were so settled, 
is a trial. Lord, undertake for lis, and order in the way 
thou pleasest. Only let me do as my dear husband ever 
did, sink under every humiliation and cross, and rise by 
all nearer to Thee! I long to be more abundantly the 
temple of the Holy Ghost. I feel it is a narrow way. 
But O, keep me ever under the atoning blood. I cast 
me thereon, — I rest alone on Thee! 

I shall now make a few observations. First, I must 
observe, I have been led all the way through my pil- 
grimage by an exercise of faith, in a very particular man- 
ner. Two great promises have been ^iven to me, on 
which the Lord hath made me to hope. One, in which 
spiritual and temporal blessings are united; and the other 
relating wholly to spiritual things. The first was sealed 
on my heart, in a time of particular trial, at Layton- 
stone, "If thou return to the Almighty, thou shalt be 
built up; thou shalt put away iniquity far from thy ta- 
bernacles. Then shalt thou lay up gold as the dust, and 
the gold of Ophir as the stones of the brook; yea, the 
Almighty shall be thy defence, and thou shalt have 
plenty of silver. Thou shalt decree a thing, and it shall 
be established unto thee; and the light shall shine on thy 
way." This promise hath supported me through the 



PART VI.] MKS. FLETCHER. 275 

rough path in which I was called to walk. But the 
words of the apostle, impressed on my mind when I was 
seventeen years old, viz. "If she have lodged strangers; 
if she have brought up children; if she have washed the 
saints' feet; and diligently followed after every good 
work'' — the Lord has enabled me also to attend to. After 
all my wanderings, I am returned to the Almighty: and 
he hath built ?ne up. Iniquity, glory be to God! is put 
far from my tabernacles. My beloved nephew is 
brought to the Lord. My family are pious and upright; 
nor have I any thing to lament under my roof, as dis- 
pleasing to God. My prayers seem to have free access 
to the throne, and the speedy answers amaze me! I 
wished for a large commodious place for the people to 
meet in, as their number greatly increases, and though 
it seemed impossible, it is now accomplished. I wished 
for a hundred pounds to build a meeting-house at the 
Bank, remembering how much my dear husband desir- 
ed it. Laying it before the Lord, that word was again 
applied, " Thou shalt decree a thing, and it shall be es- 
tablished unto you; and the light shall shine on your 
ways." I subscribed thirty pounds, and have now the 
whole sum ready before the ground is prepared to build 
it on. I desire nothing, in earth or heaven, but for the 
glory of God. I feel the Almighty is my defence, and 
to confirm my faith in spiritual things by temporal, he 
does give me great plenty of silver. 

The other great promise of my life was, — "Thou 
shalt walk with me in white; I will make thee worthy." 
Lord, how far is that accomplished? O! shine on thy 
poor creature, and let me clearly discern and make 
known the work of thy hand! Thou art the author of 
all good. 

That salvation I experienced at Hoxton, was certainly 
a drop from the living fountain, — but I had not then a 
full discovery of sin. Since that time, O what a depth 
of iniquity, what huge mountains of ingratitude, have I 
mourned over! I once thought I could not set down 
on a level with the greatest outward sinners. In repeat- 
ing those lines, 



276 THE LIFE OF [PART VI. 

" O might I as the harlot lie, 

At those dear feet transfixed for me!" 

I have stopped and thought, — I fear I am not right. I 
cannot feel myself the chief of sinners, I cannot re- 
pent of the sins which (through preventing grace) I have 
not committed. But, alas! the sight I have had of in- 
bred sin; the base departure of my heart from a close 
walk with God; and the depth of self and pride I have 
there discovered, is in my eyes more dreadful than out- 
ward transgression. I have sometimes looked on those 
sinners universally despised by men, and felt in my 
heart that I preferred them to myself, while the depth of 
" that carnal mind which is enmity against God," strug- 
gled for the mastery. In these conflicts of soul, how 
often have I thought, If I did but know there was as 
great a sinner as myself before the throne, who never- 
theless had been here filled with the fulness of God, 
after all that they had felt and done, it would bring a 
heaven into my breast! How often have I wept over 
those words, 

" If so poor a worm as I 
May to thy great glory live!" 

I feared, though the Lord was gracious, that I must not 
look to be saved, except as by fire; and that I should 
never bring that honour to God which my soul desired. 
But now, glory be to God! that fear is done away. I 
seem to have forgot myself! I am wholly taken up with 
Jesus! The more I look at him, the more my faith in- 
creases. He applies to my heart these words, "The sin 
of Jacob shall be sought for, and there shall be none; 
and the iniquity of Israel, and it shall not be found." 
He hath shown me the way to rise above the mountains 
of inbred sin. He has enabled me in hope to believe 
against hope, and so come nearer to our great pattern, 
" the father of the faithful, who staggered not at the 
promises, but was strong in faith, giving glory to God!* 

# O that all who feel their spirit oppressed in beholding these 
mountains would take this way! How soon would they all sink 
into a plain! — Ed. 



PART VI.] MRS. FLETCHER. 277 

He is the Author and the Finisher of my faith!" Yes, He 
will make us worthy. I sink into nothing, and look at 
the Lord my righteousness , and I feel those believing 
views are transforming views; and the more entirely I 
abandon myself into his hands, the more permanent is 
my peace. 

I now praise the Lord, "that where sin hath abound- 
ed, grace doth much more abound." The clear light I 
have into the mysteries of redeeming love, causes my 
strains of praise to run the higher. Yes, they shall love 
him most, who have most forgiven! I do not know that 
I ever feel my will and affections depart from Him. I 
feel a childlike simplicity; and a purity, which, it seems 
to me, my very outward person must express. Yet, I 
am always committing blunders, and even showing 
roughness; when really there is nothing but love. I 
used to feel just the contrary. I used to strive to act as 
a Christian; but it was a constraint; and though, by 
the power of God, I kept within the line, yet it was not 
free and natural. Now I often feel, if I could be turned 
inside out, I should bring more glory to God than I do. 
But that there still should be these blemishes in my de- 
portment, deeply humbles me, and for inward and out- 
ward defects I cry, 

" Every moment, Lord, I need 
The merit of thy death!" 

One day, lamenting before the Lord that I did not in 
my conversation more adorn the truth; — it was brought 
to my mind, that gold must be kept in the fire, till pu- 
rified from all dross; and that even then it would be lia- 
ble to be sullied. For that, however, a rub would suf- 
fice. This was very different from the purification it 
needed at first. I must ever be ashamed before Him! 
And if any one ignorantly ascribes any thing to me, it 
gives me a pain I cannot express. Yet I think that word 
is more exemplified in me now than when I was at 
Hoxton, (though I then used the same expression in a 
tower meaning) "I live not, but Christ liveth in me." 
I now, however, discern such a vastness therein, that 
I am constrained to cry out, 
24 



278 THE LIFE OF [PART VI. 

"A point, my good, a drop, my store, 
Eager I thirst, I pant for more!" 

I am not led to speak much of my state; I am more 
drawn to a quiet waiting on Jesus; but on this occasion, 
I feel a call from the Lord to give my last testimony to 
his faithfulness. I sit at my Saviour's feet. "I am poor 
and needy, but the Lord careth for me!" Therefore 
"I am not afraid for any evil tidings, for my heart 
standeth fast, believing in the Lord." I think I discern 
the near approach of dissolution, and am daily made 
sensible of decay.* But swelled legs, short breath, and 
other morbid symptoms, give me no dreary prospect. 
The will and order of God is my choice, in whatsoever 
way it manifests itself. Sometimes it is suggested, that 
I shall be called to endure great conflicts in death, both 
outward and inward. Well, I have no care about it. 
Once I wished to be able to express some joy in death, 
in order to encourage those I leave behind. But now 
I see things in a different light. My life hath been a 
life of backsliding and unfaithfulness. I know not there- 
fore what kind of death will bring most instruction to 
others, and most glory to God. All is in His hand, and 
all my prayers are lost in this, "Father, thy will be 
done." I feel a bleeding wound from the loss of that 
dearest and best of men. But I am conscious he is not 
dead! No; he that "believeth in Jesus shall never die." 
And the will of God is so dear to me, I rejoice it is 
done; though against my tenderest feelings. He is 
wise, and I kiss the rod. I admire and adore! I have 
communion with my dearest love before the throne! He 
waits for, — he beckons me away! I rest in the will of 
God; and at this moment 

" Not one wave of sorrow rolls 
Across my peaceful breast." 

I have found of late much comfort in those words, 

INFINITE WISDOM! INFINITE POWER! INFINITE LOVE! O 

• How true is that word, Life is yours, and death is your* — all 
shall be ordered for your good! She lived twenty-four years af- 
ter this time. — Ed, 



PART VI.] MRS. FLETCHER. 279 

my God! thy infinite wisdom swallows up all my choice! 
Thy infinite power forbids my fear! And thy infinite 
love makes all my own! 

And now I know this day in my heart and in my soul, 
that, "not one of the good things hath failed me, of all 
the Lord my God hath spoken!" Therefore looking for 
salvation and victory alone "through the blood of the 
Lamb, and the word of our testimony," I conclude with 
Simeon's words, "Lord, now lettest thou thy servant de- 
part in peace, for mine eyes have seen thy salvation." 



*m OF THE SIXTH FART. 



PART THE SEVENTH. 



Extracts from her Journal 

We have now gone on with Mrs. Fletcher, from the 
time when, in early youth, she obeyed that call of God, 
" Come ye out from among them, and be ye separate, 
saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I 
will receive you, and be a Father to you, and ye shall be 
my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty." — We 
have seen her, like the great father of the faithful, "go 
forth and follow the Lord, not knowing whither she 
went." We have seen her pass through the wilderness 
of cares and fears, and sorrows, "leaning upon her be- 
loved;" not forgetting, however, his warning voice, 
"remember Lot's wife." We have beheld her wading 
through the depths of self-knowledge, made manifest by 
the law, and the painful process of which is so strikingly 
displayed in the seventh chapter of the epistle to the 
Romans. We have travailed with her in birth, while she 
groaned, oppressed with the " carnal mind," yet, thank- 
ing God, and not despairing of deliverance, "through 
Jesus Christ our Lord." We have anticipated the vic- 
tory, while she encouraged herself in the Lord her 
God. We have seen her struggle, not in vain, till the 
opening heaven, displayed in the eighth chapter of that 
glorious epistle, claimed and received her wkole heart! 
We have seen this divine process continue, without any 
of those unscripiural abstractions, or subterfuges, which 
hare obscured or deformed "the work of the Spirit," in 
other devoted souls. What remains, but to see if she 
carried her blessings through the trials of her remaining 
years? — If she maintained the same undaviating path? — 
If she held fast simplicity and love in all her intercourse 
with her fellow-ereatures? — If she continued to "deny 
herself daily, and take up her cross?" — If she persevered 
to the end of her race, " trusting in the Lord, doing good 
tinte) all, and especially to the household of faith/' Aj* 



PART VII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 281 

extract from her journals, which are very copious, will 
furnish us with a clear, and, we hope, not a tiresome 
answer to these very important questions.— Ed. 



January 1, 1792. This has been a solemn day. At 
ihe sacrament, I gave myself afresh to the Lord. At 
night we renewed our covenant; — My soul strove for a 
perfect dedication. It is the last time, I suppose, that 
Mr. and Mrs. Home will be with us, on this occasion, 
which added to the solemnity.* 

Friday, 6. A day of solemn prayer in many parts of 
it. Yet much temptation and distraction at others. 0! 
how does my soul long for the full union. I feel a fixed 
reliance on Jesus, and an increasing desire after him. 
" O, tell me, Thou whom my soul loveth, where Thou 
makest thy flock to rest at noon!" I long after Thy me- 
ridian brightness. This day ten years I came first to 
Madely, and my dear husband led me through the house. 
We prayed together, and gave ourselves up into the 
hands of the Lord. What have I seen since that time! 
Well, blessed be the Lord, I am nearer to Him, and 
more free to serve God, both inwardly and outwardly, 
than I was that night. But, I want to be a meet par- 
taker with my dear, dear, holy husband now in light! I 
want to feel a fuller degree of the spirit in which he lives! 
Lord, thou hast said, " Whom God hath joined together, 
let no man put asunder." Are we not still one? Thou 
knowest, O Lord, our union was far more in the Spirit 
than in the flesh; and 

" Can death's interposing 1 tide, 
Spirits one in Thee divide?" 

Surely no. O then make me " a partaker of the inheri 
tance of the saints in light!" 

7th. Received to-day a striking conviction how care- 
ful I ought to be not to expose the fault or infirmity of 
any one. I want so to love my neighbours as to feel 

^ * Mr. Home, curate of Madely, was then preparing* to gt) to 
Sierra Leone, as chaplain to that settlement. — Ed. 
24* 



282 THE LIFE OF [PART VII. 

all their concerns as tenderly as if they were my own 
When I err in the least from this, I feel the Lord's re 
biAe. 

12th. A day of recollection. I prayed last night, tha* 
1 might not offend with my tongue all the day. I knew 
I should be exposed to some hurrying circumstances, 
and I pleaded in faith, that there might not come one 
word ont of my mouth, that I could have a sorrowful 
thought for. And, blessed be His holy name, I have 
found a constant sense of a divine monitor, warning and 
keeping me the whole day. Yes, thou hast answered 
my prayer, glory be to thee, O Lord! I have this day 
also found a sweet idea of Christ's condescending love, 
and gentle manner in reproving his disciples. And is 
not his heart the same in heaven? Yes, it is! " He is 
the same yesterday, to-day, and for ever." Then He 
does pity and bear with me! Yes, his blood hath 
atoned for all. 

" Jesus protects; my fears begone! 
Who can the Rock of Ages move 7 
Within Thine arms I lay me down, 
Thine everlasting arms of love!" 

25th. Last Saturday Mr. Home and his family set 
out from our house for Sierra Leone, the place of his 
mission in Africa. For three weeks we have been a 
good deal taken up in helping them to prepare for this 
great undertaking. I found much of the approval of 
God in all we had to do, and a delight in the thought, 
that so poor a worm can in the least contribute towards 
what appears so much for the glory of God. The next 
day was solemn. Mr. Gilpin kindly assisted us, and 
encouraged us to believe we should not suffer for what 
we had given up in obedience to God 7 s order. His ser- 
mon was attended with unction. In the afternoon he 
was obliged to leave us and return to his own congre- 
gation. I had a meeting in our room, as there was 
no service in the church. There was a weight on my 
spirit. I now missed my dear husband. Our being 
without a minister may cause many disagreeable things; 
and I alone feel the burden. Here is no Mr. Home, 
thought T, to consult with. However, we had a very 



PART VII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 283 

sweet time! The Lord was present in a more than com- 
mon manner. I felt liberty and freedom to speak, but 
we were greatly crowded. Numbers went away for 
want of room, at which I was grieved. Lord, direct us 
in all our ways! 

There is a good spirit in our people; they feel the 
loss of their minister, and yet seem resigned to the will 
of God. 

March 4. Since the above, I have passed through va- 
rious scenes. Our room being too small for the Sunday 
congregation, I thought it a call to go to the Dale, and 
believed the badness of the roads were not to hinder. 
But the Lord has been pleased to visit me with illness, 
and has quite confined me to my room. I found much 
peace in the divine appointment. One day the doctor 
told me he thought my case very bad: and I had reason 
to believe I was very near my Father's house. I felt all 
my soul acquiesce in the divine disposal; and though I 
had no particular joy, but rather darts from the enemy, 
nevertheless I felt my soul lie down as it were on the 
will of God, as on a soft pillow. Soon after it appeared, 
I should for a time be better. All was still right. the 
blessing of having a God to trust to! 

I am now again enabled to attend the meetings, and I 
find an increasing power and freedom; but we are still 
without a minister, which causes many difficulties. 
Every day, and almost every hour, things occur to make 
me feel afresh the want of that shepherd who so natu- 
rally cared for our souls, and so tenderly led this flock 
for such a number of years. But I feel a pleasure in 
the cross. It is a favour, a great favour, to suffer any 
thing for my God. A new ministry has something aw- 
ful. Should it be carnal, what a pain will it be to me 
to see my dear's pulpit so occupied! Should he be a 
spiritual man, yet perhaps he will not agree with the 
Methodist preachers, and that will cause dissentions, a 
thing unknown at Madely as yet. But in all I stand 
still, determined to be well pleased with all that the 
Lord provides. Should there be a disagreement, I must 
bear the weight on both sides. O thou great Shepherd 
and Bishop of souls, I hang on thee! I hide me in the 



284 THE LIFE OF [PART VII 

cleft of thy side, and as it were, wrap me in Thy will! 
Crosses are very profitable. I have one foot in the 
grave, and often but a rough path. It reminded me of a 
dream I had when about twenty-three, before my soul 
had lost that liberty it got at Hoxton. I thought I was 
looking through my breast at my heart, and it appeared 
very smooth and white. Presently I saw the finger of 
a hand with something like the blade of a penknife. It 
began to scrape; immediately all was rough and brown, 
till after a time I saw one spot like white velvet. Then 
it was spoken to me, You must endure that circumcising 
knife till the whole is like that spot! There was a great 
change at that time, and a real renewal as far as it went. 
But when afterward the keen and close knife was laid 
to, all appeared rough. O, let me endure till thy whole 
wall is done! O, the perfect atonement! Yes, the blood 
of Christ cleansethfrom all sin! When a room is dark, 
let in the sun and it is light! Yet there is no light from 
the room, it is all in the sun. So the soul uniting itself 
to Christ by faith, is made pure by that union, and kept 
pure by the continuance of it. As I was pleading that 
word to-day, " In this is my Father glorified, that ye 
bring forth much fruit, ' ; — I thought, it is only union 
with Christ that can make me fruitful. I had a glimpse 
of that union, and saw it was all free gift. Therefore I 
may ask and have the fulness of the Spirit! Hallelujah! 
June 22. What cause have I to trust in the Lord! On 
May 3 1st, Mr. Walter came to reside. Nearly five 
months I had the cross of being without a minister, but 
now the Lord hath provided one who, I trust, will prove 
a man after his own heart. I have only to stand still 
and see his salvation in all, and my spirit finds rest in so 
doing. I have of late had some very comfortable sea- 
sons in speaking to the people, and much of the pre- 
sence of God. I have had a dream, from which I de- 
rived some profit. I seemed to be assaulted by Satan. 
Immediately I saw a Man at a distance partly covered 
with a cloud. He seemed to take no notice of me for 
a long time; at last he came up to me. As he drew 
near, Satan fell back. The Man laid his hand on my 
arm, and said, " Be strong." On which I felt a strength 



PART VII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 285 

go through me I cannot describe. He then returned to 
the same spot, and seemed to take no more notice of rne. 
After a time the enemy came again, and struggled hard 
with me. I often looked towards the Man, but he ap- 
peared to take no notice. When my strength was al- 
most gone, I raised my left hand and weakly put it 
against the enemy, saying, The Lord Jesus bruise thee 
beneath my feet from this time for ever! upon which he 
fell flat to the ground. The Man behind the cloud then 
said, "Do you hear that? Do you all witness it?" To 
which a great number of voices, as in a musical note, 
answered — We do! we do! we do! They seemed above 
me, around me, and on every side! And their voices 
were so loud the sound awoke me. It seemed to point 
out to me two great truths. First, That at those times 
when the Lord appears not to answer as my soul could 
wish, I am still to see him as looking upon me, and 
equally trust him when he does or does not speak. Se- 
condly, That we are continually in the sight of the eter- 
nal world. Indeed this I always knew; but I felt it 
more deeply impressed. I seem peculiarly conscious 
of the presence of the heavenly host, and would act, 
think, and speak, with the deepest reverence. 

August 16. Thursday. On Tuesday last was the an- 
niversary of my dear husband's death. Seven years 
have passed since that awful scene! Seven years has 
he been in glory! And I a poor mournful widow walk- 
ing below through my pilgrimage alone. But what mer- 
cies have I seen in those seven years! O, had I at first 
known I should have staid so long here, it would have 
looked very sad. But I feel more and more we are to 
live the present moment, and I find help and strength is 
given for every hour. It was a solemn but good day to 
me. My husband seemed unspeakably dear and near 
to me; but the love of the will of God kept me all day 
above every painful feeling. 

September 12. This summer I have been much called 
to speak in the name of the Lord, and such a way has 
been made for me, as to weather, and conveyance, and 
various circumstances, that it fully convinced me I have 
no need of care. O, how sweet is that command, 



286 THE LIFE OF [PART VII. 

" Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he will sustain 
thee!" I do not know also that ever I felt such help 
and liberty from the Lord in all ray life, as I have done 
in speaking- this year, both winter and summer, at home 
and abroad. It is a cross to the flesh, but. glory be to 
Thee, Thy light doth shine on my ways! 

This day I am fifty-three years old. O that I may 
from this day begin a new life! Once more we are free 
from company; and I am led to give myself more abun- 
dantly to private prayer. Since we have been alone, a 
deep conviction has rested on my mind of the shortness 
of time, and how little longer I may retain any degree 
of health. Therefore I determined to seek for an in- 
crease of the Spirit to unite me more to himself, as he 
sees good, so I may but glorify him. I seemed to be 
threatened with a cancer, and rather seemed to shrink at 
the prospect. But it may be the answer 01 my own 
prayer; and I still say. Only make me holy! 

October 4. I was led this morning to offer up mv 
whole self to God. First, my body. For any suffering 
he saw good. I leave it all to him. If any means are 
to be used, I believe the Lord will himself direct what 
shall be done. Secondly, my reputation. To be esteemed 
or despised. Thirdly, my substance. To be continued 
or withheld. Fourthly. My soul. I commit it alto- 
gether to the Lord. He knows I want to be fully saved; 
and I will consider it as my one business. Lord, get 
thyself glory upon me! The other morning I was 
awaked by those words powerfully impressed, 

" glorious seat, thou God our King-, 
Shalt thither bring" our willing' fee:!'' 

Last night those words were precious. " With favour 
will I encompass them as with a shield." My spirit 
seems to long for a closer communion. I have thought 
on those words. — " If any man love me he will keep 
my words, and my Father will love him, and we will 
come unto him. and make our abode with him." I see 
I must apply myself more to "do the will of God," 
watching each word and thought, and taking up every 
cross with cheerfulness. 



PART VII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 287 

October 12. I have been reading over with deep at- 
tention, the Life of Mr. David Brainerd. 0, what a 
deep searching book have I found it! Many times be- 
fore have I read it through, but never so entered into 
the spirit of it as now. He observes, it was always his 
heaven to do the will of God, from his first conviction; 
and he could never rest, but in doing something for the 
Lord, even when death was upon him! Lord, make me 
to be of that mind! To have our happiness in doing 
and siirTerinff the will of God, is indeed the strongest 
assurance the soul can have of future glory. For, can 
any thing separate God's will from Himself- Neither 
life nor death can then divide the soul from his eternal 
presence. Glory be to God, I feel some little measure 
of this spirit. My delight is, that the Lord reigneth, 
and my rest is in his will. As I was thinking the other 
day, perhaps I may be called to have the cancer cut out 
of my breast, perhaps out of both, as there is pain in 
the other, — and formed the idea of the handkerchief tied 
over my eyes, and my arms bound to the chair. As I 
was offering myself up to the will of God, I felt those 
words applied, " I am ready not only to be bound, but 
to die for the Lord Jesus." 

On Monday morning I had a peculiar sweetness on 
my spirit in meeting the people: and at night I read and 
spoke from the 2 1st of Matthew. It was a good time, 
and some souls were blest. On the Tuesday, being our 
intercession, I do not know when I have found such 
liberty. The Lord was very present, and a deep so- 
lemnity rested on the congregation; some of whom have 
since told me, the Lord wrought much on them that 
night. Blessed be God, he still gives me to bear his 
message to the people. that my little remaining 
strength and time may all be devoted to him. Yet I 
have of late been much tried with such a stupor upon 
me in the morning, that I cannot rise till near seven 
o'clock. This pains me much. Lord, make me more 
active in thy work! I have since observed some answer 
to prayer, with regard to rising in the morning; Lord, 
give me to persevere! 

November 1 . The Lord give me to abound in charity 



288 THE LIFE OF [PART VII. 

as to the outward act! But where is the difficulty of 
being so, when the Lord hath made my cup to run over? 
If ever my charity was great, it was when I had little, 
expecting a prison for myself, while I was helping 
others. Yet at that time I am not sure it was cheer- 
fully done; — a necessity seemed laid upon me. But 
now, though I give much, and am much employed for 
the poor, yet I fear I do not save all I might for them 
out of what is spent on my worthless self. How has 
the Lord appeared for me! Another's grace, another's 
wisdom, another's management! — My father's and hus- 
band's money all devoted to my service! all gathered 
together to serve me! While these thoughts came roll- 
ing over my mind, those words presented themselves, 
" When I sent you without purse or scrip, lacked ye 
any thing? And they said, Nothing. " 

November 13, Tuesday. Yesterday concluded eleven 
years since my dear husband and I were made one. It 
was a solemn day to me. I strove to renew my mar- 
riage covenant with the Lord; but it was a day of gloom; 
I had no near access. Much of it was employed among 
the people, as Monday usually is. In the morning meet- 
ing I had some liberty, and more at night, while reading 
and speaking on the 12th of the Hebrews. 

December 1. I was much encouraged in considering, 
that it is the office of Jesus to M Baptise with the Holy 
Ghost." How is it we so neglect to look for the fulfil- 
ment of that office of our Lord! Did he not say, 4, He 
that belie veth on me. out of his belly shall flow rivers 
of living water. And this he spake of the Spirit," 
which they who believe on him were to receive. This 
gift of the Holy Ghost is therefore the very thing be- 
lievers are to look for. No matter what they call it, — a 
clean heart, salvation from evil tempers, purity, or what 
they will, — it makes no difference. There is a baptism 
of the Spirit for believers to receive, and which I have 
had a taste of; but I want the fulness. The Lord is 
faithful,- — it shall come. Yes, I see it, I come near it, 
I feel a touch of it while writing: yet my faith wants a 
further lift. Lord, it must be all thy own doing! 

December 2. I was talking yesterday with one who 



PART VII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 289 

told me many were much alarmed about the nation.— 
That inflammatory papers were throwing about among" 
the army, and it is feared they will raise among them such 
a spirit as reigns in those of France, I was led to con- 
sider that and various other things which appeared to 
me as signs of the times* At night I felt much liberty 
in pleading for our good king, and that God would re- 
strain the evil ones, who are striving to raise a spirit of 
ingratitude and rebellion in our nation. I felt comfort 
in my old word, — " The Lord reigneth!" 

December 11. This has been on the whole a good 
day. I cannot say I have found so much liberty in the 
times of family prayer as I usually have; but in the five 
times of my private approaches to the Lord I think I 
have each time had a greater degree of it. 

December 16, Sunday. My spirit pants after God! 
O Lord, glorify thyself upon me; this is what I long 
for, and pray for. I seem like a poor beggar waiting at 
mercy's door; oft full of hope, and then again the door 
seems shut. I want the spirit of prayer. I want also 
a more self-denying spirit. Last night I dreamed my 
dear husband wrote a line for me to read. I took up the 
paper with desire, and read — " Those who closely follow 
Jesus Christ can discern the mark of the thorn in his 
steps." As soon as I was dressed, I lighted a candle, 
and opened the Bible to read, when I cast my eyes on 
those words, "Seeing Christ hath suffered in the flesh, 
arm yourselves also with the same mind." I see it. If I 
would walk with Christ, I must know my path by that 
very mark. A constant death to my own will. Lord, 
show me how to walk thus! Give me a steady power 
to rise the very moment the alarm goes off. To watch 
against sloth all day, and to use more abstemiousness in 
my food. I believe this would be good both for soul 
and body; and I have asked it of the Lord, that Sally 
may see it in the right light, and not fret and be un- 
happy when I do not take what she thinks I ought. 
This is oft a mighty hindrance to me in little mortifica- 
tions which I would use. I am quite clear I have no 
right to hurt my body. I am not, I think, in ? ny dan- 
ger of that. But often self-denial promotes health. I 
25 



290 THE LIFE OF [PART VII. 

hope to begin to-morrow, — a day which we had set apart 
to pray for the nation, and for the children, on whom 
the Lord had begun to work. I propose to keep a watch 
over my appetite each day, and this indeed the Lord 
hath already given me: but to this I would add a shadow, 
(for I cannot call it more) of a fast, twice a week. On 
Mondays and Fridays I would omit butter in the morn- 
ing, eating dry bread, and as usual rosemary tea without 
sugar. For dinner, water-gruel, with salt and pepper, 
and as on other days, tea for my supper. This cannot 
hurt my health, and may be a kind of remembrancer 
that there is such a duty as self-denial. 

February 9, 1793. The watch-night, the last evening 
of the year, and the intercession, the first of this year, 
were both favoured with much of the presence of God, 
and some souls were a good deal stirred up. Blessed 
be the Lord, the work does not cease. How melancholv 
did our situation appear when Mr. Home was called 
away! But we are comfortably provided for in a minis- 
ter. O, how good it is to stand still, and commit all our 
ways to God! This day my spirit has been waiting on 
the Lord, and enabled to keep in his presence. 

March 20. This morning I felt a power to ask that 
I might be kept from grieving the Holy Spirit all the 
day. I knew there would be much hurry and many 
distractions. Glory be to my God! I found Jesus a 
sweet refuge, and a freedom from all confusion or hurry 
of thought all the day. The presence of the Lord keeps 
all in peace. This day I have experienced afresh the 
fulfilment of my former promise of having plenty of sil- 
ver. Amono; other things I have had some singular op- 
portunities of helping the church and the poor, each in 
small portions. Oh! how can I praise the Lord suffi- 
ciently for such an indulgence! What numbers of his 
dear children am I enabled to assist! Bless the Lord, 
my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name! 

'March 26. This morning having some painful thoughts 
respecting the cancer, I carried them to the Lord. A 
sweet calm came over my spirit. I could freely offer 
up all to God. He knows, if I saw my way clear, I am 
ready every hour to submit to the operation. While I 



PART VII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 291 

waited in calm and peaceful resignation, that word oc- 
curred to my mind, " Can there be evil in the city, and 
the Lord hath not done it?" I said, No! it is all in his 
hand. It can rise no higher than he pleases. I thought 
also, If my dear husband was with me, and had power 
over the complaint, should I be under any concern about 
it I answered, No, I should not. My tender partner 
would direct and help me through all. Well, said my 
heart, my heavenly Bridegroom is more powerful, more 
loving, more present, than the dearest human friend can 
be. I have nothing to do but stand still, and he will 
instruct me in the way I should go. I have his own 
promise, all shall work together for my good. Even 
my mistake, if I am under one, respecting this disease, 
all shall be for good. I am alone, and have none to di- 
rect me. Therefore, I give up all to my Lord! and as 
we order for an infant, so will he order all for me. 
Whatever is his choice is mine. 

April 1. Yesterday, being Easter Sunday, I felt a de- 
ire to give up all my concerns into the hands of God, 
by a fresh dedication of myself to him at his table. 1 
was much troubled the night before with a suggestion, 
that I ought to have the cancer cut out, and that I should 
see it so, by and by. I ventured to pray that if it were 
the will of God that I should stand still and wait on 
Him, He would give me a peculiar blessing on the 
morrow. My prayer was graciously heard. So com- 
fortable a Sabbath I have not had for years. I gave up 
soul and body into the Lord's hand, with a firm confi- 
dence that he would order for me, as a tender husband 
for a wife; and when I went to the table I was enabled 
to consider it as the seal of our mutual covenant, and 
my faith has ever since found an increase. The marks 
of death seem to be upon me, and they are a great 
blessing! I seem continually called to offer myself up 
as in martyrdom; and so many sweet promises come 
before me assuring me of the tender care of my Lord, 
that I sometimes think never was a creature so safe and 
so happy. 

April 4. Reflecting this morning on the various ways 
in which different persons express themselves concern- 



292 THE LIFE OF [PART VII. 

ing sanctification, or what is called Christian Perfection, 
I was led to think, — May it not be thus expressed,— I 
feel a degree of faith which continually unites me to 
God, through the atoning blood. "I abide in Christ," 
through whom I am always accepted, and I feel nothing 
contrary to love. Yea, 1 am far from what I ought to 
be; and I obey w r ith joy my Lord's admonition, " When 
ye have done all, say, I am an unprofitable servant." 
Being taken into Christ, as a drop of water into the 
ocean, I lose myself in him, and find in him my all, for 
time and for eternity! Now a measure of this state I do 
feel; and I feel strong drawings to expect a clearer fel- 
lowship, — a throwing open the everlasting doors of my 
soul, and a more powerful entrance of the King of glory i 

Saturday, 6. I went this morning to see a sick family 
lately come into the town, and ill of a putrid fever, of 
which the father died. O, how dark did I find all those 
w T ho were recovered! The various places I called at 
yielded little satisfaction till we came to D. The girl 
was just on the point of marriage with a pious young 
man, and every way to her advantage. But instead of 
this, she is now brought to death's door by a painful and 
dangerous disorder. She told me she did not find her 
inclination at all to this world; that she had much rather 
die than live. She added, "How T good is the Lord in 
all he does! The apothecary gives me bitter medi- 
cines to do me good, and I love him for it, though he 
may mistake and do me harm. But God cannot mis- 
take, and shall I not love Him? O, he keeps my mind 
.so quiet, I can leave all unto Him. Sometimes I have 
great temptations, and reason whether I have not brought 
it all on myself, by taking too' hard a place." I observed, 
But you went there believing it to be for the best? "Yes, 
(she replied) and the Lord soon comforts me again, if 
such thoughts come." 

"The other night I dreamed I was dead. I thought 
I was looking down on this bed, and said, There is the 
spot on which my crown was brightened, and I have not 
had one pain too much; and so I shall say when I get 
to o-lory." Her words were exceedingly animating to 
me. When she first met with me among the children, 



PART VII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 293 

I always observed her deep attention. 0, how she has 
grown in grace! 

May 14. The first Sunday of this month I was at 
the Dale. We had a crowded house; but I felt such 
liberty, both of mind and voice, as I but seldom remem- 
ber to have had. I spoke near an hour from that word, 
" They shall ask their way to Zion, with their faces 
thitherward." In the last meeting we had great liberty, 
blessed be the Lord! On Monday night I found also 
uncommon freedom at our home meeting, and the con- 
gregation was very large. Tuesday's class was also 
good; but from that time I have been laid up with pains 
in my head, face, and all over me, attended with a slig-ht 
fever. During this season I have been led to consider 
what numerous mercies I am surrounded with! My cup 
runs over. Though I have not that near access to my God 
I long for, yet I do feel such safety, such confidence in 
his love, that I am, in the midst of all, enabled still to 
say and feel, 

" One only care my soul shall know, 
Father, all thy commands to do." 

uly 1. Last night a man called, whose daughter lies 
in this infectious fever which has carried off so many. 
He said, she desired to see Sally, as she was much dis- 
tressed in her soul, and it was too far off for me to go 
there. Sally asked me what she should do? Finding 
her own mind quite free to it as the call of God, I felt it 
come near, for she is my greatest consolation, next to 
God, and useful as a right-hand. I looked up, and felt 
the power of these words, " The hairs of your head are 
all numbered." I said in my heart, If the Lord should 
have appointed to take her from me by this mean, shall 
I say to him, What doest thou? No, I will cling to that 
word, "Thy will be done on earth as it is done in 
heaven." It was suggested, you lost your husband by 
a putrid fever; perhaps Sally may be taken also by it. 
But shall I refuse her devoting her life to the glory of 
God? Shall I hold back the dearest thing I have upon 
earth from Jesus, who gave himself for me? My soul 
cried out, No, my Lord, my Saviour, no! I offer uf> 
95* 



294 THE LIFE OF [PART VI£. 

every Isaac to thy will. She went, and found the wo- 
man under a concern for her soul. All consequences 1 
leave to my God. 

I am amazed how free my mind is from care! Those 
things which used to burden me, are now as nothing. I 
have learned to stand still, and Jesus, my adorable Sa- 
viour, takes care of all. 

August 14. This has been a solemn day. And is it 
indeed eight years since my dearest husband went to 
glory? What a night was that to me! I was at this hour 
waiting at his bedside, with my eyes immovably fixed 
upon his dear, calm, peaceful, dying countenance. I 
have this day gone through the scene; but glory be to 
God, in a different manner than when we seemed on the 
point of separation. Yea, already parted, for he could 
not show any sensibility towards me. But this day it 
has been constantly on my mind, as if we thought and 
did all together. Yes, thou dear spirit, well didst thou 
say to me in that dream, " I am not dead, I live!" Yes, 
thou dost live; and I have no doubt hast helped me this 
day to feel an uncommon peace, such as I sometimes 
have felt when dreaming, and having, in a peculiar man- 
ner, a sense of the presence of heavenly spirits. There 
are seasons when the mind joining itself to the Lord, 
and abiding in that posture, feels a kind of anticipation 
of the blissful union enjoyed in the realms of light, and 
has communion, more or less sensible, with the spirits 
before the throne. Some faint touches of this I have 
felt this day. At my first waking in the morning, my 
soul cried to the Lord, that it might be indeed a day of 
consecration and dedication of all my powers to that 
God, whose I am, and whom I desire perfectly to serve. 

December 21. My soul has for some days been in a 
peculiar exercise. O Lord, keep me from every snare, 
and never let me be drawn into any thing but according 
to thy will! I wish to help souls, and to obey thy order; 
but in so doing it is hard to avoid many things disagree- 
able. Lord, give me a fuller plunge into thyself, that 
ray conversation may be always in hea> m! And the de- 
sire to please, or fear of contempt, rem< "e far from me! 
O for a single eye, fixed alone on GodJ 



PART VII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 295 

The lump in my breast is removed, in a wonderful 
manner, in answer to prayer! I could not find freedom 
to use any of the things I was advised to, only the goose- 
grass juice, a quarter of a pint twice a day. After some 
months the upper lump became less, and is now quite 
gone, as far as I can perceive! nor do I find now any 
pain in either. Glory be to God! 

May 7, 1794. I had some encouragement in prayer 
last night and this morning; and I was led to plead that - 
my soul might be filled vAth the Spirit, that my tongue, 
being touched with the fire of heavenly love, might be 
enabled to plead the cause of truth in a different manner 
to that which it now doth. 

We have been encouraged in seeing some souls 
brought in. G. M. for whom we have long waited, 
sometimes with hope, sometimes with fear, has now 
found the Lord most clearly. O what a change does 
grace make! She is indeed a new creature; and her 
mouth is open in His praise who hath brought her out 
of darkness into his marvellous light. 

June 4. What answers to prayer have I seen of late! 
My gracious Lord seems to count each hair indeed. 
When I was at the Dale again last Sunday he gave such 
a liberty in speaking as I have seldom experienced. 
The congregation was very large. As I entered the 
chapel, the heat was almost ready to beat me back. 
When I had got through to my seat, the sun lay on it, 
and there were but a few small openings to admit air. 
One of these is by my seat, but I observed no air come 
in that way. It appeared as if my voice must be lost 
with the heat. I looked to the Lord, and said, My Fa- 
ther, turn the air this way, if thou seest good! The 
time being come, I began giving out the hymn, and for- 
got my prayer. But as I was just ready to faint, such a 
fine breath of fresh air came in as quite revived me. 
Then I recollected what I had asked. The next two 
lines which I had to give out were, 

"For our Shepherd and King, 
Cares much for his sheep." 



296 THE LIFE OF [PART VII, 

how my heart went with the words, and set to its seal 
that they were true! Contrary to what is usual with me, 

1 was an hour and three quarters. My strength held 
out, and the dear people, though violently crowded, 
stood like wax-work; and many wished the service had 
been longer. 

An affair which perplexed my mind, I find quite re- 
moved by prayer. I can do nothing but in that way. 
my Lord, did ever a soul feel more of that word, With- 
out me ye can do nothing? But I wait for a revelation 
of Jesus Christ in my soul more full and strong than I 
ever had. 

June 10. While I was this morning speaking to a 
backslider, I had such a sight of the narrow way, as 
greatly animated my soul. I see there is no way to 
keep life and communion with God, but by strictly ad- 
hering to the words of St. Paul, "I am determined to 
know nothing among you, but Jesus Christ, and him 
crucified." There must be a shutting the door of the 
soul against any thing else; not only sin, but any care 
or meddling with what we are not called to attend unto. 

August 1. I feel my health decline. This very hot 
summer affects me exceedingly. My legs swell greatly, 
unless constantly bound with many yards of flannel. I 
am very weak, and my breath very short. Yet I am 
enabled to keep all my meetings both abroad and at 
home, and have found the Lord much with me all the 
summer in this respect. He gives me out strength for 
my day. Some remarkable providences have happened 
lately. I think them worth preserving. A short time 
since a man and his wife, who lived near some of our 
good brethren, were by them oft invited to the preach- 
ing that has been lately established in that place; but 
they turned it off, saying, they had something better to 
do. When the Bridgenorth races came on, they were 
preparing to go. R. W. then reminded them of their 
plea against hearing the word, that "They must mind 
their work, and had something better to do." But the 
man said, they were determined to go, and have two 
good days there. In the first day he got so heated that 
on the second he came home in a fever, and died the 



PART VII. j MRS. FLETCHER. 297 

day following! How little did he think, when setting 
off for the races, that he had not three days to live! 

Another awful judgment was as follows. A young 
man was working with Brother Williams in the Forge. 
He swore in a dreadful manner. Williams reproved 
him, urging the destruction such a conduct would bring 
upon him. He turned all into ridicule, — saying, He 
was a match for the devil. Presently after, he went to 
the alehouse and got drunk. He then got into a wagon 
which was going his way. As he sat on the side, he 
fell backwards, and was taken up dead! 0, the little 
day of life, how eminently precious! 

August 14. Nine years this day my dear love has 
been in glory! But I have seen much of mercy in this 
time, and have learned more abundantly to trust in the 
Lord. All convinces me, in a deeper and deeper man- 
ner, of that truth, All my ways are in his hand, and he 
directs my paths. Though my dear husband seems as 
dear to me as ever, yet I can praise the Lord for full re-- 
signation. Reflecting the other day on the manner I 
was affected at the awful season of his death, I could not 
but see in it cause of praise. Though his life or death 
was the closest thing under the heaven to* me, yet each 
day and hour of that most solemn week, I could never 
once ask his life, without adding, — Thy will, Thy will 
be done! 

August 22. I grow very poorly in body. My taber- 
nacle seems taking down. I feel an almost constant 
fever, with great confusion and dizziness in my head. I 
can scarcely do any business; and the writing a letter 
seems to affect me strangely. In this state I have been 
some months, so that the least exertion wearies me, and 
gives me pain all over. Yet when the hour of meeting 
whether of people or children, comes, I am enabled to 
get through the duty, and sometimes with uncommon 
power! Glory be to God! My nights also are very 
restless, yet I get some sleep, and am not in any violent 
pain. My Lord does all things well. 

September 12. This day, if my dear husband had 
lived, he would have been sixy-five years old, and I am 
fifty-five. I have lived more than half a century. Lord, 



298 THE LIFE OF [PART VII 

to what purpose? I know the Lord is still graciously 
working in my soul. I feel a more constant going out 
after God. My spiritual senses seem more awake:— 
and yet I never found it harder to pray when on my 
knees! The resistance of principalities and powers, I 
have been made particularly acquainted with. Indeed 
it is a narrow way. With regard to outward things, I 
see nothing but mercy, — miracles of mercy! Every 
thing appears so in the hand of God as I cannot express. 
Even the smallest occurrence on my affairs seems di- 
rected of God! I wished, or rather thought, if the room 
could be enlarged, it would be a blessing. And now, 
on account of the church being taken down, the wardens, 
in order to accommodate the parish, are enlarging it, for 
the Sunday service to be there. By this means, the 
meeting will be enlarged without any expense to me.* 

September 30. I found this morning, while at prayer 
with the family, and with the work-people who were 
taking up the potatoes, that the Lord was present. I 
felt him so. At the time of morning prayer in private, 
I had also an unusual liberty. I then had a foreign let 
ter to write, in which I sensibly felt the help of my 
gracious Lord. He rendered some things easy which 
were in themselves difficult. O Jesus, thou art made 
unto us wisdom! It appears to me, and experience con- 
firms it, that it is peculiarly pleasing to the Lord, that 
we should look up to Him for help in the least things as 
freely as the greatest. He who numbers every hair, 
will lead us as a child is led by its mother, and carried 
in her arms over every difficult path. 

December 5. My soul has been much drawn out 
lately, to ask a close walk with God; more brokenness 
of heart, and a clearer sight of my utter helplessness. I 
have found this week, that several souls have been blest. 
I seem the only dr}~ fleece. The Lord has been pleased 
that I should suffer some humiliations, which always do 
me good; yet he is much with me in speaking in his 
tiame. This morning, as we were rising, Sally told me 

* Henry the Fourth of Fiance, used to say to his g-reat and 
faithful minister, " Sully, mind rny business, and I will mind 
yours. " — Ed. 



PART VII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 299 

what a sweet dream she had in the night. She thought 
she was meeting the people, and while at prayer, she was 
so overwhelmed with the power of God, and had such 
a sense of the Divine Trinity entering into, and purify- 
ing her soul, that she said in her heart, This is the bap- 
tism of the Spirit which hath purified my heart from 
all sin! And such a light shone in her soul, as seemed to 
bear a clear witness thereto. She thought, I will tell 
the people, that they may glorify God. Immediately 
it was suggested, No. stay till you have got through the 
trials which are before you. She answered, No; I will 
glorify him now; and in earnestly pressing the people 
to seek the same liberty, she awoke. I can never enough 
bless and praise the Lord for the great favour he hath 
done me in this dear young woman. She is niece to 
my honoured friend, Mrs. Ryan; and truly, she partakes 
of her spirit, and her whole soul seems to be engaged 
in the work. This has been a day of recollection. I 
have felt my want, and followed after God; and, I think, 
have found in some sense, each thought brought into 
subjection unto Christ. 

December 24. Many mercies have I seen of late. 
Some circumstances of expense occurred, and immedi- 
ately some increase of necessitous objects followed. I 
felt this to be a weight. When Sally, or myself, visited ! 
the poor, and beheld great straits, we were sometimes 
constrained to withhold help, because my calculation 
would not allow it, though I had cut off what expense 
I could, according to my best light. This I therefore 
laid before the Lord, and felt thoroughly content, either 
to help or not, as should be most for his glory. In a 
few days I received a letter from my brother with a pro- 
posal so to dispose of a part of my money, as was likely 
to raise me several additional pounds this year. One 
called also and promised the payment of five guineas, 
which I had quite given up for lost. In a variety of 
little incidents, I have discerned such a guiding hand of 
Providence as hourly confirms the truth of that word, 
"The hairs of your head are all numbered." 

April 7, 1795*. Glory be to God! He hath been work- 
ing on some souls of late: and I see a spirit of mightr 



300 THE LIFE OF [PART VII 

prayer poured on one in particular. Yet it seems as 
if Satan was striving to bring Kinderances among us. 
Some things, I fear, will cause offence; in particular 
this child, whom the Lord hath certainly blest in a won- 
derful manner. Lord, keep out all wrong spirits, I be- 
seech thee! I know the wisdom of men cannot com- 
prehend thy work; but let no real enthusiasm enter! 
Keep us steady and firm, resting only on the sure foun- 
dation. 

Some days ago, I called on Mrs. Yate.* — We had a 
close and comfortable conversation. She told me she 
had for some months had a very sweet and solid rest; 
and all her words in the class had expressed the same. 
She had been long very poorly, but she had strove to 
bear up under it without complaint. She now felt her 
strength fail, and had an almost continual pain in her 
right side. Her peace, however, continued, and she 
could leave all to the Lord. She further observed, — 
That she had for some time found such a full sense of 
the all-sufficiency of God, as she could not express. 
Shortly after, as she was one night lying awake, she felt 
a powerful application of that word, " Cast thy burden 
on the Lord, and he will sustain thee." In a day or two 
more, she was confined to her bed, the fever strong, the 
pain in her side severe, and oft forced to rise in the bed 
to breathe. In this situation she has been several nights; 
and this morning' she has been confirming to me what 
she had already observed, — That the Lord kept her 
every moment. I have (said she) never found a shadow 
of impatience. I can neither eat nor sleep, but I have 
no desire for either. My strength goes fast, but I feel 
myself perfectly content with all the Lord's dispensa- 
tions; I used to feel great fear of death, but I have not 
any of it now; and the thought of leaving my children, 
whom I so much desire to bring up for the Lord, used 
to fill me with much pain. But I feel strangely free, 

* Mrs. Yate was daughter of the late Nathaniel Gilbert, Esq. 
Speaker of the House of Assembly in the Island of Antig-ua. 
He was an intimate friend of Mr. Wesley, and the first preacher 
of the Gospel to the Negroes in the West Indies. He endured 
that cross, despising the shame. — Ed. 



PART VII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 301 

and can with confidence put them in the Lord's hand, 
and leave them there! Her words were to me refresh- 
ing and animating. I can bear witness what a pattern 
of tender conscience, and meek submission she has been. 
She is now better, and I trust will be spared to us a lit- 
tle longer. 

May 22. I had a sweet lesson from the Lord this 
morning. I was inquiring why I did not hold the bless- 
ing of sanctification more steadily? — and it seemed that 
the Lord answered me, — That it was because I forgot 
the observation I have so often made to the people, of 
the rattlesnake and the squirrel. She looks at the rattle- 
snake, till through fear she drops into his mouth.* So 
when my soul is striving to abide in Jesus, under some 
peculiar trials, a temptation to discouragement presents 
itself; I look at it and grow discouraged. Instead of 
that, I ought "to reckon myself dead unto sin, and aliVG 
unto righteousness." In so doing, I should "resist the 
devil, who would soon flee from me." Also, I clearly 
saw, that I should watch in conversation, and never con- 
tradict, unless for conscience sake; remembering that 
command, "Let your gentleness be known unto all 
men," as carrying that consciousness, " The Lord is at 
hand." 

June 24. Glory be to God! I have experienced many 
very particular answers to prayer of late. For some 
time past I saw it the call of God that I should go out 
every Sunday to the Wood and the Dale alternately for 
a time. I feared the heat of the houses, but the Lord 
took care for that. If the weather was ever so hot in 
the week, it was always cool on the Sabbath. Blessed 
be the Lord, He was with us of a truth, and I expe- 
rienced both inward and outward help beyond my ex- 
pectation. 

August 14. Ten years this day I have been a widow. 

I Last night I found liberty in pleading with the Lord for 

the fulfilment of my dear love's last prayer, "Head of 

the church, be head to my wife;" and this day I have 

[been renewing my covenant with the Lord, to be wholly 

• The illustration is good, whatever becomes of the fact.— Ed* 
26 



302 THE LIFE OF [PART VIl. 

at his disposal. To abandon my whole self, body, soul, 
and spirit, with every concern for time and eternity, into 
his hand. Often T have done this, but on this day I pe- 
culiarly love to renew the solemn dedication. I have 
found a deeper view than ever into the sinfulness of sin, 
— I mean what an aggravated burden my sins added to 
the sufferings of my Redeemer! Those words, "Ye 
are not your own, ye are bought with a price/' were 
impressed on my mind. Then I thought on that word 
also, "They to whom much is forgiven, shall love 
much:" and I had some power to claim that abundant 
love my spirit so pants after. But I discerned so many 
blemishes in all I have ever done, said, or thought, that 
I was forced to look to my great Sacrifice. There I 
could see infinite perfection. ""It pleased the Father, 
that in him should all fulness dwell." Casting my eyes 
Oil the Bible open before me, it presented the cure of 
Naaman. I was led from that to consider, how easy it 
was with the Lord to perform as perfect a cure on my 
soul, as on Naaman' s body! 

September 12. Had a good time this morning in 
prayer. Afterward in reading the account of Prudence 
Williams, (Magazine, vol. 12.) I was much struck to 
think how the power of God was seen in her great sal- 
vation. In the bloom of youth — a good husband, whom 
she had been happy with for one year — a fine boy likely 
to live — afTectionate relations — every thing to hold her 
here; — and yet with what noble freedom did she leave 
all, preferring her heavenly Beloved to every earthly 
joy! It brought to my mind a word given me the other 
day in prayer, The glory of the Lord shall arise upon 
them, and his glory shall be seen upon them. This day 
I am fifty-six. O Lord, how little of thy glory has 
been yet seen upon me! O, let my remaining life be 
spent to thy praise! 

21. We be^an the Monday meetings again this morn- 
ing, which had been stopped a few weeks on account of 
the women being in the harvest. Blessed be God, they 
have not lost as much as I feared they would. In this 
the Lord hath heard prayer indeed. B. T. spoke sweetly; 
her words animated my soul. And B. B. observed in a 



PART VII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 303 

very lively manner, what a difference she found between 
this and former harvests, and plainly described the fruit 
of the new creature. She was astonished to think what 
unthankfulness she used to feel. But, said she, every 
bit I picked up this year, seemed so to come from the 
Lord! and her heart overflowed with praise and thanks- 
giving. Poor Jane, also, gave good proof of a mighty 
change, though a few months ago an open sinner! 

October 8. The Lord has been in a very particular 
way showing me the depth of iniquity which hath been 
in all my life.* O, what a scene! the heights of folly, 
and the depths of selfishness! What did my Jesus bear 
for me! Yes, he hath borne it all. He hath made a full 
and perfect sacrifice for me! I can come to him as my 
full atonement. But I cannot bring him that glory I 
would, without a fuller change. I seem to have a hold 
of God more firm and steadfast, and a great expectation 
from his mere mercy. He hath done the work indeed 
for me, and I believe He will do it in me. So I shall 
become the " little child, to whom it is the Father's 
good pleasure to give the kingdom." 

Last night our tickets were renewed. It was a very 
solemn time. We had four new members. Mr. Bald- 
win preached on — " Are there few that be saved!" He 
showed how out of a company of professors, few might 
be truly in the " narrow way." That it called for the 
full exertion of all our powers, that we may " enter in 
at the strait gate." I found it a very sweet season. 
Afterward while he met the men's class, Mrs. Walter 
and I had a comfortable conversation on holiness; and 
as I was speaking to her, O, how did I see all depended 

* What a mystery is this unveiling* of the human heart, to the 
self-satisfied, self-righteous world! When God discovers to his 
children (for to none else can it be discovered,) "by his holy 
law written in their hearts," not only the iniquity that is manifest 
there, but all that their hearts are M capable of;" — this is a scene 
indeed! Let those to whom these discoveries are made, take 
heed that " their faith fail not. The blood of the covenant," 
and " the great and precious promises" will fully reach their 
case. This discovery is a needful preparation, in order to their 
being "gjeansed, by faith, from all unrighteousness. " — Ed, 



304 THE LIFE OF [PART VII. 

on having the mind stayed on Jesus! That our one bu- 
siness is, to look at him, our complete Saviour. 

Tuesday, November 10. I awaked this morning with 
these words, 

M To keep your armour bright, 

Attend with constant care, 
For ever walking" in his sight, 
And watching unto prayer." 

At my time of prayer, I found a cry in my soul that I 
might do so. When pleading for the people and the 
work, that it might be carried on in any way the Lord 
sees good. I felt my mind divested of any choice. Some 
slighting things had been said of late by one, with whom 
I have taken much pains, as if he could now do far better 
than his teachers! I brought this to the Lord; and felt 
my soul quite willing to be hid and covered in all He 
called me to, or blessed me in; and my heart sprang 
with joy at the idea of his Spirit being poured out 
through any channel. As I was thus hiding myself in 
Jesus, and enjoying the slighting things thrown out, on 
what I think a sweet revival which we have had of late, 
I felt what I know not how to describe, — I saw myself 
as espoused to Jesus my husband, and consequently one 
interest with him. Before I was aware, I cried out, If 
Thou art gloritied, I am glorified! Struck at my own 
words, I stopped. When it came to me with much 
power, "They that are joined to the Lord are one 
spirit." It also followed, they that partake of my hu- 
miliations shall partake of my glory. 0, how willing 
did my spirit feel to wait for that day! and such a sight 
was opened before me of the great blessing of being 
nothing in the eyes of man, as I can better feel than 
write. 

Last night at the meeting we had a great congrega- 
tion, and, blessed be God, I felt liberty. Two more 
notes of thanksgiving were presented for spiritual bless- 
ings received. When I came out, a person desired to 
speak with me. She gave me a blessed account how 
the Lord had given her the full assurance of peace and 
pardon! and M. D. who came in with her, appears to 
be sinking much deeper into God. Glory be to his holy 



PART VII. J MRS. FLETCHER. 305 

lame! Many of late are thus brought in, and several 
are either seeking the great blessing, or do "love the 
Lord with all their heart." 

November 12. A solemn sense of the mercies receiv- 
ed in these last fourteen years, has deeply sunk into my 
soul. How different was my state this day fourteen 
years, when I first became a wife! How tossed was my 
mind with a thousand fears, not yet fully knowing the 
" angel of the church" to whom I was joined; and also 
encumbered with various difficulties. But now this 
night there is not one clog left! What a marvellous 
change!* — My dear love's blessing does rest upon me! 
The Head of the church is indeed my head; and mercy 
with overflowing goodness does follow me all the day 
long. And with respect to the work. — O my God! 
Thou didst not call us to have children according to the 
flesh; but what an accomplishment do I see of those 
words, ;i Thy sons shall come from afar, and thy daugh- 
ters shall be nursed at thy side." Yes, I see them 
coming on every hand, 

" Better than daughters, or than sons, 
Temples divine of living stones, 
Inscribed with Jesu's name!" 

According to my usual custom on my wedding-day, 1 
have been renewing my covenant to be all the Lord's; 
and beseeching him to possess every thought, and to 
reveal himself more abundantly to my soul. May I 
from this moment be all activity in following hard after 
God! I am filled with blessings; O that I may be filled 
with the spirit of praise! 

Monday, December 21. Yesterday was a fatiguing 
day to the flesh, but I trust the Lord was glorified among 
us. In the morning I awoke about two, and being 
afraid to lose the early opportunities, I could hardly 
sleep afterward, Between four and five I rose, but was 
so poorly, I could but think, and offer up my soul in 
prayer. At the nine o'clock meeting I found the Lord 
was with us. At half after ten, (as Mr. Walter was 
from home,) I had to meet the congregation. For an 
hour and three quarters I felt much freedom, and some 
26* 



306 THE LIFE OF [PART VII. 

life in speaking, singing, and prayer. In the other meet- 
ing, (when Sally had taken that of the two o'clock, in 
which she had a great company and much of the powei 
of God,) I spoke to about twenty young beginners; and, 
blessed be the Lord, they come forward. A company 
at tea, and a private meeting in the evening, seemed to 
break me down. Between six and seven I retired, and 
for an hour and a half my soul was refreshed by being 
enabled to look, by faith, to my adorable Surety now 
"at the right hand of the Majesty on high," fully set 
free from all my sins wherewith he had charged himself. 
I saw him "delivered to death for my transgressions, 
and raised again for my justification.'' I had a sweet 
view how the believer, though weak and feeble, continu- 
ed thus free. The Saviour "bears the iniquity of our 
holy things." How true, how sweet is that word, "If 
thou canst believe, all things are possible!" Yes, he 
hath said, " He that cometh unto me, I will in nowise 
cast out." My soul rested on his satisfaction with peace- 
ful enjoyment, and I fed on those words of the prophet, 
" And he shall build the temple of the Lord." Yes, I 
depend on thee, "my Priest, my Atonement, my Inter- 
cessor," I depend on thee alone to make my soul and 
body "the living temple of the Holy Ghost." 

January 4, 1796. This year has begun with a solemn 
sense of eternity on my soul. On the first day we had 
the covenant with peculiar solemnity, and many were 
blest. On the third Mr. Walter preached in my room, 
on Cut it down, why cumber eth it the ground? It was 
a precious time. 

January 5. This day I have been fourteen years in 
Madely. It seems but as yesterday. What crucifying 
scenes have I passed through! Yet not one too much. 
No, my adorable Lord, Thou hast done all things well! 

April 27. Heading a little diary of dear Mrs. Yate, 
has been as marrow and fatness to my soul. It search- 
ed me deeply. O how much earnest agonizing do I dis- 
cern in her soul! And yet she is ever complaining of 
sloth. O my Lord, what am I? Yet I feel the Lord 
does keep me more steadily looking to himself. But I 



PART VII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 307 

do not get into the full rest I want, every moment feel- 
ing an all-sufficient God. 

Tuesday, May 11th. These words were powerful, 
They that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength. 
But I did not continue on my diligent watch. Some 
useless thoughts crept in; and though I have been striv- 
ing most of the day, I seem as if I could not feel as I 
did yesterday. O Lord, heal me! Thou knowest my 
unfaithfulness, and thou alone canst make me what thou 
wouldst have me to be. A circumstance occurred yes- 
terday which I found good. One who came to me told 
me some things that had been said, which to nature would 
be grating, and once would have been a great trial. But 
I found power to embrace the humiliation, and could 
share with joy His lot who was "counted a worm, and 
no man, the scorn of men, and the reproach of the 
people." 

Considering my various complaints, I see death not 
far off, and it seems my business, and one concern, to 
bend all my thoughts that way. O, to awake up after 
His likeness! Lord, get thyself glory on me! I pant to 
be all like thee! 

June 10. Last night for some hours I could not sleep, 
having much fever. But I found it a good time of plead- 
ing with the Lord, that he would glorify himself on me. 
I pleaded that blessed word, " They who have much for- 
given shall love much." 

December 31. Another year is almost at an end. How 
is my soul? Lord, what have I gained this year? I feel 
more liberty in prayer, more hunger and thirst after 
God; yet only in a small advance f to what I would be. 
I feel an unspeakable nearness to 'eternity, and a deep 
sense of its importance. O that I may live to God as I 
have never yet done! This morning pleading that word, 
Whatsoever ye ask in my name, I will do it, I felt my 
confidence increase, and can firmly rely on the word of 
the Lord. I did, and do now, ask such a state of soul 
as will most glorify my Lord. I ask to dwell in love. 
It appears to me there can be no witness equal to this. 
When I dwell, constantly dwell, in the element of love, 
there can be no room for a doubt. But my hinderance 



S08 THE LIFE OF [PART VII. 

from entering fully into this state, is the want of looking 
every moment to Jesus. I am sensible I should grow 
fast if I unremittingly kept my eye fixed on Him. But 
since I have more ardently desired this, it seems as if 
all hell opposed it,* and as it were forced away my 
mind, or brought black clouds between me and my views 
of heaven. Yet will I persevere; yea, I will hang upon 
thy word, believing the cloudless day shall come. 

January 4, 1797. Much comfort I have had in meet- 
ing the Tuesday class in the morning. They almost 
every one seem to have renewed their vigour with the 
new year. O, how did they praise God, saying, they 
had never known such a Christmas! Several of these 
were, a few months since, strong in the devil's service. 
They are now rejoicing in the Lord! But poor C. D.— 
nothing would comfort him. He seemed locked up in 
dark despair, till at the covenant on Sunday night, the 
Lord set him at liberty. On Tuesday night while he 
was speaking, how did my heart leap for joy! O, what 
an answer to prayer! On Wednesday morning the meet- 
ing was also very lively, and several seem to have begun 
the new year in the most solemn spirit of prayer. How 
many of these likewise were a few months ago dark 
sinners! O Lord, we hope to see more and more of 
thy power among us. 

March 20. " Gracious is the Lord, and merciful." O, 
how much of his faithfulness have I seen of late! More 
and more do I discover how he orders all for us. Some 
affairs of late have threatened distress to the nation, and 
loss to me. But the tender care and wise disposal of 
the Lord was so set before me, that I was enabled to 
praise him as I could not have done had not these things 
occurred. And he made me to know in the end, that he 
does indeed make a hedge about me, and all concerning 
me. O, what a treasure do I see in those words — "I 
will be your God, and you shall be my sons and daugh- 
ters, saith the Lord Almighty!" 

* The devil knows it is the very thing* that will overcome him. 
It is this alone that will deliver us from that worldly spirit, which 
is the element in which he works. Every thing" is little compai 
ed to this faith.— Ed. 



I 



PART VI I. J MRS. FLETCHER. 309 

April 1. For some days my soul has been keenly 
tried by an accusation of the enemy, on account of a 
former transaction in which it was represented I had in- 
jured my neighbour. I cried to the Lord to make it 
plain if it were so, for He knew it would be the very 
joy of my heart to make amends. Yet I had reason to 
think it was a snare of Satan, because when my soul 
was most drawn out in prayer, it came as a fiery dart 
that I must first inquire into, and set that matter right, 
before I could expect a blessing, — though it was not 
possible at that time to do any thing. And so it proved. 
But it seemed whenever the accusation came, immedi- 
ately some word of the Lord, or some plain answer, 
presented itself to my mind. During this trial, which 
was very painful, O, what a view 1 had of my state by 
nature! What depths of pride, folly, and all kinds of 
evil were apparent from my infancy. I cannot express 
what I saw and felt; but I carried it all to the Lord, and 
every view as it came before me, seemed to have the ef- 
fect of driving me more to the bosom of my God. 

April 8. After the trial already mentioned, I have 
found a stronger faith, and more firm reliance on the 
Lord Jesus; and one day reading that passage in Job 
xxii. which has so often been applied with power to my 
heart, I felt it more than ever so; and looking to some 
of the marginal references in the great Bible, a sweet 
light shone into my soul. Meditating on that verse, 
" Then shalt thou have thy delight in the Almighty, and 
shalt lift up thy face unto God," — I turned to the refer- 
ences, (Job xi. 15.) "For then shalt thou lift up thy face 
without spot; yea, thou shalt be steadfast, and shalt not 
fear; because thou shalt forget thy misery, and remem- 
ber it as waters that pass away. And thine age shall 
be clearer than the noon-day. Thou shalt shine forth, 
thou shalt be as the morning; and thou shalt be secure, 
because there is hope. Yea, thou shalt dig about thee, 
and thou shalt take thy rest in safety. Also thou shalt 
i'ie down, and none shall make thee afraid. Yea, many 
6hall make suit unto thee." In how many particulars is 
this already accomplished! But that word, "Thine aore 
«hall be clearer than noon-day," in the margin, shall arise 



310 THE LIFE OF [PABT VII 

above the noon, was powerfully applied; which gave ok 

to discern a prospect, that my old iired 

with a far cl nmunion than my noon was. Omy 

Lord, I see the dawn, but I wail for the Sun of Bight- 
eousness fully to ari 

April IS. Mrs. Walter'* has been much blest 

to me. Had I such sufferings to go thru igh, my 
God! I could no. bring glory to thy cause by patience 
as she did, unless thou gavest me a fuller change. From 
the first of her coming to Madely, I observed in her an 
earnest upright desire oi living to God. As soon as she 
knew of our private meetings, she inquired into the na- 
ture of them, and begged to be admitted as a member; 
ever showing by her whole carriage, that the language 
of her heart v 

"Number'd with them may I be 
Here, and in eternity.'" 

She had experienced the pardoning love of God before 
she came into Shropshire in a very clear manner, and 
often felt a wish her lot might be cast among some peo- 
ple who walked closer with God than any she had yet 
seen. And when her husband became curate of this 
parish, she felt a strong impression that her prayer was 
about to be answered. She loved her children tenderly, 
and was exemplary in her care both oi them and of her 
household. She had many conflicts with the evil of her 
heart, yet often telling me what sweejt returns she fell 
in private prayer: in the practice of which duty she 
was truly vigilant. She longed for the day when she 
should find those words verified in her soul, 

** So anger may'st thou ever find. 

No pride in my unruffled mind, 

But love, and heaven-born peace be there. n 

For some weeks, when near the hour of nature's sor- 
row, she was most sweetly carried on. often declaring 
she could feel no fear, for the Lord poured in his pre- 
cious promises, and so rilled her with his consolations, 
as to keep her mind in perfect peace: assured from his 
own mouth, He would make all her bed in her sickness. 



PART VII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 311 

On Saturday, March the 4th, she was seized with a 
violent shivering. Then the enemy came in as a floods 
with that thought. Thai she must die and leave her dear 
children. This conflict was severe; but she was en- 
abled, as a true daughter of Abraham, to overcome. 
From this season her will appeared to be entirely lost 
in that of God. The next day she was delivered of a 
child, which died the same night; and soon after she 
proved to be in a strong fever. Her sufferings were 
great and long, as she lived to the twenty-first day after 
her seizure. But she was a pattern of patience and 
thankfulness. What adds to both her and our trial was, 
the inflammation lay so on her lungs, that we could 
scarce understand any thing she said. But in this trial 
also she showed no impatience; and when a blister was 
brought for her back, by which she had formerly suf- 
fered much,) she looked on it some moments, and said, 
My dear Saviour gave his back to the smiters. and so 
will I. She constantly declared the Lord was with her; 
and one day, when my Sally reminded her of that pro- 
mise, that "The Lord would make all her bed in her 
sickness," she answered, "He doth! he doth!" On the 
Tuesday she told me with tears of love and praise, how 
very sweet those words had been to her, 

"All thine afflictions my glory shall raise, 

And the deeper thy sorrows, the louder thy praise!" 

Twice she had a sweet view of the invisible world, and 
the attendance of many of the heavenly hosts. Of this 
she would no doubt have told us much, but we could un- 
derstand but little of her speech. One time as she was 
saying, "Hard work, hard work," Mrs. Purton (who 
was almost constantly with her) said, " What is hard 
work?" She replied, "To leave the dear children. But 
the Lord says, Leave thy children to me, I icill preserve 
them!" Inquiring one day how she found her mind, 
her answer was, "I have no will; it seems all lost in, 
God. If he were to give me my choice, I do not 
know whether to choose life or death. But if the Lord 
should raise me, I am determined to live more to God 
than ever, and above all, to be more faithful in private 



312 THE LIFE OF [PART VII. 

prayer." The last night Mrs. Yate said, Is your mind 
as calm as ever? she replied, " Quite so." And is 
Jesus as preciously present as he hath been all along? 
Her answer was, "More so than ever." On Friday, 
March 24, 1797, she appeared to be just going about 
eleven o'clock; breathing very hard, as she had done 
some hours. We went to prayer, and found the Lord 
very present; after which, as I was looking on her, I 
repeated, 

M A convoy attends — 
A ministering host of invisible friends! 

Ready wing'd for the flight, 

To the regions of light, — 
The horses are come, 
The chariot of Israel to carry thee home!' , 

And in a few moments her happy spirit left this vale of 
tears, to mingle with the blaze of day! She was in her 
thirty-third year. Her disorder was such as called for 
a very uncommon degree of attention and care. And 
O, how did we see the faithfulness of God! Such friends 
were raised, and such helps given in the hour of need, 
as made us say in truth. He counts our every hair! My 
Sally was enabled to be a great comfort to her, and oft 
did she express it. One day. looking earnestly on me, 
she said, " I have a deal to tell you, but I cannot speak 
it." When we meet above, she will perhaps tell me of 
some glorious views, and divine consolations, where- 
with she was favoured, though she could not utter them 
here. 

June 8. My faith seems increasing. I have clearer 
views of the fulness of the Saviour, and of the unbound- 
ed privilege of believing. Many have observed, *" You 
have what you believe for, and some have made a bad 
use of that privilege, not understanding what it is truly 
to believe." But it is still a great truth, M Whatsoever 
ye ask in prayer, believing, you receive. God speaks 
of the things that are not. as though they were." So 
does faith. It sees the blessing of sanctihcation. and 
takes hold of the promise, and cries, Through Christ 
it is mine! I am not in full possession^ yet, like a man 



PART VII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 313 

that has an estate left him, he claims it as his own; and 
though opposed, struggles to get into the possession, and 
does not quit his claim, though often repulsed by him 
who unlawfully pretends to the right. The believing 
soul says, It is the will of God that T should feel evil 
no more — that is, I should no more let it in, however 
tempted. It is his will I should always conquer. My 
Lord tells me in his word, " This" is the victory by which 
we overcome, even our faith." I must therefore use my 
weak faith, that it may grow stronger, which it certainly 
does by use. I must hold fast that strong rock. First, 
44 Jesus hath borne all my sins in his own body on the 
tree;" therefore they are atoned for, and the atonement 
is mine by believing. Secondly, "Christ is made unto 
me of the Father, sanctihcation." He hath, by his one 
offering, perfected the whole work needful for the purifi- 
cation of the heart, and this is mine also by believing. 
He hath received the Holy Spirit to pour it out on his 
church — therefore it is mine, as far as I can believe, and 
so unite my soul by faith to God. Abiding in him, I 
am so far sanctified; and by the exercise of this hope, 
the soul is said (by St. John) to purify itself, even as 
God is pure. Not in degree, but in becoming of one 
nature. The light of the candle is fire, as really as the 
sun. So it may be said, that little flame is as the sun: 
both are of one nature. The promise of the bap- 
tism of the Spirit is to me. I claim it. Yea, and my 
dear Lord hath told me, "Thou shalt walk with me in 
white. I will thoroughly purge away thy dross, and 
take away all thy tin." I believe it is his will to do it 
this moment, but the way he hath appointed is faith; 
that is the appointed channel. " By grace are ye saved 
through faith." Now as far as faith can lay hold, I have 
it, and no farther. This is "the secret of the Lord, 
which is with those that fear him." They turn to Je- 
sus, and find all in him. It is impossible to stand one 
moment in any state, but by union with the Saviour — as 
the Lord says by Isaiah, " Without me ye shall bow 
down among the prisoners." And the Saviour, " With 
out me ye can do nothing." 

As I was at prayer this morning my spirit was diss* 
27 



314 THE LIFE OF [PART VII. 

pated, and could not get near to the Lord.* While I 
waited before him, I felt those words applied, "To be 
spiritually-minded is life and peace." I discerned such 
a light in the words as I never did before. One of my 
greatest conflicts has been with idle thoughts about doing 
that good which is not in my power. I remember an 
observation greatly blest to me on this head, by a good 
man now in eternity;—" Thoughts are of two kinds — 
either the reptile, or the winged kind. Either they 
crawl on earth, as the reptile, or rise to heaven as on 
wings." This idea has been often blest to me. But 
this morning I had such a clear view into the blessing 
of keeping the mind occupied on spiritual things as en- 
couraged me much. I now feel the power of it; to be 
spiritually-minded is life and peace. 

November 6. Blessed be the Lord, I feel him at 
work in my soul. He hath brought me into a narrow 
path; and I find his faithful Spirit reproves me many 
times a day. O the need I feel of watchfulness! I have 
prayed many times for a tender conscience, quick as the 
apple of an eye, and in a measure I feel it so. But I 
want so to put on the Lord Jesus, that my God — " May 
look and love his image there." I feel a sweet love to, 
and rest in, the will of God, even in those things which 
come nearest to my heart. But there is a close com- 
munion — an intercourse which I have not: Lord, take 
away whatever stands between! 

An observation of a spiritual writer was last night 
very profitable to me. He says, " The soul who would 
come to the Lord, and be filled with the Holy Ghost, 
must begin by believing in Christ as Mediator. But he 
must force himself to that which is good, however his 
heart may be set against it. He should force himself to 
take insults and humilyations for the Lord's sake as with 
joy; and to exert a liberty in prayer, speaking to the 
Lord as if he had it. Above all, let him force himself 
to an assurance of the favour of God:\ and shortly the 

• How little the most edifying reasonings avail when faith is 
not in exercise. — Ed. 

f That is, He should resolutely believe, that the general decla- 
rations of good will, made by the Lord to the human race, fee* 
kmg to him. — Ed. 



PART VII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 315 

Spirit of God will come upon him, and enable him to 
do all those things freely, from a pure nature within, 
which now he does by force. But never let him quit 
his hope, for then sin gains ground. But while a man 
retains his hope in God, sin dies away." I felt a sweet 
power all the time of my reading; and that word, That 
we should "force ourselves to assurance in God's love," 
was life to my soul. It is always a blessing to me when 
I resist discouragements to faith. 

December 19. This is the day set apart for a national 
thanksgiving, on account of the victory gained at sea 
over our enemies. Blessed be the Lord, he hath hitherto 
preserved us. But clouds yet hang over our heads. 
Lord, teach our senators wisdom! Bless our good king, 
and guide him in every thing, that he may take such 
measures as shall tend to unite the hearts of his sub- 
jects! 

We have had several deaths lately round about us. 
Some of them our own people. That blessed woman, 
Mary Barnard, is one. She died very happy, declaring 
to the last that the covenant was signed and sealed with 
the Lord, and she was his by a marriage bond. She set 
to her seal, that " the blood of Jesus Christ had cleans- 
ed her from all sin." She had known the pure love of 
God many years. Another was our neighbour W. Wes- 
ton, who endured a long and heavy affliction with much 
patience. Sally often visited him, it being too far for 
me. The night before he died, she was with him; on 
her return she gave me the following account: "My 
soul did praise the Lord to hear him declare the love of 
Jesus, —saying — O, he is precious to my soul! On my 
asking him, Hath the Lord often visited you since I was 
with you last? He answered, Yes, many, many times. 
God hath heard prayer for me indeed, and now I long 
to die. We seemed to enjoy a little heaven together, 
while conversing of many of our dear friends now in 
glory, ready to welcome him there. I reminded him of 
the observation which my dear master made in one of 
his letters from abroad, — That perhaps he might (if he 
should not live to return to England,) be permitted to ac- 
company the ministering angels, who should be sent to 



316 THE LIFE OF [PART VII. 

convey the spirits of his dear parishioners into glory! 
He seemed to delight in the thought! I observed, You 
are going now, and I trust by the grace of God, I shall 
be enabled to fight my passage through, and then shall 
we meet on Sion's happy shore, there to praise our dear 
Lord together. Smiling, he answered, ' We shall, we 
shall.' I read those two hymns, — -' Come let us join 
our friends above, who have obtained the prize.' And, 
* How happy every child of grace, who knows his sins 
forgiven.' After conversing some time, I repeated those 
lines, 

' For you is prepared the angelic guard, 

A convoy attends — 
A ministering* host of invisible friends! 

Ready wing'd for their flight 

To the regions of light, — 
The horses are come, 
The chariot of Israel to carry you home!' 

He stretched out both his arms, looking upwards, as 
with eager desire, and cried out— -O, I am longing for 
that convoy to come for me! I took my leave of him, 
saying, I shall see you no more here; but it will not be 
long before we meet above. And, I pray the Lord may 
be with you in the dark valley, and sweetly support you 
with his presence. He caught hold of my hand, and 
said, ' Farewell! God bless you for ever, and dear Mrs. 
Fletcher. Tell her I thank her for all her kindness to 
me; but above all, for the prayers she hath offered for 
me. They have done me much good, more good than 
my own. May God bless her and bless you both for 
ever!' Some others also the Lord hath taken to his bo- 
som, and among them, one out of my own little house- 
hold. Poor dear Martha Clark, who had lived with 
me eight years, being ill, left me last August, to try if 
her native air would restore her. One letter I received 
from her. In it, she said, her mind was in peace, stay- 
ed on the Lord. Not long after, she dreamed she had 
returned, and that on opening our back-door, she saw 
the Lord Jesus all in white! who told her he had brought 
the chariot for her. In the morning she said to her bro- 
ther she should die soon, for the chariot of Israel was 



PABT VII.]. MRS. FLETCHER. 317 

come for her. And so she did on October the sixteenth, 
I believe, suddenly. She often repeated that verse of 
the hymn, " For you is prepared the angelic guard, &c." 
And frequently would be saying, " When will the chariot 
come for me?" How solemn is the thought! My family 
is partly in Paradise and partly on earth. On earth I 
have none but my dear child Sally; but above I have 
many. Blessed be God for that word, — "We shall be 
gathered to our people." Marthy Clark was one who 
so walked, as truly to "adorn the Gospel." W T hile in 
my house, I do not know there was ever one thing I 
wished her to put away, or to do, but she immediately 
complied therewith. In nothing was she worldly-mind- 
ed, but often was ready to refuse any little addition to 
her wages, when I saw it right to give it to her. She 
was in many respects truly a pattern of sobriety of mind, 
and of a quiet spirit. 

January 4, 1798. At the watch-night, held the last 
evening of the year, I was sensible of a deepening of 
the conviction which I had for some days felt, of the lit- 
tleness of my grace. In this spirit I began this new 
year. I do certainly feel God hath done me good in the 
last; but I see as I never did, the need of a far deeper 
work, a faith at all times lively and vigorous. I have 
not such a perfect conquest over my thoughts as I must 
have to cause a continual sense of the Almighty. I am 
not always faithful in resisting, if the thought does not 
appear to be evil. Since the first day of this year, I have 
found more power to watch; Lord, stand by me! Some 
observing to me, they could not find as much profit from 
my words and prayers, as they did from Sally's, and won- 
dering at it;* — I thought, it is no wonder: for I have not 
such a degree of the Spirit as she has. But I will bless 
thee, O Lord, that I am permitted to make her way; and 
will with pleasure do more of the little things of the 
house, that she may have more leisure to carry Thy 
truth about among souls. She is a faithful follower of 

• They are not to be commended who spoke thus; nor was 
Mrs. Fletcher's consequent resolution, though admirable, wholly 
without danger to the young 1 woman. — Ed. 

27* 



318 THE LIFE OF [PART VII. 

the Lamb, and though she has been my orphan to bring 
up, I now desire to tread in her steps. 

September 12. Fifty-nine years this day have I seen 
the light of this world; but never did I see eternal 
things more important than at this hour. I am led to 
live one moment at a time, offering up my whole self 
to the will of God, to be purified by his divine influ- 
ence; — to be just what he would have me to be. Lord, 
get thyself glory on my soul. 1 had some humbling 
thoughts concerning my dear husband. How much 
more comfort I might have yielded him, oft presses hard 
on my mind. " O, I have much forgiven, let me love 
much!" 

Some years ago I was much struck with that observa- 
tion of Mr. Bridges, — "Where God designs to confer 
a great blessing, he frequently puts a sentence of death 
on the means that seem to lead thereto; as in the case 
of Abraham and Sarah." I am sure* it has been so with 
me in various instances. At twenty-four I had a plenti- 
ful fortune, but all seemed lost. Yet God said in my 
heart, " Thou shalt lend, and not borrow." I was, 
however, at that time, borrowing of many, my own mo- 
ney being in estates. I feared I should not at last pay all, 
therefore, for fear of deception, I spoke freely to several 
of my losses, and especially to those whose money 1 had 
on interest. Many said, "Depend upon it she is not 
worth ten pounds, for every one makes the best they 
can of their affairs." Such a sentence of death seemed 
to come over all my worldly affairs! And yet, when 
God's time came, how did all turn about! Now it may 
be asked, Why does God take this way? Mr. Bridges 
gives a sweet answer, "God gives his blessings in that 
manner which shall most show that He is God." Now 
had my fortune remained unlessened, as it came from 
my parents, I should not have so clearly seen the hand 
of God. But, like Joseph, we must sometimes be sold 
into Egypt, in order to have our promises fulfilled, — of 
becoming "the sheaf lifted up." Of late I have feared 
lest I should look to my plenty more than I ought, and 
mot live by faith. Perhaps to prevent that, the Lord 



PART VII.] MKS. FLETCHEK. 319 

hath taken this thirty pounds in France, and fifty pounds 
per annum, in Switzerland;* and yet I feel no lack. 

November 15. Last Monday, the 12th, was a solemn 
day to me. That day seventeen years, (and on a Mon- 
day,) my dear husband and I were made one before meru 
We were before made one in the Lord. that my 
spirit could more partake of what he feels in glory! I 
have no doubt that an eternal growth belongs to happy 
spirits; and sometimes I think he has so long got the 
start of me, and was so much before me, even here, that 
I fear I shall not be in one tribe with him above. Well, 
I feel the will and order of God is right, let my man- 
sion be where it will. If Jesus is glorified, I know I 
shall delight in that. 

November 21. What an awftil time do we live in! 
This Irish rebellion has occasioned the death of thou- 
sands. To what distress also are numbers reduced, 
stripped of all they have, their houses burnt, and them- 
selves forced to flee for their lives! But many of our 
people have been remarkably preserved. I have not yet 
heard of one of them who have not escaped, though of- 
ten as by miracle: "When I look on these things, I think. 
How different is my situation! I am lost in wonder, 
love, and praise! O my God, here I sit under my own 
vine and fig-tree, filled with every good thing! Plenty 
of money for all I want, and some to spare. I say, when 
I look at these things, I am astonished at the tender 
mercy of God! and encouraged to believe, that He who 
thus graciously deals with my poor dying body, will an- 
swer every prayer for my soul. Last night I seemed, 
almost the whole of it, to hear, and repeat with sweet 
power, these words, 

" Still O my soul prolong* 

The never-ceasing" song 1 : 

Christ my hope, my joy, my theme; 

His be all my happy days! 

Bow my every power to Him, 

Every thought be spent in praise!" 

When I awoke I could not say it, — I could not even be- 
• Lost by the invasion of the French. — EcL 



320 THE LIFE OF [PART VII. 

gin! Bat no sooner did I drop asleep again, than it 
flowed as it were out of my heart and lips! 

January 15, 1799. I have found the beginning of this 
year a very solemn season. O, that I may feel in the 
course of it, what I have never before felt! On Christ- 
mas eve, the Scriptures which I read in the meeting 
were the first and second chapters of Luke;— -and it 
seemed to man}" of us, as if we were with Zacharias in 
the temple, with Mary when the angel Gabriel came to 
her, with the shepherds in the field, and, above all, with 
the little company in the stable in Bethlehem, hearing 
the shepherds relate their vision, and Joseph and Mary 
confirming their faith, by a relation of all the wonderful 
things they had seen and heard! Our hearts exulted 
also with Simeon and Anna in the temple;* and my soul 
was led to cry aloud, that all who waited for salvation 
in Madely should behold my Saviour! 

I was able to go out on Christmas day, but I was ill 
the rest of the week. On the first day of this year, in 
the evening, we had a full meeting, and the Lord was 
with us. We then considered a few questions which 
had been brought to my mind for that purpose. First, 
Has this last year been a year of prayer? Have my 
prayers been serious, fervent, and recollected? Or — have 
I drawn near to God with my lips, while my heart was 
far from him? Secondly, have I watched my thoughts, 
and been much in holy ejaculations? Thirdly, have I 
been thankful for mercies received, and attentive to ob- 
serve deliverances and answers to prayer? remembering 
that word, "He that o Herein, me praise, he honoureth 

* A genuine instance of true faith, in ordinary life and duty. 
Faith, says St. Paul, is the evidence of things not seen- that is, — 
of the unseen things which God hath revealed, and of which the 
Holy Scriptures are the record. These things (events, discove- 
ries, declarations, promises, threatening^,) are either past, future, 
or spiritual, and, therefore, not the objects of sight. This evi- 
dence, (e<^/%->) gives to these unseen things of God a present sub- 
sistence. Hence this faith is said to be mighty through God > to 
work by love, to purify the heart, and to overcome the world. As 
this evidence is more or less clear and constant, so is the victory, 
and so is the consequent holiness — the righteousness, peace, and 
joy. Lord, increase our faith! — Ed. 



BART VII.] MRS. FLEf CHlixt. 821 

me." Fourthly, Do I feel a deep sense of sin? Do I 
loathe my sinful self, and cry often, Lord, " cleanse me 
from my secret faults?" Fifthly, Am I deeply conscious 
that the root of all sin is, in having lost God, and found 
self in his place? And do I continually see holiness to 
consist in the being sunk into my own nothingness, that 
God alone may be exalted in my soul? Sixthly, Does 
my faith increase? Do I come more freely to a crucihed 
Saviour, seeking- all my salvation in, and through him 
alone? Seventhly, Do I keep hold of every promise 
given me, as I would of a purse of gold, knowing it will 
be good another day? Do I so look for the fulfilling of 
those given me long since, pleading that prayer, ' 4 Lord, 
accomplish the word on which thou hast made me to 
hope/' 

As to my outward walk. Have I watched over my 
tongue? David says in Psalm the 39th, ;i I will take 
heed to my ways, that I offend not with my tongue. 1 
will keep my mouth as with a bridle, while the wicked 
are in my sight." You who work among the ungodly, 
do you do so? Those words of St. James are very im- 
portant, — "My brethren, be ye swift to hear and slow- 
to speak." And in the third chapter, he calls the tongue 
" a world of iniquity, set on fire of hell, and setting on 
fire the whole course of nature." Secondly, Have I 
watched over my appetites? Has my table been that of 
a Christian or that of a beast? A beast only seeks to 
feed; but a Christian should make his table an act of 
devotion. "Whether ye eat or drink," says St. Paul, 
"or whatsoever ye do, do all in the name, and to the 
glory of God." Now this may be done in three ways. 
First, some little act of self denial should accompany 
each meal, as .a check to intemperance. Ask yourself 
after each meal,— In what have I denied myself this 
time? Secondly, your table should be a time of godly 
conversation, if with others:— of meditation, if alone. 
Thirdly, these blessings should raise your heart to 
thankful gladness, and increase your faith in that Provi- 
dence, who by thus providing for your body, gives you 
a proof how^ much more he will provide for your 'im- 
mortal soul. To help you thus to spiritualize your meals, 



322 THE LIFE OF [pAKT VII. 

use much attention and fervour in asking a blessing and 
returning thanks. 

With regard to my neighbour. Do I strive to be 
faithful and diligent in my station? Obedient to superiors? 
careful of. and tender to, my inferiors? Secondly, do I 
pray and strive to love my neighbour as myself? Do I 
forgive as I hope to be forgiven? Do I do all I can for 
the souls and bodies of those about me? If I hear of 
the death of any neighbour, do I ask myself, Have I 
ever had an opportunity of warning that soul which I 
have neglected? Will that soul have a just accusation 
against me at the last day? Again, let us cast a look on 
those who are, from among ourselves in this last year. 
laid up in the garner of God. Have we honoured and 
served these saints of God? What a blessed opportunity 
have we in this of serving the Lord Jesus! For if he 
takes as to himself, all we do for his little ones at any 
time, how much more in their sickness and death? "For 
right dear in the sight of the Lord is the death of his 
saints." I never hear cf the death of a child of God, 
but I ask myself that question,- — Have I done all I could 
for that person in every way? Jesus saith, "Make to 
yourselves friends of the mammon of unrighteousness, 
that when you fail on earth, they may receive you into 
everlasting habitations." How many do you think are 
thus waiting to receive you above? Let us this night 
awake to diligence. Let us be more earnest in seeking, 
and we shall be more enriched in finding. Good Mr. 
Frazer* observes, "Ever since I can remember, propor- 
tionable to my diligence in seeking was my finding: 
nor made I ever any extra aim at God, but I got some- 
thing extra. Also, says he, I learn that a Christian's 
assurance, or faith, though it do not at first flow from 
holiness, yet it is, in its progress, ever in proportion to 
his holy walk with God." This is a great truth, foi 
"the mystery of the faith" must be kept "in a pure 
conscience." 

February 7. How many have been called away lately. 
Three precious souls, three nights running, have I seen 
brought to the churchyard! The first was Brother 
• A very pious minister of the Church of Scotland. — Ed. 



PART VII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 323 

Brook, one of my dear Mr. Fletcher's first children. 
He has been a steady walker, but not clearly awakened 
to the work of sanctiflcation till a few years ago. He 
dreamed that he heard a voice say to him, — John, are 
you ready to die? He could not remember what he an- 
swered, but the purport was, that he hoped so. Next 
day he was rather uneasy, and wished to have the dream 
again, that he might answer better. Sometime after he 
thought in his sleep, he heard the voice again. Then 
he said, Lord, am I ready? On which such a discovery 
of the evil of his nature was laid open to him, that he 
cried out, Ah! Lord, I have all to do! I have to begin! 
From that time he felt a strong desire to be a new 
creature in the full sense of the word; and began to 
strive i; to take the kingdom by force.'' But still he did 
not see clearly the way of faith. One night he dreamed 
my dear husband came to him, and pointing to a wall, 
said, John, you must get up above the top of that wall. 
He replied, Sir, I cannot, it is impossible. Mr. Fletcher 
answered, Yes, John, you must, or you will perish. He 
immediately lifted up his heart to the Lord, and began 
gently to rise, till he was even with the top of the wall, 
—on which he laid his hand to lean, — when instantly 
he dropped down to the bottom, and awoke. This much 
discouraged him. But a second time he dreamed the 
same dream, and leaned as before, when he asrain dropped 
down. He had many thoughts about these dreams, what 
they could mean. After some time he again dreamed 
that Mr. Fletcher came to him, and as before bid him 
rise above that wall, adding, — The reason, John, why 
you fell the other times, was because you leaned on the 
wall. If you but touch it, you spoil all. Then he again 
lifted up his heart in faith as before, and g-ently rising till 
he was above the wall, he found himself in a most beau- 
tiful place, and his soul in a profound peace. From this 
dream he saw it was by "looking unto Jesus," that he 
was to "enter that rest which remains for the people of 
God." During a very long and painful illness, he has 
been kept in a sweet calm peace. In the beginning he 
was much tempted, but his confidence remained firm. 
In the latter end it was much increased. He said, a few 



324 THE LIFE OF [PART VII. 

minutes before his death, to a neighbour, " 0, Tommy, 
this calls for much faith and patience;" but added, Thai 
his confidence was unshaken. lie then cried, " Come, 
Lord Jesus!" and entered his everlasting rest. 

The next night poor sister Smith was buried She 
appeared to me more than commonly stirred up the last 
two or three times I met her in class. In her illness, 
which lasted a month, she was continually crying out 
for a clean heart; lamenting the unbelief she felt, which, 
said she, is as a wall. O that this wall of unbelief were 
removed, that I might have a clear evidence! O that 
the heart of stone were taken away! One night, about 
a week before she died, she called hastily to her son, 
telling him, the Lord had taken away the heart of stone , 
and filled her mouth with praise. She continued in 
peace, though in much pain, till her spirit returned to 
God. The following night a man w T as buried, who had 
been a sufferer for some years, but in that time brought 
home to God. 

February 14. My mind is sorrowful. It seems as if 
the Lord was about to take my Sally from me. She 
grows worse and worse; her legs swell much, her 
strength fails, and all means used appear unsuccessful. 
I have been so supported, as I could not have expected; 
not with great joy, but a determined resignation,^ — a 
clinging to the will of God, be the event what it may. 
She has been as the tenderest of daughters to me; a 
spiritual friend both to soul and body. A most useful 
housekeeper, and the best of nurses. In short, the staff 
of my old age. If I lose her, I shall be stripped of all 
that makes my life comfortable. We keep a kind of 
inn for the Lord's people; and I am so infirm I cannot 
supply her place in care and management. In the work 
of God she is also admirably useful, and together we 
get through a good deal. But left alone, what a pooi 
creature shall I be, to go through all these fatigues? But 
I will encourage myself in the Lord. We shall not be 
parted. She goes a little before, and I shall follow after 

March 9. I have still a season of trial, but not with- 
out profit. My dear Sally is yet ill, apparently going 
into a consumption. 1 must now, as Abraham, lay the 



PART VII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 325 

whole of my earthly comforts on the altar! But I cling 
to the will of God. Christ left all for me. O my Lord, 
enable me to glorify thee in the fire! This morning I 
was blest in those words, "Casting all your care on 
Him, for He careth for you." 

March 19. This was our quarter day. I found in the 
morning a particular faith, in devoting myself to the 
Lord, that his whole will might be accomplished in me, 
and by me, that day; and I saw the immediate guidance 
of his hand in each particular. I felt thankful, that our 
application to Mr. Young had apparently been blest, and 
my dear friend was better, and enabled to assist me 
through the hurry of the day. We went to bed in peace, 
though fatigued. But in the night she spit blood again. 
This circumstance seems to take away, humanly speak- 
ing, all hope of her recovery. The discharge continu- 
ed, though lessening all the next day and night. Blessed 
be God, I felt power to go through all that I was called 
to in the Lord's work, and to cling fast to his will by 
resignation. 

March 25. Sally is very poorly. The bleeding con- 
tinues, though the discharge is small. Yesterday morn- 
ing, Easter Sunday, I felt power to throw myself on the 
Lord, and was helped through the duties of the day. I 
asked her how she felt her mind when she began to 
spit the blood? She replied, she felt no fear of death, 
but a firm confidence that the Lord would finish his work 
if he took her directly. At the same time she felt ten- 
derly for me. She added, " On Thursday, being in 
great pain, I dropped into a dose, and thought I heard 
the voice of my dear master, saying, as if he stood by 
me, 'The sufferings of the present time are not worthy 
to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed.' " 
It w T as a refreshment to me to have, as it were, a mes- 
sage from heaven in this time of trouble. As I sat in 
my pew at church, I thought, I must now go to the table 
alone. Once I had my dear husband there, and my 
child at my side. Now, as Naomi, I must say, I went 
out full, but return empty. As I knelt at the table, it 
seemed as if her spirit was one with mine. On my re 
28 



326 THE LIFE OF [PAR *U. 

turn to the pew as I was pleading in prayer th he 
Lord would order all, — it came to me, 

"Leave to his Sov'reign sway- 
To choose and to command; 

So shalt thou wond'ring, own his way, 
How wise, how good his hand." 

I said, Lord, look upon us! It was answered, The hair* 
of your head are all numbered. I then said, My deal 
Saviour, our concerns are regarded in the court above; 1 
freely leave them there! It came with power, And the 
care of them is with the Most High. That so melted 
my heart, I could not help bursting into tears. But they 
were tears of gratitude. The Lord did not seem to tell 
me what he would do with me; but patience must have 
its perfect work. 

May 8th. Many mercies and many trials have I pass- 
ed through since I wrote last. My dear Sally is yet 
very poorly, and I feel myself called to stand on my 
watch-tower, that I may gain all the good designed me 
in this trial. I desire to be in the posture of Abraham 
when he was going to Mount Moriah. What will be 
the end I know not, but it has been a time of much 
pain. 

May 30. The Lord hath in great mercy heard prayer 
in many respects of late. I know not where to begin 
to recount his goodness. My dear Sally is much better, 
and seems to gather strength beyond expectation. On 
Sunday night last I was led to make a fresh dedication 
of my all to God; and He showed me I was to confide 
alone in Him. I fear much for my dear friend, but I am 
not called to hinder her in any thing, but commit all to 
the Lord, for I have given up all into his hand. 

June 28. Blessed be God, I do feel an increase of 
union, and a recollected posture of mind. Reading that 
line to-day in one of Mr. Wesley's letters, "Entire re- 
signation implies entire love. Give Him your will, and 
you give him your heart." I felt a spring of satisfac- 
tion arise in my mind. I am sure I do feel an increas- 
ing resignation, and that not in theory, but in practice. 
My most near and tender feelings have been touched of 



PART V \ J MRS. FLETCHER. 327 

late. I Ka* under those trials at this time, not only in 
the continued illness of my dear Sally, who still seems 
consumptive, but other circumstances besides. I can 
feelingly say, "The Lord liveth, and blessed be my 
Rock, and exalted be the God of my salvation." There 
appears to be one design in all the Lord's dispensations 
towards us, viz. the bringing us to lose our wills per- 
fectly in His adorable will; — and I find nothing so help- 
ful as to be quite still in his hand. Committing all to 
the Lord, however difficult things may appear, I am to 
stand still, and the Lord makes a way through in his 
own time, and often the trial is only a shadow. Like 
Abraham, we all are called to offer our Isaac, and then 
the cross is removed. We have had peculiar expenses 
of late, and my gracious Father hath provided for that. 
A few days since, I received a letter from my eldest 
brother's wife, in which she sent me a present of twenty 
pounds. Lord, didst thou not tell me, Iivillbless them 
that bless thee? Let this kindness be so returned, O 
Lord, in spiritual and temporal blessings! 

July 20. Lord, thou art good! I feel thine arm does 
support me. O teach me the " way of faith more per- 
fectly!" My dear child grows worse. She coughs al- 
most continually. I feel it as a knife in my heart. She 
is my earthly all, and in the whole universe, there is but 
one thing I love more than her, that is, " The will of 
my God." To that I do, I must, I will refer every 
thing! 

August 6. Having been called to take a little journey 
of thirty miles, I have found it a good deal disorder my 
body, as of late years travelling always does: and with 
the continued illness of my dear friend, I have little time 
for writing, except the letters I have to answer. But, 
blessed be the Lord! I have been carried through all my 
weekly meetings, with a peculiar sense of the presence 
of God. Last Tuesday, in our intercession, we laid her 
case again before the Lord, with much freedom, and I 
think she has been better since. We are called to hang 
on Jesus, and cleave to his will. My dear child is kept 
in much peace, and she prays that the trial may answer 
all that the Lord intends before it is removed. Lord, I 



328 THE LIFE OF [PART VII. 

add my prayers to hers; so let it be! I shall certainly 
feel her loss severely. With her I can consult about 
every circumstance. To her I can tell every tempta- 
tion; and her watchful attention over each infirmity of 
my body is uncommon. Her skill in managing all the 
affairs of my family is very great; she takes off all bur- 
dens from me, and leaves me wholly free. Her help in 
the work of God also is unspeakable. She assists me 
in memory, in speaking to the people, in judging con- 
cerning them, in reproving and exhorting; and I do 
nothing in the church affairs but with her counsel. In 
her own meetings, a few of which she still will keep 
up, her word is clothed with power; and many, very 
many, are weeping through fear of her loss. I feel the 
Lord requires me to keep looking to him alone, and liv- 
ing only the present hour, with a continual Abraham- 
like spirit, holding my sacrifice before the Lord, to 
whom my more than all is due. 

August 14. I have been renewing my covenant with 
the Lord this day, — to abandon all my whole cause, both 
of soul and body, into his hand! and to offer afresh to 
follow the Lamb whithersoever he goeth. Fourteen 
years of widowhood I have this day completed. And 
now it seems as if my last, my only remaining friend 
and comfort, was called for! And I have been pleading 
with the Lord, that I may cling to his dear will. Yes- 
terday morning I had a sweet refreshing gale from Sion's 
top, and such confidence I felt in the all-sufficiency of 
the Saviour, that I could lean all my weight of care on 
the Lord, and saw his arm was under both my friend 
and me. It lifted off my care and healed my suffering 
mind. This morning I have strove to humble myself 
before the Lord, and to inquire whether 1 may ask the 
healing of my child! It seemed as if I was led to stand 
still; for though no trial of the kind could be so near my 
heart, yet I feel my dearest concern is the glory of God. 
And therefore I can only say, Thy will be done! But 
if this cup may pass from me! — Lord, let silence plead 
my cause! I will not ask any thing, but such a gracious 
conduct towards us, as will bring most glory to Thee, 
mi for which we shall mast praise Thee in eternity* 



PART VII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 329 

August 30. This has been a day of searching into 
my heart. I see there is great need of the Lord to lay 
to his hand. I want a deliverance I do not yet feel. The 
Spirit of God is a spirit of illumination. That I in a low 
degree feel. I have a light which increases in reading 
the Scriptures; and some fresh views of the amazing 
glory of redemption are given to me. Secondly. The 
Spirit of God is a spirit of "prayer, of groans unutter- 
able." A little of this I feel, but out of seven times a 
day in prayer, often I have not what I call the spirit of 
prayer, above three or 'four times. Thirdly. The 
Spirit of God is a spirit of humiliation. Surely I may 
say I have this mark; but I do not love humiliation, at 
least till 1 have had time, to reflect. I do not run to em- 
brace it,* nor pick it up as I would a jewel. Fourthly. 
The Spirit of God is a spirit of sanctification, purifying 
the heart. I do feel it is working that in me. Yet I am 
not free from reptile thoughts, those which crawl on the 
earth. They do not, it is true, carry the stamp of sin 
upon them, yet they hinder prayer. Fifthly. The 
Spirit of God is the spirit of love. What shall I say to 
this? My love to God does increase; I can say, O God! 
my chief joy! but I can very seldom say, O God! my 
exceeding joy! My love seems faint and dim, and that 
to my neighbour keeps pace with it. I deny myself for 
their sake,— but that is nothing. The pleasure I feel in 
helping the distressed is greater than that which I deny 
myself in. Indeed if I did not do so, I should know 
" the love of the Father was not in me." But I cannot 
rest till I feel a greater measure of that love which 
brought my Saviour from heaven to earth, to take on 
him the iniquity of us all. O Jesus, let that mind be in 
me that was in thee! I ask it in thy name! 

September 12. I am this day threescore. My dear 
husband would have been seventy. But he has had 

* Js not this too strong? Ought we to run to meet that which 
must be sin to others? We must indeed be conformed to the Son 
of God; and we should bear his reproach not only with patience, 
but with joy. In a mind so devoted as Mrs. Fletcher's, tb* 
meaning must be good, but there may be some danger to othes 
in this strong way of expressing it. — Ed. 
28* 



830 THE LIFE OF [PART VII. 

fourteen years in glory. Lord, prepare me for all pre- 
pared for me! O let me live my last days to thy glory 
as I have never done! Yesterday the Lord gave me 
that word, " When thou goest through the waters, they 
shall not overflow thee." I asked if I might pray for 
my dearest comfort to be spared. That text seemed an 
answer; "Be careful for nothing, but in every thing, by 
prayer and supplication, make your requests known unto 
God." For some days her cough has been more strong, 
and more frequent. I feel the will of God my sure de- 
fence. If he please he can yet raise my dear friend; 
but if he have otherwise determined, It is the Lord. He 
cannot err: I will not choose. 

October 7. We have had the comfort to hear of the 
happy death of Miss Styche. She told me the convic- 
tion she got while at Mrs. Micklew right's school abode 
with her for some time. But, said she, afterward when 
I got into the world, all you had said seemed wiped 
away. Then the Lord laid his hand on me by this ill- 
ness. A blessed illness it has been to me, for it hath 
brought me to seek him. But now I fear he will never 
receive nor forgive me? When we told her of the great 
atonement and perfect righteousness of the Saviour, she 
seemed as if she would swallow every word. She then 
said, When Mr. Walter visits me I often feel comforted: 
but I cannot retain it; and I feel my heart full of sin. 
At this time she was torn with evil tempers, unable to 
live, and afraid to die. Suffering much, and having no 
comfort; so that nothing seemed to please or satisfy her. 
Yet she struggled hard to obtain not only consolation, 
but the mind that was in Christ. One day as a few of 
us were at prayer with her, she received such a lift of 
faith as delivered her from all her bonds. From that 
hour all about her were amazed at the change. She was 
all the lamb, and the dove! The new creature shone 
clear indeed. When my Sally was saying, Shortly you 
will come to the blessed moment, when "Ready wing'd 
for the flight," you shall see the chariot of Israel come 
for you, her eyes sparkled with delight, and she said, 
" I am so happy as I cannot^ express. Sometimes I have 
fiery darts; but I look to Jesus, and he turns them away. 



PART VII. j MRS. FLETCHER. 331 

He is always with me." She continued thus to the last. 
A few hours before she died, she seemed to have much 
of the presence of God, repeating with great delight, 
"Ready wing'd, ready wing'd!" She then begged her 
young sister to turn to God, saying, "You must cleave 
to those who have done me so much good. You see 
how I am, and I would not be otherwise; I would not 
live for a thousand worlds. I have such a prospect — so 
clear into eternity. Jesus hath saved me' He hath 
washed me from my sins in his own blood. He hath 
put on me the white robe, and I see my way clear. O 
cleave to the people that have been so blest to me." 
Soon after she said, "Molly, Molly, look! do not you 
see these sweet creatures? Her sister replied, "No, I 
do not." To which Miss Styche said, -'But I do, they 
are come for me." Molly asked, What are they like? 
She replied, "They are glorified spirits! they are vir- 
gins — they are come for me! Yes, they are come for 
me!" And immediately, 

" She clapt the g-lad wing*, and towered away, 
To mingle with the blaze of day!" 

She died October the 4th, in her twenty-first year. 

November 12. Many solemn thoughts, yet, such as 
have led to God, have occupied my mind to-day. When 
I look back eighteen years, it gives me pleasure to re- 
collect, that my dear love and I agreed, that we would 
not limit our union by that w r ord, "Till death us doth 
part," but that w r e would consider our covenant as eter- 
nal. Not that we meant to tie each other from a future 
marriage; but that our union of soul was never to be 
broken. Often when we have been speaking together 
of this, he would say, " Well, Polly, then our spiritual, 
as well as our temporal mercies, are mutual." From 
this recollection, I was led to consider that text, "He 
hath made us meet to partake of the inheritance of the 
saints in light," and felt a power to pray as I have often 
done, that I might be permitted to share in his joy, now 
inherited before the throne. At night, in the society, 
my faith was somewhat increased. 

December 23. I am a woman of a sorrowful spirit. 



332 THE LIFE OF [PART VII. 

My dear child grows worse: well, I will cling to that 
rock, Thy will be done! This shall be my momentary 
employ the remainder of my life. Not one on earth to 
whom I can converse of the past trials through which 
she hath walked with me! Well, my Lord, thou know* 
est my solitary situation. The pains she sutlers from 
that dreadful cough, and a complication of complaints, 
would constrain, I think, any besides herself to keep 
their bed. But while there is a grain of strength given 
to her, she will use it, both in the work of God, and in 
the care of our affairs. I will hang upon that word, '• I 
will bring the blind by a way they know not: I will lead 
.them in paths which they have not known. I will make 
darkness light before them, and crooked things straight. 
These things will I do for them, and not forsake them/' 

January 20, 1800. This morning as I was laying be- 
fore the Lord the sufferings of my dear child, I thought, 
if the hairs of our head are numbered, then I am sure 
each time she has that cough so hard, so violent, it Is 
noticed by the Lord. I felt that it was; and asked, with 
submission, that it might be removed, or that he w 
graciously show that it was sent in love. After a while, 
these words were sweetly impressed on my mind, "The 
light affliction which is but for a moment shall work out 
for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.*' 
I felt that word, far more exceeding, so that I answered, 
Well, my blessed Lord, 1 will hold to my old word, God 
shall choose our inheritance for us. Give me, O Lord, 
to find my all in thee! Last night, in the society, those 
words were impressed on my mind, Seek first the king- 
dom of God, and all things else shall be added unto you. 

March 17. Yesterday Mary Wyke entered glory, in 
the nineteenth year of her age. She is a remarkable 
answer to prayer. In the beginning of her illness she 
was very careless and hard; but after much suffering, 
she was brought to know herself, and to seek the Lord. 
He was pleased to manifest his love to her in some de- 
gree, but still she had a great hankering after life; and 
at times she was much troubled with unholy tempers, 
which she sorely lamented. A few months ago her body 
being brought to the state of a Lazarus, she was con- 



PART VII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 333 

sidering whether there was any likelihood of recovery, 
when those words were powerfully applied to her heart, 
"Thou shalt die and not live." This, she told me, she 
knew to be the voice of God; and felt ail her will for 
life immediately taken away. From that da}' a mighty 
change appeared upon her. She has had much of the 
presence of the Lord, and been kept in a sweet, calm, 
loving state, ripening for glory— declaring she was wil- 
ling to suiter as long as the Lord should please, for she 
knew her pains were working out a "farther w eight of 
glory." Sometimes she was triumphantly happy; at 
other times, she could only lie and groan in agony; but 
even then she would say, if asked, "I am happy; I have 
no will." A fortnight before her death, she dreamed, 
her grandmother, who died here in the Lord a few years 
ago, came to her, and a person whom she did not know 
came with her. That person said, "Mary, hold faith 
and patience a little longer, and you shall be with us." 
The night before she died, she was very happy. Ten 
minutes before she departed, her mother said, Are you 
happy, my dear? She, with difficulty, answered, "Yes," 
— and soon ceased breathing. — Eternity is very near! 
0, for a swifter progress in our souls! 

March 31. This has been a day of recollection, and 
of groaning after a fuller manifestation of the Lord's 
power. It is a time of trial. My dear child, what does 
she suffer! Yet how patient and passive in the hand of 
God! I seem left to suffer; yet I am wonderfully sup- 
ported too. Well, comfort is not that which I most de- 
sire. I feel my strongest desire is, that the nature of 
God may be more powerfully stamped on my soul. 

May 21. The Lord does not suffer my sorrowful at- 
tention to hinder his work. Last Sunday, I was at the 
Wood. Never, I think, did I feel more freedom. O 
my God! work for the glory of thy name on this peo- 
ple! 1 feel their souls very near to me. The Lord is 
with us in trouble, and my dear Sally is kept in a calm, 
quiet frame. Through all she suffers, she says, she has 
such a sense how safe she is in the hand of God, that 
His time, either for ease or death, is the best time. 

August 1. My dear friend is yet no better. Last 



334 THE LIFE OF [PART VII. 

night was a painful one. that this trial may have its 
due effect on us both! I long for lull conformity to all 
the will of God. I see every grace increases by use. 
I am called to exercise faith, and as faith gathers strength, 
I know every other grace will keep pace with it. I have 
had much temptation since I wrote las;; but how can 
faith be in full exercise if we see all dearly* 

September 24. Lord, thine eyes are upon us! Wc 
see and feel thy help in the midsl of dui trials. I 
little time to write, my ;hild being now so verv 

bad: but I am led that word. --Thy will be 

." It is a s, id it times 

darkness. All my belj seems : be in clinging to the 
will of God. One - Miss Ritchie, now Mrs 

Mortimer read in sister Johnson's Kettei from Bristol 
was blest to me. She says — "When we look at Jesus 
by faith. Satan loses bis [ I may so speak, 

his place, which is the i soiling faculty."* 

January 1. 1501. What have I seen and felt since 
last I wrote! On Decembei 3d, my ck 

vent triumph-: :::!;.- :<: _' ry! I was helped to 
write an account oi ted life ~ath. 

and read it to the society-, while hei - ions corpse was 

* An undue dependence on the reasoning :. : \ is indeed Sa- 
tan's strong :. :>ld, and highest delusion. Any repulse to this 
temp tati n, he will suggest, must amount to a renunciation of that 
nobie gift of God! It is thus " the strong one, armed" nidi the 
pride, self-will, prejudice, and worldly spirit of the sinner, (wl 
he will call his reason,) " keepeth his house, and his goods arc 
in peace. " In this state our Lord found the fallen Jewish nation: 
and in this state Luther (not to mention other reformers) found 
the fallen Ch istian Church. Almost in this state (but with a 
pure doctrine in the established creeds, and liturgy,) did Mr. 
Wesley find this favoured kingdom. In this state alsc does the 
M Sph4t of Christ^ find natural man, however learoe : 

wise. But who will sink under thai sentence of death which the 
Holy Spirit prone aces 'John xvi. 8 — 11.) against all this dc 
of igkt ? Only the man who submits a 

:ed on the throne usurped by the "reasoning fa 
culty- M Nor can any man k iow •• the salvation that is througt 
faith," bnt the man who resolutely maintains that divine allegi 
ance; — who steadilv i ■::'■:: . " - : minds the seme 

things.— Ed, 



PART VII. J MHS. FLETCHER. 335 

in the house, I have now scarce strength to look it 
over. How does the Lord help us in the needful hour! 
In the ordering of her funeral, and various things which 
fell on me alone. I have been brought through, and prov- 
ed her dying words, ,% He will put his everlasting arms 
underneath you." He doth, and I am borne up. But 
0, what a loss do I sustain! God only knows what she 
was to me. and Himself alone can fill the aching void' 
What adds to the weight is. I have not that communion 
with God I long for. I am amazed at the resignation 
which I feel. Yes. I do. I will adore Him. for taking 
iway my all from me.* I fear I hung too much on her. 
I did nothing without her counsel, and truly I was dearer 
to her than herself. To the last she felt in the most 
tender manner for me. and often said, " If the Lord saw 
eood, how gladly would I drink this bitter cup instead 
of you! and close your eyes instead of you closing 
mine. But the will of God is all to us; in that we are 
agreed — we live in — " Thy will be done." I do not 
knoic indeed the heart of a stranger; and I do trust the 
Lord is about to make me ''his own habitation through 
the indwelling Spirit." Now and then, for a moment. 
I have such a display of God. as I know and feel would 
turn my gloomy night into a bright day. But it is but 
for a moment, and then seems to shut up again. I must 
remember my dear Sally's words, li We are both wait- 
ing for the Lord;*' and "It is orood to hope, and quietly 
to wait for the salvation of God." I begin this year as 
a hermit: ah! that I may end it as a saint. Come, 
Lord Jesus, and fulfil all thy gracious promises to my 
waiting soul! 

I sometimes feel her as being present with me. We 
had all things in common here, and I trust I shall par- 
take of her heavenly inheritance. Thinking of that 
one night when I was very sad, in a moment all the 
gloom went off, and such a sweetness came over my 
soul as seemed to wipe away all grief. I dropped asleep, 
and these words sounded in my ears all night, 

" They drink the deifying* stream, 
And pluck th* ambrosial fruit " 

• This was beyond the highest sensible consolation. — £<L 



336 THE LIFE OF [PART VII. 

March 11. What causal have tol I^Howj 

often have I feared, if 1 lost my dear friend. I should 
not be able to glorify God. that I should have no S] 
to go through any thing. Bid it is not so. I n 
more light and liberty in speakmr I '- people th 

do now; and though very trying eircun. have 

occurred in the work of God. as well as in my f: 
arTV I have been carried through all in a m: 

that amazes me. How faithful 

June 5. I continue to 
feel I love and : will of God. Yea, and I ad- 

mire it. What wisdc [ see in ill this 

D£ ion! I cleaved too much to that 
ei ~o ; : rift, which was snf U me in order to raise 
soul to God. One aighi I iei b :ding 

before ine. I cried ou.. my dear love, are you c 
I have waited foi st re- 

gard, but without words, and it left a ; 
my mind. Another time I I w 1 in 

great trials, and thought. O. if my Sally i now 

with me. all would have I tely I 

saw her just by me! and she gave me ~ . si 

nearer than I thought. Iku w our friends are 

ided from us; they re >nly :. Invisible. Per- 

haps if we saw the spirits : :ir companions at 

such seasons, ich tempted to put : 

trust in them. A veil is th trawn between; — and 

all for our eternal good. But tfnre declares, 

•• We are come to the spirits : . ' • - - ■ m ju ms k [ erfe ::;" 
but this is far more plain to their eyes than to ours, 
which are as yei undei the i. Lord, give mc to rely 
on thyself alone! 

July 14. I had this morning a comfortable season 
while meeting the class. Those w rds : Fenelon were 

* In this way of divine [Erection and . ; ~c v..:;;-;-:::.: the Lord 

acts ?>a a Sovf/ji^-:-.. :.:; ". r .-s - He :: - - - - -■ T-: brhs the H :'v 
Scripture bears MI testimony. Mrs. >"_e::he:' --;.= often tbasJafr 
voured. But how mercifuLly was ; he preserred from placing* any 

undue dependence on these favours ! The TT---J of God was the 
guide to which she referred every thin*, inh by which she '"tried 
the spirits whether they irere of God. " — Ed. 



PAITT VII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 337 

much on my mind — "I will, with John, lean on his 
breast, and feed on love, by joining my heart to his." 
Sometimes, while speaking" on faith, such a sweetness 
overspreads my soul, as if I had run into the bosom of 
my Lord. I see, at those times, such an all-sufficiency 
in the Saviour, and such a vastness in that thought, 
"We have boldness and access through him," — and 
again, "He hath borne all our sins in his own body on 
the tree," that it seemed I had only to run to the Saviour 
every moment, as a child to its fond parent! Lord, open 
the way of faith more and more to my waiting soul! 

August 15th. Yesterday was a solemn day to me. 
Sixteen years are passed since my eyes beheld the aw- 
ful scene of my dear husband's entrance into glory. O 
what have I passed through since that time! Could I 
then have known that my precious friend would have 
been taken also, how it would have aggravated the bitter 
cup! But blessed be God that all the future is hid in his 
will. There I find a solid rest. It is now a little more 
than seven months since I lost her, and I have been, and 
am enabled to say, Jesus hath done all things well. I 
feel my soul more on stretch after God, and my old pro- 
mises seem to revive- afresh, as if drawing near to the 
time of accomplishment. That promise in particular, 
Thou shalt walk with me in white. 

August 20. I awoke this morning with strong desire 
and prayer, that every thought might this day be the 
Lord's. 0, why is there any distance! Come, my be- 
loved, and take the full possession of every power! My 
soul is grieved that I have not more ardour in speaking 
for God: though, blessed be his name, I have found him 
graciously with me at times in the meetings. But I do 
not catch every occasion as my dear Sally did. The 
other day a man came to sell something we wanted. 
Being engaged in writing, I sent one of the family to 
take it for me. After he was gone, she told me the man 
had said, he had two children sick of the small-pox, and 
had never had it himself. I asked earnestly, — And did 
you talk to him about his soul? She answered, No. 
0, what did I feel! Had I gone down myself how much 
better should I have been employed! 
29 



338 THE LIFE OF [PART VII 

LordVday, August 23. In the meeting this morning 
I found the Lord present; and I had also a little oppor 
tunity of helping his people. O what a favour! I, whc 
once expected to be left without the necessaries of life 
for myself, have now such frequent opportunities 0/ 
helping the poor! Lord, thou art good to me beyond 
expression! This evening I spent two hours in retire 
ment, and found it the best of all the day. God gave 
me a praying spirit. But it was also a time of deep hu 
miliation. Such a crowd of words and acts, — foolisf 
and sinful, which were spoken or committed forty 07 
fifty years ago, pressed into my mind like so many 
barbed arrows. I see in myself, from a child, a depth 
of the fall beyond, I think, any other. But this even- 
ing, though I felt deeply sorrowful, and ready to lie 
down under the feet of all, I found it mixed with en- 
couraging hope. These words bore much on my mind, 

"I shall soon obtain the grace, 
Pure in heart to see Thy face." 

August 28. This morning I awoke after a restless 
night, with a strong desire to live to God. In prayer I 
found some encouragement. In visiting some sick also 
I felt the presence of God. J. B. seemed very comforta- 
ble under his affliction, and much led to look to Jesus 
through all; for, said he, " What a delight it is to rejoice 
in God, though in anguish and pain! Why it is ail from 
him! all from him! that is my comfort." I see more 
and more, souls grow best in the furnace. It is our 
proper soil while here; to enjoy is by and by. 

October 17. Lord, perform thy word, on which thou 
hast made me to trust! That saying of our Lord, in 
Mark xi. concerning the fig-tree, was much laid on my 
heart. "If ye have faith, and doubt not, ye shall say 
to this mountain, depart!" and " whatsoever things ye 
ask in prayer, believe that ye receive, and ye shall have 
them." That is, believe that it becomes yours as sure 
as ye ask; yea, at that time the grace ye ask for is as it 
were held out to you; and you may say — I have asked 
a clean heart, a stayed mind, a baptism of the Spirit. 
Well, they are mine; I shall enjoy them. They are 



Pa \ *' 'II.] MRS. FLETCHER. 339 

ghv,n <>\ <ai estate left to me: but I now want to enter 
into tilt.; possession. My Jesus is preparing my heart 
for his own abode. He will enter, and with him all his 
fulness, io nil up every aching void. 

August 14, 1802. i have not written much the be- 
ginning of this year, except what concerned the death 
of dear Mrs. jfate.* She has long walked in the ways 
of God, and often enjoyed sweet and close communion 
with him. When very young she received a letter which 
treated on the diilerent states of the inward and outward 
court worshippers. f She threw the letter on the table, 
and clasping her hands together, she fell on her knees, 
and cried to the Lord with a strong and vehement cry, 
that she might become one of those who should worship 
kirn in spirit and in truth. Her prayer was answered, 
and she became traly devoted to a crucified Saviour. 
The souls of her children lay very near her heart, and 
she spared no pains to bring them to the knowledge of 
God. In the cause of God she was deeply engaged, and 
to the utmost of her stiength, visiting the sick, and in- 
viting sinners to the Loxd. She was led in the way of 
the cross, and being weak in body, she was much ex- 
posed to temptation. In her last illness, she was fre- 
quently buffeted by the uiiemy of her soul; at other 
times she was much comforted. Her most painful temp- 
tation was, that the Lord would forsake her in the last 
conflict. After enduring this for some time, she told me 
of some promises which had been applied to her mind; 
above all that word, " There is no condemnation to them 
that are in Christ Jesus/' Yet these glooms, as she 
called them, appeared dreadful to her. While we w r ere 
conversing, the spirit of faith came over us both, the 
light dispelled all darkness, and in speaking and prayer, 
there was a power quite uncommon. She said, " I think 
you never had such a time in this house before;" and 
indeed it was true. From that hour she expressed her- 
self as quite in peace, ever after saying, " I have no- 
thing to trouble me now/' One day she said, When I 
look on my limbs, worn to a skeleton, it is with plea- 

• See page 300. 

\ Written by Mrs, Fletcher.— M. Tooth. 



340 THE LIFE OF [PART VII 

sure; for I know I shall go to God. At another time she 
observed. These words are much with me. "Beloved, 
think it not strange concerning the rlery trial which is 
to try you.' ? I leave myself in His hand, and all is 
peace. 

On the 21st of January. I was conversing with her, 
and exhorting her to live the present morn:.' as il 
was sure to die the next. A clear light seemed to shine 
powerfully on my mind, as I was speaking: she en1 
into it, and was refreshed. As soon as I w th it 

word was strongly impressed on her heart, T 
way. walk ye in it. On the 27th, s] 
comfortably she had walked ever since. — and 

death were now qui:-: : . no- 

thing but the will of God to be done. i; I am (said she) 
quite happy, and that word, our Father, is so opened to 
me, as fills me with delight. I have nothing to hold me 
here. No, I am ready to give all up. My 
near and dear to me. but I am ready to leave them al 
call." She had close trials, such is caused the 
tender feelings. She observed. "I cannot 
Lord, for he supports me through every thing. This 
morning, as I was in prayer, a wonderful si 
came over my soul: and my will was so lost in the 
of God as I never found it before. I saw myself 
fectly safe in his hand, and I cannot ask. either for my- 
self or my children, any thing but his will. My depen- 
dence on the Lord is entire. I would :; : hai - 
of my own for all the world. He orders every thing foi 
me, small and great. No, I want nothing foi sc 
body but by his order. He is continually telling me. 
In blessing I will bless thee. how sweet is thai 
word, ■ There is no complaining in our streets!' Xc 
I cannot complain. I have uo cause. All around me us 
blessing, and the best of ail is. my heart is full of love, 
love, love! Let there be nothing but love in my 

SOUl. M 

After a little while, she said. "I want to feel the 
change more forcibly, I want to realize heaven: — I do 
not seem to see glory?'' I replied. Jesus was perfectly 
holy, yet his soul was sorrowful unto death, Holiness 



PART VII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 341 

is not to be measured by perfect joy, but by perfect re- 
signation. You can see Jesus, and feel no will but 
his. She replied, " O yes, yes, I can see him, he is 
ever with me, I have no will but what is lost in God: 
and I am waiting the accomplishment of many glorious 
promises which have been given me." 

March 7. She told me her cough had been very bad, 
and almost constant, but, said she, " With every fit of 
coughing, the Lord gave me some comfortable word. 
That word came with great power, Not a sparrow falls 
to the ground without your Father." She added, "I 
have had a night of suffering and of comfort; all my 
sins were brought before me, even from my infancy, and 
I saw in myself such a depth of the fall as I cannot put 
into words, but I need not fear, since Jesus saves me. 
Heforgivetk iniquity, transgression, and sin, and I felt 
it was so. Afterward that word was applied, "Eve 
hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither hath it entered the 
heart of man to conceive what God hath prepared for 
them that love him;" and O, how I felt it was prepared 
for me! Yes, he hath prepared a place for me. and I 
shall be with him. In the afternoon I was thinking of 
my husband and children, in particular the two little 
ones, when I had such a discovery of the tender love 
and guardian care of the Lord, as took away every anx- 
ious thought. He is all in all true, I would not take 
them out of His hand for the world. How is it, when 
I lie awake for hours, and cannot sleep, nor hardly move, 
I can lie so comfortable! I feel such a rest in God as 
sweetens all." She desired me to return thanks to all 
her dear friends who had shown such sympathy through 
ah her sufferings. Thus, like a truly patient lamb, she 
laid before the Lord from clay to day, longing for the 
happy hour of admittance into glory. As her outward 
strength decayed, her love, patience, and entire resigna- 
tion visibly increased. 

April 12. She could scarcely speak, her throat being 
much affected as well as her lungs. She looked on me, 
and said, "I am very ill, but happy in my soul. I have 
had a sweet night. I have no fear, no doubt; — I am 
waiting for the Lord." Soon after, she began to change 
29* 



342 , THE LIFE OF [PART VII 

for death. She asked to be lifted up in order to tell 
more of the goodness of God, but could not form the 
words she wanted to speak. She at length said, "I 
have strong confidence, V — and soon after, without a 
struggle, she entered into the joy of her Lord. 

I praise the Lord for the measure of health I enjoy, 
which, when I do not go beyond my strength, is quite 
comfortable. And now, my Saviour, shine upon my 
soul, and tell me how it is with that? I think I feel my 
dependence more singly on Jesus, more weaned from 
earth, and more athirst for the whole mind of Christ. 
Indeed there are moments when all is clear; but I want 
not to have a thought but such as is approved by a smile 
of Jesus, and to have a witness constant and clear that 
nothing but love dwells in my soul. I know I do taste 
of pure love, but I do not abide in Jesus, therefore I do 
not bring forth much fruit. There is an entering into 
rest which I have of late been particularly led to ask 
for; sometimes it seems near, and I am waiting for it in 
a clearer manner than usual. Some observations which 
I read the other day, were much blessed to me. Speak- 
ing to a mourning soul, the author says, "Make God, 
as He is in himself, the object of thy joy, without any 
consideration of thyself at all.* Let your soul exult in 
that thought, The Lord is my strength and my song, 
He also is become my salvation. Observe, the Lord is 
then strong for and in you when you look to him alone, 
unmixed with any thing else. But on the other hand, 
when the eye of the soul is double, looking partly for a 
fitness in itself the light is put out, as it is said of our 
Lord, He could not do many mighty ivorks because of 
their unbelief This looking unto Jesus, is both an 
emptying and a filling grace. It empties the soul of self 
and the creature, and fills it with God. It is a trans- 
forming view; the more we see of him, the more we 
shall be like him. Does he not tell thee, TTiis is the 
victory whereby we overcome, even your faith. Wouldst 
thou have the victory first, and believe afterward? 'But 
I am conscious of idols?' Then plead the promise, 

* See the note in page 235. 



PART VII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 343 

From all thine idols I will cleanse thee. This is reach- 
ing out to the things before. ' But I fear I am not will- 
ing to part with them.' Perhaps not; but if thou wilt 
look to Jesus, and wait at his feet, and tell him of thy 
helplessness, he will so shine out on thy soul that the 
love of all other things shall drop off. What becomes 
of the stars when the sun shines? Do they not disap- 
pear before the greater light? So shall every other love 
before that mighty love he will pour into thee. But re- 
member thou art to holdfast thy confidence, which hath 
great recompense of reward; for ye have need of pa- 
tience, that when ye have done the will of God ye may 
receive the promise. Now this single eye, this con- 
stant act of faith, glorying in hope to the end, is doing 
the will of God, and thus you shall receive the promise.''' 

November 13. Yesterday concluded twenty-one years 
since I joined in an eternal covenant with my dear Mr. 
Fletcher. O what advantages I have had through my 
union with some of the most excellent of the earth! But 
alas! how little have 1 profited to what I might have 
done! I have this morning been crying to the Lord to 
stir me up to more faithfulness. I am now in my sixty- 
fourth year, — almost at the end of my race, and the 
great work of an entire conformity to God is yet to be 
gained. I found freedom in prayer, so that an hour on 
my knees seemed to pass as quick as a quarter usually 
does, and I hope and believe I shall from this day keep 
up the intense desire. 

Sunday, November 22. Through illness I have been 
out but once this day. It is long since I have been 
forced to miss a meeting; but I find all right my Master 
orders. It has been a good Sabbath to my soul. I was 
truly humbled to hear how the dear people wept and 
prayed for me! O my God, let that word be perfectly 
fulfilled, "Then shalt thou have thy delight in the Al- 
mighty, and shall lift up thy face unto God." As I was 
reading the xxxi. of Genesis, that word struck me, lam 
the God of Bethel! Twenty years had elapsed, yet, 
saith God, I am He that gave thee those sweet promises 
in that place. I am the same for ever! While medi- 
tating on this, it seemed as if he said to me, I am the 



344 THE LIFE OF [PAKT VII 

God who told thee, Thou shall walk with me in whitt 
Ah! my Lord, I hang on thee with a firm belief. Thy 
words are tried words, purer than silver. The Lora 
will keep His promise for ever. 

December 23. I was much struck this morning in read- 
ing at the time of family prayer, the account of Jacob 
ivrestling with the angel. I felt it kindle in me a degree 
of ardour which I did not feel before, to say with him, 
I will not let thee go unless thou bless me, — yea, with 
the full communion of thy love. 

February 18. I have been confined near a month, and 
only able to speak in a low whisper. The disease is 
supposed to be a dropsy in the chest. I am sometimes 
in the night in danger of being suffocated. The night 
before last I was very bad: and as I lay waiting in peace 
before the Lord, that word was applied with unusual 
power, " Call upon me in the day of trouble, I will de- 
liver thee, and thou shalt glorify me." Ah! my Lord, 
I do call on thee for more grace, but 1 cannot ask life or 
death; I love the dear people, and feel a pain in leaving 
them; yet I can only commit all to my adorable unerr- 
ing Head. 

April 5. Last night I laboured much for breath, and 
could not lie down. I saw myself encompassed with 
mercy and love. As I was reflecting on the uncertaintv 
of the issue of my complaint, the thought struck me, 
my Lord was at this season sold into the hands of men, 
who strove to join with devils to afflict him; and if kind 
physicians should mistake, and make me suffer, I may 
be said to be given into the hands of men, — but not 
without the Lord. These words were sweet, 

" I fain with thee would sympathize, 
And share the suffering's of my Lord!" 

As I was reflecting that I had nothing to plead onh 

" Jesus my salvation is, 

This shall stand, and only this"— 

a dart came across my mind, — What if Calvinism be 
true? Then you may be one he hates! Immediately 



PART VII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 345 

that word came, " He hateth nothing that he hath made, 
His mercy is over all his works." Well, my Lord, this 
I plead, / am thine, save me! Give me to glorify thee, 
through the fire, and through water. The tenderness 
of Miss Tooth, whom the Lord hath sent to me, is very 
great. 

April 11. The Lord hath permitted me to be sorely 
exercised through the want of breath. The night be- 
fore last I was forced to sit up in bed till four o'clock. 
Last night, blessed be God, the fit lasted but one hour, 
and then I rested comfortably. My one act is that of 
clinging co the will of God. 

June 2. Blessed be the Lord, He hath fulfilled his 
word. He bid me "call upon him in the day of trou- 
ble;" and in my deliverance I do glorify him, and ac- 
knowledge his dear and powerful hand. I have been 
for some time restored to my comfortable meetings, and 
preserved in tolerable health, with power to lie down 
in peace, and take quiet rest. O that this late dispensa- 
tion may rouse my soul more abundantly to labour after 
a more perfect rest! Lord, establish me with thy free 
Spirit! This morning one called who gave me the fol- 
lowing extraordinary account. " On Saturday 1 had that 
word applied, 'As the Father hath loved me, so have I 
loved you, abide ye in my love.' But on the Sunday 
night while you were speaking on — How we ought to 
venture on Christ, my soul was greatly lifted up, my 
faith be£an to rekindle, and I felt extraordinary power 
all the way home. At family prayer my soul was sweetly 
drawn out. Just as we were going to bed, I opened my 
Testament on those words, i Ask what ye will, and I will 
do it for you.' I felt the power, and thought, I will not 
go to bed: I will stay and wrestle with the Lord. I did 
so; and O, what did I feel! I have often had glorious 
times, but never such a time as that. Those precious 
words were applied, 4 You are sealed to the day of re- 
demption.' Since then, as I was hearing a sermon on 
the new Jerusalem, I had such a glorious sight as I can- 
not describe! I cannot tell it to you." I asked, Was it a 
sight of the place, or of the Saviour? He \nswered, "It 
was both. I had four distinct sights; I saw the glory 



346 THE LIFE OF [part VII. 

of the Father, the glory of the Redeemer, and then the 
Redeemer in his manhood, as covered with wounds: — 
and also the Holy Spirit in his glory, ready to seal every 
soul who would take shelter in those wounds! T now 
feel my soul all on the watch. I seem as if I feared to 
speak or move lest I should in any wise grieve that. 
Holy Spirit." 

My soul was much comforted at hearing this. Ah! 
Lord, hast thou begun? Then thou wilt go on. I do 
now believe an outpouring of thy spirit will soon be 
given, and "times of refreshing shall come from the 
presence of the Lord." This man had a taste of pure 
love some months ago, but lost it through unprofitable 
reasonings. Ever since his first awakening he has been 
a pattern to others, and, I believe, never lost his first 
love.* 

July 4. When I awoke, I found those words applied, 
" Pray without ceasing, and in every thing give thanks." 
This morning reflecting on them while in prayer, the 
whole passage seemed to be applied to my heart, "Re- 
joice evermore, pray without ceasing, and in every 
thing give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ 
Jesus concerning you." The last words made a deep 
impression, "concerning you;" and I take it as a mes- 
sage from heaven. Lord, give me power to fulfil this 
sweet direction! 

July 18. A few nights since those words seemed con- 
tinually with me, 

"In all my ways His hand I own, 
His ruling* providence I see." 

The next day a change took place in my house, and se- 
veral circumstances occurred in church affairs. O what 
a comfort was that sentence to me! Yes, my Lord, 1 
do see thou dost order all things, and on thee I rest. 

August 19. This last week has been very solemn. 
Eighteen years my dear husband has been m glory. O! 
how has each day brought its remembrance! O carry 

• It is with gTeat propriety that Mrs. Fletcher bears this testi- 
mony concerning* the spirit and conduct of a person who wis 
favo»ired with such manifestations. — Ed, 



PART VII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 347 

on thy work in my soul with more power! I cannot 
have much longer to remain here. I see and feel thy 
gracious hand extended over me for good, and I long for 
a full conformity to my Lord. 

November 12. This day twenty-two years, at this 
very hour, I was in Barley church, solemnly engaging 
to be one soul, one body, one interest, with my beloved 
husband for ever! But what have I seen in these twenty- 
two years? What deep waters have I passed through! 
I have been brought through, and mercy hath followed 
me to this hour. On this day I devote myself afresh to 
God. Let our wedding-day be a fresh consecration unto 
Him who is the centre of our union! A little before my 
dear love's last illness he indulged a train of thoughts on 
what I should do, and how I should live without him. 
He spoke tenderly of my marrying again; but finding I 
could not bear the thought, he said no more. Since his 
death the light hath always shone quite clear on my soul! 
— that I was not called to join in marriage with any man 
on earth, but to preserve the privileges of a single life 
which are so graciously bestowed upon me, Satan has 
spared no pains to trouble me in this way; but blessed 
be the Lord, my light in this hath never been darkened 
one moment. I am the Lord's, and he hath opened my 
way before me, and still makes my cup run over with 
loving-kindness and mercy. 4i Bless the Lord, O my 
soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name." 

November 14. In meeting the people on Sunday 
morning I was struck with that thought, "The mind is 
to the soul, what the mouth is to the body." I must 
take in food or lose my strength: but if I take poison I 
must die. Nay, if I avoid poison, but yet feed on wood 
and chafT, I shall as surely die. So the mind is the 
mouth of the soul; and though I should start at any 
thought apparently sinful, yet if I starve it, instead of 
continually endeavouring to draw the sincere milk of the 
word, I still sow to corruption, and ichat I sow that I 
shall reap. Then let me fix my eye on the great mys- 
tery of God made man! Why did God become man? 
It was man by whom the covenant was broken, and 
therefore man must have suitable punishment laid upon 



348 THE LIFE OF [PART VII. 

him. It was God with whom it was broken, and there- 
fore God must have suitable satisfaction made unto him 
And as to that satisfaction, it was man that had offended, 
therefore it was man alone that could make it suitable. 
It was God that was offended, and therefore it was God 
alone that could make it sufficient. Now, being man as 
well as God, it behooved him to fulfil all righteousness, to 
keep the whole law in the perfect manner required by the 
Adamic dispensation: yet, as being God coequal with the 
Father, it was not from duty, but merely upon our account? 
that he thus subjected himself to the yoke of his own 
laws, himself, as God, being the Lawgiver, and so no 
more under it than the Father himself. Whatever there- 
fore Christ did or suffered in the flesh, was meritorious 
and the believer has accepted it. Mr. Wesley observes 
in his note in the sermon on The Lord our Righteous- 
ness, This obedience of Christ, as it was infinite, pure, 
and perfect, did, without doubt, infinitely transcend all 
the obedience of all the sons of men, even if they had 
remained in their primitive state; for their obedience 
would still have been but the obedience of finite crea- 
tures, whereas the obedience of Christ was the obedience 
of one who was truly God as well as man, by which the 
laws of God had a divine obedience performed to them. 
They could command no more than the obedience of 
finite creatures; whereas the obedience of Christ was 
the obedience of one who. was the infinite Creator, as 
well as a finite creature; and by this he hath purchased 
for us a far greater salvation than if man had not fallen. 
As our Head he hath also entered, yea, as our Forerun- 
ner, into that glorious union with the Deity which we 
could never have known but by the Word being made 
flesh, and performing this righteousness in our behalf. 
Now this transcendent glory, called the joy of the Lord, 
we are called to enter into — to be heirs of God, and 
joint heirs with Christ. As himself hath said, The 
glory which thou hast given me I have given them. 

December 3. This day three years my dear Sally 
entered glory. O that I may be permitted to share with 
her the inheritance of the saints in light! I think I do 
enjoy it in a measure, for it is amazing to me how calm 



PART VII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 349 

and comfortable my mind is kept, and how the Lord 
doth provide help for me in every circumstance. I have 
nothing to do but prepare for death. O for a constant 
look upward! 

March 3, 1801. I have a deep conviction on my mind 
to-day of that truth, The heart of man always seeks* 
rest in something: therefore thoughts that please, and 
that have not the appearance of evil in themselves, yet if 
they are unnecessary, they may lead to a seeking rest 
out of God. Here I have found Satan very busy, and 
am often forced to cry out, "I will know nothing but 
Jesus Christ, and him crucified. " My heart is much in 
expectation of a closer union with my God than I have 
ever known. I wait for the Lord. 

April 26. Glory be to God. I find him near, he 
seems to be sitting on my soul as a refiner's fire, and 
so calling every thought into judgment as I never found 
before. We have had very sweet times of worship 
lately. The Lord is indeed carrying on his work, bless- 
ed be his name; and I trust this meeting of the children 
will be for good. In this Miss Tooth is made of great 
use to me. O my tender Father! Thou dost not suffer 
me to want any thing. 

June 17. Help me, O my Saviour! It seems as if 
I could not get those answers to prayer which I want. 
Yet he gives me little touches — some tokens for good, 
before I rise from my knees. But Oh! it is not what 
I long for. Such a sight I have of late into that word, 
Let that mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus! O 
how much is contained therein! Yet I see it is my pri- 
vilege, for so I see the privilege held out by St. John, 
" Herein is our love made perfect, that we may have : 
boldness in the day of judgment, because as He is, so 
are we in this world." I find many have been blest in 
our meetings lately; but I did not hear of it till several 
days after the time. And hence it has been a season of 
temptation and discouragement with me. I thought 
I what I had said was so short of what ought to have 
i been spoken, that all the next week I felt a deep convic- 
) tion, that unless the Lord put words into my mouth* 
\ and gave power with them, no good would be done. I 
30 



350 THE LIFE OF [PART VII. 

even feared that the Lord did not approve of my calling 
the people together, when there was no one but me to 
speak to them. Yet I knew well that all the good done 
upon the earth is the Lord's doing, and that he can work 
by the meanest instrument. However, this was the 
conclusion, I must ask and wrestle for every meeting, 
public and private, and hang by faith on Christ alone, 
believing that word, " It is not you that speak, but the 
Spirit of your Father which speaketh in you.' ? On last 
Monday night I felt the answer. Then I had great free- 
dom, and I cannot tell how many have since praised God 
for the blessing brought into their souls that night. I can 
do nothing without much prayer. 

July 10. We have had an awful affair at a pit hard 
by. Three young men were killed outright. The fol- 
lowing Sunday they were buried, and it was computed 
that more than a thousand persons attended their funeral. 
Mr. Walter took the opportunity to speak to them, I 
trust not without effect. As some had been burnt in 
that pit not long before, the master ordered the tools, 
&c. to be brought up, declaring he would have no more 
coal got there, at least for a time. Accordingly a man, 
one of our exhorters, who was an overseer of the work, 
went down with his eldest son, a fine youth about six- 
teen, and some other men. Just as the overseer got in, 
the vapour caught tire again, killed his son, and a boy 
who was with him, and most dreadfully burnt himself. 
and another man. Here was a trial indeed! Both him- 
self and his wife much delighted in that son, who was 
carried home dead, and himself not likely to live an 
hour. His wife, who had a child at her breast, fainted 
-away, and for sometime it was not known which would 
die first. But the Lord supported them both by his al- 
mighty power; and the man was so rilled with the love 
of God, in his greatest extremity of pain, that he has 
been a wonder to all. He declared, that the Lord did 
so make his bed in his sickness, that he could feel no 
will but that of God; and in that will he did glory! The 
other person who was burnt, was a young man that had. 
-a few years ago, some desires after true religion, but of 
late he had wholly fallen back. Between the two there 



PART VII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 351 

was a striking contrast. The young man was all terror, 
and shrieked dreadfully. He had no comfort in pain, and 
no pleasant prospect if it should end in death. O what 
need have we to use the present hour! Lord, give us 
unceasing prayer! O let us live in the constant view of 
eternity! It is hoped both the men will recover. 

August 27. Glory be to God! I daily prove he is 
faithfulness and love. A few mornings ago I awoke with 
that word, "As thy days so shall thy strength be." I 
did not take particular notice of it then; but yesterday, 
through an uncommon providence, I was called to go 
through such fatigue as to me seemed impossible. Yet 
I was carried through all with such ease, both as to body 
and mind, as amazed me. O let me learn by all to live 
without fear, for I have in thee, Lord, such a treasure- 
house as will always supply my every want. There is 
no room for fear or care. No, "the government is on 
thy shoulder." All the weight lies there, and my busi- 
ness is to sing and praise all the way through. 

November 9. Many mercies am I surrounded with; 
and though I have many infirmities of body, yet they 
are so held as with a bridle that I do not suffer much, 
and am able to attend all my appointments. I see all 
right; to be sure there are circumstances which would 
once have been a cross, but I am fully convinced all 
comes through my Saviour's hand, and therefore I know 
all shall work for good. I see my situation well suited 
for growing in grace, and I do grow, but O that it were 
faster. I remember a time when I rather shrunk at re- 
peating that line of the hymn, 

" Give me to feel an idle thought, 
As actual wickedness;" 

but truly I do now feel it so. I see the need there is of 
being all eye, not only against what appears evil, but 
also what is called innocent, but is really useless. Last 
week I received a letter from Leeds, informing me of the 
death of sister Crosby. I had a few days before receiv- 
ed one from her own hand, a very precious one; and ob- 
served on it, how her eyes and strength held out, though 
ten years older than me. Her call was sudden, — but 



352 THE LIFE OF, &C. [PART VI 

one day's illness: during which she was kept in faith 
and love, and departed (as it appeared) in her sleep in 
the evening. A mother in Israel hast thou been, and 
thy works shall praise thee in the gates. 

November 12. This day is particularly solemn to me. 
It is just twenty-three years this morning, both by the 
year, and by the day, since I was at this very hour go- 
ing to Batley church, to give my hand to my dearly- 
beloved Mr. Fletcher. O, what fears dici I feel, lest it 
should be a step out of God's way! The light I had 
before, seemed that morning to be quite obscure; but as 
soon as it was over, the light broke out on my soul, and 
it hath shone clearer and clearer ever since. Blessed 
be God that I ever took that step! It was the Lord that 
brought us together, and joined us in an eternal union! 
Nor do I find that union any less; nay, it is at this mo- 
ment far greater than on that day. O that I were more 
spiritual! then I should partake more fully of the in- 
heritance which he enjoys in the kingdom of our Father. 



END OF THE SEVENTH PART. 



PART THE EIGHTH 



Her declining years 
January 1, 1805. 

And now another year is gone! Lord, what shall I 
say? Have I got nearer to thee? In some things I have; 
but ah! Lord, show forth thy mighty power, and lift me 
above all! Make "my feet as hinds' feet," that I "may 
tread on the high places," and never let in a thought 
that doth not lead to Thee! In the last month, on the 
seventh day, my dear, my only sister, was called to her 
eternal rest. We had not seen each other for some 
years, but constantly wrote all our minds and every con- 
cern to each other. Providence had thrown us, as to 
habitation, far asunder. In her last hours she expressed 
faith and resignation, and that she was waiting for the 
coming of the Lord, and repeatedly begged me to give 
her up. I cannot but rejoice in her escape from suffer- 
ing to eternal bliss, though the remembrance of ou* 
early pilgrimage is ever present to my mind. Her kind 
concern for me she has shown by leaving me fifty 
pounds a year for life. Some time since it seemed pro- 
bable I should lose thirty pounds a year, and in that case 
I must draw back the help I give to some particular per- 
sons and affairs; and now the Lord hath taken care for 
that also. O, how faithful is my God! Eternity seems 
very near, my breath grows shorter, and my strength 
begins to fail. Well, the will of God is all; and it is 
all my desire, that it may be perfectly done in me. 

February 23. I have had views of my past life lately, 
which seem to have discovered a depth of the fall of 
which I was not conscious. These openings endear the 
Saviour abundantly. O how little did I know myself 
when the Lord, who knew me thoroughly, was heaping 
blessings upon me, and inviting me to his bosom! Some 
years since, a person with whom I was intimate, and 
who meant well, was certainly very imprudent. Some 
of the blame fell on me, though I was quite clear. But 
30* 



354 THE LIFE OF [PART VIII. 

I feared the reproach, and in order to justify myself, I 
told many of the particulars which were not necessary, 
and thus I rather aggravated the circumstances. I was 
afterward much pained. The other night, as I lay in 
bed, it all came before me. I was nearly crushed, — un- 
til those words gave me some relief — " They to whom 
much is forgiven, love much." O my gracious Lord, 
let this be fulfilled in me!* 

This morning in prayer, and afterward in reading the 
second and third chapter of the Colossians, I felt much 
encouragement. This day I could not but observe, that 
a power had rested on my mind ever since Sunday, 
which had kept off the enemy when he would approach; 
and if a thought would strive to creep in, I felt as if my 
faithful Lord gave me instantly a check, and excited me 
to beware. All these days I have seen such various 
mercies as I cannot express. Truly I can say, 

" In all my ways his hand I own, 
Kv» ruling Providence I see." 

I was greatly struck last night by hearing of a young 
woman who was to have been married next Monday. 
One of her ungodly companions, on the pit-bank, asked 
her where she intended to keep her wedding? She pro- 
fanely answered, " In hell." Soon after, being at her 
work near the mouth of the pit, her foot slipped, she 
fell in, and was dashed to pieces! This and some other 
things which have lately occurred of the same kind, 
seem to have brought eternity very near. O how im- 
portant is every moment. 

October 12. Come, Lord Jesus, and give me the com- 
plete victory! Last Sunday was a time of power to 
many, as they have since told me. This day I have 
been pleading with the Lord to take me altogether into 
his hand. 0, what a struggle it is to keep faithful in re- 
jecting useless thoughts! O, how hard never to offend 
with the tongue! 

* How affiicitng to a pure conscience does any transgression of 
the law of love appear, even after it has been forgiven, and the 
corrupt principle removed from the soul! — Ed. 



PART VIII.] MRS, FLETCHER. 355 

December 13. Glory be to God for many mercies 
since I wrote last. Some peculiar answers to prayer I 
must relate. The rich hardly enter into the kingdom, 
and therefore we the more abundantly praise Him in 
behalf of Mrs. B. and Mrs. E. Mrs. B. was, by na- 
ture, remarkable for a worldly spirit, a lion-like temper, 
and being hard to please. She had also used the means 
of grace for several years, without bearing fruit. About 
two years ago her health began to decline: and soon 
after conviction began to fasten on her soul, though her 
complaint did not appear dangerous. Her cry was, for 
the comforts of religion, and she wondered why she 
could not feel them as others did. I clearly saw she was 
still unawakened, though somewhat enlightened. We 
prayed for her, and with her; and in a few months she 
began to feel she was a sinner. Her disorder also grew 
extremely painful; but her cry now was, "O, I hope 
the Lord will not take away my pain till he sees I shall 
not grow hardened again. O, what a Gospel-hardened 
sinner have I been! I have sat under the strongest 
truths; and all the time the world had my heart. Some- 
times I did feel too; but as soon as I came home, all was 
gone. Yes, I had rather have my pain, bad as it is, 
than be Gospel-hardened again." She continued mourn- 
ing a long time, often saying, I can get no answer, no, 
not the least answer — yet I hope too. Those words of 
the hymn are often on my mind, 

"I the chief of sinners am, 
But Jesus died for me." 

We now began to discern a great change. The lion 
was lost in the dove and the lamb. She continued to in- 
crease, by degrees, in her confidence. Sometimes she 
found such a hold of the Saviour, and such overflowing 
love, as if she could never fear more. Then conflicts 
would return, but her faith grew more firm, till, at length, 
her peace was unshaken. For a long time, either Miss 
Tooth, or myself, have seen her continually, and wit- 
nessed the mighty change which was wrought on her. 
One only darling child, a nice house just built, and many 
Other ties she had to hold her here; but all was but as a 



356 THE LIFE OF [PART VIII. 

grain in the balance in her account. She had truly sold 
all for the pearl of great price, and m the possession of 
that she was content, and proved to the last moment 
that she was a new creature. 

The other I shall give in Miss Tooth's own words. 
"October the 3rd, Mrs. M. acquainted me with the ill- 
ness of Mrs. E.. expressing a wish that i would see her, 
as it was too far for Mrs. Fletcher. I went the next 
morning, and found her very weak, but desirous of help 
for her soul. She told me, she had for some time been 
convinced there was no happiness but in religion. I en- 
deavoured to point her to the source of all consolation, 
the atoning Lamb of God. who is ever ready to receive 
conscious sinners. When I had prayed, and was leav- 
ing her, she expressed herself in a most grateful man- 
ner, thanking me for my kindness in coming to see her, 
and begge remembered to Mrs. Fletcher, adding, 

' How happy are the people who receive instruction from 

her.' She had attended Mrs. M ? s school, and 

therefore was accustomed to Mrs. Fletcher's meetings. 
The next time I saw her. I read Mr. Fletcher's two let- 
ters to Miss Ireland, v d; ^ o\ the same complaint — 
a consumption. She seemed much affected the whole 
time we were together. After prayei I entreated her 
not to rest satisfied with any comfort she might feel, bat 
to be earnest with the Lord for a clear manifestation of 
his love to her soul. The next time I went. Mr. E. 
be in sr at home. I could not see her. he being quite averse 
to it. However. I went again, and now all my fears 
were done away. what a change had taken place! 
the new song was indeed put into her mouth, even of 
praise and : ::nks giving unto our God. As soon as I 
came to her bed side, she reached out I, saying, 

'I am sflad to see you.' I answered. So am I, my dear, 
to see you. and I trust you have had some gTacious visits 
from the Lord since we me: last. She answered, ; 
ves. manv, manv.' Then looking earnestly at me, she 
said. 'Thai is a sweet word. TFhom the Lord loveth he 
chasteneth, and scour geth eve 'i ?o \ <hat he receiveth! 
And you know St. Paul saith. These light afflictions, 
which are but for a moment, shall work out for us afar 



PART VIII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 357 

more exceeding and eternal weight of glory. Then 
with her arms thrown up, as in a rapture of delight, she 
repeated, ■ Afar more exceeding, afar more exceeding! 
0, it is not possible to tell you what I feel in those 
words.' I said, My dear, you have now a sweet fore- 
taste of that enjoyment you will shortly have in full 
possession. 'O yes, 3 replied she, 'that is the thing-, 
that is the thing! I am now so sure I shall be happy! 
Yes, die when I will, I am sure I shall be eternally 
happy! But it is no merit of mine; no, it is nothing I 
have done. No, no, it is Jesus Christ hath died for me! 
that is the comfort. Miss Tooth, that is the comfort, 
Jesus Christ hath died for me!' Yes. 1 replied, that will 
never fail you. The Lord has been very gracious to 
you, and when I get home and tell dear Mrs. Fletcher, 
how will she praise the Lord for this! She then cried 
out, ■ beg her to pray for me. As long as I am here 
I hope she will not forget me. I have had those words 
very much on my mind, Be ye also ready, for at an hour 
that ye think not the $o?i of Man cometh.' With great 
solemnity, she repeated, 'at an hour ye think not.' I 
said, You can now praise the Lord that he did not call 
you at an hour when you thought not of him. ' O yes,* 
said she, 'I praise him for it. I praise him also every 
hour for this affliction: this light affliction.' She again 
expressed much love to Mrs. Fletcher, and said, * I shall 
see her in glory.' She parted from me in words of 
heavenly love, and triumphant joy. Soon after she de- 
sired one present to read the burial service, to which she 
listened with ofreat attention: but when they came to 
those words. Thanks be to God who hath given us the 
victory through our Lord Jesus Christ, she was trans- 
ported, and shouted aloud the high praises of her Sa- 
viour, who had given her the victory. 4 1 have it, I feeV 
it,' she cried out! And in the same heavenlv triumph 
she departed, and entered her heavenly Father's house." 
January 23, 1806. Blessed be the Lord, I feel an en- 
couraging hope that this will be the best year of my 
life. I am waking for my Lord to come and make my 
heart his loved abode, the temple of indwelling God. O 
how sweet is the communion of saints, when we meet 



358 THE LIFE OF [PART VIII. 

with those who are all alive, or who are thirsting so to 
be! But alas! how rare are they found! Last Tuesday 
we had brother H. to preach here. I found him a man 
of God indeed; both his sermon and his prayers had 
much unction. We had some comfortable conversation 
after supper. His words tended to raise faith and love 
in our souls. Among other profitable particulars, he 
mentioned one manifestation: it was as follows: — In his 
sleep he thought he was going to die, and pleaded that 
the Lord would give him the meetness for glory. After 
a time it was spoken to his heart, " It is done, it is 
done;" and he felt it was so, and found himself filled with 
the heavenly mind. Then he saw angels all round his 
bed — one in particular of great beauty at the foot. He 
thought himself dying, and lay with great delight wait- 
ing the event. It then appeared to him he drew his 
last breath, on which the beautiful angel at the foot of 
the bed, clasped him in his arms, and conveyed him to 
the heavenly gates, which, as he stood before them, ap- 
peared very glorious. The angel then touched the gates, 
which immediately flew open, and such streams of glory 
eame out, as seemed to constrain him to draw back some 
paces, as being a greater delight than he could yet bear; 
but presently he went forward and entered the holy 
city. There he saw an innumerable company of glori- 
fied spirits, and the patriarchs in a circle. Next to that 
circle, he saw another of the prophets; and within that, 
all the apostles. He then cried out, " But where is Je- 
sus?" The adorable God-man then appeared in view! 
which sight filled his soul with joy inexpressible; and 
he observed beams of glory which proceeded from oui 
Lord, and touched every one of the glorified spirits, 
showing how all their glory sprang from their union 
with the Supreme Good. His ecstasy was now so great, 
he cried out and shouted the name of Jesus till he 
awoke. He told me that for about three days he scarcely 
knew where he was, his soul was so wrapt up in the 
heavenly vision. I felt my soul much refreshed by hia 
conversation. 

Sunday, March 30. On Tuesday night I dreamed I 
was sitting bv a table on which lay the large volume of 



/ART VIII.] MRS- FLETCHER. 359 

my dear Mr. Fletcher's Life. T was at that time very 
thoughtful about the printing of his Works, fearing any 
thing should be done that lie would not approve. He 
came into the room, but 1 did not look up; and being de- 
sirous to be alone, I went into the next room, and sat 
down. He called to me with his own well-known voice, 
saying, " What, art thou so afraid of me as to go out of 
the room as I come in?" I started up and cried, No, my 
dear, I am not afraid of thee. I then returned, and sat 
down in my chair by the table; he sat on the other side. 
Then taking up the book he said, There is no need for 
anxiety; I would have thee read this book, it will give 
thee pleasure. Take it up now; thou wilt find some- 
thing that will encourage thee. Two days after I re- 
ceived a letter from Mr. Benson, informing me that a 
person in London had translated Mr. Fletcher's French 
Poem into English, and they had some thought of 
printing it with his other works, if found to be done in 
a respectable manner. Then I understood that my dear 
love told me of it, in order to prevent the uneasiness 
I snould have felt had he not shown a degree of ap- 
proval. I had no recollection of the Poem; and that he 
should know I had not read the Life, and thus comfort 
me under ihe anxiety which I felt, was very pleasing to 
me. O, how indulging is my heavenly Father! 

May 24. A thought has much dwelt on my mind for 
some days,-— Tnat we should, many times in a day, ask 
ourselves, — Am I now causing joy or grief in heaven? 
We are told there is a joy in heaven over the sinner 
that repenteth, and by a parity of reason, over the ad- 
vance of every cnild of God. Those words, (spoken 
of our Lord) fonow me much. In all their afflictions 
he was afflicted. He hath taken our whole nature, and 
so will abide eternally. But his passions are all regulat- 
ed by the divine nature. So in the case of Lazarus, it 
is said, He groaned in spirit, and troubled himself.'* 
It appears then — that lie looks with delight or with 
mourning en ius children. It is said, " As a bridegroom 
rejoiceth over &*s bride, so will the Lord thy God re- 
joice over thee fie will rest in His love. He will joy 
In the original it is so. — Ed. 



860 THE LIFE OF [PART VIII, 

over thee with singing." And the idea, that by turning 
away from this hurtful thought, I am giving pleasure to 
my Saviour, and resisting Satan, is a very animating 
conviction; but alas, I cannot express it in words; it is 
as if Jesus said, " My desire is towards thee; let me not 
lose one thought." 

June 30. Blessed be the name of the Lord for the an- 
swers to prayer I have experienced of late! One above 
all the rest demands my loudest praise! 1 have long 
been crying for my soul to be all eye, so that I should 
discern an unprofitable thought in its approach, — and 
now I have, from one particular day, felt this power 
continually for about a month. I do not mean that my 
thoughts do not wander from the various objects which 
occur,* but if a thought would present itself so as to take 
up the mind unnecessarily, in a moment I am warned 
and enabled to stand upon my guard. my adorable 
Saviour! come and fully possess my soul, and give me 
such a measure of thy enlightened Spirit, that I may 
clearly discern the things which are given me of God! 

Monday, July 7. Last night when I came out from 
the Society meeting, I found a letter from London, in- 
forming me of the death of my dear brother Samuel, who 
died about eleven in the forenoon, on Friday last, the 
4th of this month. I have had much encouragement in 
my mind about him for some days, and so have some of 
my spiritual friends. His death seems to bring eternity 
very near. 

August 14. Three seven years have I walked in 
widowhood. O what a situation was I in this day 
twenty-one years! What trials have I since known, but 
what mercies also! Yes, my gracious Lord, I find thou 
dost order all for me! This day I renew my covenant 
to be all the Lord's. I know not what bitter cups may 
yet be preparing for me, but I here cast myself wholly 
into thy hands! My body is weak with age, and threat- 
ened with many painful disorders; but I leave all to thy 
adorable will. Miss Tooth seems threatened with a 
consumption. This would be an unspeakable loss, for 

* See Mr. Wesley's admirable sermon on Wandering Thoughts. 
Ed. 



PART VIII.] MRS FLETCHER. 361 

she takes off all care from me, and is in every way an 
abundant comfort and help; but this I also offer up to 
thee, my Lord. 

September 12. This day I enter into my 68th year. 
None of my family have lived to my age. Lord, what 
shall I do to live more abundantly to thee! O that I may 
take up every cross, and embrace it as a precious jewel! 
O, the great advantage of living in the will of God! 

November 12. A memorable day to me! This day 
twenty-five years I gave my hand to my dear Mr. Fletch- 
er. O what a oneness of soul do I feel with him still! 
Lord, give me the meetness to partake of that joy he 
lives in! — I have of late been convinced it would help 
my faith to consider deeply what great loving-kindness 
and guardian care I have experienced from the Lord, 
since he hath taken my dear partner to glory. I may 
say indeed, goodness and mercy hath followed me all 
my days. What a mercy that this house is still my 
home! The vicar might have wanted it himself, or he 
might wish to let it to some other person. But in this 
Mr. Burton hath shown me much kindness, as also Mr. 
Kenerson, the patron; may God bless them for it, and 
give them both everlasting habitations! At this time I 
feel my soul drawn out after a closer union with the Lord. 

February 13, 1807. Though offences will come, yet 
we have great cause to be thankful that the work pros- 
pers. Since the beginning of this year we have had 
seven triumphant deaths. One of them was Mrs. B. 
When I first saw her she was an object of great pity. 
She had lived in affluence, but w r as reduced almost to 
beggary. She had no bed. I procured a little one for 
her, and she praised the Lord abundantly. She had for 
more than half a year laid on the ground. " It was/' said 
she, " very hard, and my bones were sore; but I enjoyed 
such communion with God, it bore me above all." She 
has suffered much for many years, but always had the 
consolations of God, and sometimes very abundant. A 
few weeks before her death, when her son came home 
one day, she said, "I have had such a manifestation of 
the love of God as I cannot describe. I think if I was 
in heaven I could not enjoy more than I do!" Thif 
31 



362 THE LIFE OF [PART VIII. 

continued with her to the last. She was one of the 
Lord's hidden jewels indeed, little known or noticed 
among men. Her appearance was mean, but she was 
glorious within. Another was a child not twelve years 
old, the son of W. Smith. He had a long" and severe 
illness, during which the Lord brought him to rest in 
the will of God to a degree which amazed those about him, 
and much comforted his parents. Some time before his 
death he had a wonderful manifestation of the love of 
God. He cried out to his father and mother, — to be all 
in earnest. "It is," said he, "worth your while. O, 
what do I see! how pretty! how sweet! how grand! 
how glorious!" Then, as conversing with the Lord, he 
said, "Lord Jesus, shall I come now? Shall I come 
now? I want to be with thee. Let me come now!" 
He became silent for some time; then he said, "Not 
now; I must suffer longer." Three or four times after 
this, he had glorious manifestations. In one of them, 
he told his father how his soul had been grieved to see 
their workmen play and trifle. — "Sure," said he, "they 
forget that God sees them every moment; and when I 
think of backsliders, it makes my heart ready to bleed 
to think there are any who do not love Jesus." He 
pointed to a chest of drawers, and said, " Father, if those 
drawers were full of gold, I would not take it for what 
I feel and see." When near death, as he sat in the 
chair, (for he could not lie down nor lean back, for want 
of breath) he told them how happy he was, and yet how 
very bad. He then said, "Father, put the pillow, I will 
try to lean back. When this was done, he cried out, 
"Triumph! triumph!" He then fell into a sweet sleep 
for about three quarters of an hour; when turning his 
face on one side, he died without any struggle. The 
others all died in clear light; but I have not the particulars, 
March 5. Glory be to God, I see more and more his 
tender care is over me and mine. I have had a time of 
trial from Miss Tooth's illness this last fortnight, but 
much mercy was mixed with judgment. Lord, spare 
her, if it please thee! Thou knowest I have need of 
her help; but thy will is the arm of the rock I cling to 



PART VIII.] MJRS. FLETCHER. 363 

when the waves go over my head, and I know that rock 
will never fail me. 

A thought has struck my mind, That from some things 
mentioned in the notes subjoined to the Portrait of St. 
Paul, edited by Mr. Gilpin, after my dear husband's 
death, he might be thought to favour the opinions of 
Baron Swedenburg. I therefore think it my duty to bear 
my witness to the contrary. The first book which he 
saw contained but little amiss, and Mr. Wesley having 
observed concerning it, — " I think it will neither do good 
nor harm," — Mr. Fletcher soon after, writing to his 
brother, who had mentioned it, observed, that it was a 
book which he did not condemn. But when he had seen 
a little more of the Baron's works, he said to me one 

day, " Polly, I believe Mr. will be a Swedenburger, 

and I am very sorry for it." I said, Well, if he can 
believe that there are wax candles and feasts in heaven, 
he must have strange ideas. Mr. Fletcher replied, " My 
dear, thou dost not perceive the snake in the grass. 
These books deny the atonement, and so strike at the 
very root of all true religion." In the same mind he 
continued to the last. 

April 3. I feel within these few days a drawing 
nearer to the Lord; and a loving recollection of His 
presence to be the element in which alone my soul can 
grow. I feel an increasing expectation that the Lord 
will come and take up his abode in my soul. That 
verse in Jeremiah, ch. xxxii. is much on my mind. "I 
will make an everlasting covenant with them, that I will 
not turn away from them, to do them good; but I will 
put my fear in their hearts, that they shall not depart 
from me. Yea, I will rejoice over them to do them 
good, and I will plant them in this land assuredly with 
my whole heart, and with my whole soul." I look now 
hourly for this, that according to my former promise, I 
may "feed on Carmel and Bashan," and my soul be 
satisfied in a close communion with God. 

August 14. This day twenty-two years my dearly- 
beloved husband entered glory. When I awoke this 
morning, the first thought presented to my mind was, 
—How has my soul grown in these twenty-two years? 



364 THE LIFE OF [PART VIII. 

I felt a deep sinking before the Lord, that it had not 
grown more abundantly. I am sensible of a progress, 
but alas! it is very small when compared with what 
might have been. I place in Jesus my whole confidence. 
My hope is in him as my great high-priest, and those 
words are very sweet to me, ''The author and finisher 
of our faith." O my adorable Saviour, I am as the clay 
in thy hand; make me such a vessel as thou shalt choose 
me to be! Some things have occurred, which, years 
ago, would have been a great trial. But I now see and 
feel a great beauty in the cross; and have such evident 
proof that He orders all, that I can leave all my cares in 
his hand. 

September 11. If I live till to-morrow I shall be 
sixty-eio-ht years old. and my dear Mr. Fletcher would 
on that day have been seventy-eight. O how long has 
he been in glory before me! He was ripe, and sweetly 
gathered into the garner. Lord, prepare thy poor crea- 
ture to follow him. I have had my niece "YVhittingham 
(my dear sister's daughter.) with me for some time, 
whom I had not seen since she was twelve years old. 
I have found much satisfaction in the interview. Blessed 
be God for the work wrought on her soul, and for the 
pious husband the Lord hath provided for her. How 
much better is she off than if she had remained in the 
world! Truly. "Godliness hath the promise of this 
life, and of that which is to come." I am surrounded 
with blessings; I want no earthly comfort. that I had 
a more grateful heart. 

December 15. I have been a fortnight laid aside from 
a bad cold, and much weakness on my lungs: but what 
cause have I to praise the Lord! I have experienced 
his tender care in many ways. One ni^ht. when more 
ill than before. I was offering up my soul and body for 
time and eternity, into the hand of my gracious Re- 
deemer, and longing for a fuller preparation for that day, 
which I saw could not be far off: and being hardly able 
to keep in bed for want of breath. — I found, all at once, 
as if I were surrounded, or overshadowed with a sweet 
and sacred power! I cannot describe it: but I felt as if 
I was so encircled by, and drawn into the presence of 



PART VIII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 365 

God, that nothing could approach to hurt me! I said, 
Not a thought can arise "to disturb my beloved till he 
please." It lasted about half an hour, and showed me 
how easy the Saviour can inclose the soul as an island 
in the midst of the sea! 

December 31. my God, how do I close this year? 
I am still confined to my chamber, and mend but slowly. 
But I feel the Lord is at work on my soul. I pant for a 
more lively faith, and, blessed be God, I have found an 
increase since this illness. Truly, he makes all my 
bed in my sickness, and keeps me night and day. 

January 1, 1808. And do I see the beginning of 
another year? Yes, my Saviour! thou dost yet spare 
me. I have been sometime in a near prospect of death. 
O that I may use every moment to gain more of thy 
likeness! I cannot be far from eternity. O my God, 
make me ready! I have not been able to begin this year 
with the dear people as usual, being still confined; yet 
mercy is in all my cup, How r light are my pains com- 
pared with others! 

February 9. Blessed be the Lord, he hath wonderfully 
renewed my strength! I have been out these three 
weeks, and have gone through my meetings in the week 
as before; and, praised be the Lord! I feel greater liberty 
than ever. The other day I found among some old 
papers a few lines I wrote many years ago. They were 
blest to me; and, as I hope they will be a blessing to 
others, I transcribe them. 

Saturday, July 18, 1761. We had a good time at the 
meeting this morning, at brother Biggs's. Mr. Fletcher 
was with us; and as I was speaking of my discourage- 
ments, he said, "Make more use of Jesus. The rea- 
son why you find a spark of faith and love when you 
repeat those words, ' On thine arm do I trust,' — which 
you do not feel at other times, is because at that time you 
make an act of faith; but you do not continue that act 
of faith, which is the reason you do not always feel the 
same. If ' our anchor is cast within the veil,' we must 
be casting it further and further, that we may draw r our 
souls nearer and nearer to God. There is nothing which 
draws my soul to God like the consideration of his love 
31* 



366 THE LIFE OF [PART VIII. 

to me; it is on that I must fix my eyes t and when I feel 
my heart has wandered, and I am cold and dead, and una- 
ble to watch and pray, this is my method, — I return jus* 
as I am to Christ and cast myself again on his mercy, 
pleading — Thou art the righteousness of the ungodly, 
the strength of the weak, the helper of the helpless; — 
thou art the friend of sinners; — in short, he is the God 
of fallen man." He again observed, — "He doth not 
require us to stay for a broken heart; for what would 
repentance avail if he did not work it? We also lose 
much for want of thankfulness. We should praise God 
for every good desire we feel, though, perhaps, as yet, 
we have not power to put it in practice." 

Mr. Maxfield was, at that time, a very blessed instru- 
ment among us, and great power attended his word. 
Although very painful things afterward occurred.* I do 
not think myself clear unless I bear a testimony to that 
truth. I took down a few particulars of a sermon of 
his which I will here repeat. 

Sunday, November 2, 1761. Mr. Maxfield preached 
on the history of the Israelites taking Jericho. He ob- 
served, — "By what is said of Jericho, we may be in- 
structed concerning the evils contained in our hearts. 
It was the ' Captain of the Lord's host,' by whose com- 
mand Joshua acted, — and this captain was our Lord Je- 
sus, who still goeth before every one who believes in 
his name. But," added he, "there is one thing very 
material to observe, — ' Jericho was straitly shut up, none 
went out and none came in.' Now is this the case with 
your hearts? Are you watching over your ear, your 
eye, your tongue? Are you careful neither to see, hear, 
nor speak any thing, but what tends to draw your souls 
to God? Many of you will perhaps ask, why do not 
the walls of Jericho, my corrupt heart, fall before the 
Lord, as I have been seeking so many years. I will 
tell you why, — your Jericho is not ' straitly shut up.' 
It may be that every idle story your neighbour brings 
to your ears, or foolish imagination Satan suggests to 
your minds, finds a ready entertainment, and your minds 

* He separated from Mr. Wesley, and did much harm in the 
London Society. — Ed. 



PART VIII. J MRS. FLETCHER. 367 

are filled with unprofitable thoughts, which, like a 
crowd, get between you and your Saviour. You might 
seek thus for ten thousand years, and be no nearer. 
Every thought that doth not tend towards God, if in- 
dulged, stops the work of sanctification; and you will 
never advance towards holiness, till you exert with re 
solution the power which God hath given you, in re- 
sisting steadfastly every thought and word which would 
come between your soul and Christ. But those who 
are thus watching and keeping their hearts, so that no- 
thing can find entrance till it be examined, and known 
from whence it comes, — let them take courage. I am 
sure your souls thus waiting, will not wait long before 
your 'Joshua will command them to shout!' Only let 
them believe, and continue to watch. The Israelites 
were bid not to shout, nor make any noise, till they were 
commanded; and when that moment should come was 
known only to Joshua. They believed and followed. 
So let us hang by a simple faith on Jesus, listening every 
moment what his Spirit shall dictate to our hearts: for 
4 the Captain of the Lord's host' is with us, and 'he 
hath his sword drawn in his hand' to conquer all our 
adversaries. And though you feel your sinful tempers, 
be not discouraged, for the inhabitants of Jericho were 
not only alive to the last, but in full strength. Wl 
the power of faith comes, the strong walls of unbelief 
shall drop down, and you shall go up and possess the 
good land! How little, and idle, it would appear in the 
eyes of these enemies, thus to walk round the walls, 
blowing rams' horns! So we think our labour and 
spiritual striving avail nothing; but only let us continue 
to cut off every word cr thought which would give food 
to the old man, and thus obey, in firm reliance, 
4 our Joshua will be the author and finisher of our faith,' 
and we shall find him 'faithful who hath promised, who 
also will do it.' " 

March 3. This was a grood morning to me, 'he Lc 
was very present when I awoke; and I had 
of the all-sufficiency of the Saviour as I car 
Such a safety in trusting in his arm alone! r T' 
struck me, — Many great kings have said, I 



368 THE LIFE OF [PART VIII. 

cause to fear, for I have vast armies, great allies, &c." 
But O what a fly did it all appear to me, when compared 
to the power I felt in that simple word, "Jesus is on 
my side!" 

March 18. Yesterday I found an increase of faith. 
what repeated proofs I have that the Lord doth watch 
over his poor creature with guardian care! I had some- 
thing to do in the work of God which was attended 
with difficulty; and yet I scarcely knew how to go out 
in the sharp east wind. But, O! how was every 
thing ordered! I found also such liberty in visiting the 
sick, as if every word was immediately given me. I 
had such a view into the way of faith, — and the atone- 
ment was made so clear, as I cannot express. I saw 
also the Lord's tender care in a variety of other occur- 
rences. What a freedom from care hath the soul who 
singly trusts in Jesus! 

March 29. I cannot be thankful as I would for the 
restoration of health which I feel. Cold as it is, I have 
been enabled to keep to all my meetings,— seven or 
eight times a week; and my nights are as comfortable 
as when I was but twenty. I feel no complaint of my 
breath, when still, nor in bed. O that I might use all 
my little strength to the glory of God! I see death very 
near, notwithstanding this amendment. 

On looking over my Journal, I miss some observa- 
tions which I wrote on the death of my dear father in 
Christ, Mr. Wesley. I think I must have mislaid that 
sheet, or perhaps lent, and so lost it. However, I wish 
now to bear my testimony to the truth. I shall have 
cause to bless God, throughout eternity, that ever 1 
knew that precious and highly favoured servant of the 
Lord Jesus. He was indeed a star in the Almighty's 
hand, and a wonderful instrument of good to our nation. 
When I was very low, after my dear husband's death, 
among the many gloomy thoughts which came to my 
mind, one was, that I had not so profited by Mr. Wes- 
ley's excellent advice as I might have done; and I wrote 
to him expressing that sentiment; to which he gave me 
the following answer: " My dear sister, I do not remem- 
ber you ever disobliged me in any thing. On the con 



PART VIII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 369 

trary, you have for these many years done every thing 
in your power to oblige me." Indeed I saw it my duty 
so to do, and must acknowledge my many and great 
obligations to that great and good man. 

May 26. How good do I find it to lie quiet in the 
hand of Jesus! All, all works for good. I have been 
ill with a cold three weeks, and trust I am laid aside 
for a season, in order to gain the blessings of retire- 
ment. Some fatigues which have occurred from company 
rather threw me back. The providence of God appear- 
ed so clear, I could only say, how true is that word, 

" Jesus doth my burden bear, 
Jesus takes my ev'ry care. 5 ' 

Some nights when I could not lie down for the cough, 
and want of breath, I felt a sweet sense of the presence 
of God, and of the heavenly spirits! Not any particu- 
lar rapture, but a solemn consciousness; and those words 
were with me continually, 

" Do what thou wilt with this weak clay, 
But let me all thy mind fulfil, 
But let me all thy will obey." 

June 1. Blessed be the Lord, I am better, and was 
enabled to meet the class yesterday morning, though 1 
spoke with difficulty. This morning I have found an 
increase of faith in reading the 10th chapter of Hebrews. 

that perfect, that complete sacrifice! Yes, he hath 
once for all paid the whole debt, there is therefore a 
free and open way into the holiest! I see death so near, 

1 find it on my heart to pray for, and take thought of, 
the work of God in this place. my Saviour, cause 
it to increase abundantly! Keep away stumbling-blocks, 
and pour out thy Spirit in a peculiar manner on my dear 
husband's orphans. I could wish Miss Tootli to remain 
in Madely, if a way should be made for her, and that 
she might be able to take in the preachers. I can see 
no other way so likely and proper; and I think it would 
be the most comfortable for them. All is in the hand 
of the Lord. She has the cause of God truly at heart, 
and if her health is restored, she will, I believe, be very 



370 THE LIFE OF [PART VIII. 

useful to the people. That word I think of with plea- 
sure, Ml things are beautiful in their season. >: I 
trust I shall find it that death may have no sting for 
me, and that her wav rnav ed before her by the 

August 4. Having been toll] his :hat 

Ml has got abroad, ^ her ex- 

pressed a sorrow for having his z — n ..>::■ 

nomianism. and that he died in quite a different-opinion, 
I do solemnly aver there is no truth in the se rriion. So 
far from that, a little >efore his . speaking of the 

hurt that so close an application jb to his health, 

I said, But thou >s1 the labour? He replied, 

" O no, it was a gre blessing soul. And if my 

strength was was was in :he eause of 

truth." I never knew iation iu 

his sentiments; I lid not willingly con- 

ceal any part of his : m me, any more than I did 

from him. 

1 had this m >raing a solemn 1 "... 1 1 \ :_;. 

complaints seem tc be gathering about me, and :':. e y 
seem tc portend sufferings; bul I fee] a spiril : ;" true 
sacrifice, and (hose « :::"- ire sweetly onmy .:nd, 

To choose and to command, 
S : shaK tliou wondering' own his way 
He vise, he .rood his hand!" 

August IT. From an uncommon hurry :: strangers 
being h ^:~ , and rthei - ices . I have had no time 

for writing in my journal, though I should have liked 
to set down many things. Ail the las; week Tas very 
solemn; the day of my dear husl rod's rath falling on 
the Sabbath this year, brought each scene to its own 
period, and caused me frequently to look back and 
praise the Lord, who had preserved me in the ieep wa- 
ters through which I :-/. thai time :--^ c t:. I had a most 
humbling view of the little progress 1 hawe since made; 
ye: I found a great confidence in .-.;. g« N :■ :: S herd, 
whose wise piavidence I ha 1 : :t ^ .:-: :~ 

a remarkable manner. He does so fit my strength to 



PART VIII. J MRS. FLETCHER. 371 

my day, and orders all in such wonderful mercy, that 
truly I am constrained to say, (unworthy as I am,) 

" Round me and beneath are spread 
The everlasting arms, 5 * 

September 12. At eight o'clock this morning, sixty- 
Jiine vears aofo, I was horn. How many dangers I have 
passed through! But Thy merciful arm has been over 
me, and proved by a thousand and a thousand ways, 
that the hairs of my head are indeed numbered. O my 
great Deliverer! how hast thou stood by me, and heaped 
mercy upon mercy on me! 

September 15. I feel a fresh beam of light upon my 
soul! A further discovery of the extent of the atone- 
ment. On Tuesday night, when at prayer, I found the 
eve of faith grow brighter, and the open fountain more 
plain before me. O the liberty the believer hath of com- 
ing every moment to the Saviour! If I shut my eyes 
I may fancy the sun doth not shine; but the vail is not 
on the sun, but on my eyes. The Saviour saith, Who- 
soever cometh unto me I ivill in nowise cast out. Lord, 
give, me ever to feel the sense of this truth which I now 
do, that every moment I may wash my robes, and both 
make and keep them white, for thy blood cleanseth from 
all sin. 

Blessed be God, another is gone to her rest, our dear 
sister Benbow, the account of whom, by Miss Tooth, I 
had not time before to enter. " From what Mrs. Ben- 
has told me, I have reason to believe she had been 
under the drawings of God from her earliest youth. 
Some years since she began to come to the Monday 
meetings at Madely. These she found so profitable, 
that, although the difficulty was great, owing to her 
weakness, she would still persevere. These last three 
years she has been confined by illness, but often express- 
ed her longing desire to be at those opportunities affain, 
if the Lord should permit. Upwards of two years^ago 
I went to see her. and I may say, I have counted it my 
privilege and honour to visit her at every opportunity 
since that time. She drank in instruction from either 
conversation or reading. The experience and death of 



372 THE LIFE OF [PART VIII. 

the children of God were the delight of her soul. Mr. 
Fletcher's Letters, and his Appeal, were much blessed 
to her. Concerning the Latter she would say, ' Blessed 
be God for that book, for it hath taught me the way to 
Jesus by faith.' When I have been reading to her, ob- 
serving her pain to be so violent, I have for a time laid 
the book aside; but she would say, ' No, read on. it does 
me good: it refreshes me, and gives me encouragement. 
O what should I do if his everlasting arms were not 
underneath me-, but he does sweetly support me, glory 
be unto him." 

She suffered great pain, even to agony, yet not one 
murmuring word was heard to drop from her lips. In 
one minute she would be crying out with the violence 
of the pain — the next she would be saying, Thy will be 
done, my sweet Saviour! I would suffer all thy will. 

"I the chief of s'nners am, 
But Jesus died for me!" 

I. feel great peace, and those words are powerfully ap- 
plied, I know that my Redeemer liveth. I can say with 
David, Tliov.gh my flesh and my heart faileth, G 

the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever. 
that word, for ever! There is something so sweet in 
that word, for ever! Another day. as I entered the 
room, she cried out with triumphant joy. His banner 
over me is love! the sweet times I have had this 
last week in reading the Scriptures! Another time, 
as I was observing the power of divine grace in loosing 
the heart from earthly attachments, she said, I prove 
that; for time was when I seemed to have ten thousand 
ties to this world, but now I have not one. Jesus has 
broke every chain. Through all her sufferings her con- 
stant language was, blessing and praising the Lord for 
his goodness; ever declaring all her trust and confidence 
was in the atoning blood. Often, in the midst of the 
most exquisite suffering, she would enumerate her mer- 
cies, saying, What comforts I am surrounded with! Such 
tender affectionate children to nurse me! And above all, 
the prayers of God's people. 0, I cannot tell half the 
things that call for thankful praise. When the preachers, 



PART VIII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 373 

or Mr. Walter, visited her, she has often observed to me, 
with delight, what a blessing it was to her. On June 3, 
<he told me she had neither doubt nor fear, nothing dis- 
turbed her; and though in the most violent pain, she 
cried out, "Not one pain lessj I would not have one 
pain less, if this is thy will, my sweet Lord Jesus!*' In 
the night of the 7th of June, she waked, and said, I am 
quite well! I have neither ache nor pain. Miss Ben- 
bow, who sat up with her, being much affected, and not 
immediately replying, she again cried out, Nancy, I have 
neither ache nor pain! Give praise to the Lord! O give 
thanks to God. Miss Benbow said, And are you happy, 
Mother? She answered, Yes, quite so. A short time 
before she departed, she said, "Sweet Jesus, come 
quickly!*' These were the last words she uttered. From 
this time she lay with a smiling countenance, that be- 
spoke a sweet serenity within; and at the last she went 
of! so quietly, they could scarcely perceive when she 
drew her last breath, which was on Thursday morning, 
June 9, 1808. 

November 12. Memorable day to me! This day 
twenty-seven years (the day of my marriage) I was full 
of anxiety at this hour: but, O what cause have I had 
to rejoice in the transaction of that day! As the morning 
approached, I felt a fresh conviction — this is the day I 
peculiarly consecrate to my adorable Lord; and I felt it 
good to wait upon the Lord. My faith was invigorated, 
and my expectation enlarged. how little doth all ap- 
pear to me that is not eternity! 

December 6. I have been called, since I wrote last, 
to a new dispensation. I had more than two months 
been lame at times with my right knee, yet walked about, 
though with some pain. But some days since it grew 
worse, till last Thursday, when it was so well I could 
walk without a stick, and thought myself cured. That 
night, as I was going to bed, in a moment I felt a pain 
in it which rendered me quite helpless. How it will 
end I know not; but I feel a sweetness in repeating, 
14 My Father cannot err, and I will never choose." This 
trial has been much blest to me. It brings eternity near. 
T have also had a deeper conviction of the need of a more 
32 



374 THE LIFE OF [PART VIII. 

earnest pursuing after entire holiness, and my mind ha$ 
been more stayed on the Lord, and kept in more abun- 
dant peace. I knew not how I should be got out of the 
chamber, but we found a chair with wheels, which would 
go through the doors, so that I can be brought in and 
out of the study; and such a number of little helps (bu> 
to me great ones) has occurred, that I see the hand of 
my dear Father in all around me as I cannot express. 

December 13. Last night I had pain, but blessed be 
the Lord, with a mixture of ease and rest. My com- 
plaint is said to be an inflammation on the knee bone; 
but I am affected in various ways. As I had to sit up 
in bed a good while in the night, I felt it profitable. 

December 26. This has been a solemn Christmas to 
me. Though confined to my room, my soul has been 
on a stretch for holiness, especially to-day. O what 
cause of praise! How truly is that promise fulfilled,* 
"Do not be frightened, God will make you a comforta- 
ble habitation." And so he doth indeed: and that other 
word, so often given me of late, "As one whom his 
mother comforteth, so will I comfort thee." Yes, I can 
rely on his dear arm, and cling to his will. But O 1 
long that God should take up the whole of my heart as 
his abiding throne! 

March 20, 1809. Yesterday was a comfortable Sab- 
bath. The Lord carried me through all the four meet- 
ings,t and blessed me with his gracious presence, glory 
be to his holy name! Reading those words of Baxter, 
" There is far more procured for us by Christ, than we 
lost in Adam," — I felt a peculiar power in it; and while 
meditating thereon, I said in my heart, Then how great 
may our expectations be! Immediately that word came 
to my mind, Open thy mouth wide and I will Jill it, O 
my God, how shall I comprehend what thou hast to 
bestow! O for more of that sacred violence which takes 
the kingdom by force. 

March 22. We had much hurry yesterday, but 
blessed be God, I felt great calmness all day. My me- 
ditation ran much on that scripture, He that receiveth 



• See page 182. 

f It teems she had now recovered from her lameness. 






PART V1I1.] MRS. FLETCHER. 375 

you receiveth me; and again, — Whatsoever ye do to one 

of the least of these is done unto me. This morning 
feeling some symptoms of a very painful disorder, I was 
offering it up to the Lord, that he might do all his will 
upon me. when I thought of those lines, 

The Lord my pasture shall prepare, 
And feed me with a shepherd's care; 
His presence shall my wants supply, 
And guard me with a watchful eye: 
My noon-day walks he shall attend, 
And all my midnight hours defend.'' 

I felt a power as I repeated them, but afterward doubly 
so, it was given me as my own. Yes, my faithful Lord, 
" Thou wilt not suffer me to be tempted above what I am 
able, but will with the temptation make a way to escape, 
that 1 may" be able to bear it. I feel an increase of 
both faith and love. Lord, let me grow stronger and 
stronger in Thee! 

April 5. I have lately received some particular an- 
swers to prayer. Lord, let my gratitude bear propor- 
tion with my mercies! I have been now able to go out 
for several weeks, and to attend all my meetings, often 
very comfortably, even eight or nine times in a week. 
My breath is better than it hath been for years; and 
though my limbs are weak and stiff, I can walk so as to 
visit some sick who are near to us, and go up and down 
stairs many times a-day, blessed be the Lord, who holds 
all our disorders in his hand, and times them as he sees 
good. O that I may use all my remaining strength to 
his glory. 

April 26. Glory be to God, I have felt him working 
on my soul for some days, and drawing my mind into a 
more steady recollection. Reading the account of Is- 
rael passing over Jordan, I was led to reflect that 1 had 
nothing to do but believe, and follow the Lord, and all 
difficulties would vanish out of rav wav in spiritual 
things, as they have done in temporal. He will fulfil 
all His gracious promises. Yes, my faithful Saviour, I 
look for the blessed moment when I shall have my de- 
light in the Almighty beyond all I have ever known. I 
feel a glorious day approaching. Lord, hasten the hourl 



376 THE LIFE OF [PART VIII. 

In order to make the day more profitable, let me con- 
sider, — I usually rise between five and six. Then let 
me behold Jesus by the eye of faith, sitting on the right 
hand of God. exalted in glory, yet looking down on me. 
Inclining his gracious ear to my prayer, and saying, 
••Let me hear thy voice; pray without ceasing. Everv 
one that asketh receiveth." My heart shall answer, O 
most faithful and loving Saviour, permit me again to 
throw myself at thy dear feet. Thy mercy hath pre- 
served me this night from men and devils. Thou hast 
made me to rest in safety. For this my soul doth adore 
thee! And I praise thee. Lord, fur some degree of 
health. While many are in racking pain, I am in ease, 
and have the use of my understanding, and a comforta- 
ble degree of sight and hearing: yea. thou hast preserv- 
ed to me the use oi all my limbs and faculties: and here 
I consecrate them all to thee! O. take my soul and body's 
powers, and let them be at thy disposal this day. I here 
renew my covenant to become altogether thine; and to 
be obedient to thy will. Whatever thou shall appoint 
this day. my Lord and Master, give me to receive it 
in the divine order! Give me this day to watch every 
moment, that I may not lose one opportunity of taking 
up my cross, nor of doing good either to the souls or 
bodies of men. Yea. let me strive to confer happiness 
or comfort, on every one. even to the brute creation. 
This is thy will. O do not sutler me to miss one in- 
stance in which I might have such an honour! O Lc i ".. 
grant thy Spirit's teaching, that I may lie at thy feet, 
and listening to thy voice, have power to obey it. G: e 
me. Lord, this day. the spirit of recollected prayer! 
That praver of faith which cannot go unanswered. And, 
my Lord. I entreat thee, by all the mercy and love 
thou hast shown me. thy most unworthy creature, thai 
thou would st favour me with the key of the holy Scrip- 
tures! Thou knowest, Lord, it is a sealed book, till 
thou openest the seals thereof. Confer on me, I be 
seech thee, that teaching of thy Spirit that I may dis- 
cern the deep truths, the glorious promises, and all the 
sacred mysteries which lead to close communion with 
thyself! That I may. in my measure, ••comprehend 



PART YIII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 377 

with all saints, the length, and breadth, and depth, and 
height of thy incomprehensible love!" 

May 28. This morning I was led to look back on the 
mercies of my past life: and I was amazed to see how., 
in every part oi it such tender love had been mixed with 
my crosses'. When in my father's house, though I had 
many things to pass through which were trials and hu- 
miliations, yet when I could ge: into my own room I 
seemed to be quite comfortable, and had a continual 
sense that God ilivei me : at of all when his 

time was come. When I was removed from my father's 
house, to my little lodging oi two rooms at Hoxton, 
though really very inconvenient, it appeared as a most 
sweet asylum to me. When I took the little house on 
the road side, 1 thought it a palace! And though there 
was much, rery mi ch, to ask forgiveness for in all those 
places, yet there were abundant ":.i5sings: and I can 
recollect many messages from heaven in them all. I 
next to Layton-stone. There T seemed in the 

land of Goshen; and though I can now look back and 
I stood under the galling crosses I had to 
encounter, yet at the time they often appeared swallow- 
ed up in mercies! At Cross-Hall in Yorkshire, I had 
many humiliations and cares, but I often thought that 
situation better than all the others, and that if the Lord 
would open me a way to abide there, it would be a great 
favour. But he had something better, far better for 
me. He brought me through hre and water, to this 
spot. — to Madely; and of all my situations, none hath 
been equal to this. O the loving-kindness of my God! 
I remember in the year 1766. being from home, on a 
journey with sister Ryan, and under very great trials, 
both outward and inward, as I was one day in prayer, 
those words were applied to me with a peculiar power, 
I will bring Israel again to his habitation, and he shall 
feed on Carmel and Bashan, and his soul shall be satis- 
fied on Mount Ephraim and Giiead. At that time, and 
in those days, shall the iniquity of Israel he sought for, 
and there shall be none, and the sin vf Judah. and it 
shall not be found, far I wili pardon them whom I re- 
serve. This was so deeply impressed on my mind, that 
32* 



878 THE LIFE OF [PART VIII. 

when after some months absence we returned home, I 
looked out (as well as I was able) the meaning of the 
words in the Hebrew Lexicon. I now repeat it here, 
being conscious that at this very time I feel the begin- 
ning of the accomplishment. Outwardly it is indeed 
made good. I am in a most peaceful habitation; and 
some of the clusters of grapes from Canaan I do taste 
of, and sit as on the banks of Jordan, waiting to be 
brought over. 

August 10. At present I am under a particular exer- 
cise. Sometime ago, I found my relations deeply laid 
on my mind, especially my dear brother William, and 
my brother's widow. I thought, I have not been faith- 
ful to them; — and feared, as I had not seen them for 
twenty years, I never should see them again. I laid it 
before the Lord in earnest prayer. A circumstance oc- 
curred which gave me some encouragement. But how 
was I surprised when I received a letter that they were 
coming to see me! They are now here. My soul is 
drawn out much in their behalf. Lord, I look unto thee, 
be thou my helper, and enable me to confess thee faith- 
fully before men, that I may not have the blood of souls 
found upon me! 

24. Glory be to God, I have found him very gracious 
indeed. All has been as I could have wished, and I had 
freedom and comfort in our different interviews. I saw 
the hand of the Lord in every circumstance. O what a 
Saviour have I! Since that time some trials have oc- 
curred which has affected my health. I feel a great in- 
ward sinking, and by various symptoms, it seems that 
the Lord is reminding me the hour is not far off. O my 
adorable Saviour, give me but to glorify thee to the last 
moment, to feel my whole will lost in thine! 

September 12. Lord, appear in my behalf! I feel my 
body grow very feeble, and I want a fuller baptism of 
Thy Spirit. My confidence is all in Thee; but I want 
to feel an intimate, close communion. Once I should 
have been well pleased with what I at present feel; but 
wheft death seems very near, there needs a peculiar 
•mile of the Lord to carry the soul triumphantly through 
the sufferings of that season. Indeed there are moments 



PART VIII.] MRS. FLETCHER- 379 

when he doth assure me, As my day my strength shall 
be; and of late I have found such help in times of trial 
that I am greatly encouraged. This day I am seventy 
years old. Ah! my Lord, how little have I done for 
thee in seventy years! But I look to mere mercy. My 
hope is in the Saviour! I have nothing to plead. 

September 19. Last night I was restless and disturb- 
ed, and as I lay awake I thought, Is not God my strong- 
est desire? What would now give me the most plea- 
sure? My heart answered, "A smile from my Lord. " 
I then thought of heaven, and considered myself as 
afresh united to my dear husband, my Sally, and my 
friend Ryan. The thought was pleasing, and raised 
gratitude in my heart. But when I turned my thoughts 
to a sight of, and union with my Saviour, — O how su- 
perior a spring of joy did I feel! I think I can truly 
say, — " Whom have I in heaven but Thee? and there is 
none upon earth I desire in comparison of thee!" But, 
Lord, I am not satisfied. Ah, no; I want such a posses- 
sion of thy love, — such an intimate union as every mo- 
ment to feel thy approving smile! 

November 12. Twenty-eight years this day, and at 
this hour, I gave my hand and heart to John William 
De la Flechere. A profitable and blessed period of my 
life. I feel, at this moment, a more tender affection to- 
wards him than I did at that time, and by faith I now 
join my hand afresh with his. My Sally, and. my friend 
Ryan too. We are one in Jesus. O that I may follow 
them as they followed Christ! 

January 6, 1810. Glory be to thee, my precious 
Saviour, for the great mercies I have received the last 
year! O how many striking answers to prayer! I feel 
also an increase of faith, and begin this year with a 
more firm confidence in thy faithful promises. Yes, my 
gracious Lord, I abandon all, all into thy hand, both for 
time and eternity. I have been reading again that ex- 
cellent work of my dear husband, "The Portrait of St. 
Paul." I had not read it for many years, but, O how 
sweet did I find it! It is amazing that it should be so 
clear and perfect as it is, when I consider what he said 
to me about it,— That it was a rough draught wrote in 



380 THE LIFE OF [PART VIII. 

his illness, when abroad; and which he intended to 
write all over again, and to improve, had he been spared 
to do it. I felt a sweet unction as I read it, and am 
very grlad it is taken into the 9th vol. of his Works. 

February 11. I have been ill for about two months, 
with a complaint on my lungs, but was enabled to keep 
to all the meetings till Tuesday last, when I grew much 
worse. My breath is exceeding short, and the cough 
very severe. By the expectoration it appears to be such 
a consumption as old people have. I am glad I have 
had these opportunities with the dear people, though 
perhaps I have suffered by it. The Lord has been very 
present with us of late. Those words have been much 
on my mind, "Whom have I in heaven but Thee? and 
there is none on earth I desire in comparison of Thee/' 
I feel no care about my body, only that I may do and 
suffer all the will of God, as a Christian; — that "pa- 
tience may have its perfect work.' ? 

February 25. I still remain ill, though something 
better: and it is a great addition to the trial, that my 
dear friend and kind nurse. Miss Tooth, appears to have 
a consumptive disorder. This morning I was laying all 
before the Lord, I felt a desire to try myself in every 
point of sacrifice. I felt his will above all. Afterward 
that word bore on my mind. "Stand still and see the 
salvation of God." 

April 27. Yesterday was a day of trial, as to outward 
things; but in the morning those words were, in a pecu- 
liar manner, laid on my mind. — •• Commit thy way unto 
the Lord; trust also in Him, and He will bring it to 
pass. v I did not understand what it meant at first, but 
before night it was explained. 

O. niv faithful God, thou knowest all that can ap- 
proach Thy children: and Thy guardian care prevents 
our trials by a call to a fresh trust in Thee!^ Many 
scenes of suffering appear before me. My left breast 
I am told is again likely to prove cancerous: but I lie 
still in the hand oi the Lord.. 

May 0. As I was rising this morning. Mr. Grim 
sbaw's advice came to my mind. •• At your first awaking 
spend half an hour on five things. First, return thanks 



PART VIII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 381 

for the mercies of the night. Second, Pray for a bless- 
ing on the new day. Third, Examine the state of your 
heart. Fourth, Meditate on some spiritual subject. 
Fifth, Lay a plan for your employment of the day." I 
felt my heart drawn to praise, and to entreat protecting 
mercy, and spiritual guidance, for the ensuing day, and 
felt my petition was heard. Then I looked up for a 
spiritual subject of meditation. Immediately it occur- 
red, — " I go to prepare a place for you." Then, — "I 
am the way, the truth, and the life." I felt it a profita- 
ble time. 

September 6. The other day brother Tranter preach- 
ed in my room very profitably, and told us afterward a 
remarkable answer to prayer. Mr. R. Crowther and his 
wife were going to their circuit in a borrowed gig. They 
came to the house of a pious man and woman, accus- 
tomed to receive the messengers of Jesus Christ. Hav- 
ing no place for the gig, it stood out. There were some 
persecuting spirits in the place. In the night, the man 
and his wife found they could not sleep, and said one 
to another, I feel a great weight on my mind,— -perhaps 
some hurt is doing to the gig. They got up and went 
out. They found one wheel was gone. They looked 
all about, but could not find it. They returned into the 
house and went to prayer, laying before the Lord the 
difficulty Mr. Crowther would be in. At last one of 
them said, It comes to my mind they have carried it to 
such a place, (about two miles off,) and thrown it into 
the swamp, The other said, Let us go and see. About 
one o'clock they set off. When they came to the place, 
which was full of water and mud, and covered with 
rushes, they looked about, but could see nothing of the 
wheel, They then saw a large stick; upon which the 
man said, Perhaps on this stick they carried it; — let us 
try again. He then took up the stick and groped in the 
mud. Presently he felt the wheel. They got it out, 
brought it home, and put it on the giff. So when Mr. 
and Mrs. Crowther got up, the gig was ready for them 
to set off. How true is that word, " Call upon me in 
the time of trouble, so will I hear thee, and thou shalt 
glorify me." 



382 THE LIFE OF [PART VIII. 

September 12. At eight o'clock this morning I was 
solemnly struck with the thought, — I am, at this hour, 
(the time I have been told I was born,) seventy-one 
years of age. I was, as I tiave been told, in great danger 
of death, from my tongue being tied, and much bleeding 
ensued from having it cut. It was thought I should be 
dumb. But thou, O Lord! saw good to give me my 
speech. Ah, Lord, how have I used that great talent? 
How often have I abused thy goodness, and offended 
with my tongue? I feel an earnest cry for a full and 
perfect devotedness of soul to thee; and my faith seems 
to be increased in the belief I shall be so. While speak- 
ing on Monday night, in a very full meeting, the Lord 
was very present, and I saw such a great salvation be- 
fore me as I cannot express. And has my Saviour bore 
all the curse? And has he taken our nature into the 
Godhead? O, what may we not expect? Lord, enlarge 
my faith! 

November 24. Since I last wrote, I have seen much 
of the goodness of the Lord. What an answer of prayer 
is the amendment of Miss Tooth! My gracious Lord 
would not give me sorrow upon sorrow. O, how good 
it is to stand still and see his salvation! This summer 
I have been better in health than for some years, and 
have found much of his presence in the work of God. 

On the 12th of this month, the day of renewed dedi- 
cation of myself to God, I felt a blessing in the remem- 
brance of the precious gift given me twenty-nine years 
ago. O what a train of good things have sprung there- 
from! O my Lord, none but thyself can know what 
an advantage I have drawn from that union! O that my 
dear husband's prayers may be fully answered in me, 
that I may become the habitation of God through the 
Spirit! 

December 18. Being ill, I could not go out, but 
prayed, if the Lord saw it good, that I might have 
strength for Sunday noon, and Monday night, the times 
when we have large congregations — and, blessed be his 
name! I have had hitherto the answer to my prayer. I 
felt, this morning, very lame in my knees, but yet able to 



PART VIII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 383 

walk about, and, in the room last night, the Lord was 
with me, and brought me comfortably through. 

January 7, 1811. And do I see another year! O my 
God, may I live this year as I have never yet done! 1 
have had, for six weeks, a return of my winter cough, 
but have been enabled to go out on Sunday noon, and 
Monday night, as usual. Blessed be the Lord for that 
indulgence! Never did eternity appear so near. I feel 
its importance; but O, I want it to drink up every 
thought, and fill up every moment. 

January 14. The complaint on my lungs grows worse. 
I seem to be going fast. Saturday and yesterday were 
days of recollection, blessed be God! I went out yes- 
terday at noon, and had a comfortable time with the dear 
people. I read and spoke an hour. The subject was, 
Jacob blessing his sons. I seemed to be no worse, and 
on my return had a tolerable night; but this morning I 
feel my breath much affected, and my strength seems to 
go fast. Eternity looks very sweet, yet I have fiery 
darts. I long for a clearer view — but I praise the Lord 
for more constant power to obey that command, Pray 
without ceasing. 

February 9. Those w r ords seem to dwell mightily on 
my mind, " Praying always, and watching thereunto with 
all perseverance." Lord, give me the power this day- 
Let my spirit every moment be looking out for thee, as 
the watchman for the morning. The Lord has been 
drawing my soul nearer to himself for some days. O, 
how my soul longs to be wholly lost in God! This day 
I have been greatly humbled under a sense of the little 
progress I have made, seeing my lot hath been cast with 
the most excellent of the earth. 

May 25. Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not 
all his benefits! I am surrounded with mercies. Sure 
none ever had more cause for thankfulness. O that my 
heart could overflow with praise in proportion thereto! 
O my Saviour, purify my soul unto thyself! I know thou 
hast all power. The other day, as a useless thought oc- 
curred to my mind, I felt that word with a solemn 
weight, — The place where his honour dwelleth. It call- 
ed me back in a moment, with that idea, that my soul if 



384 THE LIFE OF [PART VIII. 

the place where his honour ought to dwell. It is a great 
thing to keep the heart with all diligence from the dan- 
gerous avenue of the imagination. My soul doth rejoice 
over some who have been brought in of late. One young 
man, who was very wicked, came to one of the meet- 
ings; and hearing Miss Tooth observe, " We must have 
that faith which brings purity of heart, and power over 
sin," he thought, I am sure I have no such faith. From 
that hour the Lord began to work on his soul. The 
conviction was deep: and his wife, his father and mother, 
and a cousin, were stirred up through him, and are all 
now members of the Society. Glory be to God, he con- 
tinues all athirst both for his own soul and others. 
"Every moment, Lord, I also need the merit of thy 
death " 

July 3. O how faithful is God! None ever trusted 
in him and was confounded. Much of his loving-kind- 
ness have I seen of late in the times of united worship. 
Yes, my adorable Lord, thou hast helped thy poor crea- 
ture, and given me to feel the words which I spoke. 
Several have been blest, and most sweetly brought into 
pure love, and an awakening seems to spread among be- 
lievers to press forward, and seek the rest which re- 
mains for the children of God. 

August 14. What did I feel this day twenty-six years, 
when at the dying bed of my beloved husband! And 
what have I gone through since that time! Well, it hath 
been all for good. I have needed every bitter cup I have 
had to drink; but what mercies have I also received! 
What tender care hath my almighty and lovingKedeemer 
shown in my behalf! That word hath indeed been ful- 
filled, A judge of the widow is God in his holy habita- 
tion. But I might have grown much more than I have. 
my Saviour, show me how it is now with my soul! 
Blessed be the name of the Lord, I feel my conscience 
more and more tender, and a greater power to embrace 
the cross, and to keep in the presence of God. It is a 
season of trial, but I expect much spiritual good to arise 
therefrom. I long to be lost and swallowed up in God. 

September 12. Glory be to thee, my gracious Re- 
deemer, who hast preserved me seventy-two years! I 



PART VIII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 385 

have been for some time very poorly with the complaint 
on my lungs, and one day as I was sitting in the study, 
thinking what I might have to go through, I felt applied 
to my mind a word my dear husband spoke to me, — 
"Thou shalt not suffer long;'* then he added, "Hope 
to the end, in Jesus hope; — you cannot fail if God is 
love." My heart answered. God is love, and I shall 
prove his faithfulness, whatever I have to go through. 
Blessed be God, I am still enabled to keep up my meet- 
ings, though with labour, and we have much of the pre- 
sence of God. We have now got three new preachers 
on the circuit, Lord, make their word powerful! We 
have prayed much for them. 

September 19. Last night in my sleep that word was 
spoken to me, Xone shall pluck thee out of my Father's 
hand, I did not wake, but in my sleep made reflections 
on it. my precious Lord, thou art gracious; but I 
long for a closer union with thee! My breath is very 
short on the least motion; and yet I can go up and down 
to the meetings, blessed be God! We have been read- 
ing in the family of late an account of the martyrs. 
how I admired the power of God in them! Lord, how 
poor a disciple am I, ready to shrink at a little suffering! 
Lord, increase my faith! Last night I was uncom- 
monly ilk — but as I lay quiet it was spoke as if to both 
ear and heart, M Give to the winds thy fears." Then 
followed the whole verse, with great power: 

M Give to the winds thy fears, 
Hope, and be undismayed, 

God hears thv sierhs. and counts thv tears, 
God shall lift up thy head." 

October 16. To-day in reading the 1st and 2d chap- 
ters of Deuteronomy, where Moses bids them trust in 
the Lord who had done such wonders for them in Egypt, 
and in the wilderness. 6zc. I was led to lookback through 
my past life, and consider the tender care the Lord hath 
taken of me even to this hour, yea, in the smallest 
things, as well as in the greatest. O what wonders I 
eould relate! my precious Lord, increase my faith 
and love, I prav thee, abundantly! I see eternity very 
' 33 



386 THE LIFE OF [PART VIII. 

near. Lord, open my eyes to a clearer view of that 

blessed world! 

November 22. Solemn thoughts the twelfth of this 
month rested on my mind, and also great thankfulness. 
Blessed be God for that sweet and gracious union com- 
menced with my dear husband thirty years ago, and 
eternally to last. My asthmatic disorder increases, and 
sometimes in the meetings I feel much difficulty. Well. 
all is right. Thy will, O my precious Saviour! is all. 1 
feel a pain in the thought of giving up the Sunday noon, 
and Monday night meetings. If the Lord would be 
pleased to give me strength for these seasons, I should 
be thankful. I wish to give my last breath to the dear 
people of God. 

December 27. my soul, why dost thou not praise 
the Lord in a more abundant manner! : Surely I am in 
a land flowing with milk and honey. Last night, when 
uncommonly ill with my asthma. I was obliged to sit up 
in my bed a good while, and it seemed as if my breath 
would stop; how gracious was the Lord! I felt such 
a sense of quiet safety as I cannot express! I thought. 
what a mercy is a good bed — a rlre in my room — while 
many poor creatures are starving with cold this hard frost! 
A kind friend in the next bed, who will attend my call; 
and, above all, a God of love to trust in! I said, Lord, 
speak to me! Immediately that word passed through 
my mind, 

"Jesus doth my burden bear, 
Jesus takes my ev'ry care." 

I thought of the great and amazing transaction comme- 
morated at this season, and foretold for four thousand 
years! Truly "the secret of the Lord is with those 
who fear him.'' While the Jews expected him to come 
in great pomp, he came as a babe in the manger, quite 
concealed and unknown, except to a few! Here is a 
lesson! Some even now can find no comfort, except in 
something great, even in religion! How often have I 
been thus deceived! But now I see in another light. 
We are to lay hold on the smallest encouragement; we 
are to accept a crumb, — and by looking in the word, and 



PART VIII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 387 

feeding on it, the power follows. As he says, " Incline 
thine ear; hear, and thy soul shall live!" 

January 1, 1812. Lord, let me begin this year with 
Thee! I have cause to praise the Lord for a good night, 
and am much better since I have kept in the house. 
But, my Lord, wilt thou give me once more to go out 
among the dear people? Well, " Thy will be done!" all 
is right that thy providence ordains. On the 5th of this 
month I shall have been thirty years in this house. 
That promise, given me at Bath, comes strongly to my 
mind, ik I will bring Israel again to her own habitation." 
Truly the Lord hath done so. I have drunk a bitter 
cup in losing my dear husband, yet I am so rilled with 
blessings, and have such comforts and helps, that I may 
say no kind of good is withheld from me. I have also 
communion with my friends above; — a little while and 
we shall meet to part no more. O my God, I beseech 
thee, let me live this year, if spared, as I have never 
yet done! 

February 6. Many mercies I have seen in the month 
past. Though I have not got my voice yet sufficiently 
for the meetings, yet the Lord hath given us such help- 
ers, that all has been kept up with advantage. Glory 
be to his name! We are very comfortable with our 
preachers; they are so kind and friendly, we are quite 
of one heart, and the work prospers. I have had of late 
a deeper view into the mystery of redemption, and felt 
much power in that word, — "He appeared to put away 
sin by the sacrifice of himself." 

June 19. The dear people so flock to us that my 
room will scarcely hold them, though we consider it as 
holding three hundred, and the Lord hath been very 
present indeed. I was so recovered as to get out in 
March, and enabled ever since to attend the meetings. 
I have a prospect of great sufferings before me, but I 
hang upon the will of my God, assured that M the suf- 
ferings of the present time are not worthy to be com- 
pared with the glory that shall be revealed." One great 
answer to prayer I must mention. A gay young lady, 
whom I knew from a child, it pleased the Lord to afflict. 
She was deeply awakened, and cried out, " O how I 



388 THE LIFE OF [PARi % III. 

shudder to look back on my past life!" In this state 
the Lord manifested his mercy, and for some months she 
went on most sweetly. At her death, after bearing ex- 
treme sufferings with a Iamb-like patience, she said, " My 
pain is exceedingly great; but it is not hell; and that I 
have richly deserved." Soon after she told her aunt, "I 
have had a great conflict both in soul and body. I am 
just going." — Then she added, "Olam so happy!" and 
immediately departed. 

August 14. This is always a solemn day. Seven and 
twenty years hath my beloved husband been in glory. 
O what heights of holiness may he have attained! Lord, 
what have I gained in this long season? I might have 
attained to much more than I have, but, blessed be the 
Lord, I do feel an increase; and my spirit pants after the 
"fulness of God." I find stronger faith; — I am filled 
with blessings! I see the hand of God in all; and such 
answers to prayer as amazes me! My body is full of 
infirmities, yet I am able to creep through each day, and 
to work a little in my Lord's vineyard. Truly, my last 
days are my best. 

September 12. I have, this day, reached my seventy- 
third year, and I feel a strong desire that this may be a 
birthday to my soul. I have such a sense of a full 
blessing purchased for me, with such a near approach 
to God, that I long to attain it. I wait at the feet of my 
dear Saviour for a fuller display of his love. 

November 12. It is thirty-one years this day, since I 
was united to my dear husband. O blessed union! What 
cause have I of praise for that providence! It seems but 
yesterday, and he is as near and dear as ever. I cannot 
see to write half what I feel in my heart; but I will 
add, — my cup overflows with mercy, glory be to God! 

January, 1813. And now another year is gone, and I 
see the beginning of a new one. I feel an increase of 
faith within this last day or two; some refreshing beams 
of glory now and then have touched my soul. O for a 
deeper draught! 

"From Sion's top the breezes blow, 
And cheer us in the vale below." 



PART VIII.J MRS- FLETCHER. 389 

February 20. I have read with much pleasure the ac- 
count of the work of God in India. I praise the Lord 
for that excellent man, Professor Francke. It was from 
his college several of the missionaries went to India, and, 
among others, that great instrument, Mr. Swrrtes. Glory 
be to God, who hath raised up these "angels of the 
churches ." Every look at them makes me shrink into 
nothing. Yet we may be permitted to follow them with 
our prayers. Lord, increase the number of such men! 
Bless their endeavours, and fill them with thy Spirit!* 

April 20. Since I wrote last, on March the third, my 
dear brother William died. We were four in number, 
and I am now left alone. But I have cause to believe 
he is in glory. He hath been a kind brother to me; and 
referring to the extraordinary communication of Mrs. 
Clapham,t I feel a desire to explain in what a singular 
manner the whole has been fulfilled. When I married 
he sent me one hundred pounds as a wedding present. 
After the death of my dear husband, he came down to 
me, and with the greatest tenderness and affection brought 
me forty pounds. Some time after, my uncle Claudius 
Bosanquet died, and left each of my brothers eighteen 
thousand pounds, and several of his nephews and nieces 
five hundred each; but neither my sister nor myself 
were mentioned. My brother William at that time di- 
vided one of his thousands between us. This was a 
great help, as I had some money still to pay off. Since 
that time he hath helped me yearly for my poor's ex- 
penses, — and, for some time, has given me forty pounds 
a year. At this time of distress, when trade is so low, 
and the poor so straitened, this loss would have been a 
great one; but he hath left me two thousand pounds, so 
that my income, instead of decreasing, will be enlarged. 
[ cannot reflect on this circumstance but with wonder 
ind praise. When Mrs. Clapham told me, about a 
fortnight before we married, of these great helps, I de- 
clare I did not expect one penny. O how exactly has 

f No doubt many pious persons, as well as Mrs. Fletcher, have 
thus prayed. How evidently are those prayers answered in the 
present day! — Ed. 

f See page 144. 

33* 



390 THE LIFE OF [PART VIII. 

all come to pass! I remember she said, that the last 
sum that she saw laid down was much larger than any 
before. How often has my heart cried to the Lord that 
he would restore him an hundred-fold! I trust it is so. 
I have a strong confidence his cup is full in glory. 

April 30. I feel the presence of the Saviour, and trust 
to enter more deeply than ever into him as my centre. 
Reflecting on my past mercies and present situation, I 
am struck with amazement at the loving-kindness of the 
Lord. Never was I more comfortable than now! Though 
I have so many infirmities, yet I have such a measure of 
health as renders life quite easy. Good nights, sufficient 
appetite, and a degree of strength, at times quite easy; 
and sweet liberty in the meetings. No burden with my 
family, — my friend Mary Tooth manages all. My con- 
fidence is all in thee, thou mighty Lord of all! I feel 
thee drawing nearer and nearer to my soul. The wound 
in my breast, occasioned by the lump which had formed, 
puts me afresh in mind of eternity. But, O how sweetly 
dost thou support me under it! I am enabled to go 
through all my meetings, and have but very little pain. 
Yesterday that verse of the hymn was sweetly applied 
to my heart, 

"Abundant sweetness! While I sing* 

Thy love, my ravish'd soul o'erflows; 
Secure in thee, my God and King*, 

Of glory which no period knows." 

September 3. On the 14th of August I felt deep im- 
pressions of that most awful event, the death of my dear 
husband. But the renewed scene will, I trust, soon end 
in joyous days. 

January, 1814. I have been much disturbed almost 
all night. My asthma was oppressive, and I had much 
fever. My head also was confused, but those words 
came powerfully to my mind, 

"Sweet is thy voice, my Spouse, to me, 
/ will behold no spot in thee: 
What mighty wonders love performs, 
That puts a comeliness on worms!" 

May 7. For some time the wound in my breast has 
been better, though it was thought, in January, that I 



PART VIII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 391 

should not live many days; and my breath is now more 
easy, especially in the night. I leave all in thy dear 
hand, my adorable Lord, and only long for a deeper 
plunge into God. 

May 20. Reflecting on past mercies I find abundant 
cause for praise. I am surrounded with loving-kindness; 
but my strength and sight seem to fail. I am waiting 
for a closer union with my dear Lord. Though so weak 
in body, I feel a desire to praise thee, my adorable Lord, 
for thy abundant mercies. O, my gracious Lord, I do 
feel great cause of praise! How many have I seen of my 
near relations who have suffered much in illness through 
want of wisdom, or tender care, in those about them! 
But I am favoured above all. O the wonderful care 
Providence hath ever had over me! What snares he 
hath saved me from! What dangers preserved me in, 
and what promises have I seen fulfilled! I have every 
thing I can want. O, my God, give me a watchful spirit, 
that I may not speak one word amiss! Above all, answer 
that prayer, "Let no vain thoughts lodge within me!'* 
Give me, from this hour, a mind continually fixed on 
thee,— -never more to be drawn out of its centre! 

July 1. How tenderly the Lord deals with me! I am 
very weak, and yet am oft five times in a week able to 
be in my meetings, and I have strength to speak so" that 
all may hear, and the Lord is very present with us! 
Lord, fill my soul with abundant praise! 

Sunday, August 15. Yesterday, the 14th, was a solemn 
day to *m. It ia now twenty-nine years since my be- 
loved went to glory. I am led to cry for a closer union 
with my Saviour. I feel his spirit working in me; but 
it is a season of trial. That word is much with me, 
Pray*without ceasing. 

22. Yesterday I had encouragement from the Lord, 
and lay down in his presence. In the night, while asleep, 
those words came with power, — my heart seemed to 
speak them, 

"Him eye to eye I soon shall see, 
My face like his shall shine ! 
O, what a glorious company, 
Where saints and angels join !" 



392 THE LIFE OF [PART VIII. 

I see more and more what a fulness there is in the Sa- 
viour. O, my God, let me be wholly lost in thee! 

September 12. Seventy-five years ago I was born. 
0, my gracious Saviour, what great grace might I have 
gained in seventy-five years! I turn me to that blood 
which makes the sinner whole. I have, of late, had a 
view now and then as if the door of holiness was open, 
and the word spoke in my heart, "Believe, and possess 
to the uttermost." Lord, give the power! 

November 3. On Saturday I was very ill, and thought 
death drew near. Since that time I have found a deeper 
work in my soul. The Lord seems to lay to his hand. O, 
my Jesus, rill me with thy spirit! I long to be all thine own. 

24. The Lord is very good to me. I have found a 
clearer sense of his presence, and much answer to prayer. 

I feel as clay before the potter. On the twelfth of this 
month I had a clear remembrance of the solemn scene of 
the union with my precious husband, and felt it was for 
eternity. What a favour do I also possess in my friend 
Tooth! The Lord has made her every thing to me that 

1 need. Dear Mrs. Gilpin's death seems to bring me 
nearer to eternity. How little did I think she would be 
called first! Lord, prepare me, and fill me with thyself! 
I am still able to be out twice on Sunday, though the cold 
weather has much effect on my breath; yet last night and 
to-day I am a good deal relieved. 

December 12. I have had severe pain for a fortnight, 
yet mixed with much mercy. I thought I was near death. 
Yesterday I had an uncommon sense of the presence of 
God, and those words were much with me, "My peace 
I leave with thee;" and again, — "If ye abide in me, and 
my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and 
it shall be done unto you." I felt it good to look into 
eternity, though in much pain. 

Monday, January 2, 1815. The Sabbath yesterday 
was precious to me. O I long that the year Fifteen may 
be the best of all my life. Should I live a part of it, 
may that part bring heaven into my soul. Those words 
have been sweet to me, '•! will heal their backsliding, 
I will love them freely." Looking back on my past 
life, and seeing so many blunders, I felt a weight, — when 



PART VIII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 893 

the words above were spoken to my heart. Yes. my 
precious Saviour, thou dost love me freely. trial I were 
more filled with thy love! The wound in my breast is 
much less, and I am much better; and. blessed be my 
God! I feel nearer to him than last year. for a fuller 
gale from Sion's hill! 

March 21. I have had pain last night, but not so vio- 
lent as it might have been. Towards morning I got 
some sleep, and awoke with these words, which came 
with power. 

" Give to the winds thy fears, 

Hope, and be undismayed: 

God hears thy cries, and counts thy tears, 

He shall lift up ihy head. 5 ' 

May 29th. Glory be to God, I am full of mercies! I 
long for a more full union, I am far better in body also 
than I could have thought: yet I see myself on the very 
verge of eternity, and long for a full and perfect oneness 
with my Saviour. I know he doth bless me, and I cast 
my whole soul, with every power, on my Lord. O it 
is sweet to have mv will fallv sunk in the will of mv 
God. 

August 3. I have had some trials, with regard to o in- 
ward affairs; but I have a full confidence all shall end 
well. We have had for thirty years a oneness among 
our people; — but now there is a division, by the desire 
of the minister. It hurts me; yet, I believe the Lord 
will order all. But I here declare, I have been joined to 
the people united to Mr. Wesley for aboye threescore 
years, and I trust to die among them. The life of true 
religion is with them, and the work increases. If mv 
papers fall into any hand.-. I entreat these lines mav 
never be left out.* I have always considered mvself as 

* I should have greatly rejoiced if I had beer, left at the same 
Liberty respecting- this painful passage, as the other parts of Mrs. 
Fletcher's writings. But her mind seems to have been deeplv 
impressed with the occurrence, and hence the injunction is abso- 
lute. Being thus obliged to insert the change which was at this 
time made in the parish of Madely, (by the curate not choosing 
to act among the people as bis predecessors had done,) a duty 
seems to lie upon me to elucidate the cause of it in the best man- 
ner I am able:— and this I hope to do with all the tenderness Uiat 



394 THE LIFE OF [PART VIII 

a member of the church, and so have the united friends 
in Madely. In some measure we are now pushed out. 

let not one word of this be left out. What I mean by 
being pushed out is, — The church minister has repeat- 
truth will allow. Two letters, written by Mrs. Fletcher to the 
gentleman who succeeded Mr. Home as curate of Madely, will, 

1 think, sufficiently explain it. 

" Rev. Sir, " Madely, March 26, 1792. 

"Your letter to Mr. H. was not seen by me till 
yesterday, or I should have answered before. 

" In order to draw what I have to say into the compass of one 
sheet of paper, I will divide it into three heads. First, The rea 
son why /address you, instead of the vicar; — Secondly, The tern 
poral affairs of the parish; — and, Thirdly, The state of the peo 
pie, as to religion. 

" First, I must observe, after the death of my dear husband, 
(whose unwearied labours, and unexampled meekness, had left 
on the minds of the people the keenest conviction of their loss,) 
the mantle seemed to fall on a young- gentleman, named Home, 
(at that time one of the preachers on the circuit) whom my dear 
husband had before mentioned as the man he wished to be his 
successor. There were great difficulties in the way; he however 
did take his place, and continued with us between five and six 
years. But the Lord, who holds the stars in his right hand, saw 
good to call him to Africa. The departure of Mr. and Mrs. 
Hovne was a great loss to me, because in every thing* we acted 
mutually. The orphans of my beloved partner were dear to me, 
and I to them; and Mr. Home considered them as consigned to 
his care by a man whom he esteemed above all others. But the 
Lord has been pleased to part us; and, as we love his will, we 
cheerfully say, Let it in all thing's be done. When he left us, 
Mr. Burton, the vicar, a mild, sweet tempered man, desired the 
religious part of the parish to please themselves in the choice of 
a curate. When I informed him the other day, that after having 
sought after several, we had been disappointed; he replied, 'I 
am sorry for it. I had rather that Mrs. Fletcher would choose 
one, (though I have many applications) for she knows the mind 
of the parish better than 1 do: and whoever she recommends I 
will accept.' On that account it is, Sir, that I am the person to 
address you. Secondly, As to the temporal affairs, — Our church 
is far too small for the inhabitants, and yet so awkwardly buil^ 
that it requires a very good voice to be heard in it. It is howevei 
proposed to erect a larger, about a mile off, as this is near falling 
down. That will be more in the centre of the parish, and more 
commodious. As to the third head. Those who are religious 
in the parish, as well as those who attend from more distant pla- 
ces, are a simple quiet people, all of one mind. They know no- 



PART VIII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 395 

edly expressed a wish that the Methodists should be a 
separate people; as he always thought it best for the 
church people, and the people called Methodists, to move 
in distinct lines. 

thing" of dispute, nor think of any jarring* doctrine. The dove- 
like spirit of my precious husband rests much on his flock, and 
they receive, as from heaven, every messenger who comes unto 
them. As to the service or duty required, — You may do what 
you will here. Every thing 1 good goes down at Madely, if it has 
but unction. My dear husband, and Mr. Home, used to go 
through the whole service at church morning and afternoon, and 
then preach at the Dale, or the Wood, the two other ends of the 
parish, at night. By that means they saw many who did not 
come to the church; and at church there are many who never 
hear elsewhere. 

"I think I have now given you as full an answer as I am able; 
«— but I must beg an immediate reply, as there are several curates 
waiting for theirs, — and we are quite unsettled. And, please to 
be clear in your answer when you can come. I should rejoice 
to see a Gospel ministry fixed here before my death. 

" That the Lord may direct you with clear light, and give both 
you and your partner to discern your way before you, is the 
prayer of, 

"Rev. Sir, 

" Your friend and servant, 

"M. FLETCHER." 

It appears, that soon after this gentleman came to the parish, 
he became uneasy about his situation. Having expressed his dis- 
satisfaction to Mrs. Fletcher, she wrote to him the following 
letter: 

"My Dear Fhiend, 

" Since our conversation the other morn- 
ing, some thoughts have arisen in my mind which I believe will 
not be unacceptable to you. You will not reject a word of ad- 
vice even from an inferior. 

"I am persuaded you will clear me from the idea of having 
deceived you in any thing. T told you, on your first visit to my 
house, we were joined to that body* of people called Methodists, 
and asked, Are you willing to labour among a companv of Me- 
thodists? To which you answered in the affirmative. This gave 
me a convincing proof it was not your own but God's honour vou 
were seeking. This also engaged the hearts of the serious part 
of the parish towards you, and caused them to receive you with 
open arms, as one who would walk in the steps of vour worthv 
predecessor. Now I would observe, — should such a thought be 
suggested, that it would be better for them to leave that connex- 
ion, (under which several have been called) and consider them- 



396 THE LIFE OF [PART VIII. 

August 6. Blessed be the Lord, the work goes on, and 
I feel very thankful that the Lord has answered prayer 
in the appointment of our preachers. I do feel the Lord 
orders all. 

selves as only belonging" to you; — if, 1 say, such a proposal was 
to be made, might it not be the means of sowing the first seeds 
of division ever known in Madely 5 This, J am sure, would be 
very painful to you. I do not believe you meant to do so; — but 
I lav these thoughts before you as an antidote to such a tempta- 
tion, should it ever arise. 

" Should that people, among whom, at present, the Lord so 
eminently works, — should they decline from the pure worship 
of God, — in that case, the parish would naturally cleave to you. 
But while the Lord does earn" on his work among* them, let us be 
found with God and his people; 'Yea, let us me 2t them with 
bread and with water in the way.' 

"Some years ago, a gentleman, whom I well knew and loved, 
settled in a parish a tew miles from where I lived. I believe 
there were about a hundred Methodists in the place. They were 
delighted with him, and all went en well, — till he proposed to 
dissolve the society, and have only one of [lis own. The people 
in general consented; — he applied to Mr. Wesley, and the preach- 
ers were withdrawn. But, dear man, though he was an upright 
soul, he had not as good gifts for discipline as for preaching — he 
found much trouble and confusion arose. The people began to 
scatter. Another living then presented itself, which he accept- 
ed, to the great offence of those who had left their first path to 
follow him. After this, they who had been Methodists, wrote to 
Mr, Wesley, and got the preachers again; and, in a few years 
after, there were twelve hundred members in that society. 

"I acknowledge, dear Sir, there may be some humiliation in 
thus acting in concert with others. But is not humiliation the 
onlv way to exaltation 5 Do we ever rise in the divine life, but 
in proportion as we sink 5 If the prophets of the Lord we re sawn 
asunder, were stoned, if they wandered about in dens and caves of 
the earth — shall we start at a t&\v trials which may, in a small de- 
gree, lav our honour in the dust, when the honour of our heavenly 
Father is advanced thereby ? I say again, -v. Id the Methodists 
decline, (which God forbid,) they would soon cast us off if we 
did not decline with them. 

" When the people of ibis place have had, by some years 3 ex- 
perience, a full proof of your holy and close walk with God, the 
parity of your doctrine, and the unchangeableness of your af- 
fection, that you have them in your heart to live and die with them,- 
they will then cleave to you with an undivided love, discerning 
that the Lord has said unto you, Behold your children: and in 
their hearts, Behold your father. A great step towards this has 



PABT VHi.] MRS. FLETCHER. 397 

August 14. Thirty years, this day, I drank the bitter 
cup, and closed the eyes of my beloved husband; and 
now I am myself in a dying state. Lord, prepare me! 
I feel aeath very near. My soul doth wait and long to 
flv to the bosom of my God! Come, my adorable Sa- 
viour! 1 lie at thy feet; I long for all thy fulness! Bless 
my dear and faithful friend. Keep her secure; I long 
for the day when we shall all meet above! 

September 12. This day I am seventy-six years old, 
and the same day my dear husband would have been 
eighty-six. Surely we shall remember the scenes we 
have had together. But, O my God, give me power to 

already been taken on our side: but as yet your mind has been 
far less settled than ours; and perhaps should we meet you with 
Jehu's salutation to Jehonadab, you could not freely give us your 
hand. But this does not discourage me. I impute it to the op- 
position of Satan, who sees you are in your right place and in 
your right order — as a stone noiv let into that very pail of the 
building* where God designs you to be: and he would fain dis- 
order the whole by throwing* you out, either through discourage- 
ment, or by any oth er way. 

"Permit me to add, I am more and more convinced that you 
are the gift of God to us — to me in particular, an answer to my 
own prayer. I daily feel an encouraging* union with both your- 
self and Mrs. Walter. I often boast to the preachers of the sweet- 
ness of your spirit, and the union of your heart in the work. O 
let not my boasting* be ever vain; but when I close my eyes in 
Madely, let me have the satisfaction to behold from the upper 
world, that the dove-like spirit which so eminently reigned in my 
dear husband has dropped, as his mantle, upon you, and that it 
shines forth as a double portion. 

"Having* an hour at command, I have freely opened my heart 
to you. Receive it as, perhaps, the dying* advice of one who 
earnestly prays you may be filled with all the fulness of God. M * 

The result of this most affectionate and pious epistle, was, that 
Mr. W. was fully delivered from his uneasiness, and for twenty- 
one years laboured, in the most affectionate and faithful manner, 
for the good of the parish, and in every part of it, to the gTeat 
edification of the people. His excellent partner, who was closely 
connected with, and very dear to, Mrs. Fletcher, died at Madely, 
in the full triumph of faith. See page 312. 

I am happy to add, that the people, who were thus obliged to 
become a distinct body, have not separated from the church, but 
still attend the public service there. — Ed. 

* This letter, which is in Mrs. Fletcher's own hand, has neither date nor 
*■«*, but it was eTidently written not long after the former. — Ed, 

34 



398 THE LIFE OF [PART VIII 

cleave to thee every moment! I feel the powers of 
darkness are vehemently striving to distract and hinde 
me. O my God and Father, enable me to walk in thi 
constant presence! O Jesus, Jesus! fill me with tin 
love, pour out thy Spirit abundantly upon me, and make 
my heart thy constant home! 

September 27. I am filled with mercies; but I wan* 
to be filled with holiness. O show thy lovely face/ 
Draw me more close to thyself! I long, I wait for a closei 
union. It is amazing under how many complaints I still 
live! But they are held by the hand of the Lord. On 
the Monday evenings I have had some power to read 
and speak at the room till the nights grew dark; but on 
Sunday noon I have yet liberty, though my eyes are so 
bad and sore. The Lord helps me wonderfully. In the 
class also, in the morning, the Lord doth help. O foi 
entire holiness! 

October 26. I have had a bad night; but asking help 
of the Lord for closer communion, my precious Lord 
applied that word, I have borne thy sins in my own body 
on the tree. I felt his presence. I seem very near death; 
but I long to fly into the arms of my beloved Lord. I 
feel his loving-kindness surrounds me. 



Mrs. Fletcher's Journal ends here. I believe she 
wrote no more. She died on the ninth day of the De- 
cember following. The particulars of her last illness, 
and of her departure, are supplied by Miss Tooth. I 
extract them from the short account which she published 
soon after the death of her venerable friend. 



For the last month of Mrs. Fletcher's life, her breath 
was more oppressed than usual; it had been much af- 
fected for some years, upon motion: yet w T hen she sat 
still or laid herself down at night, she could breathe 
quite easy. Bat in the middle of November, her breath- 
ing was affected both while she sat still, and when she 
was laid down. She had also a very troublesome cough. 
By these her strength quickly declined. She had had 



P, RT VIII.] MBS. FLETCHER. 399 

a wound for two years and three quarters in one side of 
her left breast, which was at first supposed to be a can- 
cer: but her sufferings from this were not to be compar- 
ed with what she suffered from difficulty of breathing. 
Yet she would speak to the people, though, as she said, 
44 It is like as if every meeting would take away my life; 
but I will speak to them while I have any breath." 

One day, when her sufferings were great, she said, 
44 How sweet are the words of the apostle, 4 The suffer- 
ings of this life are not worthy to be compared with the 
glory that shall follow!' " And on the 11th of Novem- 
ber she mentioned the divine aid she found in these 
words, 44 Call upon me in the time of trouble; so will I 
hear thee, and thou shalt glorify me:" these words she 
frequently repeated, and sometimes would add, 44 Yes, my 
Lord, 1 will call upon thee; and I shall glorify thee too." 

Another time she said, with peculiar energy, 44 They 
that trust in the Lord, shall never be confounded." She 
added also, with much animation in her countenance, 
44 That promise given me so many years ago now comes 
with fresh power, 4 Thou shalt walk with me in white.' 
And that also, 4 I will thoroughly purge away thy dross, 
and take away thy tin.' " She added, 

44 Everlasting* life is won, 
Glory is on earth begun." 

On the 18th of November, she often repeated, with 
much animation, 

44 1 am thine, and thou art mine, 
A bond eternal hath us join'd." 

Indeed the goodness of the Lord, and the great things 
that faith will do, were subjects on which she delighted 
to dwell. I have often heard her say, The particular 
commission the Lord had given her, was to encourage 
souls to believe: and herein she certainly was greatly 
blessed to many. 

On the 23d, she many times repeated these words, 
which, she said, came to her with unusual sweetness in 
the night, 

M Thy righteousness wearing, and cleans'd by thy blood, . 
Bold shall I appear in the presence of God." 



400 THE LIFE OF [PART VIII 

All this day she had a great degree of fever upon hei, 
yet she would sometimes say to me, " What were the 
sweet words the Lord gave me last night?" As soon as 

I pronounced the first word, she would go on with the 
rest, and add, "I feel the power of them, though ray 
head is so confused with this fever, that I could not im- 
mediately recollect them." 

On the 6th of December, while looking on me with 
the tenderest affection, she said. "My faithful friend, 
my dearest friend; ten thousand blessings on her head." 
She continued also to cry to God for a blessing upon 
several persons whom she mentioned; and upon all her 
relations: though they were so far from her in body, 
they were to the last interested in her prayers; and she 
would frequently plead with the Lord, that one day she 
might meet them all in glory. From the beginning of 
December, she dozed much, whenever the cough, and 
the oppression upon her breath, would allow her any 
ease. This she often complained of, saying, '-Ilose 
my time; I want every moment to be spent in prayer or 
praise." 

On the same day. when waking out of a doze, she 
said, "I am drawing near to glory;" and soon after, 

II There is mv house and portion fair;" and again, u Jesus 
come, mv hope of glory;" and. after a short pause, "He 
lifts his hands and shows that I am graven there." The 
two following days were indeed days of love and praise 
Mrs. Perks and others visited her, upon whom she pray- 
ed the choicest blessings might descend. 

The day following, the 8th, her breathing was ex- 
ceedingly difficult. In the morning she had walked into 
the other room, as usual, with only the help of my arm. 
In the middle of the day she wished to go into the 
chamber again, and I led her. as at other times; but she 
was now weaker, and I could scarcely keep her from 
falling. I therefore asked her to sit down in a chair, 
w r hich she did, and I wheeled her back again; with this 
she was much pleased, and said, the exercise had done 
her good. All the afternoon she was extremely ill, 
either hot to a great degree — shivering with cold- 



PART mi.] MRS. FLETCHER. 401 

very drowsy: but through all, her mouth was full of the 
loving-kindness of the Lord. 

At night, she said she would not go to bed till after ten 
o'clock. We prayed together before we went into the 
chamber; but her breath being so greatly oppressed, she 
prayed but a short time. She then said, "Call upon the 
Lord." When I concluded, she said it was a very com* 
fortable time; and having heard in the afternoon, that 
Dr. Yonge, (who had always shown her the greatest at- 
tention,) was ill, she. prayed particularly for him. 

When we were ready to go into the chamber, after 
ten o'clock, I got her into the chair,— but she was now 
weaker than at noon. However I wheeled her to the 
bed side, and could not but look upon her as dying; and 
indeed so she considered herself; for when in bed, she 
said, " My love, this is the last time I shall get into bed; 
it has been hard work to get in, but it is work I shall 
do no more. This oppression upon my breath cannot 
last long; but all is well. The Lord will shower down 
ten thousand blessings upon thee, my tender nurse, my 
kind friend." 

After these and many more kind expressions to the 
same effect, she desired I would make haste to bed. I 
entreated her to let me sit up, repeatedly saying, "Do 
let me watch with you this one night:" but with all the 
tenderness imaginable, yet with that degree of firmness 
which made me unwilling to urge the request further, 
she said, "Go to bed; you have done all for me you 
can do. You know you can be with me in a moment 
if I want you; but if you sit up it will make me un- 
comfortable. I cannot rest without you go to bed," 
After I had made all the excuses I could for remaining 
up, and looking upon her dear countenance as long as 
her kind concern for me would admit, she again urged 
my going to bed; and I therefore laid me within the bed- 
clothes, without undressing. She then asked, "Are you 
in bed, my love?" I answered, " Yes." She then said, 
"That's right, — now if I can rest, I will; but let our 
hearts be united in prayer, and the Lord bless both thee 
and me!" 

These were the last words her beloved lips uttered; 
34* 



402 THE LIFE OF, &C. [PART VIII. 

for some time after this, about one o'clock in the morn- 
ing of December 9th, the noise her breath had so long 
made, ceased. I thought, Is she dropped asleep? It 
immediately came to mind, ''Asleep in Jesus! Sees 
soul escaped to bliss." I went directly to her bed-side, 
where I found the beloved body without the immortal 
spirit, which had entered the realms of endless day. 
My feelings are not to be described; I clung to the casket 
of the saint. I knelt down by the side of it. and cried 
to Him who had just now called home the spirit of my 
friend, that some portion of her spirit might rest on me. 
At length I thought I should injure her dear remains, if 
I did not call the family up. I therefore went and called 
my sister and the servant, at half past one; after which 
I sent for Mrs. Perks, who kindly came over immedi- 
ately. I never left the chamber, while* any thing could 
be done for her. I had promised to be with her to the 
last, and the Lord enabled me so to do. 

Her countenance was as sweet a one as v.* as ever seen 
in death. There was at the last neither sigh, groan, or 
struggle; — and she had all the appearance of a person 
in the most composed slumber. When I first undrew the 
curtain, and saw her dear head dropped ofT the pillow. 
and looking so sweetly composed. I could not persuade 
myself the spirit was fled, till I took her in my arms. 
and found no motion left. I then perceived the moment 
she had so much longed for had arrived. — the happy 
moment when she should gain the blissful shore, and 

"See the Lamb in glory stand, 
Encircled with his radiant band, 
And join tli' angelic powers." 

" All that height of glorious bliss 
Her everlasting- portion is, — 
And ail that heaven is ours." 



A REVIEW OF HER CHARACTER, 

!t is generally expected that the memoirs of eminent 
persons should be accompanied with a view of their 
character, comprehending the several particulars w r herein 
they differed from the generality of mankind, and so 
became conspicuous. This may be, in general, edify- 
iug, and certainly is not a difficult task; but it seems to 
me not so easy, when the life of a real christian (one 
who was truly such on the Scripture model) is given to 
the world. We do not find that the inspired writers 
ever take that way, although they had the greatest cha- 
racters on earth to delineate, — even those of whom the 
world vjcls not worthy. Mr, Wesley took high ground 
when at Oxford, (as he informs us,) he ''determined to 
devote his whole life to God." Hence the world knew 
him not, because they knew not Him whom he served. 
His own works, especially the daily account of thai 
whole life, thus devoted, and which is contained in his 
.'ournals, can alone describe the man; and if warranted 
by holy Scripture, — can alone show 7 if indeed he kept 
that ground. Men may bring their line and plummet. 
and take the gauge of excellence, or the contrary, as they 
may be disposed; but the principle of action lies be- 
yond their ken. " He that -is spiritual judgeth all things, 
yet he himself is judged of no man." 

The same may be said g[ Mrs. Fletcher. If she w r ere 
only an eminent person, and even eminent in the church, 
it would be an easy task to display her character in the 
several points of view in which human attainments mav 
oe exhibited, so as to excite admiration, and stimulate 
the readers to an imitation of her various excellencies. 
But I find an awe upon my mind in contemplating the 
task which may thus be supposed to have fallen upon 
me; and I recur to what was said in the preface, — The 
Life of Mrs. Fletcher will not be considered as a com- 
mon biography, but as an account of a work of Me 



404 THE LIFE OF [PART VII 1 

Spirit of God, That she greatly differed from the 
generality even of those who have been favoured, like 
her, with eminent talents, and rich gifts of Providence, 
will not be denied by the most cursory reader of these 
memoirs. But " who made her to differ? And what 
had she which she had not received?" These questions 
we know were so received by her as to annihilate all 
glorying in the flesh. How deeply she felt all this 
glory swallowed up in shame, need not now be set forth 
by me. She came to the throne of grace, not with the 
humility of a creature, (which the holy angels well un- 
derstand, and deeply feel) but with the humility of a 
sinner, pleading only, the only true plea, 

" Dust and ashes is my name, 

My all is sin and misery; — 
Friend of sinners, spotless Lamb, 

Thy blood was shed for me!" 

The pious reader has not read these memoirs in vain 
There is no danger that such a one will fall into th*j 
mistake of Agrippa, who, while he contemplated the 
great character of St. Paul shining through his chains, 
forgot who and where he was, and cried out, "Almost 
thou persuadest me to be a Christian!" Nor will he 
need the gentle, but firm correction which the loving 
apostle gave to that prince, — "I would to God, that not 
only thou, but also all that hear me this day, were both 
almost, and altogether such as I am, except these bonds:" 
thus intimating, that, as "no man can call Jesus Lord, 
but by the Holy Ghost," so no man can be a Christian, 
but by being created anew in Christ Jesus.* 

Before honour is humility. The humility that be- 
longs to a man as a sinner, we have already noted. Il 
has in it the sentence of death. A heartfelt acknowledg- 
ment, that it is just this sentence should take place, and 
that in us dwelleth no good thing, is that humility 
which is alone founded in truth. Blessed are they who 
are thus "poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of 
heaven, "~even "righteousness, and peace, and joy in 

* See Mr. Wesley's admirable note on the passage. Acta 
XXTi. 29, 






PART VIII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 405 

Jie Holy Ghost." These "unsearchable riches of 
Christ" are made theirs by the "Holy Ghost, who glo- 
rifies the Saviour." Mrs. Fletcher's heart was thus, 
like Lydia's, opened, and " tilled with peace and joy in 
believing." And she never lost the heavenly blessing. 
She kept her poverty, and she retained her kingdom. 

Like her admirable husband, Mrs. Fletcher did not 
rest satisfied with being "plucked as a brand from the 
burning: — She had not so learned Christ. Leaving 
therefore the principles of the doctrine of Christ, she 
went on unto perfection." Her eyes seemed ever fixed 
on "the robe washed and made white in the blood of 
the Lamb. The work of the Holy Ghost, sanctifying 
the believer, body, soul and spirit," she knew was as ne- 
cessary to eternal salvation, as the work of the Saviour 
upon the cross. The Lord put that cry into her heart, 

"Faiher, Son, and Holy Ghost, 
Be to me what Adam lost." 

Nor did she forget that "far more exceeding and eternal 
weight of glory," that is become the privilege of be- 
lievers, in consequence of God the Son, and not Adam, 
being how the head of the human race. " Beholding 
with unveiled face this glory of the Lord," in the sal- 
vation of guilty and sinful man, 

"Her soul broke out in strong- desire, 
The perfect bliss to prove; 
Her longing heart was all on fire, 
To be renew'd in love." 

A good judg-e of religion, as exhibited in the gracious 
recovery of fallen man,* being, many years ag-o, asked 
his opinion of the Vicar of Madely, replied, — "There is 
no occasion of stumbling in him. Set down any of the 
scriptural marks of a Christian, or a true Christian mi- 
nister, and I will engage he will not be found deficient." 
We know there are strong portraits in the Sacred TVord 
drawn by the pencil of truth, of those who "added to 
their faith virtue, and to virtue knowledge, and to know- 

* The Rev. John Owen, some time Mr. Fletcher's curate. 
A gentleman afterward well known, and highly rr-spected in In- 
dia and in England. 



406 THE LIFE OF [PART VI . 

ledge temperance, and to temperance patience, and to 
patience godliness, and to godliness brotherly kindness, 
and to brotherly kindness charity:" and I believe the 
pious reader of her life will not be disposed to doubt, 
that these things were evidently in Mrs. Fletcher also, 
and that they abounded; making her neither barren I 
nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus 
Christ. 

No man could better detect the deceitfnlness of the 
human heart, even in those who are religiously disposed, 
than her admirable husband has done; especially when 
treating his favourite subject, — (the subject also of his 
Divine Master in his sermon on the Mount,) Christian 
Perfection. Addressing those whom he calls, "Perfect 
Christian Pharisees,"— he observes,— " Ye are most 
ready to profess Christian Perfection, though, alas! ye 
stand at the utmost distance from perfect humility, the 
grace most essential to the Christian character. You 
have professedly entered into the fold where Christ's 
sheep, who are perfected in love, rest all at. each other's 
feet, and at the feet of the Lamb of God. But how have 
you entered? Not by "Christ the door," for Christ is 
"meekness and lowliness" manifested in the flesh; but 
ye are still ungentle, and fond of praise. Your proud 
minds are above stooping low to follow Him, who 
"made himself of no reputation," that he might raise 
us to heavenly honours: and who, to pour just contempt 
on human pride, had his first night's lodging in a stable, 
and spent his last night partly on the cold ground in an 
agony, and partly in an ignominious confinement, ex- 
posed to the greatest indignities. He rested his infant 
head upon hay, his dying head upon thorns. A man- 
ger was his cradle, and a cross his death bed. Thirty 
years he travelled from the sordid stable to the accursed 
tree. Shepherds were his first attendants, and malefac- 
tors his last companions. 

"Now far from practising with godly sincerity either 
his first lesson, 'blessed are the poor in spirit,' or those 
which he afterward inculcated, ye abhor penitential po- 
verty. Your humility is not cordial. You are humble 
in looks, in gestures, in voice, in dress, in behaviour, 
from motives of Pharisaic ambition. But ye continue 



PART VIII. J MRS. FLETCHER. 407 

strangers to the unaffected simplicity and lowliness of 
Christ's perfect disciples. Ye choose the lowest place, 
but ye do not love it. If you cheerfully take it, it is 
not among your equals, but your inferiors: and because 
you hope that men will say to you, 'come up higher.' 
Ye still aim at some wrong mark. Ye have a narrow 
contracted spirit. Ye do not gladly sacrifice your pri- 
vate satisfaction, your interest, your reputation, your 
prejudices, to the general interest of truth and love, and 
I to the public good of the whole body of Christ." 

Let Mrs. Fletcher be proved by these high principles. 
How often, how continually, do we find her in these 
memoirs, trying herself by, and aiming to, walk ac- 
cording to them! How constantly did she struggle 
against the root of all this corruption! How persever- 
ingly did she eye the footsteps of her divine Master, 
making it the one desire of her whole life,— "to be con- 
formed to the image of the Son of God!" 

Many who have aimed at living unto God, according 
to the full spiritual rule of the Gospel, have been some- 
times charged with neglecting, or lightly esteeming the 
Divine Atonement. This is certainly true of several 
I eminent persons, who have in this way of defective faith, 
professed to "follow on to know the Lord." Very 
celebrated names, and in whom was found much of the 
Christian character, have thus "gone about to establish 
their own righteousness;" and in a way so refined, that 
they seemed to defy detection. But have they not 
"laboured in vain, and spent their strength for naught?" 
Has not a spirit of bondage been manifest in their ap- 
proaches to God, and in their religious communion with 
men? True repose, and liberty of spirit, while contend- 
ing against sin, can only be found in "the blood of the 
covenant." If our abode be not the horrible pit of guilt 
and corruption, shall we not walk in the miry clay of 
doubt and fear, if we thus forsake " the strong rock?" I 
trust the pious reader has seen that Mrs. Fletcher never 
forsook it; never gave place to this refined temptation. 
As she "magnified the law and made it honourable," as 
the rule of life, so she magnified that perfect and infi- 
, nitely meritorious "sacrifice offered to God, through th« 
e eternal Spirit." It was her all in all, whether as "a 



408 THE LIFE OF [PART VIII. 

babe in Christ/' holding him with a trembling hand, or 
as "a mother in Israel, established, strengthened, and 
settled." The language of her heart was. throughout her 
whole course, Every moment, Lord, I want the merit of 
thy death. 

Of her ordinary walk, the most competent witness 
now alive, has in the fulness of her heart, given us some 
striking particulars. Speaking of her domestic life, 
Miss Tooth observes, — "She was one of a thousand, as 
of mercy, so of economy; always sparing of expense 
upon herself, that she might have the more to give to 
the household of faith ." She would often say. ' God's 
receivers upon earth, are Christ's church, and his poor.' 
When I have proposed the purchase of some article of 
clothing for her, she would ask, 'Is it quite necessary? 
If not, do not buy; it will be much better to give the 
money to some of our poor neighbours, than to lay it 
out upon me.' Nor was this once only; it was invaria- 
bly her conduct, and with great truth it might be con- 
stantly said of her also, that 

" What her charity impairs, 

She saves by prudence in aiT-i'irs." 

44 She was always remarkably exact, in setting down 
every penny she expended. She kept four different ac- 
counts, in which all she spent was included. These fon* 
were, the house, sundries, clothes, and poor. We havt 
often at the end of the year been astonished to find thv 
house expenses so small, considering how many hat 
shared with us. At such times, she has said, 4 It is tht 
Lord who has blessed our bread and water.' I have ii 
former years taken up the book in which she kept he\ 
accounts, and wept over it, with the consideration, that 
I should one day probably have to settle it alone; and 
now I drink of the bitter cup. A few days ago I enter- 
ed upon the work; and I think it right, as a connrma 
tion of what I have before advanced, to state the differ- 
ence between the expenses of her clothes, and what she 
dispensed to the poor. On making up the account of 
her apparel, I found the whole year's expenditure 
amounted to nineteen shillings and sixpence; this was 
every penny that had been laid out on her own person 






PART VIII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 409 

for the whole year. The expense was not always so 
small, but I believe it never amounted to five pounds. 

44 1 then made up the poor's account, and found the 
amount to be 181/. 16<s\ Id. Thus liberally had she dis- 
pensed abroad. But her desire of communicating com- 
fort to the afflicted was very extensive: I do not think 
she ever heard of a person in distress, but, if in her 
power to do it, she by some means contrived to send re- 
lief. To comfort the distressed was always a real com- 
fort to her. With regard to this world's wealth, it was 
no more to her, than the chest on the balance. She has 
often said, and I am sure with great truth, 4 Gold is no 
more to me than dust; the gold of Ophir, than the stones 
of the brook.' At another time she would say, * It is 
not so important whatw r e have, as how we use it.' 

44 Her love to every one was so abundant, that she was 
unwilling to find a fault in any. She was ever desirous 
of casting the mantle of love over the failings of others, 
if the truth would admit of it. And while her kindness 
was thus extensively manifested to all with whom she 
had any intercourse, her gratitude to others, who showed 
marks of love to her, was no less. When her kind 
friends sent her any thing they thought would be ac- 
ceptable, it was her study to think how she could return 
them an equal token of love; and if nothing was brought 
to her mind to do for them at the time, she would say, 
4 Well, if I can do no more, I can pray for them.' I never 
knew her sit down to partake of any thing that was the 
gift of a friend, without first praying for the donor. 

44 And while her gratitude to the creature was thus 
evidently discerned, her praise and thanksgiving to the 
Creator was abundant. Indeed she lived in the spirit of 
praise, frequently saying, 4 What blessings has the Lord 
bestowed upon me!. How comfortable has he made me 
in my old age; though I am left here, and my dearly be- 
loved husband, and my Sally, in glory, yet I know no 
lack. And such a loving people! — I may well say, / 
dwen among my own people.' " 

To this loving faith she added courage. This is very 
conspicuous in her whole life. The righteous^ says So- 
lomon, is bold as a lion. This quality, it is well known, 
35 



410 THE LIFE OF [PART VIII 

was possessed in a very high degree by her admirable 
husband. He was valiant for the truth, and a terror to 
evil doers. Mrs. Fletcher was not less so, allowing for 
the difference of her sex. As a fruit of this Christian 
courage, a noble ingenuousness was found in them both. 
Mr. Fletcher's striking and bold discourse against Po- 
pery, (which had lamentably embued his parish, before 
his induction,) when, after some years, it again reared 
its head, is well known to the readers of his Life. Mrs. 
Fletcher had this enemy to encounter also, but in a 
milder shape. We joyfully allow that Popery has had 
(and we doubt not still has) its true saints. It must be 
so while it continues sound in the doctrine of the 1 rinity, 
and the Atonement. Those in that church who are led 
by the Spirit of God, will thus find some portions of the 
bread of life, amidst the mountains of chaff wb»«*.h sa- 
tisfy earthly minds, and operate as poison on \hos**>. who 
love to be deceived. It could not be but that the Romish 
minister of Madely should strive to gain a convert like 
Mrs. Fletcher, He presented many books to her. which 
were accompanied with longr letters, and thus, with *wery 
appearance of the most friendly regard, he strove Ui turn 
her from what he believed to be the error of her ways. 
But though her earthly head and shield had been with- 
drawn, the zealous pastor found he had not a flight, un- 
informed, or unstable Christian to ileal with. He r short 
answers, (short when compared with the letters which 
she had received) fully exhibiting the Christian spirit, 
may be found in the Appendix, No. 1. 

If we look at what may be called her public lifc, — a 
long life, rilled with the work of faith, the patience of 
hope, and the labour of love: — we cannot but observe, 
how carefully she attended to that sacred warning, o-iven 
to all who are called to the arduous duty of saving souls 
from death: They made me keeper of the vineyard*, but 
my own vineyard have I not kept. We have seen hovr 
great, how constant, how persevering, even to the dose 
of life, were her Loving exertions; but did they eve?- pre- 
rent, or weaken, in her mind, the great duty of self-ex- 
amination? No: her eye seemed fixed on the apos*le'i 
words, — M I therefore so run, not sa uncertainly; so * %ki 



PART VIII.] MRS. FLETCHER. 411 

I, not as one that beateth the air: but I keep under my 
body, and bring it into subjection; lest that by any 
means, when I have preached to others, I myself should 
be a cast-away." 

I am sensible that I here tread on tender ground. The 
question of the lawfulness, or even of the expediency 
of female preaching, will recur to every sensible and 
pious reader; — especially as Mrs. Fletcher lived and died 
a member of the Church of England, and of the Me- 
thodist Society, neither of which sanctions a female 
ministry. But I cannot but think that much that has 
been said on this question, especially since the days of 
George Fox, (when the ministry of females received a 
regular establishment in his community) may be spared 
on this occasion. Mrs. Fletcher has already spoken on 
this subject, (page 123,) and every candid reader has, I 
believe, felt the modesty and simplicity of that short 
statement. In truth, her preaching was but an enlarge- 
ment of her daily and hourly conversation. Her fami- 
ly — her visitors, might be said to be her constant con- 
gregation. And as she never, in her more public efforts, 
meddled with the government of the church, — usurped 
authority over the man, or made any display of a regu- 
lar or authoritative commission, but merely strove to 
" win souls, by pureness, by knowledge, by long-suffer- 
ing, by kindness, by the Holy Ghost, by love unfeigned, 
by the word of truth, by the power of God;" — while 
she was herself the least and the servant of all: may 
not every pious Churchman and Methodist, unite, and 
say, — Would to God that all the Lord' s people were such 
prophets and prophetesses. 

Mr. Wesley, who never sanctioned a regular ministry 
of that kind, permitted, and it may be said, encouraged 
her Christian efforts in that way. Her conflicts were 
very great concerning her call in that respect; and the 
taunts which she had to endure from men, were very 
painful. These she at length embodied in a letter to 
Mr. Wesley, declaring her willingness to abide by his 
decision; and that she would gladly resist this impression, 
if the Lord should so direct her by him. Mr. Wesley, 
who well knew her simplicity, godly sincerity, and ad* 
33* 



412 THE LIFE OF [PART VIII 

inirable understanding, replied, — "That he considered 
it to be an extraordinary call. That he also looked upon 
the whole work of God, termed Methodism, to be an 
extraordinary dispensation. Therefore, " says he, "I do 
not wonder if several things occur therein, which do 
not fall under ordinary rules of discipline. St. Paul's 
ordinary rule was, not to permit a woman to speak in 
the congregation; yet in extraordinary cases he made 
a few exceptions." Mrs. Fletcher thanked God for 
this answer, and continued her labours of love to the 
close of her life. 

As I think it probable that those readers whom I am 
most disposed to gratify, may indulge a wish, that some 
specimen of her expounding on those occasions, were 
recorded, I am happy that I can meet those wishes. 
They will find, in the Appendix, No. 2, some thoughts 
left by her, which may give some idea of her manner 
of teaching. Behold her then sitting modestly in the 
corner of her large room with the crowded assemble 
(among whom were not unfrequently some ministers ol 
eminent piety and learning,) hanging on her lips! — It 
has been said, that she was rather too fond of spiritua 1 
izing; I am therefore not sorry that the discourse whicl 
I am thus enabled to give, is of that kind. I think the 
sensible reader will not pronounce that there is any 
thing to blame in this specimen; but will rather think 
that the subject is soberly treated, and with a due re- 
straint on the imagination. It is however only the out- 
line; the enlargement, the colouring, the unction, the 
life, are not there. These are gone! The place of this 
evangelical prophetess knows her no more! But she lives, 
and her name is as ointment poured forth. She rests 
from her labours, and her works do follow her. She 
sees them not; she sees only the Lamb of God! But 
he sees them all: not one of them is forgotten before 
God. They will appear to assembled worlds in that 
day when the books shall be opened; and being wrought 
in God, they shall be found unto praise, and honour^ 
and glory. 

END OF THE EIGHTH PART, 



APPENDIX, 
NO. I. 



"Uzy. Sir, 

♦•As there is no act of friendship greater than to care for the 

immortal soul, I consider myself as truly indebted to you for the 
kind concern you have expressed for mine. I have read your 
letter, and also the two books you were so kind as to send me; but 
bear with me, Sir, if I say, I cannot be of your mind, — viz. 
" That no one can be saved out of the Church of Rome, if they 
have opportunity of being* instructed by it." I consider my- 
self as a weak and unworthy member of the true Church, which 
I believe to be the whole body of true believers scattered over 
all the earth; who, having- experienced, (or who are earnestly 
seeking" so to do,) the new birth mentioned by our Lord in the 
third chapter of St. John's Gospel, feel that they who are in 
Christ arc new creatures,- and who rely on the Lord Jesus, our 
great atonement, alone, for pardon and acceptance; though also 
conscious, that without holiness no man shall see the Lord. Now 
diese sincere followers of the Saviour I consider as the true 
Church, whether in England, Rome, or any other part of the 
world. I acknowledge the word Protestant was not used till 
Luther's time; but the truths we contend for, 1 date from the 
time of our Lord and his apostles. I believe, that after a certain 
season, the falling away, foretold by St. Paul, 2 Thessalonians, 
chap. 2, verse 3, took place, and a flood of error overspread al- 
most all the Christian world; only a little branch remaining in 
small companies, against whom the gates of hell did not prevail, 
though oppressed on all sides, till the Lord found a hiding place 
for the woman in the wilderness, at that time which we call the 
Reformation. 

" If the authority of the church really springs from St. Peter, 
I apprehend it remained with those faithful souls who abode 
in their primitive simplicity when the rest were carried away. 
But permit me to say, 1 lay no more stress on St. Peter, than I 
do on the other apostles; for it is plain our Lord gave afterward 
the same authority to them all; and it is certain St. Paul did not 
acknowledge that St. Peter had any pre-eminence over the rest, 
for he claimed an equality with all the apostles, (Gal. i. 15 — 17.) 
and upon one occasion 'withstood St. Peter to the face,' Gal, 
ji. 11. With regard to the doctrine of Calvin, which repre- 
sents the God of* love in a very wrong light, I therein agree with 
you, and mourn that so many good men do hold it. Had not 
Christ died for all, the apostles could not have been commanded 
35* 



414 



APPENDIX, NO. I. 



"to preach the Gospel to every creature." However, I believe 
we must all receive the Saviour in a double sense, as given for 
cm, and as living in us; — that we are entirely forgiven for his 
sake, and must also have a change into his nature, as he himself 
•aid in the mission which He gave to St. Paul, Acts xxvi. 17, 18. 
* That they may be brought from the power of Satan unto God,— 
that they may receive forgiveness of sins, and inheritance among 
them that are sanctified by faith that is in me. * 

"O Sir, may this loving, faith-producing holiness be found in 
you and me! For if we are not one with Christ, as 'the branch 
is with the vine,* continually drawing life from him, v/e cannot 
be saved, whatever church we belong to. I thank you for tell- 
ing me you will remember me before the throne; give me leave 
to say, t feel myself led to do the same for you: and if we are 
both found on the right foundation, and meet in glory, how 
sweetly shall we forget the name of Romanist and Protestant, 
and, in one voice, unite in perpetual ' Hallelujahs to God and 
the Lamb forever!' 

" I am, Rev. Sir, 

"Your obliged servant, 

"MARY FLETCHER." 

"Rey- Sik, — All you say of the importance of the soul and 
eternal things, I most heartily agree with you in, and sincerely 
desire to turn my back on earth, and choose Jesus as my only 
portion. But, O Sir, bear with me when I say I cannot be of your 
mind, nor receive your church as truly catholic. You say, 'She 
is one, whereas we are divided into many.' Alas! how can she 
appear otherwise, when no member dares to speak his mind for 
fear of an inquisition? If all hearts were known, how manv 
opinions would be found among you? But even this appearance 
was not always, for at times you have had more popes than one, and 
each had his own party. There were then divisions and disor- 
ders. I do not say this by way of reproach. No; in every 
church there are tares as well as wheat: only I mean, you are not 
free from division any more than we are, although force renders 
it more concealed. 

** Again, I cannot but greatly object to your doctrine of indul- 
gence. Perhaps you will say, that it is now given up, as the 
Council of Trent disapproved of it. But why given up ? If only 
because of the offence, then you still hold the same opinion. Alas! 
how hurtful and offensive to the God of purity ! So a man may, 
for giving alms to the poor, &c &e. commit his favourite iniquity, 
and it shall not be imputed to him as sin! Ah, no! 'Without ho 
liness none shall see the Lord,' whatever indulgences he may 
procure. As to the righteousness of other saints being imputed to 
him, is not this like saying, ' Give us of your oil, for our lamps 
are gone out?' But, perhaps you say, No, not so; we have giver 
it up, because we see it wrong, and an error. Well, if you have 
I Am glad of it. But in that case, Sir, permit me to ask, How can 



APPENDIX, NO. II. 415 

your popes be infallible, who have maintained so sad an error for 
so many years. 

•'After I began my letter, I recollected that there were m the 
house two little tracts, one a Roman Catholic Catechism, and a 
Reply; the other entitled, 'Popery calmly considered.'* I 
looked for, and read them; and as they contain some of the ideas 
I was about to mention, I make free to send them, as writing* is 
difficult to me, being very infirm. I have also enclosed an extract 
of the Life of M. de Renty, as a proof I love holiness wherever I 
find it. It is a book I much love. I have also put in an account 
of a young woman I much loved, which I think you will like. 
You may keep these books as long as you please, as I suppose 
your time is much taken up. The three books you lent me I 
have perused. I trust theywere real conversions. By real con- 
versions I mean, from 'the kingdom of Satan to that of God's 
dear Son;' and I do not wonder those persons embraced an offer 
which appeared to be a refuge from the world and sin, when they 
seemed to be surrounded with nothing but carnal professors. 

"I cannot conclude our correspondence, Sir, without once 
more thanking you for your kind concern and prayers; and 
though we differ in some sentiments, if we agree in an earnest 
desire to know and do 'the whole will of God,' I can embrace 
you as a brother in the Lord, and regard you as such. One day, 
I put this question to myself, If Mr. — was to become pos- 
sessed of civil power, and when he found, after all his pains, I 
could not see in his light, he should believe it to be his duty to 
consume me at a stake, — could I love him then? After a "mo- 
ment's pause, I replied, Yes,— If I really thought he believed 
it to be his duty, I could honour the upright intention, though I 
should see the action wrong. Christ shed his own blood for 
men; but Antichrist sheds the blood of others. Yet, whatever I 
might suffer I love an upright intention wherever I see it.-j- 
"I am, Rev. Sir, 

"Your obliged servant, 

"MARY FLETCHER." 



APPENDIX, 

No. II. 



Acts xxvii. 29. They cast four anchors out of the stern, and 
wished for the day. 

The situation of the ship wherein Paul and his companions 
were, seems to me to illustrate the state and situation of many 

* By Mr. Wesley.— Ed. f These letUrs have no date.— Ed. 



416 APPENDIX, NO. II. 



of us here. We are told, There arose a tempestuous mind, called* 
in that country > Euroclydon — a kind of hurricane, not carrying 
the ship any one way, but driving her backwards and forwards 
with great violence. So it is in general with those who enter on 
the voyage of life. Satan, who is called the prince of the power 
of the airy and who ruleth in the hearts of the children of disobe- 
dience, keeps the mind in a continual agitation. Sometimes they 
are sunk, and almost crushed, under a weight of care; and again 
raised high on the waves of some expected pleasure. One while 
they are filled with resentment, on account of some si ght from 
a neighbour, or an unjust accusation from an enemy; while the 
mind is harassed w'.th the imagination, how it shall be cleared. 
Sometimes the most idle and extravagant fancies so deeply in- 
volve it, that no message from heaven can find any more enter- 
tainment than the Saviour could find in the inn at Bethlehem. 
By all this, the soul becomes restless, and knows not where it is, 
nor which way it is going. It does not feel that it is in a state of 
probation, and that this trial is to fix its eternal lot. Dear souls, 
is not this the case with some of you? You do not know where 
you are — you do not consider this may be your last night, per- 
haps your last hour. Your eternal state will then be fixed for 
ever. If the Lord should call you this hour, are you ready? O 
remember, it is the word of Jehovah himself, "The ox knoweth 
his owner, and the ass lis master's crib, but Israel doth not know 
— my people doth not consider." Again, do you know where 
you are going ? Why, you are going the broad road; you are 
going to hell as fast as you can. It is a narrow way that leads to 
heaven, and you do not know one step of it. You have not be 
gan to walk therein, nor perhaps to think about it. that you 
were wise, that you understood this, that you would consider your 
latter end! It may be you find a great many things to divert and 
take up yo ur mind; it is employed by Satan from hour to hour. 
You are like the d sobedient prophet, asleep in the ship when a 
great storm lay upon them. You neither see nor know your dan- 
ger. Are you the safer for this? Would not those who are 
awake crv out to such, Jlwake, thou sleeper, and call upon thy 
God? Thou art on the very brink of destruction. Well then, 
permit me so to call upon you, lest, when we meet at the great 
day, you should upbraid me that 1 had once an opportunity of 
warning you, and that I did it but by halves; and so the blood 
of your souls should be found in my sk rts. I fear for many in 
this parish, mv soul oft weeps in secret for them, lest the word 
which to others proves f he savour oflfe 9 should to them become 
the savour of death, and rise up in judgment against them. 

But I hope vou, who are this night within the reach of my 
voice, are in a degree awakened, and most of you earnestlj 
long ng to be brought out of the storm into the quiet harbour of 
Jesus' breast. To these I chiefly feel my message to be, though 
I was not willing to leave the sleepers wholly disregarded. 



APPENDIX, NO. II. 417 

Well, let us see what they did in this gTeat danger, that we may 
do likewise. Paul says, " As we were exceedingly tossed with 
a tempest, the next day we lightened the ship, and the third day 
we cast out with our own hands the tackling* of the ship. And 
as neither sun nor stars appeared for many days,* and no small 
tempest lay on us, all hope of being" saved was taken away." 
Observe, first, they lightened the ship, — lighten your hearts! 
There is too much of the world in them. They cast out their 
merchandise — cast away your idols! You will say, perhaps, "I 
cannot." True; I know you cannot yourselves; but if you will 
call on the Lord in the time of trouble, he bath said, I will hear 
thee, and thou shalt glorfy me. If you will begin to pray in good 
earnest, and persevere therein, as the Lord is true, you shall 
know the liberty of hh children, and have power to cast all your 
idols to the mole*, and to the bats. "Well, but on the third day ikey 
cast out the tackling of the ship- — the very thing which we might 
think they would have kept in order to manage the vessel. 
No, all must go! Cast away your false confidence in any thing 
of your own: despair of any help but from the Lord Jesus. Yet 
obey his word: Look, remember He says. Look unto me, and be 
ye saved: yea, look unto him as the author and finisher of your 
faith. Wait upon him; and remember the mind is the mouth 
of the soul — therefore, according as you feed your mind with 
thoughts, so will the state of your soul be discovered. Look, I 
say, unto him, and your soul shall ride out the storm. 

And now a gleam of hope appears. Paul stood up and said, 
"Be of good courage — for there shall be no loss of any life 
among you. The angel of that God, whose I am, and whom I 
serve, stood by me this night, and said, Fear not, Paul, thou must 
be presented before Caesar, and lo, I have given thee all them 
that sail with thee/' So may hope springup to thee this present 
moment, whether thou art a poor backslider, or one of the ship's 
company, who till this very hour hast been fast asleep; but if now 
awake, if now in earnest, and willing to be saved, come a step 
further yet, and observe what they did next. They cast four an- 
chors out of the stern, and wished fir day. There is no day to the 
soul till Christ manifests his cheering presence. In order to wait 
for that, follow their example — they cast out four anchors. Let 
us do so this night. Remember it is your pail to believe, and it is 
the Lord's to give the pegce and joy consequent on believing. Let 
us then make repeated acts of faith, so casting e : tr anchor f\irth& 
and further within the vail, and we shall draw up our souls nearer 
and nearer to God 

Well, let us try to cast out one anchor now. I am sensible 
your cable is short, therefore we must seek for some ground as 
near you as we can. Wt will try, if we ran, to find it in the 
Creating love of God, surrounding us on every side. Look through 

• Which w«« the more terribly the use of the compass not being then di*coc«r«d. 



418 APPENDIX, NO. II. 

the creation, — observe the tender love of the bims toward vaeif 
young-, yea, even the most savage beasts! From whence doei 
this spring? It is from God. It is a shadow of that infinite com- 
passion which reigns in His heart. Kise a little higher. >\x vour 
eye on man. How does he love a stubborn son who will neither 
serve God nor him? True, he frowns on him, and corrects him, 
lest it should be said to him as to Eli, Thou preferred thy tun be- 
fore me,- — but if that son shed but a tear of sorrow, — laise but a 
sigh of repentance, — if he but come a few steps, how does the 
father's tfowels yearn towards him! How doth he run to meet 
him! Now carry the idea a little higher; — are ye not the off- 
spring* of God? Has he not said, "I have created thee for my 
glory, 1 have formed thee for my praise '" Is not "his mercy 
over all his works?" Believe then, that this "-Author of all love, 
is more ready to give the Hoi}- Spirit to yon, than you are to give 
good prifrs to your children." Will not this anchor take? Does 
it. still come home? Well, the ground is good, but your cable is 
too short. Let us try another anchor; — and we will drop it on 
Redeeming love. 

Lift up your eyes of faith, — behold your bleeding 1 Saviour! 
See all your s'ns laid on his sacred head! Behold him as your 
surety before the Throne, and hear him plead, — "I have tasted 
death for every man. Thou, Father, wast in me reconcling the 
world to thyself, not imputing their trespasses to them. '' I stood 
before thee, charged with them all. If this poor soul, who cries 
for mercv, is deeply in debt to thee, place it to my account: I will 
repay. Now venture on him, venture fre Ay. He hath drank all 
' the bitter cup for you, and he offers this night to take you into 
fellowship and communion with himself. "He was delivered for 
voar offences! He hath cancelled all the charge against you; 
yea, " He was raised again for your justification.' 1 Your Surety 
is exalted in proof that your debt is paid. Come, let me hear 
some voice among you giving praise, and saying with the Chris- 
tian poet, — 

i' Now I have fount' the ground wherein 
Sure my soul's anchor may remain; 
The wounds of Jesus for inj sin, 
Before the world's foundation slain " 

Methinks this anchor will hold. Is there not an increase of hope ? 
Hearken! You shall hear his voice. Himself hath said, "Hear, 
O my people, and I will speak!" Heaven is never dumb, but 
when man hardens his heart. 

But perhaps there are some poor trembling souls still left be- 
hind. For the sake of swell, we will try to find firm ground a 
little nearer yet. We w 11 drop our third anchor on the Promise* 
Here are some quite within your reach: ;< He that cometh unto 
me I will in no wise cast out. Whosoever will, let him take of 
the water of hfe freely. I came not to call the righteous, but sin- 
ners to repentance." Yes, He came to seek and to save that which 
it lost Are you lost? Lp^t in your own estimation? Then )*9 



APPENDIX, NO. II. 419 

»me to save you. Yes, and to seek you too; — and he seeks you 
this night as diligently as ever shepherd sought his lost sheep. 
Will you be found of him? Yes, if you will believe in his love. 
Remember, — "He willeth not the death of a sinner; but had 
rather he would turn fiom his wickedness, and live." And though 
it should appear to thee as if a mountain stood in the way, yet 
this is the word of truth, — If thou canst believe, all things are pos- 
sible to him that bel ' eveth. Tliou shalt say to this mountain, De- 
part, and it shall be done. There is no getting one step forward 
tn the heavenly road without courage, or, in other words, faith; 
and I trust there are here many whose anchor has held in the first 
ground, Creating love, more in the second, Redeeming love, and 
surely trembling sinners have found some held in the Promises, 
The Word of God is full of them, and they are all for you. All 
belong to a wounded conscience— to sinners seeking* the power 
of faith to conquer their s'n», and bring them to God. But vet 
I fear there may be a feeble-minded one who is still left behind, 
and I am unwilling any should remain in darkness, when Christ 
offers them light. But, peihaps such will say, — " O, I am an un- 
grateful sinner. I have tinned away my eyes from Jesus. The 
world, and the wild imaginations of my polluted affections have 
stolen between me and the Saviour. Once, "the candle of the 
Lord did shine upon my head!" But now he is gone; my belov- 
ed hath withdrawn himself and I am again shorn of my strength, 
and feeble as another man. Well, do not despair. Thy soul 
shall yet ride the storm. There is yet one anchor more, but it is 
possible you will not all admire it. Some will cry out, Is that all? 
O, it is too low. But let me tell you, low as you esteem it, be- 
cause it seems within your reach, it will rise to the highest man- 
sion in heaven. It is, I own, a little dark at the first view, but 
the more you look upon it, the brighter it will grow. Remember 
it was the sound of a ram's horn, and the shout of human voices, 
that shook the mighty walls of Jericho. God delights to do great 
things by little means. 

The name then of my fourth anchor is, Resignation; and there 
is a motto engraved thereon, "In quietness and confidence shall 
thy strength be." You that are asleep have nothing to do with 
this: but you who are awake, and groaning for the salvation vou 
have forfeited,— you are invited, nay, commanded to cast it out 
You have fallen by a worldly spirit, and by indulging a busy and 
idolatrous imagination. Come then, let this be the moment! *Now 
cast your whole soul, —your everlasting concerns, on the free 
unmerited love of the Saviour, and live upon— Thy will be done/ 
Let your soul cry out, "I will bear the indignation of the Lord, 
because 1 have sinned against him." Abandon yourself as a 
victim, into his hand, and there lie as clay before the potter. If vou 

are tempted because you cannot pray, let this be your prayer, 

let the constant cry of your heart be,— Thy will be done on earth 
miit is done in heaven. And take knowledge while you are s# 



420 APPENDIX, NO. II. 

doing*, your prayer is echoed by the highest archangel in hea- 
ven; for the glory of that bright abode Is a perfect resignation, 
fully consistent with the most faithful activity. You are per- 
mitted to pray, — Father, let this cup pass from me, — Yet, while 
you add, not ray will, but Thy will be done, you join in spirit 
with the Saviour and Captain of your salvation. 1 have often 
found, in an hour of temptation, when no other anchor seemed 
to hold, that thought, the Lordreigneih; his will and glory shall 
be accomplished, and in that I will rejoice, has brought peace, 
and laid the storm. Lie down at his dear feet, and remember. 
" Whom he loveth, he chasteneth, and correcteth every su, 
whom he receiveth." He brings your sins to your remembran / : 
that your soul may be brought to know its misery and wants, an 
in order that he may burn them up with the purifying fire 
his love. Take courage, then, and, with one voice, let us \W 
unite in the cry, — Thy will be done! Thy will be done! 1 
our song shall be eciioed through all the courts above. H . 
then drop your anchor. It is sound ground, and it will not conv* 
home. With this patient faith, therefore, be found in all the 
means of grace, walking humbly, while you do his will. ">' 
pleading the promises, which are yea and amen in Christ. Bless- 
ed are all they who wait for him." 

We read of Paul's company, — That they cast out four ancka, ? 
and wished for the day. Do you the same, for that is a wish 
very pleasing to the Lord. I observed before, — That it is not 
day-light with the soul till that promise is accomplished, Twill 
manifest myself unto him. Here is the great design of the won- 
derful plan of salvation, — to restore man to his original conirni 
nion with God; and lie who hath said, I will give unto him f 
is athirst of the water of life /m%,--now waits to make yo 
souls his loved abode, ^he temple of indwelling God. Th 
is a rest which remains for the people of God; and you w 
love the Lord, remember, He came not only that you might he e 
life, but that you may have it more abundantly. Cry, my belovc & 
friends, day and night, that you may " enter into the land of up 
Tightness, on which the eyes of the Lord are continually" from 
the beginning of the year to the end. But when the people of 
Israel slighted the rest of Canaan, and had lost that courage by 
which alone they could enter, — how greatly did it ofFend th> 
Lord! And will he approve lazy, dull seekers of that spirit 
ual Canaan, that baptism of the Spirit to which every be- 
liever is expressly called? We often talk of the time when 
righteousness is to'overspread the earth, but this millenium must 
overspread our own hearts, if we would see the face of God 
with joy. For the very end of our creation is, that we may be- 
, come the habitation of God through the Spirit. 

O , THE END. 









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